rach2354 Posted August 29, 2004 Posted August 29, 2004 I really need advice. I don't know what to do. My boyfriend and I have been dating for over a year and a half and I just think that he doesn't love me anymore. I love him, but the way he has been treating me has really been putting a strain on me. We've really been through a lot together; he used to have anxiety attacks and I was the one person who cared enough to help him, I was the person who helped him through it, who helped him talk to his parents about it, who's dealt with all of the verbal abuse that came along with that disorder. I've done so much for him and I really feel like he doesn't care. He spends time with his friends, disregarding my feelings completely. Last weekend he told me that he and a friend were going to come over to my apartment to hang out for a while I waited for eight hours. EIGHT! He called and said where they were, what they were doing and what they were planning to do...not once did he say, "I'm sorry, we won't be able to make it." We just moved to this new place where I've wanted to live for a while, he's living with his mom for the first time and I have no friends here, barely any from our home town. All my best friends are far away, only there for a phone call, which is great, but I want to go out and have fun like he's doing. Frankly, I want to hurt him the way he's hurting me. I know there is a great person inside of him somewhere, I just don't know where. I've waited a long time though, I've done so much for that boy. He's breaking my heart, but I don't want to break up with him! I love his family so much, they treat my like a daughter it is so nice, I just don't know what to do. He says that he invites me to go with him and his friends but all he does is, oh, well you can come with us, but this is all we're going to do OR he'll just go do stuff that I won't want to do. He hardly ever does what I want to do. We'll get into huge conversations over this whole dilema and he really acts like he's going to change it all and it never happens. What do I do?!?!?!?!
honey2005 Posted August 29, 2004 Posted August 29, 2004 I think you really need to talk to him about how he feels and what's going on. You have a right to know where you stand in his life.
Author rach2354 Posted August 29, 2004 Author Posted August 29, 2004 I do all the time, and I even ask him if he needs a break from me/the relationship. I'll do anything for him. He just really has problems opening up to me and it's hurtful because I'm so attentive to him and his feelings. I'm just putting way more into the relationship than he is...it's not fair.
Moondust Posted August 29, 2004 Posted August 29, 2004 I was living that with my girlfriend (me being more affectionate than she was) and she wanted to be alone (I don't know if it's over or if it's only a break). One thing I've learned is that when nothing changes... nothing will make it change. If you care enough about him to be willing to put that much effort in the relationship... that's a great thing to do. If he doesn't put anymore energy than before... the relationship is bound to fail. You wanted a guy's view on this, here's my view: Give him some time to think... no need to be on a break (even if it's an excellent mean to force him to) and once he comes up with his choice (either to invest himself or to let you find someone who'll answer your needs) just make sure he's gonna fulfill his end of the "bargain". One sided relationship are all I've lived so far... and I know how unpleasent they are.
Author rach2354 Posted August 29, 2004 Author Posted August 29, 2004 Thank you so much...I'm just really upset right now, I don't want it to be over, but it's not fair for me to have to do everything! Anyway, thank you, I'll try to back off some to let him do his thing. Good luck to you and your girlfriend!
Moondust Posted August 30, 2004 Posted August 30, 2004 I guess I'll need a lil more than luck... I still don't know if she wants to be alone as "a break" or alone as in "nobody in my life at all"...
RedSkiGirl9 Posted September 5, 2004 Posted September 5, 2004 Hi Rach, I can totally relate with where you are coming from. My boyfriend is the exact same way as yours and it's quite un-nerving. We have been dating for almost two years and I just seem to be more into the relationship that he is. The other night when I got mad at him for paying more attention to his band website than to me, he got mad at me for getting mad at him! Today, when we were sitting in church I started crying because I could relate with the speaker. When he asked me what was wrong, he immediately turned his head away and started to listen to the preacher again. That made me bad since I was in the middle of answering him and he couldn't even say anything except "Oh." We're planning on getting married next summer and he is acting so laissez-faire about the wedding. His stupid band always comes first and when he's on the computer, which is all the time, he doesn't even listen to what I have to say and then forgets when I tell him something! It's such a joke. Then, when I know he's not listening, I say it three times until he does hear me. It makes me really mad how inconsiderate he can be sometimes. But you know what, I think your boyfriend really does love you, he's just used to you. Try taking a step back (believe me it works!) and see what happens. Love, RED
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