Jessica1991 Posted February 9, 2013 Posted February 9, 2013 Hi everyone, This is my first post on here but since my breakup back in December I've been reading a lot of the post on here. So my ex and I were together for just short of 4 years. We actually broke up on Christmas Eve (Horrible timing). He wasn't my boyfriend but he was my first love. So I am still taking it very hard. After the breakup I cried like every day for 3 weeks straight. Then I went a week without crying now I'm back to crying. I've read a lot about NC on this site and I think it'd probably be whats best but for some reason I can't stick to it. Since our breakup any communication we've had has been initiated by me which is sad because I am the dumpee. When we broke up he told me he wanted to remain friends even when we talked a few weeks after he was telling me how he wanted to remain friends and how he'd still be my friend even if a future gf didn't like it. He also told me he's going to feel jealous when he sees me with someone else. Now he wont talk to me at all. I know the breakup is still fresh and it's probably impossible to be friends this early but it hurts that he won't even talk to me. In case you're wondering we broke up because he felt he was too young to settle down. He felt he hadn't experienced life enough yet. I wasn't pressuring him to settle dow but I mean we were together from the time he was 18 and now he's 22 and I'm 21 so I guess I can understand. I didn't beg or try to get him to stay with me by the way. I just accepted his reasoning. I do feel like I have made some progress in the time since we've been broken up but I also feel I have a long way to go. Does anyone have any advice on dealing with a breakup after being with someone for so long. I think I'm finally ready to go NC but the issue is I borrowed money from him last week (yes even though we're broken up) I have to pay him back in a couple weeks and we'll have to talk to him then. I think the reason he is now not talking to me at all is because when I went to go pick up the money from him I tried to make conversation with him and he basically wasn't having it. So I cried all the way home and then sent him at text saying he was cold hearted. Yes I know it was wrong but I felt so hurt that he didn't even want to talk to me. Because I had done nothing to deserve that. The next morning I felt bad and sent him an email of course he didn't respond. Yesterday I sent a message him didn't respond. I'm so tired of trying and getting nothing back so I'm leaving him alone. My question is do you think I should just officially initiate NC? Do you guys have any advice for moving on after being with someone for so long? Seeing how the last time I saw him it went horrible I'm planning on just leaving the money I owe him in his mailbox when I go to pay him back. Seeing him last time was just too hard. But I was planning on leaving a note saying, " Thanks again for letting me borrow the money I really appreciate it. I know at this point you may not want to talk but if you ever want to be talk you know my email." What do you guys think of that? Other people have been telling me I need to write him a long letter getting my feelings out. I think either way I may just seem desperate but seeing how I don't plan on initiating any contact with him after I pay him back I just want him to know I'd always be open. I think another reason it's hard to move on is because during the breakup and even after we've talked about getting back together one day. He said he hopes one day we could get back together when he learns how to be happy on his own. After the breakup he said he's not ruling it out because we didn't breakup for reasons that made us not love each other anymore. I know it's wrong but I can't get this thought out my head. I need advice on how to stop thinking about rekindling a relationship with him one day. I'm sure it's just going to hinder me from moving on in the long run. UGH as you can tell from this long post I'm a mess but any advice will help. I really do want to recover from this heartbreak and move on and be happy. I don't want to be someone who is still thinking about there ex 10 years from now. I want to heal and be able to fall in love again. Thanks for reading my long saga, I look forward to everyone's advice.
KoKo0 Posted February 9, 2013 Posted February 9, 2013 I think you are making a big mistake contacting him in the first place, okay? He wanted to explore and is not ready to settle down, and that is understandable because he has been with you for 4 years, and he is at an age were he wants to party/meet new people. You should let him have his space, return his money without seeing him if possible, and go on with your life. You are wasting time dwelling over this guy when he has clearly gotten over you, sorry to say, but he has.. maybe one day he will realize life isn't all about partying and meeting new girls. Get your stuff together and live your life... Hope all is best.
H3Drvr Posted February 9, 2013 Posted February 9, 2013 Whatever you have been doing previously hasn't helped (either to move on or get him back) you right? And the only thing you haven't really tried is NC? Why not try another tactic, like complete and total NC? As for the money, if he hasn't really made an effort to collect it, then he really doesn't need it. If later he does ask for it, just mail it (check, PayPal, direct deposit). If you keep giving yourself excuses to see him...then you might become that crazy girl still pining over her ex after 10 years...with 10 cats, one for every year that your not back together... Lol Don't be THAT crazy cat lady! KoKo0... No offense on the cat comment. I just realized what you have as your avatar..
Author Jessica1991 Posted February 9, 2013 Author Posted February 9, 2013 Why not try another tactic, like complete and total NC? As for the money, if he hasn't really made an effort to collect it, then he really doesn't need it. If later he does ask for it, just mail it (check, PayPal, direct deposit). Well I just borrowed the money from him Monday and told him I would pay him back at the end of the month. You're right I'm going to try to send it through paypal or a check. I've decided I'm just going to do NC. It's been a month and a half and it's time for me to start doing stuff to move on.
H3Drvr Posted February 9, 2013 Posted February 9, 2013 There ya go, that's the right attitude! Go out, do stuff, meet other people even if you have to force yourself. Staying home and crying your eyes out wont bring him back faster or if at all.
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