How to get laid: Enlightening the Delusional struggling guys!

[ltjg45]

Also, the fact that you don't want to be healthier and in better shape, and the fact that you don't want to dress stylish and maintain an attractive appearance... that says a lot about your person, how can you expect a women to be attracted to that kind of attitude?

 

All that is saying is that he is perfectly fine with the way he is.

 

Despite this, he is being made a fool by society for that choice.

 

This is why he does it regardless despite he hates it.

[ScreamingTrees]

I know of plenty of guys on here who get laid... and are in/have been in relationships...

 

I'm addressing the delusional posters who come here preaching that men are disadvantaged in the dating world... when in reality the problem is not the way dating works... the problem is themselves, I address why in my OP.

 

Personally, I've never said any of those things, so I'm not one of the people you're addressing, but I'd have to say, the problem is most likely that they're just not attractive in general. If someone is just looking to bone, male or female, they're not going to go for someone they find physically unattractive.

 

They rightfully do not care what your personality like is if they don't know you and just want to screw around. There's really no way to know just from a casual social/sexual encounter, with the exceptions for the socially retarded or total *******s or whatever kinds of people who would stand out anywhere.

 

I don't see how these people can help themselves much.

 

I say they should only go for long-term relationships, as casual flings would be very hard for them to experience, most likely being physically unattractive to the average female, which would be the most important factor in that sort of thing. And just face rejection a few dozen times until they strike gold with someone that they're interested in who shows mildly interest.

 

If you're telling a guy who is most likely boring/not exciting to be more like that, they're not going to know HOW to be more like that. How is a person more "exciting" than another person, anyway? Say you have two guys at the bar, both fairly outgoing..

 

What would make one more "exciting" than the other? Is the "exciting" one juggling shot glasses while flames shoot out of his mouth? Does he offer to whisk the girl away on his private plane on the roof to spend a wild spontaneous night in Guatemala?

[JuneJulySeptember]

Personally, I've never said any of those things, so I'm not one of the people you're addressing, but I'd have to say, the problem is most likely that they're just not attractive in general. If someone is just looking to bone, male or female, they're not going to go for someone they find physically unattractive.

 

They rightfully do not care what your personality like is if they don't know you and just want to screw around. There's really no way to know just from a casual social/sexual encounter, with the exceptions for the socially retarded or total *******s or whatever kinds of people who would stand out anywhere.

 

I don't see how these people can help themselves much.

 

I say they should only go for long-term relationships, as casual flings would be very hard for them to experience, most likely being physically unattractive to the average female, which would be the most important factor in that sort of thing. And just face rejection a few dozen times until they strike gold with someone that they're interested in who shows mildly interest.

 

If you're telling a guy who is most likely boring/not exciting to be more like that, they're not going to know HOW to be more like that. How is a person more "exciting" than another person, anyway? Say you have two guys at the bar, both fairly outgoing..

 

What would make one more "exciting" than the other? Is the "exciting" one juggling shot glasses while flames shoot out of his mouth? Does he offer to whisk the girl away on his private plane on the roof to spend a wild spontaneous night in Guatemala?

 

Pretty much spot on. Nobody wants to admit, but exactly how 95% of society operates.

 

Looks first, and then everything else is consequential.

 

But, there's always that 5%.

[ScreamingTrees]

Pretty much spot on. Nobody wants to admit, but exactly how 95% of society operates.

 

Looks first, and then everything else is consequential.

 

But, there's always that 5%.

 

Well, those are good truths to believe in if you want to make excuses for those people, but even if I was hopelessly ugly and out of shape, I would still not give up. I might have my ups and downs, but I would not give up until I've gotten what I want out of life.

 

I'm not saying that everyone can overcome their genetic "obstacles", but what would make one better than the other is their determination and drive, I guess.

[somedude81]

To make a generalization... (but staying aware that it's not the same for every women), women are attracted to certain qualities, if you don't have those qualities, you'll be less attractive.

 

Also, the fact that you don't want to be healthier and in better shape, and the fact that you don't want to dress stylish and maintain an attractive appearance... that says a lot about your person, how can you expect a women to be attracted to that kind of attitude?

My health and shape is fine. I try to eat OK and I ride my bike whenever I can.

 

Though in order to be more attractive to women, I have to build mass. That muscle mass, would be completely useless to me. The only reason I would ever do it is to be more attractive to women.

 

As for maintaining an attractive appearance, it should be enough that my clothes are clean and that I don't dress badly. Trying to fallow trends and other stuff like that is pointless unless I was trying to be more attractive to women. Sure men also try to look good in the business world, but I'm not there yet.

 

Lastly, it has nothing to do with my attitude.

 

I'm hardly the only guy that works out and tries to wear nice clothes so he would look better to women.

[sol0420]

i think this "how to get dates post" was more on aiming towards how to get girls who want the same- a one night stand. not dating that will end in a relationship. But I have to admit, giving your best appearance will in fact grab someones attention

[its a lifestyle]

Personally, I've never said any of those things, so I'm not one of the people you're addressing, but I'd have to say, the problem is most likely that they're just not attractive in general. If someone is just looking to bone, male or female, they're not going to go for someone they find physically unattractive.

 

They rightfully do not care what your personality like is if they don't know you and just want to screw around. There's really no way to know just from a casual social/sexual encounter, with the exceptions for the socially retarded or total *******s or whatever kinds of people who would stand out anywhere.

 

I don't see how these people can help themselves much.

 

I say they should only go for long-term relationships, as casual flings would be very hard for them to experience, most likely being physically unattractive to the average female, which would be the most important factor in that sort of thing. And just face rejection a few dozen times until they strike gold with someone that they're interested in who shows mildly interest.

 

If you're telling a guy who is most likely boring/not exciting to be more like that, they're not going to know HOW to be more like that. How is a person more "exciting" than another person, anyway? Say you have two guys at the bar, both fairly outgoing..

 

What would make one more "exciting" than the other? Is the "exciting" one juggling shot glasses while flames shoot out of his mouth? Does he offer to whisk the girl away on his private plane on the roof to spend a wild spontaneous night in Guatemala?

 

I think much of what you said is explained by "leagues"... if you're not exactly the best looking guy, know your league and aim lower than what you have been aiming for but failed.

 

"Exciting"... juggling shot glasses isn't exactly what I had in mind,

To be an exciting person? do a skydive and have the story to tell... swim with sharks? become a boxer?

To do exciting things... spontaneous might night drive at 120mph to the next city to eat out with her? surprise her by giving her the tickets for a vacation you booked in secret?

Who knows? it's not exactly something you can define, but you know an exciting person when you meet one.

Edited February 10, 2013 by its a lifestyle

[Estate]

Lol. You've had more one night stands than you can remember at AGE 21, and you are trying to tell struggling guys what's what?

 

I was a virgin at that age. Over a decade later, I still haven't been hit on by a woman, and you're trying to tell me how to do things? You think you're in the same situation as guys who have struggled their whole life and been rejected several dozens to hundreds of times?

 

Jeez, you got some cajones.

 

Yeah, god forbid you'd take some advice from someone who might be able to help you.

[ScreamingTrees]

I think much of what you said is explained by "leagues"... if you're not exactly the best looking guy, know your league and aim lower than what you have been aiming for but failed.

 

"Exciting"... juggling shot glasses isn't exactly what I had in mind,

To be an exciting person? do a skydive and have the story to tell... swim with sharks? become a boxer?

To do exciting things... spontaneous might night drive at 120mph to the next city to eat out with her? surprise her by giving her the tickets for a vacation you booked in secret?

Who knows? it's not exactly something you can define, but you know an exciting person when you meet one.

 

Yeah, you want to bang them, basically. LOL

 

Seriously, though. I know a guy who liked to drive around at 100+ MPH on the highway. Losing your license and being on probation for months is pretty exciting, I guess. Taking the bus is even more of an adventure. A good way to get yourself killed over stupidity, although I can't say ****, I've been in cars going that fast..

 

But a lot of those things are obviously things you would do with someone you're IN a relationship with.. You don't do those things with someone you just met several hours ago at the bar. Even if you wanted to, they most likely wouldn't be cool with doing something crazy like that with a total stranger who could cut them up and freeze them in their basement fridge, especially when they have work the next day or whatever other excuse they may have.

 

Drive 120 mph with some girl you just picked up, if she's sober enough to realize how fast you're going she'll slap you in the face screaming and end up killing you both when she tries to stop you. Offer to take a girl on a cruise. She'll think you're crazy.. There may be one gold digger crazy enough to not care if you're a creepy dirt bag who plans on killing her, she'll be willing to **** around for a little vacation.. But that's not who I'd be interested in.

 

I'm talking about two total strangers in a bar, or a similar social setting. Is there really anything a person can do to show they're "exciting" other than just being outgoing and talkative and expressive/funny? There's not much else you can physically do.

 

You could even make the argument that a guy just talking about these random stories to a woman in a bar could make him look like a desperate try-hard, but I'd wager that depends on how attractive the guy is to the woman. She may sit there in a daze feeling a bit bored hearing this stuff coming out of John Merrick's mouth, going "uh huh, yeah, wow, I know, crazy.." while she's staring at some other hot guy sitting at the bar watching other people sitting on the other end while he drinks from his glass..

 

She could probably care less what the hot guy would say to her, all that needs to be said is a "hello" with a smile.. The guy could buy her a drink and they could compliment and flirt with each other without talking about anything other than the moment.. So I don't think it makes a difference, that guy who's trying to force this exciting aura down a total stranger's throat is not going to win, regardless, unless he was a winner from the start.

 

Hell, if I wanted to, I could come up with fairly believable, entertaining stories and put on a little acting show for some half-lit floozy to be all "wow, that's pretty awesome!".. But for whatever reason, I don't like to bull**** people, and I don't see how it would make me more attractive.

[its a lifestyle]

Yeah, you want to bang them, basically. LOL

 

Seriously, though. I know a guy who liked to drive around at 100+ MPH on the highway. Losing your license and being on probation for months is pretty exciting, I guess. Taking the bus is even more of an adventure. A good way to get yourself killed over stupidity, although I can't say ****, I've been in cars going that fast..

 

But a lot of those things are obviously things you would do with someone you're IN a relationship with.. You don't do those things with someone you just met several hours ago at the bar. Even if you wanted to, they most likely wouldn't be cool with doing something crazy like that with a total stranger who could cut them up and freeze them in their basement fridge, especially when they have work the next day or whatever other excuse they may have.

 

Drive 120 mph with some girl you just picked up, if she's sober enough to realize how fast you're going she'll slap you in the face screaming and end up killing you both when she tries to stop you. Offer to take a girl on a cruise. She'll think you're crazy.. There may be one gold digger crazy enough to not care if you're a creepy dirt bag who plans on killing her, she'll be willing to **** around for a little vacation.. But that's not who I'd be interested in.

 

I'm talking about two total strangers in a bar, or a similar social setting. Is there really anything a person can do to show they're "exciting" other than just being outgoing and talkative and expressive/funny? There's not much else you can physically do.

 

You could even make the argument that a guy just talking about these random stories to a woman in a bar could make him look like a desperate try-hard, but I'd wager that depends on how attractive the guy is to the woman. She may sit there in a daze feeling a bit bored hearing this stuff coming out of John Merrick's mouth, going "uh huh, yeah, wow, I know, crazy.." while she's staring at some other hot guy sitting at the bar watching other people sitting on the other end while he drinks from his glass..

 

She could probably care less what the hot guy would say to her, all that needs to be said is a "hello" with a smile.. The guy could buy her a drink and they could compliment and flirt with each other without talking about anything other than the moment.. So I don't think it makes a difference, that guy who's trying to force this exciting aura down a total stranger's throat is not going to win, regardless, unless he was a winner from the start.

 

Hell, if I wanted to, I could come up with fairly believable, entertaining stories and put on a little acting show for some half-lit floozy to be all "wow, that's pretty awesome!".. But for whatever reason, I don't like to bull**** people, and I don't see how it would make me more attractive.

 

I addressed both scenarios with vague, random-off-the-dome examples...

 

Girl in a bar: To be an exciting person? do a skydive and have the story to tell... swim with sharks? become a boxer?

 

Your girlfriend: To do exciting things? spontaneous might night drive at 120mph to the next city to eat out with her? surprise her by giving her the tickets for a vacation you booked in secret?

 

Who knows? it's not exactly something you can define, but you know an exciting person when you meet one.

[ScreamingTrees]

Yeah, god forbid you'd take some advice from someone who might be able to help you.

 

That's like http://simplebutsignificant.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/Extreme_Muscle_Man.jpg telling http://www.polyvore.com/cgi/img-thing?.out=jpg&size=l&tid=67878326 to meditate for an hour a day, and he'll be able to lift the half-ton boulder that mr. muscles has no problem lifting.

[its a lifestyle]

That's like http://simplebutsignificant.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/Extreme_Muscle_Man.jpg telling http://www.polyvore.com/cgi/img-thing?.out=jpg&size=l&tid=67878326 to meditate for an hour a day, and he'll be able to lift the half-ton boulder that mr. muscles has no problem lifting.

 

In terms of being physically fit/healthy/attractive/muscle/gym...

 

You seem to be mistaking this with this

 

Or maybe I'm addressing the wrong person? are you the guy who said he'd find going to the gym/building muscle useless other than to attract females?

I'm too lazy and ignorant to read through the thread again... my apologies if I'm mistaken.

Edited February 11, 2013 by its a lifestyle

[ScreamingTrees]

In terms of being physically fit/healthy/attractive/muscle/gym...

 

You seem to be mistaking this with this

 

Not really. I didn't really put much thought into my choice of photos.. Just that one guy looks like he could mount and or eat the other guy.

 

I'm not that guy. I enjoy exercising and keeping myself fit because I take pride in having a nice body. It may not be bigger than the the smaller guy of the two that you've just shown, but I have similarly aesthetically attractive proportions.

 

Just think of it in terms of one good looking guy telling an ugly guy to do this and that, because it works for the good looking guy. It's just like the synthol/steroid abusing guy telling the flamboyant couch potato to do this or that and suddenly he'll be able to lift a car like he can.. The only difference is the natural force stopping one from doing what the other is naturally able.. Gravity/Resistance being one, Attraction the other..

[Estate]

That's like http://simplebutsignificant.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/Extreme_Muscle_Man.jpg telling http://www.polyvore.com/cgi/img-thing?.out=jpg&size=l&tid=67878326 to meditate for an hour a day, and he'll be able to lift the half-ton boulder that mr. muscles has no problem lifting.

 

So what is your solution?

Keep posting here with a bunch of like minded miserable guys who have no idea what they are doing to make yourself feel better that you'll never change but at least you won't have to feel bad about making ZERO effort to improve you OWN life?

 

Sure, go ahead. It's not gonna bother me... people here tried to help... you don't want it. Good luck to you.

[ScreamingTrees]

So what is your solution?

Keep posting here with a bunch of like minded miserable guys who have no idea what they are doing to make yourself feel better that you'll never change but at least you won't have to feel bad about making ZERO effort to improve you OWN life?

 

Sure, go ahead. It's not gonna bother me... people here tried to help... you don't want it. Good luck to you.

 

No one has tried to help me personally. I never asked for help. I don't post here to wallow, I post here because I will not leave my house until I change, and so until I'm sent to therapy, I have nothing better to do. At that point, I'm either going to improve, or I will die trying.

[SmileFace]

No one has tried to help me personally. I never asked for help. I don't post here to wallow, I post here because I will not leave my house until I change, and so until I'm sent to therapy, I have nothing better to do. At that point, I'm either going to improve, or I will die trying.

Clear your inbox. thanks

[Sanman]

The one thing that I see very little of among those that are struggling is a lack of willingness to compromise and an expectation that others will. We all have to compromise to make relationships work and that starts at the dating/meeting phase. A girl can forgive your video game habit or a fondness for geeky t-shirts if there are characteristics that counterbalance this. However, you cannot expect the girl to accept everything you want unless you have no standards (aka you are willing to accept everything she does). That means that you compromise and do those things that appeal to the opposite sex that you can live with. There is no magic formula that will guarantee you a woman, just as no amount of education guarantees you a great job. However, even the geekiest guys I know have relationships if they are willing to either change themselves to recognize that few others will accept them and accept those people as they are (this includes a guy who LARPs) The ones that are single are the ones that do not want to compromise their person, yet expect others to do so to fit their wants/needs.

[Estate]

No one has tried to help me personally. I never asked for help. I don't post here to wallow, I post here because I will not leave my house until I change, and so until I'm sent to therapy, I have nothing better to do. At that point, I'm either going to improve, or I will die trying.

 

Blah blah blah....

You're reading this thread aren't you... this thread is someone trying to help you!

 

Are you serious? You will not leave your house? You need therapy? Someone has to *make* you go?

What kind of a girl do you think is attracted to that?

 

If you need help or therapy, GO DO IT.

Who else is gonna help you if you won't help yourself?

 

I'm seriously tired of reading all this self pity. Someone here actually posted a thread to help and it's still moan moan moan.

[animalover]

 

I've never lived by any set rules/"ways of doing things" when it comes to dating...

 

Yes you do... and you are trying to sell it to the people in the forum with your post...

 

You know, the receipt to success when dating is just ..... there is not such receipt... what works for some people will never work for others...

 

 

You say:

 

1- You need to take care of yourself

2- You need to act natural (be yourself)

3- You need to show self confidence

 

Ok that is all common sense... I don't see where it is actually adding any value...

 

At the end of the day, people who has the looks and the appealing will be successful and the ones that not will struggle... it has always been like that and it will always will be like that... life sucks if you don't have the look and want to be the king of dating...

 

My advise... just look for what works for you and don't listen to others... I don't think something that works with one woman will work necessarily with another... women are not animals... they are individuals with totally different characteristics and needs to be fulfilled...

[ScreamingTrees]

Blah blah blah....

You're reading this thread aren't you... this thread is someone trying to help you!

 

Are you serious? You will not leave your house? You need therapy? Someone has to *make* you go?

What kind of a girl do you think is attracted to that?

 

If you need help or therapy, GO DO IT.

Who else is gonna help you if you won't help yourself?

 

I'm seriously tired of reading all this self pity. Someone here actually posted a thread to help and it's still moan moan moan.

 

I didn't moan about my life specifically, unless you can find a statement in this thread of mine that was along the lines of "woe is me.."

 

I don't expect any girls to be attracted to that, although a total stranger would not know these things about me just by looking at my appearance, however ugly or attractive I may be to them.

 

I haven't left my house in the last year or so. It's a decision made subconsciously back then, and only consciously re-affirmed now as I assess my overall situation and realize that I have a problem that cannot be changed just by going out and "trying" and changing my mindset.. I naturally default on the same negative mindset. I'm not blaming anyone but myself.

 

I can't help myself if I'm waiting on the therapist, so your "you have to help yourself" comment is empty air.

 

Again, they are not trying to help ME specifically. I am not guilty of the delusions listed. I am delusional, but mine are not related in any way to the neurotic mentalities that the OP has listed.

[Necris]

What I don't get is why does a guy who approaches (let's use the convenient attractiveness scale) 4s, 5s and 6s have to look like a male model?

[its a lifestyle]

What I don't get is why does a guy who approaches (let's use the convenient attractiveness scale) 4s, 5s and 6s have to look like a male model?

 

You don't get it because it's untrue... how can you expect to understand something which isn't a reality?

[Necris]

You don't get it because it's untrue... how can you expect to understand something which isn't a reality?

 

I don't know, I'm a 6'3" guy I'm built kind of big but I'm not fat, nor am I chiseled, and I dress reasonably well (I don't really care nor understand fashion but I'll say I dress alright). But I'm always rejected, I'm not going after models (using the attractiveness scale I'd say the girls I get rejected by range from 4s to 6s), nor am I trying to have sex, though I would like a relationship unfortunately its super rare for me to even get a date and even then I've never been on a 2nd date with the same girl. Hell today I just got rejected by a girl that would rate as a 4, unfortunately the sting was quite painful, as this wasn't a cold approach.

[its a lifestyle]

I don't know, I'm a 6'3" guy I'm built kind of big but I'm not fat, nor am I chiseled, and I dress reasonably well (I don't really care nor understand fashion but I'll say I dress alright). But I'm always rejected, I'm not going after models (using the attractiveness scale I'd say the girls I get rejected by range from 4s to 6s), nor am I trying to have sex, though I would like a relationship unfortunately its super rare for me to even get a date and even then I've never been on a 2nd date with the same girl. Hell today I just got rejected by a girl that would rate as a 4, unfortunately the sting was quite painful, as this wasn't a cold approach.

 

Girls have just been a natural thing in my life and within my circle of friends... sex and relationships are part of life, same for my sister, same for my parents, same for most of the people I know...

 

I have 1 friend who struggles with dating, when I think about it, dating seems like a thing which is "outside" of his life, and trying hard to pull it into his life is the reason for his failure... where as with the vast majority of people I know, including myself... dating is just a free-flowing natural part of life...

 

It doesn't need to be chased because it's already there, but for some people it's not, so they chase but struggle to catch..

 

It's hard to explain, and I can't seem to understand the issue any better than I tried to explain in my OP.

 

I would say I'm most realistically attracted to and had most experience with 6's 7's 8's, if we're putting numbers on them... I've had experiences with 9's 10's (in my opinion) and my confidence doesn't extend far enough for those model-worthy girls, it feels like high maintenance emotionally... I take good care of my appearance, both fitness, staying well groomed and stylishly dressed, and I've always been told I'm kind of a hot guy, but I consider myself no where near worthy of being a male model.. I look nothing like the manufactured guys you see modelling designer clothes.. but if I can comfortably date "6's, 7's, 8's"... the idea that a guy needs to be super hot to date "4's and 5's" is nonsense.. at least in my world.

Edited February 12, 2013 by its a lifestyle

[RogerWallace111]

Good thread, son ! Lotsa truth for 21 years...

 

So many of the guys on here seriously delude themselves. I don't disbelieve that they're unsuccessful with women, but the way they either place the blame on them or decide there's something fundamentally wrong with themselves is just f*ckin nutty...