FluffyKitten Posted February 9, 2013 Posted February 9, 2013 Hey there So, the situation is like this... At the end of last year a friend introduced me to a friend of his (A), because he thought we might get along. I knew pretty soon that A was in a relationship - with another man. (Which isn't a problem for me, cause I have a lot of gay and bisexual friends, both male and female.) And we actually hit it off really well, I even met his boyfriend (B) and got along with him, too. After A's company's Christmas party I told him he could stay the night at my place (risky, I know), because I'm a firm believer that you shouldn't drink and drive, even if it's just the 10 miles to his place. We talked and he let slip a) that he had girlfriends before and B is actually his first boyfriend and b) that he is poly. And he also told me that he and B live in an open relationship. We met a few more times and I told him that I have a crush on him. A bit later he told me that he might feel more than friendship for me and that he could even imagine a relationship (type to be determined) with me. Now comes the tricky part (yes, that's possible): About two weeks ago, I spend the night with them and B, whom I had believed to be "100% gay", initiated a threesome. The next day B told me that he had had a girlfriend before. B and I started spending more time together, going out for dinner, talking on the phone, etc. He started telling me "I love you" - the kind of I love you you say to your best friend and yes, I can differentiate, because neither of us is an English native speaker and in my mother tongue there are different types of "I love you"s. I spent last night with B, cooking and watching a movie and yeah, there might have been a bit more. This morning he told me again that he loves me (and again that "best friend"-type). I'm not really sure what to make of this whole situation. I'm in love with A and really like B. And while I am not completely unhappy with the situation, I wonder if I should ask either or both of them what this is and, like, if this is something definite, or if I should stick with this affair kinda thing. Not completely unhappy meaning: It could be worse, but the "relationship-label" is nice to have, especially if you've been single for quite a while like I've been. (And congratulations to you if you read through it and made heads or tails out of this.)
Fallen Petals Posted February 9, 2013 Posted February 9, 2013 It will blow up if you have separate flings with these guys. It will be messy and painful. Best to get it out and done now...ask them what they want from you and clarify what type of relationship you have with each of them, then make sure everyone is on board. If you want to be in a love triangle where you see each of them openly and they see each other and sometimes you three get together, great - so long as everyone is on board. But one thing I will say is this - eventually two will grow closer and the third person will likely get hurt...not sure in this situation who would be the person getting hurt, but at least know it's one of the many possible outcomes.
veggirl Posted February 9, 2013 Posted February 9, 2013 So what do you want? To join their relationship? To steal A from B?
Radu Posted February 9, 2013 Posted February 9, 2013 If this is a real Poly situation, they are most likely trying to form a triangle with you. Which means that if this works you will be the girlfriend of both of them. Still, i would ask them to make it sure.
Author FluffyKitten Posted February 9, 2013 Author Posted February 9, 2013 Fallen Petals: I don't really want separate flings. For one thing, that wouldn't be fair and for another, A and B tell each other everything. So trying to keep it from either of them would be a total mess. veggirl: No. I definitely do not want to steal A from B. B was A's boyfriend before I came along and just because A has feelings for me doesn't mean he has only feelings for me. I think I would like a statement at least from A, because last time I asked him what the thing between us was, he told me that he doesn't like "conventions" and we should simply see where it leads us. Radu: I'm not even sure if B is poly. He never said he was, but he also never said he wasn't. (And, heck, can I even ask something like: "Hey, I wondered... are you poly?")
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