Ex wants to keep the other girl around while still thinks about getting back with me?

August 29, 2004

My ex is seeing another girl 2 months after we broke up, our relationship was 5yrs long. I was the one breaking up to be single for a while (not exactly to see other people but to answer questions I had about us). But I told him it was over so not to keep his hopes up. At first he thought it was really over between us and it was time to move on, but when I told him I wanted to give it another try, he rejected and continued seeing her. But after 2 weeks of seeing the other girl he realize his feelings for me are still there, but he still likes the other girl.

Now it's come to the point where sometimes I get the signals from him that he wants to come back, but he's still seeing the other girl. He said I need to give him the time to explore and figure things out, and it seems like his feelings for her aren't as strong as before, yet he still keeps on going out with her, why? Just last night he told me every time we hang out at my place like we used to, he wants to get back, but... he's not ready to? Or is it because he's enjoying the attention from the other girl because he never got this attention before and he knows she really likes him, he's not willing to give that up yet?

When he asked me to go out today I said no I was going out with couple of guy friends who are just friends. Then he ended up going out with the girl again. Why giving me hopes up one night when he just goes out with her the nexy day? Is he two-timing or just can't make up his mind or he's going on major ego trip having two girls to choose from. I keep on saying I want to move on but part of me sees hope from the progress the past two weeks and want to wait. But everytime he goes out with her, I feel hurt and confused.... What makes it worse is he told me that he didn't tell her about still keeping in touch with me and thinking about "us". He's leading her on, and he let me know about it.

It's been 3 weeks since he started seeing her. At first he said there was no chance between us and he really feels something for her, now he gives hints he wants to come back and I can see it in his eyes sometimes that he means it. But he won't stop seeing the other girl. Should I set myself a deadline to stop waiting for him and let him have the time he asked forl, or should I just forget this all and move on...

August 29, 2004

I would say its groveling time for you.

I don't know enough about you two to say what he actually feels but basically (not trying to be harsh even if it sounds that way) you made your bed now you have to lie in it. You broke up with him and told him to move on. Now he has and your having second thoughts. Maybe he feels something for the other girl or maybe he is just trying to get at you. Either way if you truly want him back now you've got a lot of work to do. You can't dump someone and expect them to welcome you back, no strings attached, without doing a lot of groveling (unless they are really desperate to get you back).

August 29, 2004

I know I can't expect him to wait around for me to come around when I broke up, so I know he needs his chance to see what's out there. But I don't think he wants me to do all the groveling right now. He said he wants me to be there as friend and don't push him, so I can't really do anything except wait, but I don't know if he'll fully come around. Feedbacks from anyone who's in or has been in his shoes would be really appreciated!! =\

August 29, 2004

luvhurtconfusion-

Me and My ex talk occasionally, but not very often. When i found out he was dating someone else, I flipped out and called him crying and saying that i thought it was bull**** that he would work on another relationship, but he wouldnt work on ours. He replied that he wasnt working on a new relationship that him and this girl are not serious and bla bla bla. When we broke up he said that he didnt want to date anyone else and that he just wanted to go and hang out with his friends. Regardless the fact that he was dating someone else totally devistated me. Even though i broke up with him. I started dating a guy i met in highschool before him and i got to gether. Which by the way only lasted a week. I think i just wanted to see what else was out there and then i went on a few dates with a really awesome guy, but i realized that i wasnt ready for anything serious and he was so i quit talking to that guy. Regardless i felt like "I should be out having fun and dating and he is suposed to stay at home and be heartbroken because he screwed up our relationship =). I guess things dont always work out that way damnit.

When i say he screwed up our relationship i mean it was most of his fault. He would come stay the night with me the nights before he had school. He never wanted to go out on dates because he is a cheap skate. He went out with his friends to the bars everyweekend usually on friday when i had to wait tables. Then saturday (my day off) he was to hung over to go do anything so we would just rent movies and stay at one of our houses. We were like an old married couple.

He always tried to get me interested in the things he liked, but thought the things I liked were stupied. (When you write this stuff out you feel like a complete idoit). He wasnt all bad though he waited on me hand and foot, always took care of me when i was sick, gave me foot massaches every night, always was affectionate no matter who he was with or where he was at and he always made me laugh. Bastard =)!...

We talked the other day and i acted like the happest person you ever saw in your life. I told him how great I'm doing and how much fun being single is and not worring about someone else. I told him that i have been having a blast and im always out of town with my girls. It made me feel like I gained my pride back. Thats when he was like I miss your family and I want to come see our dog and your parents. He also was like i understand if you dont want to be there. I was like i dont care, i might be here, i might not.

My ex told me that he does still have feelings for me and he does still love me but he doesnt see how it would work out right now. That was the night i called him crying. He said that he cares about me and stuff like that. Yes he did tell me stuff about him and this girl. Only because i made the mistake of asking questions like " did you have sex with this girl". " Is it serious? and stuff like that. Yeah dont do that because you really dont want to know the awnser. O-yeah my ex went to dallas with this girl too. We hardly ever did anything fun so i was totally pissed about that. Now i still miss him but i see clearly and know that he didn't deserve me and i should have left his him along time ago.

August 29, 2004

O yeah your advise is great. Just knowing someone else knows exactly how i feel makes me feel so much better. I just read your story and you sound just like me. I think my ex is enjoying the other girls attention as well. But look at it this way. He is tring to replace something that is not replaceable. You guys were together for 5 years and she can not take that away. So yeah shes new and exciting now, but if he can't stop talking to you then "how great could the girl be". She can't do things that you did. She cant look at him the way you did and he is comparing every aspect of her to you right now. When you look at it that way its like "Poor girl, she thinks he is totally into her and right now hes looking at her and seeing you". Weither or not he wants to admit it. I wouldn't wait around on him. If he thinks your going to wait around on him then why should he quit seeing this girl. He can have is cake and eat it too, and we sure and **** dont want that. Next time he's saying that he still likes this girl be like then what are you waiting for "Go get her", because im not putting up with this bull ****. Go out with your guy friends, dont tell your ex that they are just guy friends. "Men always want what they think they cant have, and unfortuantly so do we". Think to yourself, if he wasnt dating someone else would you truly want him back? Are is it just because some other woman is stepping in on your territory?. Thank about all the problems that were in your relationship and ask yourself if you really will be happy with him and if those problems are going to get better. Which im sure they would for a short time, but were talking about the long run here.

My advise to you is to go get the new averal lavein cd (i didnt spell that right) lession to #6 "so much for my happy ending". Get n your car drive around and scream the song. Then lession to the whole cd and after your done you will feel so much better. Every time i start to think of him i put that cd in and by the end of it i feel enpowered and like he is not worth my time. O yeah redo your bed "because im sure you have LOTs of memories of him in there". Make it all about you. Learn how to socialize again. Which is really really hard exspecially if you gave everything up like we did. And no matter if you were crying all day, if he calls you act like you are way to busy for him. Like you realize that he can do what ever he wants because you are fine, beautiful and can have whatever guy you want and you do not have time for his childish games. Be nice, but short. If you see him out or with his knew girl be really nice and act like it doesnt bother you at all. If you have to go to the bathroom and cry then make sure she isnt in there. Have some guy awnser your phone if he calls and then when he asks who that is say "o its just a freind", but im really busy right now can i call you back?. Then wait a few days and call him back or better yet dont call him at all.

If you truley want to get back with him than you might not go all the way with the stuff i just said, but make sure that you make him jealous and make him realize that he would be lucky to have you back. Also, This will make you feel more in control and that the ball is back in your court. It might seem like your playing games (Which you will be) but everyone plays games no matter what they say. Remember that you broke up with him for a reason!

August 30, 2004

Hey cassrat u're awesome, everything u've said in this thread and the other one helped me feel a lot better. We also broke up in end of May and he started seeing her 3-4weeks ago. In the beginning of our breakup we still acted like a couple then all of sudden he started acting distant and denied having another girl, and said "I just want to be single and I like it this way" just like your ex. Losers. I know we broke up for a reason but it's hard sometimes cuz I still think about the good parts of our relationship when he treated me well. It's not that he was out party with his friends all the time like urs did, he was more on less sticking to me most of the time but we just sit around and did nothing, which was also why I barely hung out with my friends.

Another big problem with him is he's not an honest person, a lot of his friends stopped hanging around him because he doesn't treat his friends well, I'm good friends with one of his friends now 'cuz he was so sick of my ex lying and talking crap, and he helps me realize I deserve better. When we compare our stories of what he said, it's funny how many times he lied. He just calls me to hang out when she's at work or on a trip but when she's around, he jumps right at her and disappears. Now basically he hangs out with her almost ALL the time, cuz he doesnt really have steady buddies he goes out with on a regular basis. I see it as a phase, what do you think?

So u're right, whoever he's dating right now may not see his true self, but it'll come out eventually, because I really doubt he's learned his lesson. And he did lead her on by not telling her about us, obviously there will be more lies. I don't want to be evil and wish that she go through what i go through, but looks like it'll probably be that way. I know I was a good g/f, and it'd be hard to replace what we had. But I shouldn't tell myself that because I need to replace him, eventually.

I should try writing journals too, because I have so many changing emotions everyday, from anger to sadness to missing him to confusion etc etc., it might be interesting to look back on this period.

Oh another thing, when did he call you and tell you he misses you, like has he already seen the girl for a while and all of sudden realize this...and does he still call you now or he gave up?

August 30, 2004

Thanks cassrat Post: 6 | Quote:

Hey cassrat u're awesome, everything u've said in this thread and the other one helped me feel a lot better. We also broke up in end of May and he started seeing her 3-4weeks ago. In the beginning of our breakup we still acted like a couple then all of sudden he started acting distant and denied having another girl, and said "I just want to be single and I like it this way" just like your ex. Losers. I know we broke up for a reason but it's hard sometimes cuz I still think about the good parts of our relationship when he treated me well. It's not that he was out party with his friends all the time like urs did, he was more on less sticking to me most of the time but we just sit around and did nothing, which was also why I barely hung out with my friends.

Another big problem with him is he's not an honest person, a lot of his friends stopped hanging around him because he doesn't treat his friends well, I'm good friends with one of his friends now 'cuz he was so sick of my ex lying and talking crap, and he helps me realize I deserve better. When we compare our stories of what he said, it's funny how many times he lied. He just calls me to hang out when she's at work or on a trip but when she's around, he jumps right at her and disappears. Now basically he hangs out with her almost ALL the time, cuz he doesnt really have steady buddies he goes out with on a regular basis. I see it as a phase, what do you think?

So u're right, whoever he's dating right now may not see his true self, but it'll come out eventually, because I really doubt he's learned his lesson. And he did lead her on by not telling her about us, obviously there will be more lies. I don't want to be evil and wish that she go through what i go through, but looks like it'll probably be that way. I know I was a good g/f, and it'd be hard to replace what we had. But I shouldn't tell myself that because I need to replace him, eventually.

I should try writing journals too, because I have so many changing emotions everyday, from anger to sadness to missing him to confusion etc etc., it might be interesting to look back on this period.

Oh another thing, when did he call you and tell you he misses you, like has he already seen the girl for a while and all of sudden realize this...and does he still call you now or he gave up?

Yes you should write in a journal. You would be suprised at how much your emotions change from day to day or from min to min. Also you will always be able to look back and remember exactly how he made you feel at that very moment. So if you decided that he his worth your time and you take him back. You better read that journal and make sure you or willing to go through that again. Which I dont think you should take his sorry ass back. O yeah you should read my journal. One day I cused at my ex for 3 pages. Every other word was **** you this and **** you that "It was really really funny". Then I would start out missing him on another page and saying stuff like "If i just worked harder and if i just tried to fix this". Then at the end of that page I was like what the hell am i talking about i didn't do anything wrong. That selfish bastard is now making me feel like i screwed up. And so on and so forth. I wish that you could read it you would bust up laughing .

You and I were both AWESOME GIRL FRIENDS!!! We will always be the girl that slipped away. I think that this new girl is a rebound. Someone to take his mind off of you. He is focusing his attention on someone else so that he doesn't have to deal with your all's situation. And im sure he is flattered that he is talking to two girls at the same time. PUT A STOP TO THAT ****!!!!!. She will get old and he probaly will realize what he lost, but it will not be until he knows that you can move on with out him. Guys always want what they cant have. So dont let him have it.

O yeah next time he calls be with his friend and have him anwser your phone and be like " Shes in the shower I had to get out to get the phone, can she call you back". That would be funny =)

August 30, 2004

What exactly are you two girls looking for? Reconciliation or revenge? You write like you miss your EXes (that you dumped), and in the next sentence you write about having another guy pick up the phone when he calls just to hurt him.

You go on to tell how great of a girlfriend you were to them and yet they must have been hurt such that they moved on and now don't want to go thru the pain and grief with you again.

Either tell them how you feel and let them decide if there should be a 2nd chance, or move on. Maybe you two are the ones that are playing the rebound game, you don't really want your EX back but you don't want them to move on until you're happy without them.

It's not fair to your EXes or any new guys that you meet and start a R/L with.

August 30, 2004

Doubledown, I DID tell my ex exactly how I felt, that I loved him and wanted to give us another chance, but he rejected, ignored me for a week, I thought ok it's over I'll let them be, if he comes back, good. Then a week later he called telling me he NEEDED me there as a friend. Then couple days later, he admitted that he still had feelings for me. Then ever since then (for another 2 weeks), he fluctuates between "he still loves me" to "he wants to be with her" about every other day or 2. While she was on a trip for a week, he spent almost everyday with ME and lied to me that she was away until I found out. What was I supposed to make out of it???? You said they must've been so hurt by us that they moved on. If he moved on, why playing with my mind/heart like this? Unless HE wants revenge. I'm not the one playing games, he's the one leading me on and leading her on by not telling her the truth about us.

Hey cassrat, any recent contact from your ex yet? My ex text messaged me last night. He never or rarely text messages me, but he simply put "what are you doing?" What does this supposed to mean? I'm thinking either he was thinking of me late at night and wondered what I was doing or he's moved on and wanted to know if I was doing ok. I didn't reply of course. He can have fun with his girl.

I wouldn't revenge like that and use his friend, =). No matter how much he's done me wrong, I still care about him as a person even if I have to act like i don't right now. I want him to be happy ultimately, but he's making it so hard for me, so i guess for now, part of me is so angry at him I just want him to realize what he's done.

August 30, 2004

Then cut all contact with him and make your life easier. If he wanted to be with you he would be with you. If you're getting mixed signals then it means he has mixed feelings. Do you really want to be in a relationship with someone who runs hot and cold so frequently?

Letting him know how much he hurt you is almost the same as letting him know how much you still like him. Apathy is the best way to show that you're over him.

I bet he can't stay single for more than a week or two, does that show you how much you mean to him? Meanwhile you're waiting around for him and possibly neglecting relationships with real potential.

Don't let him control you any longer, get out now and start healing.

Good luck.

August 30, 2004

Thanks for the fast response doubledown. I'm trying to do NC right now, and it's been 2 days since he last called. I know it's a bad idea to tell him how hurt I am, and sooo many times I get this sinking feeling in my heart I just want to tell him off. But I'll try to resort to journal writing...

But what if he starts calling a lot after, say, a week. Should i pick up the phone and see what he has to say (if i can control my emotions) or should I jus ignore him further till whenever i feel like talking?

And you're right, he can't stay single for more than a week or two, or else he wouldn't have clinged onto me after we broke up until he found another potential. I was dumb enough to have let him cling onto me and let myself be attached to him. That's why it seems like our relationship hasn't ended until only 3 weeks ago.

August 30, 2004

Wash your hands of the whole thing. Move on. Stop taking phone calls. There are better matches out there for you I'm sure.

August 30, 2004

I broke up with my ex because he was a compulsive liar. I suspected him of dating other women while we were supposed to be monogamous. I had proof that he'd lied about a lot of his female friends and the relationships were more than friendly. Like all of them were F**k buddys to him or something. ALL of my ex's friends were females, and none of them liked me. So I didn't meet any of them.

Anyway, I finally got tire of all the drama and broke up with him. Five days later, he started dating a girl who works with him. He never told me about the girl. But he kept contacting me every day for about a month after after I dumped him. He would send messages and things to say how much he missed me. He also sent me a sad email expressing his grief.

So I called him and confessed that I missed him too. I told him that I was willing to just be friends, and see where it goes from there. He was shocked !! And he rejected my offer to be friends by saying that he was hurting too much to still be friends with me. And he made it very clear that he didn't want to date me again. But he wouldn't tell me the truth why he couldn't be friends was that his new girlfriend wouldn't like it.

Clearly, I was so confused, and angry that he'd kept calling me, text messaging me,and emailing me. Only to reject me when I respond. So I changed my phone number. I didn't want to be bothered with him ever again. About three weeks after I changed the number, he sent me an email expressing how angry he was that I'd decided to "disappear" from his life. I just ignored him.

Lately, I've been sending emails to everone on my mailing list, including my ex, and expressing my happiness with my life. Like when little things happen, or I meet a cute guy and stuff like that, I send emails requesting their advice, and telling everyone to call me to get more details. Regardless of what happens, my phone is always ringing, so I don't get lonely. The only person who can't call is my ex.

Now my ex see's those emails and he's feeling sorry. And it makes him mad that I encourage everyone to call me, when he doesn't have the number. So he feels left out. I just treat him like a regular old "buddy." And I move on with my life. He asked me to call him, but I told him "no" because of the way he treated me the last time I called. That's game !!!

August 30, 2004

I broke up with my ex because he was a compulsive liar. I suspected him of dating other women while we were supposed to be monogamous. I had proof that he'd lied about a lot of his female friends and the relationships were more than friendly. Like all of them were F**k buddys to him or something. ALL of my ex's friends were females, and none of them liked me. So I didn't meet any of them.

Anyway, I finally got tired of all the drama and broke up with him. Five days later, he started dating a girl who works with him. He never told me about the girl. But he kept contacting me every day for about a month after after I dumped him. He would send messages and things to say how much he missed me. He also sent me a sad email expressing his grief.

So I called him and confessed that I missed him too. I told him that I was willing to just be friends, and see where it goes from there. He was shocked !! And he rejected my offer to be friends by saying that he was hurting too much to still be friends with me. And he made it very clear that he didn't want to date me again. But he wouldn't tell me the truth why he couldn't be friends was that his new girlfriend wouldn't like it.

Clearly, I was so confused, and angry that he'd kept calling me, text messaging me,and emailing me. Only to reject me when I respond. So I changed my phone number. I didn't want to be bothered with him ever again. About three weeks after I changed the number, he sent me an email expressing how angry he was that I'd decided to "disappear" from his life. I just ignored him.

Lately, I've been sending emails to everone on my mailing list, including my ex, and expressing my happiness with my life. Like when little things happen, or I meet a cute guy and stuff like that, I send emails requesting their advice, and telling everyone to call me to get more details. Regardless of what happens, my phone is always ringing, so I don't get lonely. The only person who can't call is my ex.

Now my ex see's those emails and he's feeling sorry. And it makes him mad that I encourage everyone to call me, when he doesn't have the number. So he feels left out. I just treat him like a regular old "buddy." And I move on with my life. He asked me to call him, but I told him "no" because of the way he treated me the last time I called. That's game !!!

August 31, 2004

Love2share, it's comforting to know someone else is going through this, thanks for sharing your story. You seem to handle it pretty well so far, showing him that you've moved on. My ex was a compulsive liar, actually is, not about other women but a lot of other things. Hard to change that huh?

At least your ex is trying to be honest to his new gf and not see you behind her back. My ex tries to have both and keeps it on the d/l from her. Maybe now since he's not calling me, he's happy with her exclusively. But who knows, it's only been 2 days, he already text me last night, who knows how long he can hold on not contacting me. Maybe he text instead of calling because he expected that i would have called him up many times by now acting hurt and sad, but I didn't. And I'm proud, =) And yea, I shouldn't even be wondering about this stuff, I need to move on and these things shouldn't matter anymore...

August 31, 2004

uvhurtconfusion-

I think that you should still talk to him when he calls if you still love him, but don't let him have control over you. You deserve so much better. I think that you should try to move on and if it works out than it works out, but if it doesn't at least you will have your life back. Don't let him play with your heart by going back and forth betten you and this other girl. You gave him 5 years of your life and you deserve a straight forward awnser.

My girlfriends are the ones who gave me advice to help me get over my ex. And it worked every time. The same advice I gave you and it worked like a charm. I still miss my ex, but I know that he would have to do allot of work to get me back. I still think about all the good times we shared and i still think of all the **** he put me through. When he thinks that you have moved on and that you are OK without him his tune will probably change. Because you will not need him anymore. My ex and I will always be friends and we are on really good terms. We were weird because we never fought, we were always affectionate towards each other and we were always there no matter what, but the spark in our relationship went out. It became to comfortable if you know what I mean.

And to the person who said that we hurt our guys so bad that they had to move on. Thats not true. IBM not saying I never hurt my ex, but I always told him the truth about anything and I was always willing to work things out. I was the one giving everything while he gave nothing back. I was a good girlfriend, but there comes a point where you have had enough and just have to hang up the towel.

I don't want to talk to my ex all the time because then i will never fully get over him. When I think that we can truly be just friends without all that emotion than we will talk more often. All I want right now is to think about me and only me. Concentrate on school, my career, friends and family.

August 31, 2004

I think it would be nice if we all could be friends with our ex's. My ex came into my life with the idea of being "the only man in my life." When he first met me, he assumed that I already had a man in my life. (But I didn't) My ex made it very clear that he was there to replace all the other men I've ever known.

He confessed his love for me after a month of dating and seeing each other every day. I wasn't ready for all that. I insisted we remain friends. But he was very aggressive about his feelings. One day, I realized that I loved him too. There were so many problems over the course of our relationship. Several times, I suggested that he and I slow down our emotions, and just be friends because he was still dating other people and I didn't think he was ready for the commitment that he forced me to give to him. I really wanted to work on preserving our relationship. But he always rejected "just being friends." He assumed that it would give me the freedom to have sex with other men.

Fianally, I realized that nothing I did was enough. He still dated other women. And he lied to me about it because he didn't want me to date other men. It was so unfair. Yet, I gave him the opportunity to be friends after I broke up with him. And he treated me worse than before. It hurt more for me to know that he had a new girlfriend, and he was faithful to her, when he was never faithful to me. The only way to free myself from all the pain was to completely dismiss him from my life.

It sometimes is a good idea not to accept the calls. Don't call him. You really should get over him before you have any contact with him. Otherwise, it will be too easy to give into the emotional roller coaster that he is causing you to ride.

August 31, 2004

My ex called this morning, several times, but since I was in class or on the way to it, I didn't pick up. He text again and asked when I'll be done for the day. I'm not sure if I'll talk to him later, but I think I'm strong enough now to hear him without expressing any dramatic emotions. And I don't want to stoop to his level and ignore him on purpose so I think I'll pick up the phone next time if he calls again. The past 3 days of no contact made me realize I CAN live without him, and I CAN find someone better. I'll post here later about the conversation we have if we do have one. Thanks for the advices again.

August 31, 2004

Hey girls! I have to agree with Spock and double down. You are so focused on THEM that you are forgetting about YOU... hello... why do you have to depend on what seems like a couple of a**holes that you were right to dump in the first place! OF COURSE you are going to miss them... how could you NOT? You spent a lot of time together and now because you are thinking that "Missing" and "loving" are the same thing, you are letting these gusy do things to you that you would slap your girlfriend if she did anything that stupid AND YOU KNOW IT... I SAW ***BOTH*** of you say that you were acting stupid. Am I supposed to say, "no, you arent?" Focus on YOU right now! HAVE FUN!! Are you going to let SOME jerk STOP you??? I am sure that both of you WERE great girlfriends, but HELLOOOOO... you are not the girlfriend any more... you are BOTH acting like dishrags, which it doesn't sound like you USED to be.

Hey, I don't want to sound mean, but I was there too (and I will probably be there again) and I WISH instead of my girlfriends feeling sorry for me, they would have told me like it was.... now I am SO embarrassed to even think of some of the things I did and not one of those things were not only a desperate attempt at something I KNEW I didn't want/, but did for some unknown reason (I think it is called temporary insanity). If you knew me you would never even THINK I COULD cry, never mind do the witch's hair thing, the screaming, including spit flying and purple face, and the crying so hard I smeared snot all over my face all because I wanted something I KNEW I didn't want! (You all know what I am talking about, just dont tell the men in the white suits!) Now, just imagine that picture I just described as how someone remembers you! I REALLY did this and I am REALLY blushing right now to even admit it, which is why I am telling you NOT to do it! LEAVE THEM ALONE!!! DO IT WITH SOME DIGNITY! Its hard... I know. (Can't you tell, I DO know what I am talking about?) I guess if you have to do it, do it in front of a mirror.

The main thing is what I am still learning: Be true to your own self and dont let some jerk be the one to rule your lives right now.

August 31, 2004

Love2share- THATS AWESOME! A little game never hurts anyone or if it does in this case he deserves it. I really do what to be friends with my ex because him and his friends are really fun. Unfortunately, I don't think that we can truly be friends until there is no emotion left there or relationship baggage. One day I'm sure we will be able to hang out just as friends.

Changing your # was a brilliant move. I started cracking up laughing when you said that you email everyone and tell them to call you when he doesn't have your number =). I think being lonely is the main reason why everyone misses their ex's so much. Once you keep your self busy and do things that you want to do, you don't think about them as much. That was one of my problems even though i was never really alone. I hung out with my girls everyday and I have dated about 5 people since we broke up. The only time I really missed him was late at night when I went home by myself. Now im over that and I enjoy having that time to myself. Actually I wasn't really sad at all until I found out he was dating someone else even though I was too, but i got over that in about a week. O-yeah speaking of hot guys. I met a really hot awesome guy last weekend and we went on a bike ride last night around the lake. It was so much fun! It's awesome being able to flirt again and met new people. I don't want my ex back. I think we would be better of as friends and I accept that we were not right for each other. I have had a blast being single and doing things that I want to do. Which don't include watching every football game that comes on T.V.

September 1, 2004

I'm so proud of myself, . I didn't yell at him or sounded like I was sad/hurt/angry, 'cuz truth is, I'm not anymore. He said to give him a week and he'll reach final decision, whether to get back with me or not, and I told him straight out, I don't want to anymore. He said he told the girl that he still thinks of me and he told her how much I've impacted his life and changed his outlook on life, etc etc. That must've hit her, well not my fault. He asks me to at least consider it if he does want to get back with me, which sounds like he's leaning toward that direction right now, but who knows what Mr. hot and cold can pull tomorrow. I've never been more sure that I don't want this relationship anymore. I told him no matter what he says, he's going to get a NO, so I told him to just think about what he wants with the other girl because it's not right to lead her on.

I'll be his friend because I'd like to end it with good terms. And I realize I DO want to be his friend, maybe even good friend sometime down the road, because we had fun together and there are good qualities to him. But like cassrat, I've come to accept that we're not right for each other, only the fact that he's my first love makes it harder for me to let go, but I know I can do it now.

September 2, 2004

Lovehurtconfusion-

I am so PROUD of you!!!!! That totally rocks. I bet he is kicking himself in the a** right about now. Speaking of, I ran into my ex today at school. I was walking to the coffee shop in the library and he was too. I pretended like I didn't see him of course, but he yelled at me when i was walking through the door. We talked briefly and walked together. The conversation was kinda like we were old friends it only lasted for about 10 min. Then I had to leave to go to work. He asked me right before I left if i would want to go to lunch with him sometime because we are both out of class from 12 to 1. I told him sure, but now i don't know if thats a good idea. He is a really awesome guy and I want us to be in each others lives. I think he and I are on the same page. I do I know if he is tiring to get back with me or if he just wants to hang out? He doesn't call me all the time and we really haven't talked about the break up at all or getting back together.

I feel like I have just got my life back on track and that I am finally me again. Which is a feeling that I have not felt for along time. Does that mean I'm ready to just be friends?

September 3, 2004

Hey cassrat, i think i know how you feel, and I think if u believe u're ready to be there just as a friend, then you should. I'm going toward that direction too. Maybe ur ex just wants to hang out and catch up on each other's life, because he knows how important you still are to him. Let me know how lunch goes.

My ex actually already told me he wants to get back with me but I was so firm in my decision that he just doesn't mention it anymore. Besides he probably knows that the more he begs, the less likely the chance anyway. We're on good terms now, I think... we don't talk often, but we're not bitter when we see each other. He still hangs out with the other girl a lot, which I'm fine with now, and I think I've almost come to the point where even if they do become gf bf, I'd be ok with it. I think he's a good person to be friends with if I can be totally over him, but I just don't think he has the qualities I look for in a long-term bf. My friends are quite surprised that I'm recovering this quickly, I'm not restless and depressed anymore, . I'm going on a trip this long weekend with my friends. I think my life is going back on track too. We don't need to have a man to be happy, right?

September 7, 2004

Lovehurtconfusion-

Hey I have been thinking about the whole being friends with my ex thing all weekend. I dont know if its a good idea because Im afraid that hanging out with him will make me what us to get back together or something like that. What if I decide that I want us to be back together and he doesn't. Then I would end up right back in square one and I sure as hell dont want that. I was also thinking that after all the **** he put me through does he really deserve my friendship. Can you really be just friends with someone you were with that long? Exspecially this soon.

I still have alot of his stuff and I want him to come get it so that if I decide that I dont want to have any contact w/him, I wont have to worry about him poping in and out of my life whenever he decides he wants to pick it up. Plus I want to get rid of anything that reminds me of him. Right after we broke up, I went and brought him alot of his things and got mine, but I still have alot that I have found over the weeks. He asked me if i would hold them until he had time to pick them up. Well its been 2 months and Im ready to get rid of all his stuff. I have been nice and kept it long enough. I text messaged him last night to tell him that he needed to come and pick it all up or I was going to though it away. I dont want to sound like a bitch or anything, but say one of the guys Im seeing comes over and my room is full of his stuff. That will not make them very happy. If he does not come and get it in the next week than Im going to burn it or throw it away. I gave him a long time to come and get it. Do you think that Im being a b**** because I want his things out of my house.

As for the friends thing, should I go to lunch and see if we can really just be friends? or should I stick to my gut erase him from my life completely until Im sure that I can not be hurt my him again? Please give me some ideas and tell me what you would do in my situation.

September 8, 2004

Hi cassrat, it sounds like you're not as ready as you think you are to be friends with your ex, since you're still doubting if you can do it. I think if I were you, I'd go to lunch with him and test the waters, see if there's any leftover feelings when you're with him. If while you're with him, you feel like your decision begins to sway again, then maybe you need more no contact time.

And no I don't think it's wrong to want his things out of your house. Out of sight out of mind right? I didn't want to look at our pix when I was heartbroken and not over him. It used to hurt me to even see the car he drives on the road 'cuz so many old memories of us riding in it flushed back. Maybe you should just keep his stuff in a place you can't see, store it in a box or something, and give it back to him later on.

Yeah it's hard to be just friends with someone you were in love with for a long time, I'm still working on that too, but I'm really convinced that he's not the right person for me, no matter how much emotional value the relationship carried over with me, I don't want to waste time and settle for the wrong person anymore. Hope you can realize it soon too. Good luck, =).

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Ex wants to keep the other girl around while still thinks about getting back with me?

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