na49 Posted February 9, 2013 Posted February 9, 2013 I've been struggling since my BU of 4 months ago. (4 months ago to the day in fact) I've been NC for 3 months. I've done everything in the book, but lately I've been trying to fight my emotions. I know that if I let myself sit around and be miserable. I will. I can lay in bed all day thinking about her if I let myself. So I'm not. Would you say this is a good way to go about it? I feel like if I let the emotions run their course, I'll never stop crying about this. So my other question for everyone is, how do you guys fight the emotions? I will never be able to forget her. but how should I process the thoughts and just keep going rather than stopping to think of her? I've been doing well and have had 2 good days in a row which is impressive for me. Today hasn't been too bad either. I just want to try to stay up as long as I can before I get too low. I know it's an emotional roller coaster, and it's not fun.
Own Worst Enemy Posted February 9, 2013 Posted February 9, 2013 As the downs get shorter and further apart. Eventually it will be more good than bad. And at that point she'll be history!
ScienceGal Posted February 9, 2013 Posted February 9, 2013 There is no shortcut, sorry But there are good choices that will help you along the way. Just do the best you can to stay busy and push forward. What I can promise you is that if you make good choices for yourself (exercise, hobbies, friends, etc.) your life will get better. It will. Give yourself time to feel upset and whatever emotion you need to, but stay positive and hopeful too. You're going to be fine.
Author na49 Posted February 10, 2013 Author Posted February 10, 2013 I'm trying my best to stay busy. I don't have THAT much going on in my life all things considered. I have school, homework, work, the gym, but a lot of time to myself because I don't go hang out with friends much if at all during the semester. I'll feel the emotions that I need to. and I don't know if it's normal or not, but I could honestly sit here, missing her, wanting to check up on her, crying my eyes out for hours. and I could do that every day for however long. I'm obviously not going to though. The thoughts of her have been coming and going all day. I'm replaying just random parts of our relationship in my head. Not what I could have done different. Just random parts, good or bad. I just try to shake them off though. I have to remember that I don't love and miss her the way she is now. I love and miss the way she used to be and want what we used to have. That's gone though. It's been gone for 4 months (probably more considering she was cheating on me before breaking up with me) I HAVE to keep going. I'm going to be low. I just can't let myself get too low.
drpepper1886 Posted February 10, 2013 Posted February 10, 2013 na - What has really helped me is meditation and a reading "The Power of Now". Here is a free ebook on meditation: Mindfulness In Plain English Best of luck!
LostGirl11 Posted February 10, 2013 Posted February 10, 2013 I'm trying my best to stay busy. I don't have THAT much going on in my life all things considered. I have school, homework, work, the gym, but a lot of time to myself because I don't go hang out with friends much if at all during the semester. I'll feel the emotions that I need to. and I don't know if it's normal or not, but I could honestly sit here, missing her, wanting to check up on her, crying my eyes out for hours. and I could do that every day for however long. I'm obviously not going to though. The thoughts of her have been coming and going all day. I'm replaying just random parts of our relationship in my head. Not what I could have done different. Just random parts, good or bad. I just try to shake them off though. I have to remember that I don't love and miss her the way she is now. I love and miss the way she used to be and want what we used to have. That's gone though. It's been gone for 4 months (probably more considering she was cheating on me before breaking up with me) I HAVE to keep going. I'm going to be low. I just can't let myself get too low. I do the same, just keep replaying random parts. I normally let myself feel the emotion but I've really had enough of it. I was in the shower earlier and started to think about him, I just told myself, 'No, I don't need to think about that again, I thought about that an hour ago and it didn't ****ing get me anywhere!'
Author na49 Posted February 10, 2013 Author Posted February 10, 2013 I've tried everything in the book. I think that just kind of taking the thoughts and not letting them impact my emotions is what I've been doing the past few days. I won't be able to forget her. I may not stop thinking about her until I'm dating someone else which doesn't seem to be in my immediate future. I have to shake it off at times. When I was doing homework yesterday I was reading and all of a sudden my mind just wandered to her. I shook my head like I was a spazz and told myself "No" and kept going. We both are strong enough to beat this. We don't want people who don't want us!
LostGirl11 Posted February 10, 2013 Posted February 10, 2013 I've tried everything in the book. I think that just kind of taking the thoughts and not letting them impact my emotions is what I've been doing the past few days. I won't be able to forget her. I may not stop thinking about her until I'm dating someone else which doesn't seem to be in my immediate future. I have to shake it off at times. When I was doing homework yesterday I was reading and all of a sudden my mind just wandered to her. I shook my head like I was a spazz and told myself "No" and kept going. We both are strong enough to beat this. We don't want people who don't want us! Spazzy or not, it worked. It makes me cringe actually, knowing how much I want someone that doesn't want me.
Author na49 Posted February 10, 2013 Author Posted February 10, 2013 It's ridiculous really. My ex basically told me she doesn't want me anymore after dumping me and yet I still want her in some weird way. If she came knocking I'd take her back in a minute. She isn't going to because she's over me and doesn't want to be with me anymore. She made that clear 4 months ago when she dumped me. I might miss the companionship with someone else than I do miss her. I wonder if I replace my ex with a girl I have a crush on would I be just as happy if not happier?
LostGirl11 Posted February 10, 2013 Posted February 10, 2013 It's ridiculous really. My ex basically told me she doesn't want me anymore after dumping me and yet I still want her in some weird way. If she came knocking I'd take her back in a minute. She isn't going to because she's over me and doesn't want to be with me anymore. She made that clear 4 months ago when she dumped me. I might miss the companionship with someone else than I do miss her. I wonder if I replace my ex with a girl I have a crush on would I be just as happy if not happier? If you don't miss her as a person but just miss the companionship then yes, you will be just as happy. Probably happier actually.
Author na49 Posted February 10, 2013 Author Posted February 10, 2013 I miss the person I thought she was. The way she is now, I don't know if I love the person she is now like I loved the person she was to me when we were together. There are things about her that I loved. but I'm sure I can find those things in another girl. I'm sure there are girls out there who won't cheat on me either. 1
LostGirl11 Posted February 10, 2013 Posted February 10, 2013 (edited) I miss the person I thought she was. The way she is now, I don't know if I love the person she is now like I loved the person she was to me when we were together. There are things about her that I loved. but I'm sure I can find those things in another girl. I'm sure there are girls out there who won't cheat on me either. The person you miss wasn't the real her. Seriously, **** her, don't miss her, get mad with her! When you replay all those nice memories think about when she cheated on you, when/where/who with. She's a whore bag. I'm sorry but I can't stand cheaters, whatever the reasons. Edited February 10, 2013 by LostGirl11
Author na49 Posted February 11, 2013 Author Posted February 11, 2013 I know and I wish I could have that attitude about her forever. "She's a cheater! She's not worth the time of day! Screw her!" Her cheating on me has been such a shot to my self esteem. I feel like it's my fault she cheated. If I was better she wouldn't have cheated. I'm starting to have the negative thoughts again. When I feel down, I feel REALLY down on myself. I've been going strong for 3 days now but have struggled a little bit these past few hours.
coffeebean201 Posted February 11, 2013 Posted February 11, 2013 Having her in your life was a big experience. And so you miss that. But there will be other women in your life. Have you thought about joining a group sport, like badminton or something like that: frivolous and fun? plus great way to hang with other girls. Just don't talk about your ex with the new girls.
Author na49 Posted February 11, 2013 Author Posted February 11, 2013 Well today was horrible. I saw her twice. She looked very happy with her friends and without me. Her life has been great since she got rid of me and I'm here feeling miserable. I have so much work that I need to finish and I have no motivation to do any of it. I just want to sit here and do nothing. I was feeling decent until I saw her the first time. Then I felt angry. Saw her again with her friends laughing having a grand old time and I feel depressed. It's not fair how her life gets to be so great and my life sucks now.. f*ck is today over yet?
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