fooled2manyX Posted February 22, 2013 Posted February 22, 2013 ForeverGuilt... I feel the same as many of the posters here. That is, don't beat yourself up. I too, did the same thing. Except I don't have a child, as you do. I am three months out of it. His wife found out (she only sent me one text) He knew she knew by me telling me about the text, as he had not been home for a couple of weeks doing hurricane recovery. He acted as though even though she knew, we were still going to be together. As though she would have thrown him out. But, they have children and I know for him, in the end that was his deciding factor mostly. He never even sent a note to me telling me it was over. He's done nothing, but ignore me. I too, like you have lost weight. Hair in the shower... my mind. I am in agreement. That is, the W is truly a victim, yes. For she didn't know what was happening behind her back. It's wrong. But, that doesn't mean we aren't hurt or affected. We are. Especially when I , like you, were told things my the married man. Mine told me he was going to divorce and we were going to be together. That he wanted to marry me one day and for us to have a child of our own. The mere thoughts, ideas, planning with this person who was my first love... my high school sweetheart (although we weren't intimate back then, it was friendship with strong feelings for kids) it all had me so very happy. Despite the circumstances. Despite the hardship and pain it would, did cause others. We were happy with one another and it was far more emotional, than physical, even though it became that. I feel your pain. I am in it right now myself. And I mean "IN" it. Perhaps, you should do as I am going to do. Find a therapist to talk to. Because I can't see the forest through the trees. I can't see light at the end of the tunnel since he's been gone. I am not coping or moving on as I should be. I have thought about the very same thing you wrote about. About having had never started it. I do feel that often. Before it began, we were still friends who would/could, contact eachother every once in a blue moon to say hello. Wish a happy birthday to. But now, because we let it get away from us, it exploded (as these things often do) and he put himself in a position. Deciding it is his family he wants and needs. Of course, I understand that for him. But for me, I find no comfort. Someone I have known for 20 yrs of my life and now he is gone. So, when we reconnected this last time over last summer... I wish now, I could go back to that time and not have allowed it to occur. In the process, I lost a life long friend. I feel your pain. I feel your hurt. We truly can't help who we have feelings for in life. We're supposed to just do the right thing, no matter how we feel. But, we're human and we fall short. My grandfather just passed. The greatest guy in the world. He was aces. And we had just found out about 8 years ago that he had been involved with a married woman for the last 35 years. She never left her husband and she & my grandfather just had their arrangment. Now.. was it right?? Being she was married, most would say no. But, I will tell you this. If that woman made my grandpa happy (and it seems she did) then who is anyone to say. And they met in church of all places. You & I will recover from this... I hope. We will begin to eat again and treat ourselves right. What we have to work through, is what I wrote above. We are human and we fall short. Love can cloud the mind. Love is the most powerful thing there is. And truth be told, love is a much bigger force than many of the stipulations our society creates. Such as marriage, etc. It's there for a reason. I get it. Marriage can be wonderful. But love no matter what the circumstance, can show us different things. Other people. New ways to see things. We walk right into it. You spoke too of blame.. and how you were cheated on yourself. So was I. Funny for us, right? Most will say "you know what that pain feels like. how could you do that to someone else???" I never though I would do it. Honestly. I thought men who cheated were the scum of the earth. Perhaps for me, it was different. They say most women are really concerned with if a man loves the other woman as apposed to if he just had sex with her. My ex just like to have sex with women. When I found out, I was disgusted. I honestly would have had more respect for him had he come to me and told me he was in love with one woman. LOL Funny right? Maybe. But it's true. I don't know. Right now myself, I am awake too many hours & losing more weight as we speak. My heart hurts. And I pray for myself and YOU that healing comes. It will. Hang in there.
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