blaklodge Posted August 28, 2004 Posted August 28, 2004 Well, I work at this coffee shop in San Diego and one night this sorta goth girl came in, ordered a drink. She stood out like a sore thumb, and ever since I moved to California I haven't really seen a girl like that-everybody likes like a surfer or beach blonde- so I thought i'd try to strike up a casual conversation with her while pretending to clean (the job is boring, okay?). She was very sweet and kind and I ended up asking for her phone number. I found out she works at a strip club in L.A. and occasionally comes down to visit her dad in SD too. I mean, she told me up front about the strip thing when I asked what she did. I didn't really care. We met up a bout a week later, hung out he ended up being into the same stuff as me-I mean, she reads comic books and knows all the characters I do, she can quote David Lynch/EVIL DEAD movies word for word, and she is extremely proficient in literature in science (she's read CRIME & PUNISHMENT and is computer literate,). Also she designs her own line of lingerie and sells a lot of it, and goes to school. We've been getting along great, bottom line. She is extremely intelligent and seems such a beautiful soul and my heart pounds when I think of her, as sappy as all that sounds. Jesus, that is sappy. She's barely 21 and I'm 26. But this past week, she invited me up to L.A. and I went to see her at the strip club she works at, and, well, it was more unsettling than I thought it would be. This girl says she likes the whole stripping thing better and regular girls are just a turn-off to her.She says she doesn't do really "nasty stuff" like lap dances or any sex, and she's more into it for the fun of actual dancing (she's an extremely talented pole dancer-I mean, she could win an olympic medal if it was a competition. Actually she won this thing called the pole-lympics in Vegas-ha) but the whole thing, just watching it, was kind of unnerving. We also got a hotel and well, the sex was-she likes me to do kinda rough stuff to her, like forced oral, which I'm kinda not used to, because I know girls who have been brutally raped, beaten and almost killed, and molested; anything remotely in that direction kinda throws me off. But she really gets turned on by it. Now I'm back in San Diego and she hasn't returned my calls. . She doesn't do any drugs except pot and the occasional drink. I found out also she's been beaten by some of her ex boyfriends...she said she's not used to having such a nice guy- and I'm wondering if I come off to nice will she take advantage of me? She never calls me, I only call her, but she obviously has gone out of her way to accommodate me (letting me stay at her place, introducing me to her folks, etc). So on one hand she's been really sweet, but on the other, she rarely calls, and doesn't take a huge interest in me personally. I know, she's only 21. And a stripper. And bi-sexual. I think I might need to have my friggin' head checked. Okay, I guess the bottom line: How much precaution should I take with this, having never done it before? How much can girls from this sort of background be trusted? and how can I enjoy this and give her love without getting screwed over? (I guess that goes for girls in general, right??) Any advice would be appreciated. Thanks.
Moondust Posted August 28, 2004 Posted August 28, 2004 There's 1 thing you got to be sure of before doing anything else with her... does she reciprocate your feelings ? If you're the only one to invest himself in this "you lucky bastard" relationship, well you're gonna end up like I ended up. Girl and I were together... I did the first step, I accomodated for her... in the long run she told me she didn't feel like deserving such a good guy and we let each other go... So, instead of putting you down, here's my advice: Call her, meet someplace, have a nice dinner and set things straight... are you 2 together, is she ready to get serious in this, etc... If she's not, well now you'll know... If she is... then talk about what you both could do in order for that relationship to work... and Enjoy every man's fantasy of having an open minded bi-sexual girlfriend...
Author blaklodge Posted August 29, 2004 Author Posted August 29, 2004 hey, thanks for the advice. Much needed and appreciated, especially from those with experience.
Pookette Posted August 29, 2004 Posted August 29, 2004 she reads comic books and knows all the characters I do, she can quote David Lynch/EVIL DEAD movies word for word Hmm, there's not many of us out there...lol ...but it sounds as if you have more "cons" than "pros". The whole rough sex bit is a bit scary. She could be a stripper with a heart of gold, but I wouldn't go there if I were you. It doesn't seem like relationships like your potential one work out very often.
amerikajin Posted August 29, 2004 Posted August 29, 2004 At the risk of sounding like an insensitive, judgmental a-hole, I think you've got to be crazy to date a stripper. I don't mean you're literally crazy, of course, but it sure isn't a good idea. Strippers are into drugs and tricking. Strippers aren't trying to get through college; they're trying to make a fast buck, and their standards of decency and their self-esteem are so low that they're willing to get in front of a group of drunk and rowdy guys who are willing to pay wads of cash for the sheer thrill of touching some leg. I'm embarrassed to say this, but in my younger, wilder days, I went to strip clubs a few times. Honest to goodness, the first time I went, I kinda thought it was fun -- something wild and goofy that 20-somethings do when they're out on the town. Then I noticed the group of 50-year-old pervs slinking around the place and it dawned on me: damn, this is a losers club. Stay away from strip clubs. Stay away from strippers. And be wary of people who frequent strip clubs -- something ain't right with them.
meanon Posted August 29, 2004 Posted August 29, 2004 Clearly you should be cautious but as to what else you should do, that depends entirely on what you want out of life right now and how much risk you are prepared to take. If you are looking for someone to settle down with then this girl may not be the one for you. She's still very young and it sounds as though she will want variety and excitement for some time yet. That's not to say she's not capable of having a committed relationship and loving you. If you take the view that life and love is an adventure then you are sure to learn a lot from each other and maybe have a lot of fun along the way. There's also greater potential for heartache too.
morrigan Posted August 30, 2004 Posted August 30, 2004 If you already feel uncomfortable about the situation, end it now. I would say the same thing about this girl's behavior if she wasn't a stripper. She sounds like a smart, nice girl, but she seems to have a lot of problems with self esteem and trust. Not that I can blame her. If you want to be with her, take the time to know her as a friend--don't go to her job, but be there for her when she's had a rough day. Have a great time with her, but go into it with your eyes wide open--she probably isn't ready to be in a committed relationship with anyone yet, not even with a guy who cares about her. I know one very intelligent, realistic woman who worked as a professional stripper. She has told my sister and I some pretty funny stories, but she has also discussed strippers who are not emotionally healthy. They were abused as children or as adults in relationships, had self esteem issues, and had problems sustaining relationships because they had a low opinion of men (big shocker there!) Some of the guys buy into the whole fantasy that the girls are potraying on the job, and are pissed to find out they are just regular women. There are decent men in the clubs, but a number of strippers have been innapropriately grabbed, spat on, had a cigarette burned out on them, stalked, or worse. The money is pretty addictive, however. It takes an independent, resilient person to deal with some of the situations strippers are in.
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