thezappa Posted February 9, 2013 Share Posted February 9, 2013 Hi, Basically an acquaintance for the past 2 years asked me on a date which I said yes too. He is a lovely guy and I'm somewhat attracted to him but I'm just not excited about our date tonight. Anyone else ever feel like this? What should I do? Link to post Share on other sites
Mr_Flay Posted February 9, 2013 Share Posted February 9, 2013 Just don't be a flake. Go on the date. Who knows, it may turn out better than you expect. If not, at least you'll be entertained for the evening. If you don't want another date after today, be upfront with him, don't leave him wondering what went wrong. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
soccerrprp Posted February 9, 2013 Share Posted February 9, 2013 Were you more excited when he asked? Why aren't you more pumped about this? Yeah, don't ruin it for him by sending out "blah" vibes. If you think you can't be positive about this, get back to him and tell him you're not feeling it. It's only fair. I'd hate to go on a date with someone who is going to be moping, faking through it... I've been on a date like that and it was awkward at first, but the date got a lot better, but early on, I was ready to call it quits. Good luck. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Casablanca Posted February 9, 2013 Share Posted February 9, 2013 You at least have some attraction to him, just go and have fun and see how it goes...sometimes I am the same as you, but I think its more of a defense mechanism. Also I went on a date with a woman, I wasn't too sure about or excited, but we went on our first date, it went well, then had a second date, but was still not super excited just yet and it was amazing. We dated for a few months before she broke it off. Just go, have fun, give him a fair chance, you never know what you will feel after the date. If you don't think there is much after that, don't go out with him again. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
crude Posted February 9, 2013 Share Posted February 9, 2013 The problem with a "date" is that it's the gateway to exclusivity and marriage. Sounds like this is simply two acquaintances going out. The most honorable thing to have done is call it two pals going out, not a date, but then if he said ok, you'd have to pay your own way, which is like death to most women, who are cheap takers. Link to post Share on other sites
Author thezappa Posted February 9, 2013 Author Share Posted February 9, 2013 The problem with a "date" is that it's the gateway to exclusivity and marriage. Sounds like this is simply two acquaintances going out. The most honorable thing to have done is call it two pals going out, not a date, but then if he said ok, you'd have to pay your own way, which is like death to most women, who are cheap takers. Thanks for all the replies. I wasn't too excited about it when he asked but thought feck it ill see what happens. He just seems much more into it than me. I am kind of attracted to him but then again I'm not. He isn't my type at all in the looks department. Can attraction grow? Another thing putting me off is the fact that I know his ex through friends of mine. I don't know why it is. Ha I pay for my own dates anyway but yes a lot of women would. Link to post Share on other sites
Casablanca Posted February 9, 2013 Share Posted February 9, 2013 Thanks for all the replies. I wasn't too excited about it when he asked but thought feck it ill see what happens. He just seems much more into it than me. I am kind of attracted to him but then again I'm not. He isn't my type at all in the looks department. Can attraction grow? Describe why his looks are your type? It is hard for "attraction" to grow. There needs to be some, but somethings can be changed. If his grooming and dress style aren't what you're attracted to, that can change, same if someone is a little overweight (though you can't fairly expect them to just lose weight if you ask the to to help your attraction if that is how they were when you met them), BUT if it is just how he looks in the face, then there probably isn't much that will change that attraction and I'd move on Link to post Share on other sites
Juicy Fruit Posted February 9, 2013 Share Posted February 9, 2013 What should I do? Don't go, just tell him you aren't feeling the chemistry. No need to go on a date when you already know he's not the one. Link to post Share on other sites
Author thezappa Posted February 9, 2013 Author Share Posted February 9, 2013 Describe why his looks are your type? It is hard for "attraction" to grow. There needs to be some, but somethings can be changed. If his grooming and dress style aren't what you're attracted to, that can change, same if someone is a little overweight (though you can't fairly expect them to just lose weight if you ask the to to help your attraction if that is how they were when you met them), BUT if it is just how he looks in the face, then there probably isn't much that will change that attraction and I'd move on Well I'm attracted to tall and very skinny. He is short, say 5' 4 and kind of chubby. He used to be very overweight. I guess part of me just sees him as just a friend. I don't want to let him out and not even try to see of there is any chemistry Link to post Share on other sites
StanMusial Posted February 9, 2013 Share Posted February 9, 2013 Well I'm attracted to tall and very skinny. He is short, say 5' 4 and kind of chubby. He used to be very overweight. I guess part of me just sees him as just a friend. I don't want to let him out and not even try to see of there is any chemistry I feel more sorry for him than you. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Philosopher Posted February 9, 2013 Share Posted February 9, 2013 Go on the date, after all dates are all about getting to know someone and you never know what it could lead to. If at the end of it there is still no more attraction you could always just become friends. Just let him know how you feel afterwards. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
soccerrprp Posted February 9, 2013 Share Posted February 9, 2013 Well I'm attracted to tall and very skinny. He is short, say 5' 4 and kind of chubby. He used to be very overweight. I guess part of me just sees him as just a friend. I don't want to let him out and not even try to see of there is any chemistry I have to say that this again is an indicator that you are not into it. So unfair. It doesn't sound like this guy even has a chance. Are you going out because there's no one else? You just want some company, attention? Really.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author thezappa Posted February 9, 2013 Author Share Posted February 9, 2013 I have to say that this again is an indicator that you are not into it. So unfair. It doesn't sound like this guy even has a chance. Are you going out because there's no one else? You just want some company, attention? Really.... I'm not looking for anyone to feel sorry for me and no I am not looking for attention. He asked me out, out of blue and rather than just turn him away I said I would give it a shot and see. My logic was to see if my type is in fact wrong for me so shoot me for trying. I'm just not very excited about it. I want to go but ill be a bitch if I don't like him and if I don't go ill be a bitch for not even giving the guy a shot. As I said he is a lovely guy and I love his personality but I'm not physically attracted to him to an extent. Which is unfair on him but I cant help that. Damned if I do damned if I don't Link to post Share on other sites
JuneJulySeptember Posted February 9, 2013 Share Posted February 9, 2013 Cancel and cancel now and go find your 6 foot handsome stud. There is a woman out there who will appreciate this guy and it aint you. Cancel now unless you are a total ruthless, selfish person. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
JuneJulySeptember Posted February 9, 2013 Share Posted February 9, 2013 I'm not looking for anyone to feel sorry for me and no I am not looking for attention. He asked me out, out of blue and rather than just turn him away I said I would give it a shot and see. My logic was to see if my type is in fact wrong for me so shoot me for trying. I'm just not very excited about it. I want to go but ill be a bitch if I don't like him and if I don't go ill be a bitch for not even giving the guy a shot. As I said he is a lovely guy and I love his personality but I'm not physically attracted to him to an extent. Which is unfair on him but I cant help that. Damned if I do damned if I don't You're not damned if you don't. Telling him you have no romantic interest is the way to go. Out front and straight with it. Have some guts. Give me his # and I'll do it for you. But stringing him along and making it seem like you have interest because there is the slimmest glimmer on your end is extremely selfish. Leading a person on is always evil. Either go in with a neutral attitude or don't go at all. 95% of women here would also not date man without complete and burning physical attraction. Just cancel. Please. Link to post Share on other sites
Fondue Posted February 9, 2013 Share Posted February 9, 2013 If you have NO interest in him, then don't go. I would think that's just ****ty behavior if you do. With that said, if you have mild interest, then go on the date and ENJOY yourself. I go on dates with woman I am not fully interested in. You don't have to be fully invested to socialize, man. In fact, I typically have more fun with the girls I'm not gushing over, only because I can relax more, loosen up, and not worry about what "she's thinking of me." You just want to make sure that if you are indeed not interested in him and never will be, like this date settled that inner debate for you, then don't give him any signals that you might like him. End the date with a hand-shake. That's what I did the other night. I took a girl out to see if we click or had a spark, I didn't feel we did, so I gave her a handshake. She definitely knew there was nothing more after that. Link to post Share on other sites
JuneJulySeptember Posted February 9, 2013 Share Posted February 9, 2013 If you have NO interest in him, then don't go. I would think that's just ****ty behavior if you do. With that said, if you have mild interest, then go on the date and ENJOY yourself. I go on dates with woman I am not fully interested in. You don't have to be fully invested to socialize, man. In fact, I typically have more fun with the girls I'm not gushing over, only because I can relax more, loosen up, and not worry about what "she's thinking of me." You just want to make sure that if you are indeed not interested in him and never will be, like this date settled that inner debate for you, then don't give him any signals that you might like him. End the date with a hand-shake. That's what I did the other night. I took a girl out to see if we click or had a spark, I didn't feel we did, so I gave her a handshake. She definitely knew there was nothing more after that. On a 1st date/online date, you can flake/lead on/golddig as much as you want. The other person doesn't know you. If you've known a person for two years and they ask you out, it's safe to assume they have some feelings for you and are a little shy and passive for not asking you out earlier. It's not right to lead them on in that situation. Link to post Share on other sites
sabre80 Posted February 9, 2013 Share Posted February 9, 2013 I would go OP. I will however say that if you aren't feeling attraction insist on paying your half of the date. As a man I would have respect for you by being blunt by expressing your lack of feelings at the end of the date and covering half the tab. 2 people can enjoy each other company without the anticipation of a lifelong commitment. By paying your half you aren't using him. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ltjg45 Posted February 9, 2013 Share Posted February 9, 2013 Hi, Basically an acquaintance for the past 2 years asked me on a date which I said yes too. He is a lovely guy and I'm somewhat attracted to him but I'm just not excited about our date tonight. Anyone else ever feel like this? What should I do? You are contradicting yourself. If you like the guy, what possible reason would you have to not like a potential date with him? You really need to decide if you want to go or not. If you don't, just don't go. Don't waste your time because you are 50/50 and you ended up hating the date you initially agreed to. Please, stop trying to make this more complicated than you need it to be. Either you like the person and you want to date him......or you don't. There is no in-between. Link to post Share on other sites
somedude81 Posted February 9, 2013 Share Posted February 9, 2013 Go out on the date and try to avoid sabotaging it. Of course, don't have any expectations. Link to post Share on other sites
Cutiepie1976 Posted February 9, 2013 Share Posted February 9, 2013 If there is a flicker or an ember of interest, go. You may be shocked. I met a guy in a work setting who was short (5' 4") and, while drop-dead handsome and in great shape, was otherwise the absolute anti-thesis of what I then considered "my type." I'm 5' 9" and strongly prefer guys taller than I. I thought he was obnoxious, primarily because he was very overt about the fact that he liked me regardless of who was around or the social context. Anyway, he asked me out, and I said yes. He was very late to pick me up for the date!! What guy does that??? I almost said forget it when he finally showed up. Anyway, we had a fantastic first date--very sweet, nice, thoughtful, considerate, kind, funny, interesting guy. Not at all what I expected based on my initial impression when I met him at work. Over a few more dates of getting to know him, I became just as gaga for him as he was for me. It ended when I moved away. He and a few other guys helped me realize that I don't have "a type" and I shouldn't "next" someone too hastily based on a bad first impression. Many people don't have a type even when they believe they do. You just never know sometimes until you actually try. That's the whole point of dating, really. Exploring and meeting different types of guys to figure out who might be the best fit as a partner. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
PhillyDude Posted February 9, 2013 Share Posted February 9, 2013 It's always laughable when woman go around seeking "Mr. Perfect" and if she does find this tall handsome successful man, Just exactly how many woman do you think he is going to be aleady f*cking? I know, 23 LOL Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby Slippers Posted February 9, 2013 Share Posted February 9, 2013 I vote go. I wasn't excited about a first date last night, because it was the first one since I broke up with someone a little over a month ago. But I went and had a wonderful time. It totally shook me out of this lonely funk I've been in - and reminded me what it's like to spend an evening with a guy who really likes me and knows how to express it. Remember, on your death bed, you don't regret the things you did in life - you regret the things you DIDN'T do. Link to post Share on other sites
soccerrprp Posted February 9, 2013 Share Posted February 9, 2013 He and a few other guys helped me realize that I don't have "a type" and I shouldn't "next" someone too hastily based on a bad first impression. Many people don't have a type even when they believe they do. You just never know sometimes until you actually try. That's the whole point of dating, really. Exploring and meeting different types of guys to figure out who might be the best fit as a partner. Hey Cutie, Healthy look at dating, but most women that I know don't share this attitude. I don't know a woman that does not have prerequisites...even you dating the short guy required that he had to be pretty darn good looking. Anyway, refreshing to hear that there are some who are a little more open to possible love. Link to post Share on other sites
Cutiepie1976 Posted February 9, 2013 Share Posted February 9, 2013 It's always laughable when woman go around seeking "Mr. Perfect" and if she does find this tall handsome successful man, Just exactly how many woman do you think he is going to be aleady f*cking? I know, 23 LOL It's always interesting to catch glimpses of the wide range of beliefs about dating among singles on LS. Perhaps these views, that it's all about male height/looks and that dating is just about f*cking contribute to your experiences? Mine are radically different. I've dated and been in relationships with tall, good-looking, successful men from all walks of life, including since you raise the issue of swarms of women, professional athletes. If I wanted to limit myself to the 6'+ or 6' 4"+ crowd, I could still easily have a perpetual boyfriend if I so chose. I can more than hold my own relative to other women. I don't settle. I choose to date men of all heights and appearances because, like most women, I seek far more than just a tall Ken doll for my partner. Looks and height alone are insufficient, and beyond some baseline acceptability, largely irrelevant in making a decision. Character, values, intelligence, personality, etc. are just as critical in my book, and are typically the reason I lose interest in someone. These aren't immediately obvious traits. You have to date and get to know the person in order to figure these out. Hence the reason some of us suggest the OP go on the date if she could be attracted to him. It has nothing to do with settling and everything to do with not accidentally overlooking a great partner. Many men and women are single by choice. We at unwilling to settle for a bad partner, no matter how tall or Greek god good-looking he might be. Link to post Share on other sites
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