stuckinplace Posted February 9, 2013 Posted February 9, 2013 Me 26/m got dumped in September by 25/f. We were together for 5 years. Totally blindsided me, very painful break up. I suspected early on that she had left me for another man (the identity I did not know) but she denied it. I asked her to be honest, she said no one. I snooped a bit, found some very strange things happening and just wrote it off as erratic behavior because she was dumping me. Weeks go by, we share a soccer team together with a bunch of mutual friends. She starts showing up with this other guy, the ex boyfriend of her best friend. I knew that was what was going on, again confronted her and she said nothing was happening. Friends said 'no way' they would be so blatant so quickly after the break up. So, I believed her. Season ends, both of them defriend everyone on facebook (I had already defriended her, but I got to hear about it) and drop off the radar almost completely. She offers to talk to me, then drops it shortly thereafter when we can't arrange for a time and she's unwilling to plan for it. I've been over 2 months no contact and just this week, she reaches out to one of our very, very few mutual friends. This is the first anyone has heard from her in almost a month and a half. She talks to this friend, tells her she's with this dude, has been living with him for the last 3 months. She got an apartment and signed a year long lease (800 a month) and still pays for it and doesn't even live there. Friend says that my ex has no friends, the guy she's with has no friends (also, he recently got out of jail) and she's so far up his ass she can't even recognize her anymore. This friend of hers almost cried when getting home because of how different my ex became. She was spiteful and angry about things, and she was completely irrational about anything that this friend would say about 'why did you abandon all those friendships'. I can't believe she not only lied to me, but she left behind all of her friends, forms a secretive relationship with this guy then moves right in with him and now they have plans apparently to move to a totally different city and state when he graduates. I'm just shocked. She's so different that my friend almost cried when she got done with dinner. I am just so hurt that she lied, and she lied to get with someone who is a sleezy dude, both of them have no friends, and they just sit in that apartment together doing nothing. I cannot believe that I let myself be played like that. It just seems like the most unhealthy relationship she's formed. This guy she's with is just ...exhibiting abusive behaviors, he seems like he's rebounding with her, and I can't believe she would leave me, a financially secure person with friends and family who loved and supported her, to be with a guy with nothing going for him. I just can't believe that's what happened. Sorry for the rant...I just...I can't believe I was with a woman for 5 years that turned into THIS kind of person.
Inviv_girl Posted February 9, 2013 Posted February 9, 2013 Dude I'm sorry. She's a b*tch!!! Stop wondering why! just stop it! right now!! get out, do something to make you happy! you will find someone else who deserve your love and worth your time.
Author stuckinplace Posted February 9, 2013 Author Posted February 9, 2013 Oh, I know. I wasn't worried about it until I got this news and now I'm just like holy ****. It just hurts a lot, you know? I know I'm doing better, I have new friends, new hobbies, all sorts of great stuff. I've taken a couple vacations, but wow it still hurts. What an amazingly terrible person to do this to me. And the guy too...what a coward. What kind of relationship is it when they have to hide it from everyone that cares about them and run away....just...what a horrible pain it is to feel.
Inviv_girl Posted February 9, 2013 Posted February 9, 2013 I know how you feel. And I know it hurts!! alot!!! she's a crazy b*tch and he is a coward so let'em be! they are perfect match! Life for them must be miserable! you deserve to be with someone better. let'em be..
A n t h o n y Posted February 9, 2013 Posted February 9, 2013 Here i'll make you fell better by showing you how much worse I got it. So I was in the hospital with Colon Cancer very sick had to have multiple surgery's and literally was stuck in that "hell" for months. I finally get out of there after recovering and what not and find out later on down the road the GF of 3 years was cheating on me in my car I left her while I was in the hospital. Oh did I mention she was cheating on me with my best-friend? so every-time they came to the hospital and visited and blah blah blah I was literally just being used like a fool. I think what makes it worse I didn't find out about any of this until months and months later and now they are engaged and getting married.
Author stuckinplace Posted February 9, 2013 Author Posted February 9, 2013 Wow, that's a terrible story. I feel like I was used for so much too. I brought my ex down to live with me after college, supported her financially. My parents took care of her when she was sick, got her flights to go back and forth between her family and mine. She broke up with me one month after getting a new job, and a month after signing a brand new lease with me for a year. It's like there's no decency in people. No loyalty. All I want is for them to fall flat on their faces. I just don't want to believe that a relationship born out of such...incredibly hurtful circumstances can work. I know that's not a healthy thought, but I just can't shake the feeling that I want this to be the biggest mistake she's ever made in her life. Everyone else can see it but her. It's just unbelievable.
A n t h o n y Posted February 10, 2013 Posted February 10, 2013 Karma always bites people in the ass. After she left me she lost her job, car, house, and had to live with her grandma with her new "fiance." She came begging for me back about 3 weeks later after she learned I had "moved on" ( Yeahhhh that's a joke )
Decisive Posted February 10, 2013 Posted February 10, 2013 Listen to me man. You want to see that puzzled "what did I do!?!" Look on her face? Do you? Then make sure the next time she sees you your life is in order. Demonstrate positive change in your life - it will be apparent to everyone around you - including, eventually, her. The woman I was hopelessly committed to left me after 3 years to go back to her controlling-ass of an ex husband - AFTER they were divorced. My response? A single attempt to show her how I felt and perhaps change her mind (this was done more for the purposes of ensuring my lack of regret - than to change what she was doing). After this attempt I decided to let her go to own her own decisions. You need to do the same thing. And why? Because: 1 - by not living well and demonstrating to her that you'll do anyhing to get her back, you only validate that she was right. 2 - by turning her loose to do what she's going to do - you make the (honest) statement that you mean more to you than she does. 3 - by moving on and not waiting for her to "come home" you decide to invest in your own health and well being while SHE decides to hold up in some dank place until it all falls apart - which, trust me, it will. She was drawn to you for a reason, and stayed there for 5 years! Once the honeymoon with this guy is over she will wake up one day and say "OMG - WHERE AM I??!!" It is at this time when your phone will ring. I wish you the best my friend. Invest in yourself. Spend time with good friends, get in the gym, buy some new clothes, read some good books, spend some time alone, learn the power of faith - and find your way with whatever higher power you believe in (myself, I pray daily), learn to love yourself again - a you that does not live and die by the actions of someone so unworthy of your pain. Do these things and you will be ok. God Bless. d.
Author stuckinplace Posted February 10, 2013 Author Posted February 10, 2013 Thank you so much for the kind words and advice. I have been making so many positive changes in my life and I'm very happy for it. I'm still lonely, but I'm working through it day by day with the support of online communities like this as well as my very good and trusted friends. I have been very hurt by the realization that she left me for this other man. I haven't spoken to her in 2 months, which is good, and she still hasn't come forward to speak to me at all about the whole situation. I'm moving on as best as I can, while trying to realize the person she is now is not the person she was when se was with me. I am hoping she can come out of her dark emotional space and become the person I was with for so long, but I'm not going to wait around. Speaking to your point, I've done almost every single one of the things you've mentioned. I'm actually getting my life in order in a big way, and that's made me a very healthy person. Really the only thing I'm remorseful about now is that I miss who I spent all my time with and it sucks that she decided to take a very unfortunate turn in her life while I took a turn for the better. I do hope that she comes out of this place in her life, for her own well being. If not to be with me, but to ensure that she lives a happy life instead of this life full of spiteful anger.
mike588 Posted February 10, 2013 Posted February 10, 2013 I know your pain..My now ex. dumped me for her ex. after dating for a year and was also blindsided and heartbroken. What hurt the most was shortly before the dumping she had some surgery done and I stayed with her for a week taking care of her..her house etc. 2 days later when she was able to go back to work and had gotten back on her feet she dumped me....Talk about feeling betrayed!!! Thru our relationship she told me many times that he wasn't right for her and that I was awesome and would never leave me. Well it's been over a year now and I'm sooooo over her and the hurt...I've met someone else and am happy now. Even though my story is alittle different than yours (I was a rebound) I still know your pain. Thing to do is to continue No Contact and try to move on the best you can. Quit trying to analyze what happened....what's done is done and nothing will change that....I know how tough it is but you WILL get past this...it just takes time and you will come out a stronger and better person.
Author stuckinplace Posted February 10, 2013 Author Posted February 10, 2013 See, that's the thing. She left me for what is almost the exact opposite of me. A reserved ******* who went to prison and has no friends. The fact that she moved in with him so quickly and insists to her our friend that she's happy, despite harboring tons of resentment towards people, makes me wonder when she's going to come out of this and just call me to either apologize or get back together. It's like she just replaced me instantaneously. Moved in right away despite really barely knowing eachother. I know it's not worth trying to explain and I'm trying really hard to let go of it, but sometimes I just have dreams about them being together and it makes me sick. She says all these terrible things about her time with me...which is like her just trying to deny what she's done and how she feels. Even though she's betrayed me so badly, I just want to believe the person I was with for 5 years wasn't just some disguise for this kind of a person. I just want an apology at the very least for what she's done, but I don't know if I'll ever get it because of what she says.
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