Hopeful714 Posted February 9, 2013 Posted February 9, 2013 OMG I woke up today and I am miserable. I don't know what brought this on. The only thing I can think of is the sun it out and its reminding me of the 2 summers we spent together and how much I enjoyed those. I've been crying all day. I can't do anything. I'm sure he's most likely been with so many girls now and I am still trying to find firm footing and its going on 6 months. I feel lost and scared today. So alone. I can't talk about this with anyone anymore except here because people will think wtf?? Although I know the RS had big problems, today I saw my faults so clear and wish I had handled some things way differently then I did and I am so ashamed. I wish at times I could have been stronger, less needy, and set boundaries in a positive way instead of coming off like I did at times whining, crying, and fighting, for my right to be respected just a little. But it was so difficult to talk with him about things and how I felt. He never wanted to hear it. It always had to be his way. Always. I held so much in. I was dying inside for love and affection that he just would not give. I just wanted to matter. I've been down before in life but always managed to get back up. This KO has been one of the toughest I recall and I'm fearing now that I won't recover, or forever be scarred, never be able to fully trust again. Today I feel weak and defeated by this. My biggest fear is that he finds happiness and I am left alone and he sees that. I couldn't bear that. I've stuck to NC but its not fully working. The time this is taking seems to be too long. How much longer do I have to suffer from this? I would love for that phone to ring but it won't. He's gone. And its because I walked away...but I had no choice. He wasn't treating me right. He was lying and cheating. Was never up front about anything and I was crushed...and obviously still am. I'm a good person and was a good girlfriend, people like me (lol), I never deserved this. I feel like a fool. I was on here just yesterday giving "snappy" advice if you will, yet here I am today...a mess. It kills me to think I was just forgotten, or that I am/was just another girl. It took years for me to feel this close to someone, I fear it will be years before, if ever it happens again. I wish it all never happened. I dread the dating scene. Thanks for my pathetic vent. Someone get me outta this funk! 1
galt303 Posted February 9, 2013 Posted February 9, 2013 Hey - First off, please know that this is my first attempt on LS at dispensing "advice" instead of asking for it. Just please keep that in mind... Rough days come and rough days go but I'm sorry to hear that you're in the midst of what sounds like a bad one. Actually, the only reason I clicked on your post is because I can really relate to the title. Today does, indeed, suck on this end as well. But this is about you, not me. On the positive side, three things stuck out to me in what I read: 1. He lied to and cheated on you - I don't know you but it certainly sounds like you deserve better than that. 2. You recognize things you could have done better - great, use that knowledge in your next relationship and make it all the better. 3. You know it's over, he's gone - well, at least you know, now you can move on. Call a friend, a true friend. They will be there to listen to you no matter how many times you go to them and it definitely sounds like you could use a kind shoulder. Good luck and don't ever forget how awesome you were before you fell into the funk. 2
lovecutsrightthruu Posted February 9, 2013 Posted February 9, 2013 Well done on using this site to express yourself! This is just a phase in the healing process.....as one poster wisely said in relation to another topic ' healing is not linear' Just know its a bump in the road and Brighter days will come your way! 2
todreaminblue Posted February 9, 2013 Posted February 9, 2013 I relate, I am in a funk , a pretty low period for m e, outwardly people dont know i am used to hiding how i really feel, and honestly i dont want to be a sad sack and make other people blue,especially the ones i care about, so i play the clown and when they catch my eyes, if the mask isnt on, i just say yeah bit down ill be ok. When i am really down fatigue hits, its an effort for me, I drag myself to gym because it actually helps, the endorphins flow an di feel better for a while, i drag myself to church it soothes my soul when i am there, the hymns the people, my love for the church all good.....i joke with my family, i try to look on the bright side, and i smile, after a while if i smile long enough, i can trick my heart into believing everything will work out, and today....i think it just might....... take the good with the bad, and when it is bad, think how good the good days will feel when you get to them, everything will pass or come to pass, we have to experience good and bad to appreciate the difference, to really rejoice, you have to know what it feels like to be really sad....., it always will come to pass,we were never meant to deal with anything more than we can handle, some of us can handle a lot, so go forth trojan into a bad day or a good day, tomorrow will be another day, they are just days you know,whatever day you are having will shape you, improve you, and make you appreciate the next day that comes to pass wiht more experience and understanding if you choose to learn....huge hugs....keep trekkin....deb , 1
jovan Posted February 9, 2013 Posted February 9, 2013 just take it slow. You don't have to rush anywhere. Let your self be weak, and miserable. every feeling is for a human. Its life and what ever you feel is beautiful in its own special way So go out with a bang, cry, scream, get drunk, but never ever call him again. Trust me in time you will find that piece on haven your looking for 2
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