kostyshock Posted August 28, 2004 Posted August 28, 2004 HI, this is my first post...but i'm very confused. I'll try to make this short and sweet. ok i'm 29...the girl i want is well is umm...18...but she wants me also...and i don't act my age and she is mature and at first i was kinda weary and she was too but as we talked it just grew into something...and we have alot i mean alot in common and we're both attracted to each other and i got over the fact of the age diffrence but she still doesn't like it...anyways that was like a month ago...today...theres just been alot of stuff happen..her dad found out and told her not to talk to me again..and she respected his wishes up to not seeing me but she talked to me...well we would fight back and forth over it and she would always say see i told u nothing could ever come of it...anyways...we fought so much we decided not to talk anymore...i really realy care for her but we just kept fighting over why we couldn't just date...i mean most people would think that this is gross but u really have to understand the situation. I'll post another to continue
Author kostyshock Posted August 28, 2004 Author Posted August 28, 2004 anyways, so we decided not to talk at all, but she continues to find ways it seems to see me...like droppin off dvds or seein me at this club we both go up to...and she also instant messages me online a few times...anyway..i said screw this so last night (friday) i just went out with some girls and the one was really hot so i slow danced with her like right in front of her...but she wasn't dancing with anyone...and i just wanted to get it trhough her head u know that she made the decision and if we're not gonna talk then lets not talk at all period...but she did say hi to me that night...but i know she is really jeoulous...even though i wasn't doin anythig with this girl...just flirtin and slow dancing...do u think this was the right move...she said maybe down the line ...maybe something could happen just not right now....
Curt Posted August 28, 2004 Moderators Posted August 28, 2004 I understand your situation completely. Take my word for it. My advice (from one who has been there): Stop playing childish games, and don't walk, RUN from this girl. START RUNNING NOW. There is no future with her. Move on. Curt
emra Posted August 29, 2004 Posted August 29, 2004 I am a 28 year old female. The man I am seeing is 42 years old. There has not once ever been a problem with our age difference. I have always gone for the "older guys" If she is making the excuse now, that it is the age thing, and saying maybe later something can come of it, odviously she doesn't want it now, and it could very well be that it has nothing to do with the age thing at all. If she is 18, she can make her own decisions and should not lean on daddy to tell her to stay away, unless you were some horrible monster. Even then, it boils down to it is her choice, she can listen to her parents advice and respect it, but not let it run her life. And odviously right now, that is her concern, and if that is her choice, at that age, it could very well mean, that she will always be a daddys girl and will never accept anything unless he does. If I were you I would let it go. I know it hurts, but look out for yourself, take care of you. I dont believe trying to make her jealous is the thing to do.. That only creates more problems that don't need to be created. You know what is best for you. If it is to try to get this girl Use extreme caution.
Author kostyshock Posted August 29, 2004 Author Posted August 29, 2004 well i totally understand...i mean i talked to her last night and seem like everyhting was cool but i mean we're still not gonna talk for while anyways...so who knows what the future might hold
emra Posted August 29, 2004 Posted August 29, 2004 I wish you the best on this one, when emotions are involved it is a hard thing, everyone can say don't do this, do that. It's still hard when you care.
Author kostyshock Posted August 29, 2004 Author Posted August 29, 2004 oh trust me....like i said we didn't even know each others ages and then we kinda realized well age isn't that big of a deal but then she kinda got scared so...ya i mean its wierd and sad at the same time...i mean who would of thought that i would really have feelings for someone that young...jeez...i almost feel like a phedephiiole...but not really cause i don't see her as that young ya know...ya its really hard because we really really got close and now...we don't know how to handle it...i know everyone is sayin run but...this girl is really really nice and she don't cuss or swear she does everything right..and we have so much in common...which is also weird for our age difference...but its true
Curt Posted August 29, 2004 Moderators Posted August 29, 2004 For your own sanity, I can only repeat that you should leave this girl behind completely, and move on. There is a huge difference between the emotional and mental maturity of a 28-year old female, and an 18-year old one. The two are not comparable. Move on, move on, move on.
firehawk1981 Posted August 31, 2004 Posted August 31, 2004 TO CURT: I am a 23 yr old female. I have been with a MAN that is over 20 yrs older then me for sometime now. Who are you to tell this guy to run???? If he likes her, let it be. You can't put an age limit on love. Some people mature quicker then otheres and some don't. If they both like each other, they want to be together, then let them. I'm sure you don't know this guy or the woman he is talking about so who are you to judge them? I think the should do what makes them happy and stop basing thier lives on what other people say. They are the only ones who know what they want......so go and get it.
surfergirl Posted August 31, 2004 Posted August 31, 2004 Firehawk ...I don't think that Curt is judging anyone, however, you've been 18 before and the things that really matter to an 18 year old are not the same when you are 28....meaning she may very well be mature for her age but on the flip side she's probably just out of high school and still has a lot of growing up to do... I too have dated someone 14 years older than me and when it all boiled down we were at two different places in our lives... I sort-of looked to him as a father figure instead a partner....having said that he will just have to follow his heart and gut feeling....
morrigan Posted August 31, 2004 Posted August 31, 2004 A feel good situation doesn't necessarily make a good relationship. You both like eachother, yet you fight quite often. You are personally uncomfortable about the age difference. You get upset and attempt to make this girl jealous/aware of your feelings for her by flirting with other women. I'd advise letting this girl go--IMO I don't see this turning out to be a long term relationship. She may be a great girl, but she is not emotionally mature enough to be involved in a serious relationship at this time with any guy--especially one 10 years older than her.
firehawk1981 Posted August 31, 2004 Posted August 31, 2004 Surfergirl Ok, I see that she may not be mature and still looks up to her parents...... But why must people put age on love? I have been with my guy for over 7 years. I'm only 23..... Things couldn't be more perfect for us.
surfergirl Posted August 31, 2004 Posted August 31, 2004 Firehawk be very careful....meaning you were under 18 when you guys got together so why would someone in their late 30's early 40's be attracted to a teenager??? I'm not saying love has an age because it doesn't but for it to last either you are very mature for your age or he's got something else going on. I'm 32 and there is no way I would even look at someone in their teens much less be physically attracted to them - Watch out for yourself and I hope that, in time, you find someone closer to your age to "grow old" with because he's already mostly there... Something to think about.
firehawk1981 Posted August 31, 2004 Posted August 31, 2004 Surfergirl, Thank you for your concerns. I believe I am more mature for my age then most. I did have to grow up quickly due to my home life. My mother become handicapped when I was young. So, I had to take care of her. I always new what I wanted out of life and I put a deadline to it... I always got what I wanted when I wanted it...not because I was spoiled, but because I worked hard to get it. Everything I have, I can say I earned. Some people may find the age difference between me and my other half....... repulsive..... I have tried dating people my own age, but all they do is seem to annoy me. The guy I am with is good for me, I believe. We both know what we want out of life and forntunately, it's the same thing. He's not some sick perverted old fart....He is a grown man. And I love him. We have been seeing each other for about 7 yrs and there will be many more to come.
HokeyReligions Posted August 31, 2004 Posted August 31, 2004 There are real issues with age differences that have nothing to do with emotion and love. Those need to be addressed in a long-term relationship. Things like career and children. Social activities and friends and life-style choices are impacted by the age difference. That doesn't mean its wrong or bad to have a big gap in ages, but the responsible thing to do is to discuss what may be the possible hurdles or decisions that have to be made and in each situation. kostyshock said he's 28, but if he had not said that I would think he was around 18 or 20 because of the style of his writing, but mostly because of the games he is playing. It sounds like they are both on the same maturity level. I don't mean that in a negative way. If the girl is still living at home, then her parents have every right to continue to guide her and monitor her. Legally she is an adult and is responsible for herself, but perhaps she is not ready yet and her father knows this. If the two of you want to date openly, then both of you go and talk to her father about it and about your plans. I doubt if this is going to be "the" relationship--sounds more like its just fun and casual now and maybe that is the way you should both approach it for now.
NatoPMT Posted August 31, 2004 Posted August 31, 2004 she's 18, shes trying to do the right thing by her family, if you showed her consideration, support & understanding maybe it could develop into a worthwhile relationship. shes showing 'respect' to her family, she sounds like a nice lass - where's your respect for her.... anyway..i said screw this so last night (friday) i just went out with some girls and the one was really hot so i slow danced with her like right in front of her... ???
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