human303 Posted February 9, 2013 Posted February 9, 2013 [sIZE=3]I am 45 and my wife is 42, from India. We are married for the last 18 yrs. It as an arranged marriage. My wife (a housewife) loves and cares a lot and has stood strongly with me in difficult situations. She is beautiful and attractive. She takes good care of the children, me and home. I love her a lot and our sex life is still quite active and we enjoy sex a lot. I do not know how to handle one thing about my wife which she seems to be in a habit. After 2 yrs of our marriage she started having secrete sex with my best friend (That couple as quite friendly with us and we used to meet regularly)and no one could sense it. It continued for about 10 yrs untill his wife developed a doubt and shared with me. When asked, my friend admitted and finaly my wife also admitted and apologised. I broke my friendship. After that she was faithful and clean for about 2 yrs. One of her cousin sister shifted to our city some 5 yrs back. We helped them a lot to settle down. Since we are in the same age, we got friends and meet regularly at weekends. My wife goes to their place alone also. I have noticed that my wife definitely goes there in the evenings when her sister is not in town. I hinted this to my sis in law she just smiled and said your wife is a very caring sister and does all that I am supposed to, in my absence. She also said that she is ready to ogive same services to me in my wife's absence. My wife does not seem to have any emotional attachment for her secrete relations but have them as she gets a chance and that too with the one who is close to us. I strongly believe that this only restricted to mere physical relationship. Except for this problem, she has not given chance to complain against her. Why does my wife always (the first affair started just after 2 yrs of marriage, after having a child and the second going on no for about 5yrs) need a secrete sex partner for casual encounters? Is it a habit or she does it for adventure? Does she take a pride for her beauty by doing all this. What should I do?[/sIZE]
Bryanp Posted February 9, 2013 Posted February 9, 2013 How would your wife feel if you were doing to same thing to her? She is totally humiliating you as a man and a spouse. Are you going to wait until she gives you an STD's. She screws a friend of yours for 10 years behind your back and now apparently is doing it again. Apparently there were no consequences to her actions. Your wife does not respect you or your marriage. If you do not respect yourself then who will? I think you are absolutely out of your mind to put up with this. I feel very sorry for you that you are willing to accept such humiliating and disrespect from your spouse. She is playing you for an absolute fool.
ja123 Posted February 9, 2013 Posted February 9, 2013 I am very sorry to hear that your wife carries on with secret affairs. I don't know what her reasons are ... Could it be the fact that she doesn't have a career that makes her want extra excitement in her life? But then , career women (and men) have affairs, too. Only she could tell you the answer, if she even has enough self-awareness to know the answer herself! Have you tried talking to her about this? If it upsets you so, would you consider leaving her?
2sunny Posted February 9, 2013 Posted February 9, 2013 Dude, you're ALLOWING your wife to use and abuse you. She's made a mockery of your marriage! Why do you think that's ok? Have your kids tested for paternity - they may not be yours. 2
Author human303 Posted February 10, 2013 Author Posted February 10, 2013 Dude, you're ALLOWING your wife to use and abuse you. She's made a mockery of your marriage! Why do you think that's ok? Have your kids tested for paternity - they may not be yours. I feel this a totally non serious response response given without even a slightest thought given to the facts given. U say, "you're ALLOWING your wife to use and abuse you" , whereas I have already mentioned that she has stood strongly with me in real difficult times. Infact once she saved my life with her efforts sinle handed, hen I met with an accident. I have mentioned that all this stared after 2 yrs of our marriage and our only kid was born before that and anyone can tell that it's my kid just by looking at (its a carbon copy) A recent survey says that abt 20% indian indian women have more than one sex partners (see [COLOR=#009933]theindianwomen.blogspot.com/). [/COLOR]So atleast 20% marriages r mockery. My question is about the possible reasons for such behaviour so that it can be handled appropriately.......
aed Posted February 10, 2013 Posted February 10, 2013 I feel this a totally non serious response response given without even a slightest thought given to the facts given. U say, "you're ALLOWING your wife to use and abuse you" , whereas I have already mentioned that she has stood strongly with me in real difficult times. Infact once she saved my life with her efforts sinle handed, hen I met with an accident. I have mentioned that all this stared after 2 yrs of our marriage and our only kid was born before that and anyone can tell that it's my kid just by looking at (its a carbon copy) A recent survey says that abt 20% indian indian women have more than one sex partners (see [COLOR=#009933]theindianwomen.blogspot.com/). [/COLOR]So atleast 20% marriages r mockery. My question is about the possible reasons for such behaviour so that it can be handled appropriately....... What do you want to hear? You ask some quistions why your wife is doing the things she is doing, but what do you want? She sounds like a serial cheater and if you don't mind then that is fine. But your wife is the only one that can anwser your questions. Their isn't going to be a solution like: If I do this and this she will stop doing that. Also even bad people can do good things, the same as good peopel can do bad things. It is al about what kind of behaviour or 'bad' behaviour you accept from other people. edit: how is your sex life?
Guildford Posted February 10, 2013 Posted February 10, 2013 (edited) I believe that your options are limited to two: accept yourwife as she is or file for divorce. Your wife has carried on a casual extramarital affair for most of your marriage and she is unlikely to stop now. Many people believethat casual extramarital sex is no big deal. Other people (most of the people in this discussion group) believe that it is the atom bomb of a marriage. You wife obviously believes that it is no big deal, and she is unlikely to change at this time. Since her sister appears to share your wife’s views it is likely that they were raised in a family that believed casual sex was no big deal. I believe that you should discuss this with your wife with aview to understanding her views rather than convincing your wife to change. You say that you love your wife and other than the extramarital sex she is the perfect wife. Her extramarital affairs have not negativelyimpacted on your relationship with her. If you cannot do this, you will have to tell your wife that she must permanently stop these affairs or you will file for divorce. Consider this, since her affairs have gone onfor most of your marriage, if she stops will her personality and attitude toward you change in a negative way? I wish you luck in whatever you decide to do. Edited February 10, 2013 by Guildford
Bryanp Posted February 10, 2013 Posted February 10, 2013 You mention that a recent survey shows that 20% of married Indian women engage in affairs. Maybe you should ask yourself the question why 80% of married Indian women do not? I think the answer is obvious and that is that they truly love and respect their husband and have respect for their marriages. The fact that your wife was screwing your best friend for 10 years behind your back and putting your health at risk for STD's after just 2 years of marriage and now continues to engage in continuing with her extra marital affairs clearly shows you that she has no respect for you and your marriage. She is using use to maintain her life style. You seem quite ambivalent. You need to be tested for STD's and get paternity tests on your children. I do not know of many husband that would allow a wife to screw another man for 10 years behind your back - forgive her and then she continues to screw other behind your back. You keep asking why she does it. My guess is: 1. There has been no consequences to her actions. No consequences to her actions equals no motivation to change. 2. She knows she has a husband who finds out she has been screwing his best friend for 10 years behind his back and he forgives her. This sends a clear message to her that you would never leave her and she can do anything to you. 3. She likes variety and knows that you are willing to put up with the ultimate in humiliation and disrespect and therefore she has nothing to lose because you again will do nothing. I feel very very sorry for you my friend. It is bad enough that your wife clearly has no respect for you whatsoever but it is worst that you have lost all respect for yourself. If you do not respect yourself then who will? Why would any wife have any respect toward a husband that has accepted such demeaning and vile behavior from a wife? It is absolutely pathetic of you that you tolerate this. Would you want your children to grow up and marry someone like this that would do that to them? You judge a person by their actions and not by their words and her actions speaks volumes toward her distain toward you and your marriage.
Recommended Posts