Is it worth the wait or am I just caught up in my first love?

[BunnyMarie]

My boyfriend and I started dating when we were both 18. We had a very loving, caring, understanding, and over all fun relationship. We were like best friends and we dated for almost two years before things started to go wrong.

By the time we started college, we had only been dating for a little more than half a year. We were doing well with balancing school, work, time together, and time with friends, but then both our lives started changing drastically.

He was an engineering major and had to start taking a lot of hard classes that required a LOT of studying. I was a dance major and didn't have to take a lot of academic classes, so I had a lot of free time to mostly work. I tried to help him study sometimes so we could sped time together, but his math homework is like a whole different language to me, so I wasn't much help.

I knew it was important for him to focus on studying, so I was patient with him and gave him all the time he needed. Even though we didn't talk as much during the day and didn't see each other as much during the weekend, it was okay. He always made time for me whenever he could, and I knew he missed his friends too, so if he ever needed guy time instead of girlfriend time, I understood that too. The love never faded and when we DID see each other, it was always awesome.

Things got bad when my anti-depressants (I dealt with depression since I was 13) started making me sick. My doctor ordered I stop taking it until we could find one that didn't affect me negatively, but it was taking a long time. Every medication made me sick.

In the meantime I made the dumb decision to keep the whole situation away from my boyfriend. I know it was stupid now, but back then I thought it was helping him. He was already so stressed with school and work, I figured the last thing he needed to worry about was me. He was already worried about me with my depression in general, if he knew I was off the meds, he would freak.

So I kept it to myself, but it started to become obvious something was off about me. No matter how many times he asked, I always denyed anything was wrong. He started to assume I was sad bc we weren't spending enough time together. He didn't tell me then, but he started feeling pressured to not study as much and see me more and that made him stressed at school bc his grades started to go down a little. If I had know that was happening at the time, I would have come clean, but it was too late. He was stressed out more than ever and we started getting in fights. Neither of us confessed what we were feeling until finally he broke it off. He said he felt so guilty about how we could hardly see each other, and that it wasn't fair for me to suffer. Then I finally confessed to him about my medication and thought it would help us fix things and get back together, but then I found out there were other factors to our breakup.

The big one was religion. I was a Christian, but I wasn't as devoted as he was. He said he loved me enough to look past it, but when it came to the future, he needed to think things through.

Another factor was that he felt like I was dependent on him too much (bc of my depression) I admit I was. I relyed on him too much, even when I was on meds.

So he said we should take a break from out relationship while he focused on school and work, and I could focus on school, work, dance, and being more independent.

I'm not a very big supporter of taking breaks. I felt like we could stay together and still figure things out, but he's set his mind on staying broken up for now. Neither of us are going to see other people though. He says I'm the only one he wants to be with and he wants me to wait for him. He says he knows it's not fair to ask that of me, and if I chose to not wait for him and move on, he would understand, but he just can't handle a relationship in general right now bc of school. Then when the semester ends we can talk about getting back together. I agreed to wait for him bc I feel like if I don't, I'll spend the rest of my life wondering what would happen if I did. I feel like he's worth it. After everything we've been through and after all the crap I put him through, he never left my side. Even after we broke up. Is it really just all that he says it is? That he really does love me, but just needs time for focus on school and figure things out? I mean even though we broke up, he's still always there for me and he still shows he cares. We've managed to stay friends for now, and whenever we see each other, we still kind of act like we're together just without the physical affection (at least not AS much) My friends say they've seen him around other girls (like around school or at a party), and he never flirts or hits on them. They say he still acts like he's in a relationship. He also always talks about WHEN we get back together, not if. I feel like it's safe to have faith in us and him and just wait, but what do you think? Do you think I'm just caught up in my first love?

[destroyed4sho]

Umm...do you want a guy that is going to take breaks from you whenever he is going through a change in his life or a stressful time?? umm NO you dont because life is constantly changing and ALWAYS stressful.

In a good healthy relationship, people are drawn more to their partner in times of stress and change.

 

You two are still young and he maybe having doubts as well.

 

Get rid of him bc he has already established power in taking the relationship wherever he wants it to go and now you may feel powerless which may affect your self-esteem. I have been down this road before and the only person that has much to lose in this game is you.

 

Please note, your post is too long, not a lot of paragraphs and people may not feel like reading it all.

Edited February 10, 2013 by destroyed4sho