Hopeful79 Posted February 9, 2013 Posted February 9, 2013 I unfollowed my ex today on FB...I know, I know, defriending is better. At least this way I am not seeing his updates. This is a big step for me. I already have ignored any phone calls, texts or emails. I do love him and miss him and all that. I still have this nagging at my heart I want to be with him. Bottom line - he didn't make me happy #1 and #2 I am really looking back at a lot of things that went on in our 2 1/2 yrs. together and realizing how much better I am without him, b/c he is an unempathetic A-hole. There, I said it! The pain continues but has lessened. It continues b/c I know I miss the idea of a life with him, the idea of it all. Being wealthy, the lifestyle, being taken care of, the physical connection - but emotionally he was so not there for me and was driving me crazy with his narcissistic manipulation. I can't wait until I simply don't give a flying rats A** about him! OK, just wanted to update, proud of myself for this little step I took today! 1
Sari Posted February 9, 2013 Posted February 9, 2013 I unfollowed my ex today on FB...I know, I know, defriending is better. At least this way I am not seeing his updates. This is a big step for me. I already have ignored any phone calls, texts or emails. I do love him and miss him and all that. I still have this nagging at my heart I want to be with him. Bottom line - he didn't make me happy #1 and #2 I am really looking back at a lot of things that went on in our 2 1/2 yrs. together and realizing how much better I am without him, b/c he is an unempathetic A-hole. There, I said it! The pain continues but has lessened. It continues b/c I know I miss the idea of a life with him, the idea of it all. Being wealthy, the lifestyle, being taken care of, the physical connection - but emotionally he was so not there for me and was driving me crazy with his narcissistic manipulation. I can't wait until I simply don't give a flying rats A** about him! OK, just wanted to update, proud of myself for this little step I took today! Well done sweetie I know it's very difficult to move on, and take steps like that. I'm getting all kinds of terrible urges to peek on FB but I'm staying strong, god it's hard 1
Author Hopeful79 Posted February 9, 2013 Author Posted February 9, 2013 Well done sweetie I know it's very difficult to move on, and take steps like that. I'm getting all kinds of terrible urges to peek on FB but I'm staying strong, god it's hard Thanks :-) yeah, it's definitely tough - but every time he posted anything I realized it would make my heart flip and I would start thinking about him - the good things. So I think this will help- I know I will be tempted to peak - but will try to stay strong. He still wants to be friends- so I know me ignoring him is difficult for him- but I have to remember- I don't want him as just a friend, so it's better this way and need to take care of me. Thank you Sari, stay strong :-)
GMG90 Posted February 9, 2013 Posted February 9, 2013 Good to hear I know exactly how you feel having those updates coming through you feed... And I think you handled it well. Unfollowing or blocking an ex kinda comes off as nasty, but for some it may the only way to ease the pain. 1
Own Worst Enemy Posted February 9, 2013 Posted February 9, 2013 If you feel like peeking, go watch "lord of the rings". Much hotter hobbits and goblins in there....!!! 1
SendHope Posted February 9, 2013 Posted February 9, 2013 Nicely done. I've just deleted my Facebook as I don't want to hear or see anything about her. Maybe one day I would be able to get her off my fb without being torn up about it.
AKisBaked Posted February 9, 2013 Posted February 9, 2013 Thats great to hear! Better that your realizing things now than later! Your way better off with out him, life's not bad with not being with someone =)
Sari Posted February 10, 2013 Posted February 10, 2013 If you feel like peeking, go watch "lord of the rings". Much hotter hobbits and goblins in there....!!! Haha!! I'm too busy designing my new tattoo... It's of my own name, naturally Xx 1
Own Worst Enemy Posted February 10, 2013 Posted February 10, 2013 just as I was starting to slip and feel a little low, that made me laugh out loud. brilliant. thank you!!! xxx 1
Author Hopeful79 Posted February 10, 2013 Author Posted February 10, 2013 Thank you all for your words, it is hard. I want to check his Facebook, call him, text, etc. but I am not. I don't want to be his friend so what's the point?
cavalier99 Posted February 10, 2013 Posted February 10, 2013 Good job! Since your on a roll why don't you just BLOCK him and get it over with. FB and phone!! Rock On! Cav 1
Sari Posted February 10, 2013 Posted February 10, 2013 Good job! Since your on a roll why don't you just BLOCK him and get it over with. FB and phone!! Rock On! Cav I don't mean to be creepy Cav, but your posts always cheer me up. You are so unfailingly enthusiastic and funny, and I think it's really sweet how you always try to motivate other FMs, especially as I know how hard it is to get over a really long relationship, which is what you are going through yourself. You rock on too! Ok, love-in over 1
destroyed4sho Posted February 10, 2013 Posted February 10, 2013 I unfollowed my ex today on FB...I know, I know, defriending is better. At least this way I am not seeing his updates. This is a big step for me. I already have ignored any phone calls, texts or emails. I do love him and miss him and all that. I still have this nagging at my heart I want to be with him. Bottom line - he didn't make me happy #1 and #2 I am really looking back at a lot of things that went on in our 2 1/2 yrs. together and realizing how much better I am without him, b/c he is an unempathetic A-hole. There, I said it! The pain continues but has lessened. It continues b/c I know I miss the idea of a life with him, the idea of it all. Being wealthy, the lifestyle, being taken care of, the physical connection - but emotionally he was so not there for me and was driving me crazy with his narcissistic manipulation. I can't wait until I simply don't give a flying rats A** about him! OK, just wanted to update, proud of myself for this little step I took today! My story and feelings VERBATIM!! Wow, did we date the same jerk?????
Sari Posted February 10, 2013 Posted February 10, 2013 just as I was starting to slip and feel a little low, that made me laugh out loud. brilliant. thank you!!! xxx You're welcome love. I've gone right downhill these past few days (been travelling a lot for work, anonymous hotels and long drives listening to Tragic FM do not make for a happy and optimistic Sari). Thanks for also continually cheering me up. xxx
Sari Posted February 10, 2013 Posted February 10, 2013 Thank you all for your words, it is hard. I want to check his Facebook, call him, text, etc. but I am not. I don't want to be his friend so what's the point? Absolutely man. Don't even think of it as 'what's the point', think of it as exerting some control over the situation. Take the power back, why should he get to hear from you? He doesn't deserve to. Give him the gift of goodbye, and make sure it's the last gift you ever give him. Big hugs, you're doing really well! xx 1
destroyed4sho Posted February 10, 2013 Posted February 10, 2013 Hopeful79, so looking forward into dating, I was thinking of coming up with some "test" so see if the person lacks empathy. I want to do this so I can weed out the bad apples. I am thinking, maybe watching TV with them and seeing if they have a reaction to one of those st.jude children commercials (which make me cry) or like sponsor a child for a dollar a day...or having them take a DSM personality test. Any other ideas? I mean you can't take them to a therapist so early on!! Ive already had 2 partner in my life with lots of issues, I am NOT going through this again.
Sari Posted February 10, 2013 Posted February 10, 2013 Hopeful79, so looking forward into dating, I was thinking of coming up with some "test" so see if the person lacks empathy. I want to do this so I can weed out the bad apples. I am thinking, maybe watching TV with them and seeing if they have a reaction to one of those st.jude children commercials (which make me cry) or like sponsor a child for a dollar a day...or having them take a DSM personality test. Any other ideas? I mean you can't take them to a therapist so early on!! Ive already had 2 partner in my life with lots of issues, I am NOT going through this again. Ooh I like it! I too have been out with two guys to whom empathy is a foreign concept. Also they were both terrible commitmentphobes. To get around the commitmentphobe thing, one red flag I won't be ignoring again is an inability to sit in a theatre or cinema. I know that sounds weird but my most recent ex couldn't bear going to either as he said it made him feel really trapped and like he couldn't get away. We actually had to leave a play half way through, that was the only time I tried. Coupled with him actually telling me he was a terrible commitmentphobe (possibly another red flag ), anyone with that level of claustrophobia is probably a flight risk eh. Equally someone who does not honour commitments with friends and family, and does things like cancel at the last minute or miss birthday parties for no reason, as per both my exes. I think that denotes a certain lack of care for other people, and therefore possibly a lack of empathy. If nothing else, they're probably a bit of a selfish dick, and who wants a relationship with a selfish dick?!
Own Worst Enemy Posted February 10, 2013 Posted February 10, 2013 You're welcome love. I've gone right downhill these past few days (been travelling a lot for work, anonymous hotels and long drives listening to Tragic FM do not make for a happy and optimistic Sari). Thanks for also continually cheering me up. xxx i think it's perhaps that we are both getting to that stage where it has been long enough that we know they ain't going to call and beg us to come back. and that means a slow nagging heartache, rather than the shattering pain of the first few days. but it still grinds you right down. just think, next time you tune to "sad FM, easy listening for the over 30's", nearly all of those songs were written by people who got dumped too. i recommend "take the long road and walk it" by the music. best. angry dumped song. ever. hotel rooms should be a Good Thing. anonymous bed = no memories of him and a nice blank canvas for the next lucky dude. when my brain tortures me with images of him with someone else, which it likes to do several times a day, i try to do one of two things to take the sting away: 1 - replace it with the image of me kissing someone else; and/or 2 - ask myself if the new girl is going to be all that thrilled when he unveils his 4 inch attempt at a schlong (really it's more like a thumb than a peen) i think both of us are clinging onto a few good times rather than a good guy, and we both know it too. unfortunately that knowledge only helps sometimes. luckily we can always come on here and remind each other that narcissistic goblin-gobbling freakshows really ain't all that! xxx 1
Own Worst Enemy Posted February 10, 2013 Posted February 10, 2013 one red flag I won't be ignoring again is an inability to sit in a theatre or cinema. ..... add "without a teddy bear on his knee" and i'm there too!
Sari Posted February 10, 2013 Posted February 10, 2013 ..... add "without a teddy bear on his knee" and i'm there too! I think that, along with Hopeful79's naked pooper, is one of my favourite stories about our pathetic exes. Maybe they can all have a party together, teddies, goblins, and nudists oh my! Yeah you're right, I think it's because hope is finally fading. To this day I can't believe he's just gonna let me go, and I'm not going to hear from him. It is genuinely a shock every day. But really what are we hoping for? I feel ridiculous to think that I ever thought this selfish little man-child would be able to marry me, commit to me forever and help me raise a family, and yours sounds as bad (and in teddy hindsight, possibly worse). It takes a real, grown-up man to do that, not an 8 year old with an adult's face. 2
Own Worst Enemy Posted February 10, 2013 Posted February 10, 2013 and the leg humping. rank. haha and the second verse: narcissism, issues and therapy, oh no! that is EXACTLY it. partly it's pride and smashed ego - how can they not miss us - and partly it's missing them. but really, what did they do for us, compared to what we did for them? i practically wiped my ex's depressed little arse, and all i ever got from him were things that i needed to fix about myself. we just need normal guys. no issues. there must be some out there, surely?? 2
Sari Posted February 10, 2013 Posted February 10, 2013 and the leg humping. rank. haha and the second verse: narcissism, issues and therapy, oh no! that is EXACTLY it. partly it's pride and smashed ego - how can they not miss us - and partly it's missing them. but really, what did they do for us, compared to what we did for them? i practically wiped my ex's depressed little arse, and all i ever got from him were things that i needed to fix about myself. we just need normal guys. no issues. there must be some out there, surely?? Hmm, I'm not holding my breath. Although I do have a lunch thing with a nice guy tomorrow who really makes me laugh. We are going to a £5 all-you-can eat chinese buffet - the romance! Just have to hope I don't burst in to tears over the 'chicken' chow mein... Night night, hope you have a good day tomorrow. Remember man it's all about the self love. Head held high. xxx
Author Hopeful79 Posted February 10, 2013 Author Posted February 10, 2013 and the leg humping. rank. haha and the second verse: narcissism, issues and therapy, oh no! that is EXACTLY it. partly it's pride and smashed ego - how can they not miss us - and partly it's missing them. but really, what did they do for us, compared to what we did for them? i practically wiped my ex's depressed little arse, and all i ever got from him were things that i needed to fix about myself. we just need normal guys. no issues. there must be some out there, surely?? My ex also always told me I had issues, needed therapy, etc. he has been in therapy for years (I do have a therapist now I adore so not saying therapy is bad ). I think my ex is just very critical of others. He throws his opinions around as if they are facts. Not a good guy at all.
Author Hopeful79 Posted February 10, 2013 Author Posted February 10, 2013 Hmm, I'm not holding my breath. Although I do have a lunch thing with a nice guy tomorrow who really makes me laugh. We are going to a £5 all-you-can eat chinese buffet - the romance! Just have to hope I don't burst in to tears over the 'chicken' chow mein... Night night, hope you have a good day tomorrow. Remember man it's all about the self love. Head held high. xxx I hope you have a nice time out with your friend tomorrow. :-)
Sari Posted February 10, 2013 Posted February 10, 2013 I hope you have a nice time out with your friend tomorrow. :-) Thanks sweetie, hope you have a good day tomorrow. Every step away from these losers is a step towards happiness eh. xxx
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