Hopeful714 Posted February 8, 2013 Posted February 8, 2013 Into 6 months NC here. I'm not completely 100% but I'm thinking ahead (wayy ahead) about dating and what I can do better this time round. I have some questions I've been wondering about. 1.) You begin dating someone. You feel chemistry. Is there to be a point that the relationship becomes defined? Is it possible to ask w/o sounding needy? For example last thing I want to do is become involved with someone who sees me as "casual" or "FWB". Is it acceptable to pose the question "What are you looking for out of a relationship"? And if so, when? Not that everyone will tell you the truth but then at least you can weed out early what you know you don't want. 2.) My ex was a shady character. For example, If I was going out with my friends I'd say who I was going out with. I may even mention where I was going or talk about it the next time I saw him. I never had anything to hide. He on the other hand seemed to resent if I asked anything about his alone time. I wasn't being accusing, just making conversation. Wouldn't an honest guy just be up front with what he's up to or is asking about man time a serious no no? Again, I always figured if you have nothing to hide...whats the big deal?
GingerVixen Posted February 8, 2013 Posted February 8, 2013 Into 6 months NC here. I'm not completely 100% but I'm thinking ahead (wayy ahead) about dating and what I can do better this time round. I have some questions I've been wondering about. 1.) You begin dating someone. You feel chemistry. Is there to be a point that the relationship becomes defined? Is it possible to ask w/o sounding needy? For example last thing I want to do is become involved with someone who sees me as "casual" or "FWB". Is it acceptable to pose the question "What are you looking for out of a relationship"? And if so, when? Not that everyone will tell you the truth but then at least you can weed out early what you know you don't want. 2.) My ex was a shady character. For example, If I was going out with my friends I'd say who I was going out with. I may even mention where I was going or talk about it the next time I saw him. I never had anything to hide. He on the other hand seemed to resent if I asked anything about his alone time. I wasn't being accusing, just making conversation. Wouldn't an honest guy just be up front with what he's up to or is asking about man time a serious no no? Again, I always figured if you have nothing to hide...whats the big deal? 1. I believe that after 3 months you can seriously ask a man "what are your plans for this relationship?". Don't ask him in a desperate way, but ask it casually. You have the absolute right to know if he's looking for a serious relationship or just a casual one. And if he asks "why the **** are you asking me this?"tell him that. Say : "I really appreciate what we're having so far and one of my goals in life is having a serious and fulfilling relationship. Maybe you're looking for the same thing but I'm confused if you really want it. So I'd like to know if you're looking for the same thing I am, because otherwise I think you should look for someone else who's looking for the same thing you are". Say it in a sweet way. Wait for the answer. 2. Yes, you're 100% right. If one doesn't have anything to hide, he won't be angry to tell you what he has done during his alone time.
Author Hopeful714 Posted February 8, 2013 Author Posted February 8, 2013 Hmmmm on the 3 month thing. I guess I would like to know if I am going to be sleeping with someone if this is going to be exclusive or not before I make that plunge. Not sure its right to go ahead and give the goodies then find out later...."sorry..your casual". Then again, its the risk you take. Maybe I worded the question wrong.
GingerVixen Posted February 8, 2013 Posted February 8, 2013 Hmmmm on the 3 month thing. I guess I would like to know if I am going to be sleeping with someone if this is going to be exclusive or not before I make that plunge. Not sure its right to go ahead and give the goodies then find out later...."sorry..your casual". Then again, its the risk you take. Maybe I worded the question wrong. Again, wait for 3 months. AT LEAST 3 months. Girl, women are having sex too quickly nowadays. Men are now USED to get laid with a girl really quickly, with no effort in trying to win her heart. If you're looking for a serious relationship, you must give him signs that you're different and he's not going to have sex with you if he doesn't show you signs that he's really interested in you and in staying by your side for a long time. I say at least 3 months because you must see if he's a psycho or not, if he's a player or not, if he's a loser or not. Trust me.
Author Hopeful714 Posted February 8, 2013 Author Posted February 8, 2013 Yea, I know...I'm not one to go out there and mess with someone on the first date...but 3 months? Really? Like you said too with all the "competition" from "easy" chicks do you really think someone is going to hang around/wait that long? lol ugghhhh...last time the psych/player didn't fully emerge till AFTER 3 months. Too bad there's not a better way to weed the bad from the good. Yea...its like guys have no idea that they are supposed to "win the heart" I don't even think they understand this anymore.
GingerVixen Posted February 8, 2013 Posted February 8, 2013 Yea, I know...I'm not one to go out there and mess with someone on the first date...but 3 months? Really? Like you said too with all the "competition" from "easy" chicks do you really think someone is going to hang around/wait that long? lol ugghhhh...last time the psych/player didn't fully emerge till AFTER 3 months. Too bad there's not a better way to weed the bad from the good. Yea...its like guys have no idea that they are supposed to "win the heart" I don't even think they understand this anymore. They don't have the idea of winning a girl's heart because they just don't need it anymore. I'm not saying they're not *******s, yes they are, but we women should do our part and stop giving them what they want so easily. And you see, if that guy has shown you he's a douche AFTER 3 MONTHS , can you imagine what they can do if you sleep with them earlier than that?
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