Guys turning down sex

[PhillyDude]

Only the ignorant ones.

 

 

All mothers tell their daughters that men want sex

[wahine]

All mothers tell their daughters that men want sex

 

And all good fathers tell their daughters that a real man will want more than that.

 

I have more female friends than not who would be absolutely fine with finding a guy who doesn't whip it out the first chance he gets. Guys like that are becoming more and more rare these days.

[PhillyDude]

And all good fathers tell their daughters that a real man will want more than that.

 

I have more female friends than not who would be absolutely fine with finding a guy who doesn't whip it out the first chance he gets. Guys like that are becoming more and more rare these days.

 

 

Not in Philadelphia

[SJC2008]

And all good fathers tell their daughters that a real man will want more than that.

 

I have more female friends than not who would be absolutely fine with finding a guy who doesn't whip it out the first chance he gets. Guys like that are becoming more and more rare these days.

 

And women who respect men like there are becoming more and more rare these days IMO:(

[its a lifestyle]

I turned down sex once... we were play fighting, things were getting hot but she went over-the-top on playing hard to get... after reaching for the bra strap 3 or 4 times and being told it's not gonna happen... I rolled over "to go to sleep" (lay there sulking lol)... that's when she noticed the fun was over and starting to reach for the snake... I rejected her because at that stage I thought she genuinely didn't want to F.. and was only trying to now because she thought I was disappointed...

 

I think we just both misread the situation as it was the first sex between us after a long 2 weeks of heated flirting and games... needless to say the following night we F'd like rabbits.

Edited February 10, 2013 by its a lifestyle

[animalover]

I have been in the situation where I felt I needed to explain women that I don't do casual sex... various times... but if you are honest and cool with it... they do understand! I have never had a problem with a woman who has approached me for ONS when I have turned it down... you just need to be nice and not an a$$ about how you do it!

[Estate]

Whats the deal with people giving a guy such a hard time for doing this? I'm referring to one night stands or early on in dating.

 

I know it runs against the stereotype, but it's not a crime. Though some people seems to think it is. I had a conversation with a really pretty woman friend this week, and she said it would really upset her if a guy said no even if he had a good reason.

 

It depends how the situation arises.

 

But women (and men too) like to feel desirable. If a woman is PUSHING things in the direction of sex and a guy stops her... it's gonna confuse her, or at least make her feel bad in some cases.

 

There's nothing wrong with taking things slow... but rejecting someone in any sense is a recipe for disaster.

[Els]

A double standard does exist. I cringe every time I hear/read people calling men gay, pussies, shmucks, etc, just because they don't gun for sex like a frat boy horndog. This societal framework, especially in certain cultures, leads to many, many men acting like frat boy horndogs because it's the acceptable thing to do, so some women likely have not experienced a man who wanted to wait before. Many women tend to over-internalize sexual-related issues, so they can't seem to let go of the thought that it must be THEM - they aren't sexy, or pretty, or seductive enough for you to want to have sex with them - despite what you tell them about your own reasons.

 

TL;DR: Sorry about the double standard. It does suck. Know that some women do respect men who want to wait, though.

[animalover]

A double standard does exist. I cringe every time I hear/read people calling men gay, pussies, shmucks, etc, just because they don't gun for sex like a frat boy horndog. This societal framework, especially in certain cultures, leads to many, many men acting like frat boy horndogs because it's the acceptable thing to do, so some women likely have not experienced a man who wanted to wait before. Many women tend to over-internalize sexual-related issues, so they can't seem to let go of the thought that it must be THEM - they aren't sexy, or pretty, or seductive enough for you to want to have sex with them - despite what you tell them about your own reasons.

 

TL;DR: Sorry about the double standard. It does suck. Know that some women do respect men who want to wait, though.

 

I am sorry but I completely disagree! You can't ever defend double standards! How would you like to hear that women who sleep around are sluts and men are "experienced"? .... I think you only want double standards there where they benefit you...

[Joaquin]

The only time I've ever refused sex from a date was if I'd had it the night before with someone else and felt like a douche when I knew the girl quite liked me. Its only happened a few times but felt wrong to the point I would get very anxious and pretend to be too tired.

 

Needless to say none of those occasions resulted in a relationship.

Edited February 10, 2013 by Joaquin

[Radu]

Women don't handle rejection well, especially sexual. After I ha sex with the last woman I dated I sas shaking my head in the car because we had sex in the last place I ever would of imagined (it wasn't in the car) and she kept saying "WHAT". She was probably thinking I didn't like something about her body or something.

 

This.

Rejection is a wonderfull mechanism.

 

Since men generally approach and propose a woman for romantic/sexual reasons, women are used to the ideea that men won't say no unless something is wrong.

Furthermore, women also get a rise [egowise] out of rejecting a guy, that's what rejection does. By rejecting someone at some deep place inside of you, you consider yourself better.

 

So not only is a woman unused to rejection [to the level that a man is ... and maybe one of the reasons why men are ok with being more independent], not only it is unheard of her for a man to reject, but also she feels that the guy in question thinks of himself as too good for her.

So it turns into an ego-bomb even if the guy did not mean it like that.

[Radu]

What?

 

I've turned down sex from women multiple times in my life.

 

They take it VERY badly.

 

A while back i had a discussion with a guy about having affairs in his marriage.

He admitted he had a few.

One of his stated reasons was that he was afraid of work-place problems should he refuse these women.

 

This might seem odd, but this was in the old communist days, with women in leadership positions and most of the womens had a position of authority above him.

 

Kinda makes you wonder if some women do pull this crap in the modern world at their workplace.

[Els]

I am sorry but I completely disagree! You can't ever defend double standards! How would you like to hear that women who sleep around are sluts and men are "experienced"? .... I think you only want double standards there where they benefit you...

 

? Who said anything about defending? Acknowledging a double standard exists is completely different from defending it. The OP asked why it exists, I explained. In no way do I think it is a fair double standard and I am one of those who does not buy into it. Not to mention that this double standard is enforced far more strongly by men themselves than women.

 

I think you're trying a little too hard here. You from the MRA gang by any chance?

[animalover]

I think you're trying a little too hard here. You from the MRA gang by any chance?

 

MRA gang? can you enlighten me about what exactly is that?

[Els]

MRA gang? can you enlighten me about what exactly is that?

 

Possibly the only group of people who would somehow interpret "Sorry about the double standard. It does suck" to mean that the poster is defending it.

[gaius]

As tbf has said before the vast majority of real communication is non-verbal. If you're a straight, healthy male with lots of testosterone you should be having sex if given the opportunity. You don't really have a choice in the matter. Your penis will take over and make you do it. Having sex is the entire reason you were brought into existence. Everything else is just secondary. Not doing so is a way of communicating something didn't develop correctly. Either physically or some kind of mental hangup. Women are generally equally programmed to be super turned off when they sense something didn't develop correctly in a guy. Certainly not a popular opinion because people don't like thinking or being told there's something maybe wrong with them, but it what it is. You're being naturally weeded out of the gene pool. It's always possible to get over whatever is holding you back at any age though, so don't be too bummed out.

 

There are certainly things like religion, morals and all that stuff that can put a damper on sexual activity but if you really want it you will eventually rationalize away any concerns you have. I'm sure Jerry Sandusky thinks he's OK with god. I want to beat up the pedo that's trying to date my underage sister but I understand him on some level. I remember how quickly my friend went from being awesome guy in my mind to total arsehole and douchebag when his girlfriend who I wanted started hitting on me. How I all of a sudden just started making up reasons why he wasn't really my friend. That's just how it works. Morten should be praised for speaking the truth, not chastised.

 

And yes, it is a double standard. There are many double standards between the sexes and there always will be. Women get to poop out a baby and we don't. Get over it.

[animalover]

As tbf has said before the vast majority of real communication is non-verbal. If you're a straight, healthy male with lots of testosterone you should be having sex if given the opportunity. You don't really have a choice in the matter. Your penis will take over and make you do it. Having sex is the entire reason you were brought into existence. Everything else is just secondary. Not doing so is a way of communicating something didn't develop correctly. Either physically or some kind of mental hangup. Women are generally equally programmed to be super turned off when they sense something didn't develop correctly in a guy. Certainly not a popular opinion because people don't like thinking or being told there's something maybe wrong with them, but it what it is. You're being naturally weeded out of the gene pool. It's always possible to get over whatever is holding you back at any age though, so don't be too bummed out.

 

There are certainly things like religion, morals and all that stuff that can put a damper on sexual activity but if you really want it you will eventually rationalize away any concerns you have. I'm sure Jerry Sandusky thinks he's OK with god. I want to beat up the pedo that's trying to date my underage sister but I understand him on some level. I remember how quickly my friend went from being awesome guy in my mind to total arsehole and douchebag when his girlfriend who I wanted started hitting on me. How I all of a sudden just started making up reasons why he wasn't really my friend. That's just how it works. Morten should be praised for speaking the truth, not chastised.

 

And yes, it is a double standard. There are many double standards between the sexes and there always will be. Women get to poop out a baby and we don't. Get over it.

 

I am sorry but if your life is totally peniscentric ... that doesn't mean that all men are exactly like you (fortunatelly!)

[MyPoutine]

I love this thread, in this day and age of sex after two dates it's refreshing to read about men holding off.

[Els]

If you're a straight, healthy male with lots of testosterone you should be having sex if given the opportunity. You don't really have a choice in the matter. Your penis will take over and make you do it.

 

Most relatively intelligent humans have the ability to control their biological drive via rational thought, however. It's the reason professionals can focus on their work/game even though there are scantily-clad women around, the reason some men can leave a woman whom they realize they are incompatible with despite having to forgo the sex, and the reason some men don't cheat despite being given the opportunity. This particular double standard reduces men from intelligent beings with a conscience to mere animals. There are certainly some men who fit the description, but it's pretty ironic that people label the others as being dysfunctional. Methinks it should be the other way round, if we're talking about humans.

 

BTW, why do you think gay healthy males should be any different?

[crude]

Guys are hard wired to do IT with anyone and anything if given the opportunity. If they turn someone down, it's because they specifically don't like that person for some reason who is offering.

 

 

Not necessarily. Men can overcome the wiring with words like AIDS, John Wayne Bobbit, complete stranger. That's why some men can insist that a woman pay her own way on dates and in life, or drop dead lowlife. Stereotypes and primitive instincts can easily be overcome by intelligence, logic, and common sense.

[Revolver]

Theres a difference between

 

-Your GF/Wife wanting to have sex and your sick, tired or just don't want to that night

 

and

 

-random/semi random girls throwing it at you and you turning them down.

[Yamcha]

I've gotten flack for refusing oral sex in the middle of a crowded concert. Both from the girl herself and some other girls. Sheesh, I don't think it's a bad thing to "not be confident enough" to expose oneself to a bunch of crazy concert-goers and possibly get kicked out or arrested.

[Ninjainpajamas]

Women do have an expectation that you're like a robot as a man, press a few little buttons or make a few gestures or advances and you should be ready to pounce on her and if you don't then...there's obviously something wrong with you or they'll take it highly offensive as in not being desirable or attractive enough...it's just a huge blow to their self-esteem because it just doesn't register, it's just not fathomable.

 

I've rejected women for sex more than several occasions...sometimes I just can't help but be extremely turned-off by the reaction that I'm "supposed" to have as a man. I also don't appreciate overly sexual advances from a woman I've just met in some random social setting, or that is in a relationship or seeing someone. Also if she's had a lot to drink or even feel she is mildly drunk...that's not very appealing or enticing of an offer, that can bite you in the arse too...plus she could probably vomit while sucking my...anywayz.

 

I'm always caught off guard by married women when they're overly flirtatious and forthcoming, It just never crosses my mind that they'd cross a line and many times they have and by the time I notice I'm like holy shet...but that's too much drama for me to take a walk down that road...hell no, that isn't worth entertaining for me in the slightest.

 

I've realized in my experience that many people aren't truly satisfied in their relationships and willing to jeopardize what they have if they see you have something more to offer as a man...or to their eyes, as chemistry, attraction or what not.

 

I also have never been interested in promiscuous women with a reputation, no thanks, I respect you and your decisions to do what you want in your life, it's your body and all of that, but don't bother me...literally just met them and was in the right place at the right time I attribute it to. I have no problem walking away from that one, I'll pass on that any day, I don't care how horny I am.

 

I always told my younger cousins and younger guys teasing them "Five minutes of pleasure isn't worth a lifetime of pain or drama" in relation to STD's and knocking someone up. If it doesn't feel right, don't take the chance, because it only takes once to get caught. Let's just say I've seen a few guys not take my advice while "playing the field" and get caught. I told them they're rolling the dice, it's not all fun and games...but their choice, now they got to deal with it.

 

Unlike many guys I also don't take pride in adding an ole notch to the belt...after all in that scenario what would I have been proud of? I've had sex on a few occasions where I regretted doing so and just went through with it...I suppose like how a woman feels when a man is making advances and is too afraid to say no, I'm not afraid to say no, but I just tried to go with it but emotionally It's just not there for me...casual sex is just not very satisfying to me...unfortunately I wish I was programmed like other men and even women in that regard....would make it much easier in my life emotionally, I see plenty of people sleep with others without any regard or blinking an eye but I can't shake the wiring in my own brain and devalue intimacy to that degree...at least for myself.

 

I guess there's a fine line between casual for me however, I'm not saying I haven't had FWB's, but at least I knew them, knew them actually well...probably more than people do in their actual relationships. My relationships are more like being in a marriage, I can't imagine what being married is going to be like if that's the case.

 

I think it's a shame men have such a lowly reputation, but based on what I've seen I definitely haven't met any guys who were remotely close to the way I was at least...definitely a rogue from my experience in that regard.

 

Some guys aren't very successful with women but pretty good guys, so they usually find themselves a decent girl and get hitched pretty quickly, the guy who's play the field are pretty raunchy and lowly...they take everything and anything they can get, that's what I'd say unfortunately the vast majority is so I can't blame the expectations or perception of what women have of men. I'm not saying I'm a saint, I'm definitely not, but at least for myself It always felt more than just sex...I can at least say that.

 

And I never just ditched a woman or pissed in her face and never showed up again or ever talked to her again like she was nobody and nothing to me. But then again men are pretty cowardly anyway, many have no fortitude as men or responsibility, they just take the chicken ***** way out all the time and don't have the balls to face the music...they're too scared to say how they really feel or to get yelled at, they can't even admit what they're doing to themselves.

 

I suppose if it's casual it would be mutual and that wouldn't always be the case as described above...but that's not really my style anyway.

 

If I didn't have a conscience or morals I'd probably be having a field day, field week, field month, field year! But damnit, my wisdom, my experience and knowledge came with a price...I know better, I know what I would be doing and how it would be affecting the women that were truly interested and had serious emotional investment because I'm not just a stick it and quit kinda guy...I know what affect and impact and I would be making, especially with young women...so in that regard I'm jealous of some of these bastards out there, they get to just stick it in whatever they want and not care, and try their absolute best to get laid as much as possible and here I am sitting on gold!

 

Ah well...there's always...LoveShack....bwahahahaha! ::cries himself to sleep in pathetic self-loathing whimper, holding his teddy::

[phineas]

Women do have an expectation that you're like a robot as a man, press a few little buttons or make a few gestures or advances and you should be ready to pounce on her and if you don't then...there's obviously something wrong with you or they'll take it highly offensive as in not being desirable or attractive enough...it's just a huge blow to their self-esteem because it just doesn't register, it's just not fathomable.

 

 

Pretty much this.

It's a certain type of woman that does this though i've noticed.

Usually the type who collects guy friends.

 

I've known a few women over the yrs that didn't actually say they were not interested in me but did say "I don't want a relationship", "I like being single for now", "we are just friends".

 

So, I treat them like friends.

 

Then they put me in a situation where a "real" man would pull it out & give them a good rogering.

But when I don't because she made it a point to tell me we were just friends they decide i'm not a "real" man & turn on me.

 

People talk about bitter, butt-hurt men on these forums?

They are nothing compared to a bitter butt-hurt woman.

A butt-hurt man will just fall off the face of the earth on you.

A butt-hurt woman tries to stay in your life just so she can lead you on & waste your time & keep you from getting with another woman.

 

These days I know how to handle a woman who acts like this.

You do not allow yourself to be alone with them at your place or hers for a good long while.

 

When you do get her alone, you try to sleep with her & if she deny's & still see's you, you avoid being alone with her for a good long while again then try to sleep with her.

 

But, you also try to sleep with other women & make sure she knows it.

 

On a side note since I've gotten in shape i've had a number of women try to get me drunk because they obviously wanted to sleep with me.

 

However, it always backfires because it takes very little to get me drunk & when I get there I turn into my old beta self LOL!!

I also really don't even think about sex much when out & hammered.

 

I'm much more confident & horny when sober or slightly buzzed.

When I was overweight I relied on liquid courage to talk to women.

 

So even though I wind up in their car & get a number I never hear back from them when I call or text.

Edited February 10, 2013 by phineas

[sillyanswer]

What?

 

I've turned down sex from women multiple times in my life.

 

They take it VERY badly.

 

Yes, that's been my experience, too. Just having a headache or being too tired, when it's a man saying that, seems to be the most offensive thing you can say to a woman.