How to get laid: Enlightening the Delusional struggling guys!

[its a lifestyle]

Sometimes I cringe reading posts from some of the guys in this section, regardless of whether this thread gets reads or casually sinks into the depths of the section... I have to attempt to address this.

 

3 Delusions:

1. Women are some kind of "better off", "higher entity" than men.

2. Women never struggle with dating.

3. All guys on this forum struggle with dating.

 

Those 3 things are common variants of the things I see some guys posting on here, and the thing most of these guys have in common is: they struggling with dating.

 

Because they struggle, they make delusional generalizations that it must be the same for the entire dating world... "extremely easy for women, extremely difficult for men" - FALSE.

 

It often makes me wonder which part of the world they are from... because in my part of the world (England, UK) there's no shortage of wild party girls willing to check out how bouncy your bed is... nor is there a shortage of potential girls willing to date/have a relationship, and personally I've never had an issue with getting either one.

 

The roles of men & women in dating is not the real issue, the real issue for these guys are the delusions... theyclass themselves as the underdog, and that install some kind of mindset that women are to be "won" "earned" (for lack of better terms)... the reality is that dating is an equal playing field, women want men just as much as men want women, women are not "above" you... you're just putting them above you, that's the root of your failure - whether you believe it or not, that is the TRUTH and the REALITY.

 

How do get laid?:

Improve your person, fresh hair cut, be a clean and stylish guy... get in shape, your appearance is much more than your facial features, and women do notice these things on men WAY MORE than men notice them on women...

 

Examples:

A man can see a women with no make-up, messy hair, just woke up in the morning after a drunken night out and still think she's super sexy and be attracted to her... just because she fits the stereotype of what we see as "hot".

 

Women on the other hand will pick up on the fact that you've got scruffy hair, worn-out shoes or a lousy dress-sense, and they'll be turned off regardless of your symmetrical face and good shape.

 

Look after yourself, being well-groomed and well-dressed is a huge confidence boost in itself... which brings me to my next point.

 

Lose the delusional attitude, you're not the underdog, they want you just as much as you want them, it's human nature... we're designed to attract females, they're attracted to confidence, masculinity, power... don't be a pussy, don't be a creep, be genuine, playful/humorous, exciting and interesting.

 

A lot guys mistake this for treating them with un-earned praise, being over-nice, putting them on a pedestal... yeah - that's the nice-guy, don't be him, the key is to present challenge, mystery, generate interest and show that they're not your only option and there's 3.4 billion other women out there to chose from... and YOU KNOW IT.

 

 

In the end, things like this post, articles, studies, yadayadaya... they all make it seem much more complicated than it actually is, personally I've never lived by any set rules/"ways of doing things" when it comes to dating... I've just been myself. I'm 21... I've had more 1 night stands than I care to remember, and I'm actually SICK TO DEATH of relationships so now I'm single BY CHOICE!

 

All this Alpha/PUA/Dark Triad/blablabla/"insert more BS"... is just over-analysis attempting to dissect and study the sociology of dating... it's unnecessary and utter nonsense, be a man, be confident, be clean, dress well, smell nice, enjoy life... women come and go naturally.

 

P.S - we're not all here because we can't get pussy, some of us came for the break-up section, some of us came to confess cheating, for advice on our relationship, or just to talk about dating in general.

Edited February 10, 2013 by its a lifestyle

[MrNate 2.0]

This thread outta be good.

Getting in early.

[MrCastle]

Edit: Don't want to get in trouble for my post.

[its a lifestyle]

The actual reason many of the guys here don't get laid is much simpler: they don't try.

 

I know of plenty of guys on here who get laid... and are in/have been in relationships...

 

I'm addressing the delusional posters who come here preaching that men are disadvantaged in the dating world... when in reality the problem is not the way dating works... the problem is themselves, I address why in my OP.

[Mr_Flay]

Okay, so I get that women are not above men in dating and that they shouldn't be treated as such. But then you wrote this:

 

Examples:

A man can see a women with no make-up, messy hair, just woke up in the morning after a drunken night out and still think she's super sexy and be attracted to her... just because she fits the stereotype of what we see as "hot".

 

Women on the other hand will pick up on the fact that you've got scruffy hair, worn-out shoes or a lousy dress-sense, and they'll be turned off regardless of your symmetrical face and good shape.

 

A lot guys mistake this for treating them with un-earned praise, being over-nice, putting them on a pedestal... yeah - that's the nice-guy, don't be him, the key is to present challenge, mystery, generate interest and show that they're not your only option and there's 3.4 billion other women out there to chose from... and YOU KNOW IT.

 

See, I think the problem is mainly in the fact that guys are constantly told they have to work hard in order to get girls, and once they do that, suddenly they're trying too hard. That's conflicting advice. So you have to be well-groomed, in perfect physical shape, generate interest (you'll have to explain that one, but again it sounds like work). Also be mysterious, intriguing and challenging. What about guys who wear their heart on their sleeve and aren't really intriguing and mysterious? Shouldn't they have a chance? Or should they instead change their personality in order to conform to some ideal role model that "all girls" are attracted to?

 

This is what depresses most guys, and message boards just add fuel to the fire. First they're told that they're too skinny to be attractive. Then they work out, but now they do not present enough of a challenge. They start acting cockier, but here's another problem – they are jobless and live with their parents. You overcome one "problem", only to learn there are plenty more that you must address before girls will give you the time of day. And why should there be problems at all? What's wrong with being skinny or emotionally sensitive?

 

On the other hand, what advice do girls get when they can't find someone? "Just wait, somebody will come when you expect him the least!" Or maybe "lose some weight", but not much else. Not "be funny, intriguing, challenging" or whatnot.

 

Yes, I struggle too, but I believe that the solution is not to be a tryhard and jump through hoops just to be attractive to women. My philosophy is to meet 100 women, and maybe one of them will be attracted to me.

[its a lifestyle]

Okay, so I get that women are not above men in dating and that they shouldn't be treated as such. But then you wrote this:

 

 

 

 

 

See, I think the problem is mainly in the fact that guys are constantly told they have to work hard in order to get girls, and once they do that, suddenly they're trying too hard. That's conflicting advice. So you have to be well-groomed, in perfect physical shape, generate interest (you'll have to explain that one, but again it sounds like work). Also be mysterious, intriguing and challenging. What about guys who wear their heart on their sleeve and aren't really intriguing and mysterious? Shouldn't they have a chance? Or should they instead change their personality in order to conform to some ideal role model that "all girls" are attracted to?

 

This is what depresses most guys, and message boards just add fuel to the fire. First they're told that they're too skinny to be attractive. Then they work out, but now they do not present enough of a challenge. They start acting cockier, but here's another problem – they are jobless and live with their parents. You overcome one "problem", only to learn there are plenty more that you must address before girls will give you the time of day. And why should there be problems at all? What's wrong with being skinny or emotionally sensitive?

 

On the other hand, what advice do girls get when they can't find someone? "Just wait, somebody will come when you expect him the least!" Or maybe "lose some weight", but not much else. Not "be funny, intriguing, challenging" or whatnot.

 

Yes, I struggle too, but I believe that the solution is not to be a tryhard and jump through hoops just to be attractive to women. My philosophy is to meet 100 women, and maybe one of them will be attracted to me.

 

While I don't agree with your philosophy(meet 100 women? why not just meet 1? - or 2 if you get bored easy ) , most of what you said is correct, I guess you just misunderstood my point.

 

You're not getting in shape to get girls, you're not moving out of mummy and daddies house to get girls, you're not dressing well to get girls...

 

You're doing these things for YOURSELF, to improve YOURSELF and the person you are...

 

Women are attracted to the person you are, if you're a quality person they come naturally... if you're a lousy morbid scruff, it's not gonna happen.

 

You don't have to do these things "to get dates", you have to do these things to be a better, attractive person... which will help lead to a normal dating life.

 

You see what I mean? it goes hand in hand... just depends on how you look at it, and how you look at it determines your attitude... which usually compliments the amount of success/failure you have with getting pussy...

Edited February 10, 2013 by its a lifestyle

[Mr_Flay]

While I don't agree with your philosophy... most of what you said is correct, I guess you just misunderstood my point.

 

You're not getting in shape to get girls, you're not moving out of mummy and daddies house to get girls, you're not dressing well to get girls...

 

You're doing these things for YOURSELF, to improve YOURSELF and the person you are...

 

Women are attracted to the person you are, if you're a quality person they come naturally... if you're a lousy morbid scruff, it's not gonna happen.

 

You don't have to do these things "to get dates", you have to do these things to be an attractive person... which will help lead to a normal dating life.

 

You see what I mean?

 

Maybe I did misunderstand, but there are multiple paths to being a quality person. Here's a really ridiculous but legitimate one:

 

 

• I want to be skinny because that's how I like myself. I'm not an athlete anyway and I pay other people to lift heavy stuff for me.
  
• I live with my parents because I love them dearly and never want to move out. Now if I could only find a girl to tolerate that, I'd have the best of both worlds.
  
• I don't wash myself because it's against my religion. I'm perfectly fulfilled and happy being unwashed because my god is pleased with me.
  
• I like the way I dress. Maybe to others I look like Bozo the Clown, but I'll never give up my sense of fashion, which is a part of my identity.
  

 

 

Now, a guy with at least one of these points can be perfectly happy and self-confident, yet still struggle with dating because he doesn't conform to what most people find attractive. And he'll be told to improve himself for OTHERS. And he'll do that despite himself, just to get girls. Even though he was perfectly happy just the way he was.

 

 

We all have stuff we like and are passionate about, but there's a difference between what's attractive to others and what's not. Say I want to improve MYSELF in the field of computer gaming. Or make kickass plane models. Will I get more dates that way?

[its a lifestyle]

Maybe I did misunderstand, but there are multiple paths to being a quality person. Here's a really ridiculous but legitimate one:

 

 

• I want to be skinny because that's how I like myself. I'm not an athlete anyway and I pay other people to lift heavy stuff for me.
  
• I live with my parents because I love them dearly and never want to move out. Now if I could only find a girl to tolerate that, I'd have the best of both worlds.
  
• I don't wash myself because it's against my religion. I'm perfectly fulfilled and happy being unwashed because my god is pleased with me.
  
• I like the way I dress. Maybe to others I look like Bozo the Clown, but I'll never give up my sense of fashion, which is a part of my identity.
  

 

 

Now, a guy with at least one of these points can be perfectly happy and self-confident, yet still struggle with dating because he doesn't conform to what most people find attractive. And he'll be told to improve himself for OTHERS. And he'll do that despite himself, just to get girls. Even though he was perfectly happy just the way he was.

 

 

We all have stuff we like and are passionate about, but there's a difference between what's attractive to others and what's not. Say I want to improve MYSELF in the field of computer gaming. Or make kickass plane models. Will I get more dates that way?

 

Let's not do this.. it's a never ending debate. You're not totally wrong, but not totally right either. It's grey,

Just use common sense, gaming and model planes are nerdy... living with parents is less appealing than having your own place - ways of the world dude. SNM

[Mr_Flay]

I just tried to illustrate that there are many ways to self-fulfillment. If yours overlap with the ideals of male-female attraction, it's all well and good, but most struggling guys are not like that. They have their passions, their goals, and their qualities, it's just that girls aren't really into those things. For those guys, it really IS difficult and a struggle, hence the delusional generalisations they project around them. There seems to be ONE path to attraction, and if you're far away from it, however self-confident you may be and attractive to YOURSELF, you'll struggle bitterly.

 

But enough thread hijacking from me, I'd like to hear the opinion of others too.

[its a lifestyle]

I just tried to illustrate that there are many ways to self-fulfillment. If yours overlap with the ideals of male-female attraction, it's all well and good, but most struggling guys are not like that. They have their passions, their goals, and their qualities, it's just that girls aren't really into those things. For those guys, it really IS difficult and a struggle, hence the delusional generalisations they project around them. There seems to be ONE path to attraction, and if you're far away from it, however self-confident you may be and attractive to YOURSELF, you'll struggle bitterly.

 

But enough thread hijacking from me, I'd like to hear the opinion of others too.

 

Well I hear you... and I obviously want to say that no doubt there's women out there who will appreciate these kinds of qualities, but it's not something I'm going to embrace or preach because common sense tells it's more appealing to have your own house/apartment... regardless of how much you love your parents.

 

But again, I feel like this is unnecessarily dissecting the sociology side of things and specifics..

 

Early bird catches the worm... clean stylish guy catches the girl....

There must be a late bird who doesn't get the worm... and a shaggy nerd who doesn't get the girl...

 

I don't make the rules.

[Estate]

Half the problem is guys here lump every girl into the same category.

 

You've already highlighted that there are different types of guy with different interests, beliefs, etc....

But some some reason guys here think every girl is the same... if one doesn't like you, the next won't, and that's totally false.

 

I mean, I can get laid if I go to a bar... but years ago I couldn't. I'd go, approach one girl, fail and then give up.

Then I learned that I just had to approach more girls and the ones I clicked with here the ones I wanted, I just had to find them.

 

If you live at home and have religious beliefs that dictate how you live your life, then that's perfectly fine... but you need to find girls who have the same beliefs.

 

There's nothing wrong with "nerdy" hobbies either but a lot of girls won't be attracted to them, you have to find the ones who ARE. My old room-mate drove himself nuts when he was single 2 years ago, nothing he tried was working... then all of a sudden he met this girl... now they live together in bliss playing HALO together all night... it's not like every girl will be into this, but she was , so he had to go find her.

 

This girl was attracted by a guy with a common interest but others aren't into it and will be turned off.

It's about looking for the right girls. You don't have to be skinny, or muscular, or tall or short, or rich or poor... you just have to find a girl who has similar values and interests as you.

 

Bottom line, not every person is the same... something I think is overlooked way too often on here.

[todreaminblue]

I think people should celebrate differences, thats why i dont believe people should be following dating books that generalize dating.....

 

 

 

they give a stock standard plan for everyone to follow, dont do this do, that dont go here, dont take them there,its hard for anyone when you start dating someone, two unique people coming together and exploring the depth of feelings for each other.If everyone naturally did what they want to do and went at the pace that was right for them, they will automatically find people who are right for them it would not be so damn hard to have a good time....

 

 

its a matter of just being true to who you are, not following stupid rules from authors who have no idea who you are, and you will find the right person for you.....to me its simplicity.....when i go against what i feel, is when dates dont work out...i think that happens for most people in a unique way....deb

[Estate]

While I do agree with this, some preferences are set in stone with nearly all women (mostly based on societal expectations), such as height, looks, ethnicity, and money.

 

If you're lacking in one of those above categories, then it's a slight disadvantage that you can probably overcome with most women. If you're lacking in more than one, it will definitely be an uphill battle. You better have an insanely good personality (and sometimes, even that won't be enough).

 

That's total BS man.

 

Height doesn't matter at all... If you are 5'5" then maybe it's hard to get a girls whos 5"10' but there are probably more women out there under 5'5" than are 5'10" anyway.

 

Ethnicity is a lame excuse... I mean, I'm European, I'll admit to liking European women... but if someone is Asian, or South American, or from anywhere, then why would a woman of that ethnicity not like you?

And these days it's not a big deal anyway... people fall in love with people for all sorts of reason and Ethnicity doesn't even play a factor.

 

Money? Sorry, I've posted on this in many threads already but it doesn't matter.

[todreaminblue]

They should, but they don't.

 

I'm definitely a proponent of "personality and confidence matter most," but if a guy strays too far from the norms in the superficial stuff, then he'll have a rough time dating.

 

 

Yeah i have a problem with discerning normal or norms ...how to find that average when you don't know the equation to start off with.....so how do you find the average of variables built upon variables upon variables////when you talk billions of people and dating....lotsa variables.......

 

 

 

 

this song(its my cheer up song) ok if you look at the picture, some people would want to throw away the yellow ball in the middle,because it destroys the uniformity in many way, the colours the smile being up instead of down , so yeah throw it away, its an anomaly and then you can have uniform color and conformity and the yellow ball, it will take a while , but people will say eventually when they are bored or reflective, there's something missing, this picture needs something else its not complete....it needs the different yellow ball to have an impact,it needs the yellow ball for the picture to stand out......we all need differences because we are all different however we try to be blue balls, we were not meant to be all blue balls......it is human nature to not want to stand next to the yellow ball and want to throw it out, it is also human nature when that yellow ball disappears or fades away, to want it back again........pretty much ....we are all yellow balls on the inside, some just hide it better.....i think we should have a yellow ball celebration .go half half.and be green in the middle.....i want to date the yellow ball..and if he loves that song he would just about be my special yellow ball....deb

[its a lifestyle]

masochist

 

I refuse to acknowledge the existence of "ist's & ism's"...

 

ismism is a bane of humanity!

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=ismism

[Revolver]

This title is kindoff offensive to women

[Snowman219]

While I don't agree with your philosophy(meet 100 women? why not just meet 1? - or 2 if you get bored easy ) , most of what you said is correct, I guess you just misunderstood my point.

 

You're not getting in shape to get girls, you're not moving out of mummy and daddies house to get girls, you're not dressing well to get girls...

 

You're doing these things for YOURSELF, to improve YOURSELF and the person you are...

 

Women are attracted to the person you are, if you're a quality person they come naturally... if you're a lousy morbid scruff, it's not gonna happen.

 

You don't have to do these things "to get dates", you have to do these things to be a better, attractive person... which will help lead to a normal dating life.

 

You see what I mean? it goes hand in hand... just depends on how you look at it, and how you look at it determines your attitude... which usually compliments the amount of success/failure you have with getting pussy...

 

To summarize: More money = more cooch.

[sweetkiwi]

I am not a typical woman. I am sure if I made myself into a hyper feminine type I could get more guys. But I don't need more guys. I just need a few good men

 

But seriously. I am just me. If I created a different persona then I wouldn't be me. That's not to say I dont want to improve myself!!! I certainly do. For the rest of my life I will be doing exactly that.

[somedude81]

You're not getting in shape to get girls, you're not dressing well to get girls...

 

You're doing these things for YOURSELF, to improve YOURSELF and the person you are...

I completely disagree with you.

 

I hate working out and being sore for days later. The only reason I have to build more muscle is to be more attractive to women. I'm not an athlete, a soldier or a hunter. I have absolutely no need to be bigger than I am. More muscle will not help me in any way in my life except for possibly making myself more attractive to women. I certainly don't give a damn about impressing men.

 

The same thing goes for dressing better. If I'm not trying to look good for women then I wouldn't care about matching colors or wearing nicer looking but more expensive jeans and shoes. I'd wear what's more comfortable and I'd also probably wear anime and videogame inspired t-shirts.

 

If I wasn't trying to look good for girls, I'd wear what I want to wear and probably save a bunch of money.

[ltjg45]

Money? Sorry, I've posted on this in many threads already but it doesn't matter.

 

Good thing you are European then because it matters a lot down here in the U.S.

 

Best not come down here unless you make at least 70k a year otherwise you will be playing with the lower half of the dating pool.

[fortyninethousand322]

I honestly don't like wearing "stylish" clothes. I don't like how they feel nor (most importantly) how I look wearing them. I guess at some point I'll have to force myself to like those kinds of clothes or at least force myself to look like I do. But, the clothes thing is just kind of depressing. I don't expect women to dress up, the last girl I was in love with wore beat up Sketchers, a t-shirt and jeans every day.

 

I get the part about being in shape, etc., and that's not a problem for me. I just don't want to be a different person just to get dates.

[JuneJulySeptember]

 

In the end, things like this post, articles, studies, yadayadaya... they all make it seem much more complicated than it actually is, personally I've never lived by any set rules/"ways of doing things" when it comes to dating... I've just been myself. I'm 21... I've had more 1 night stands than I care to remember, and I'm actually SICK TO DEATH of relationships so now I'm single BY CHOICE!

 

 

Lol. You've had more one night stands than you can remember at AGE 21, and you are trying to tell struggling guys what's what?

 

I was a virgin at that age. Over a decade later, I still haven't been hit on by a woman, and you're trying to tell me how to do things? You think you're in the same situation as guys who have struggled their whole life and been rejected several dozens to hundreds of times?

 

Jeez, you got some cajones.

Edited February 10, 2013 by JuneJulySeptember

[ThaWholigan]

Lol. You've had more one night stands than you can remember at AGE 21, and you are trying to tell struggling guys what's what?

 

I was a virgin at that age. Over a decade later, I still haven't been hit on by a woman, and you're trying to tell me how to do things? You think you're in the same situation as guys who have struggled their whole life and been rejected several dozens to hundreds of times?

 

Jeez, you got some cajones.

Yeah well, I was a virgin at that age too, and yet my struggle doesn't seem to be enough for you guys so......

 

[Terminal-Ice]

What about the concept that men and women aren't looking for the same thing?

 

There's a huge difference between a man who is looking to get laid and a man who is looking for much more. The guys who are looking to get laid are kind of obvious, and they'll get shut down by women like me. Face it, most guys who aren't in a relationship will be satisfied with a good lay, so they might be pulling double-duty and still giving off that air that they're just another guy looking to get laid. There are plenty of guys out there putting forth the evidence to show us ladies that they'll happily sleep with us, even they aren't interested. A great number of us don't approve.

 

A guy who is actually interested in *me* and discussing commonalities (could be religion, politics, hockey, why I don't drive an American car, why he always wears a button-up shirt . . .) is much more likely to strike up a conversation with me. Most women can tell the difference, especially when they get older.

[its a lifestyle]

I completely disagree with you.

 

The only reason I have to build more muscle is to be more attractive to women. I'm not an athlete, a soldier or a hunter. I have absolutely no need to be bigger than I am. More muscle will not help me in any way in my life except for possibly making myself more attractive to women.

 

The same thing goes for dressing better. If I'm not trying to look good for women then I wouldn't care about matching colors or wearing nicer looking but more expensive jeans and shoes

 

To make a generalization... (but staying aware that it's not the same for every women), women are attracted to certain qualities, if you don't have those qualities, you'll be less attractive.

 

Also, the fact that you don't want to be healthier and in better shape, and the fact that you don't want to dress stylish and maintain an attractive appearance... that says a lot about your person, how can you expect a women to be attracted to that kind of attitude?

Edited February 10, 2013 by its a lifestyle