lovecutsrightthruu Posted February 9, 2013 Posted February 9, 2013 I know its over. I need to get out. But I don't have the emotional strength to have the 'talk'. I feel once we have the 'talk' all hope is gone. At the moment we're FWB so I still have her to some extent. But I just have her body not her soul. Has anyone ever felt like this? ie scared to have the talk? Background - relationship is one sided - I do all the giving - she does all the taking. We used to date - now we're FWB. This is draining me - I need to end it to save myself. I don't think there is anybody else but once I end it, I'll probably be replaced as she will need someone to satisfy her needs. This is another reason why it is hard for me to end it. I'd like to go AWOL but that's probably a cowardly way to handle things. I'm definitely not strong here but don't want to be a coward either. She has deep feelings for me - I'm just not the 'one' anymore due to our turbulent past. Any advice on how to handle this situation?
BarbecueMan666 Posted February 9, 2013 Posted February 9, 2013 If you're looking for advice, you know what you're dealing with better than any of us, but I will give you some info on something I recently went through. I too was the giver in the relationship, but I was also the talker. Me 23, My ex 26 soon to be 27 loved me, but I could tell wasn't truly in love with me anymore. We had split up a couple of times during our 1.5 year relationship, once purely because we lived together and irritated each other and rekindled a few days later once we realized we both needed space (was my first time living with a partner). And then the attention she was giving me minimized drastically as she moved to LA for grad school. I know I wasn't doing well, and while I was "content" I knew I wasn't happy. She was gorgeous, I was scared of losing her in multiple ways, but I knew it wasn't doing me any good, and I guess it grew a little unhealthy. I'm 5 weeks into the breakup currently with NC - I still checked her FB (which was a mistake as we're still friends) - And she's doing really well, no new fellow as of yet but still hurt me to see her life is going on swimmingly. Ultimately though, I know it's best for me. Being content and being happy are two very different things. My partner no longer strived to make me happy where as I did, even though I knew I loved her a lot, I felt she didn't quite feel the same. Choices are choices, and advice is something I cannot give. I know I'll be happier in the long run and me just writing this is a pretty big deal. 1
Author lovecutsrightthruu Posted February 9, 2013 Author Posted February 9, 2013 Many thanks Barbecue Man for your comments Your situation is very similar to mine Did you guys have a 'talk' before she moved? What did she say? How did it make you feel? I hope you are coping ok with the 5 weeks of NC. Best!
BarbecueMan666 Posted February 9, 2013 Posted February 9, 2013 Actually no, we never really had the talk. One of our initial (breakups) which lasted a grand total of lets say 5 days we had the "it wouldn't work when you live in LA anyhow" - which was said out of "anger/acceptance" I guess. But besides that no. She said she didn't see it working, and that was pretty much it, she wanted me to spend a lot more money on her than I did. (not that I was stingy, she literally just wanted more spent on her). So no, she didn't say much - the split was reasonably amicable, I'm still very much in love with her, but I know I was hanging onto somebody who was distancing themselves from me before I knew it. The way it was left was, us getting into bed together, she cried a little and I tried to comfort her, we fell asleep. Next morning she was extremely cold and distant and barely said a word. My friend took her to the airport (I don't drive) and He arrived back a few hours later. He just told me she complained about how frugal I was, and that she didn't see the relationship working after our previous breakups. Honestly I have no idea what went on, All my friends thought I was dumb for how much I spent on her. I got a reason (I guess) - but it wasn't one that I can walk away with like "oh yeah, that's the reason for sure!" - If I had to truly say, she just didn't care as much anymore, saw it fading - jumped ship long before I did and wanted to focus on herself. All reasons I have to accept - Would have just been nice to be told it I guess ^^
blotter Posted February 9, 2013 Posted February 9, 2013 If there are no emotions involved on her side and she is just using you for your wang, why not just go awol and start NC? 2
TaraMaiden Posted February 9, 2013 Posted February 9, 2013 Yeah. Talk - is closure. 'They' won't give you closure. Only YOU can give you closure. You gain closure like ^^^this^^^. NC. Best way to be. 1
lollipop29 Posted February 12, 2013 Posted February 12, 2013 You're afraid of having the talk or ending it because you still want to be connected to her in some way. If you love her, it will be hard to sever ties. But in the long run, you want to find someone who will love you back. And you aren't going to find that as long as you're with her 1
Author lovecutsrightthruu Posted February 12, 2013 Author Posted February 12, 2013 Taramaiden Thank you. I always appreciate your advice. It is straightforward and non-ambiguous Lollypop You're absolutely right. I dread cutting the ties. Although I went on a fair amt of dates, I was single for 4 years before I met her, so i know how special she is. Basically it took me 4 yrs to find her. I feel blessed though - I had the chance to give her my speech (including the 4 yr thing...lol) - some people don't get that chance - I also had the chance to take her on some amazing dates and show her how great things can be - I feel as if i've put my best foot forward for a number months now - if she doesn't want it - then I respect that - I can walk away with my head held high - knowing I gave it my best shot - I've since gone into NC mode. I truly love her and wish this hadn't happened but I feel I got off lucky compared to some of the horror stories I read about on this site.
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