AKisBaked Posted February 10, 2013 Posted February 10, 2013 3 years is a long time to just drop someone with no explanation.... I can relate to that... Exactly the same thing is happening to me except its the girl who is doing it. But whatever, hell with her life will still be as good without her. Yout dont need to be with someone to make you happy.
treezy Posted February 10, 2013 Posted February 10, 2013 I don't know if this is relevant but I'd like to share a couple of stories about men disappearing from their girlfriends. I have a friend's friend whose boyfriend went missing for a month. She tried calling, texting, everything, but he wasn't there. For one friggin' month she wondered where he went. One month later, he showed up and broke up with her, said he was stressed. They dated for 4 years going 5. I think she got herself a girlfriend now. I have a friend whose boyfriend disappeared on her for two months. She woke up happily one day went online and found out that he changed his status to single. She went NC from there. Two months later, he showed up and started texting her. She ignored him for another two months. Eventually she responded and now they're back together again. My recent ex didn't disappear on me, but he went cold and distant and ignored some of my texts asking him about our relationship. I put up with it for awhile and eventually ended things because he said he's not ready to go to the next level. I still love him but I think I would appreciate it more if he told me earlier. I don't know but just sharing.
candie13 Posted February 10, 2013 Posted February 10, 2013 hey, jazze, I got news for you: he'll be back. You'd better be ready then! Up to you how to handle it, but it seems to me that he is letting you do the dirty business: making you break up with him, because... he doesn't really know! After 3 years, and after having done that before... it's just sad! Get some closure and move on quick, girl, you won't be 20 forever, to be quoting my mom !
Author jazze Posted February 10, 2013 Author Posted February 10, 2013 It's simple, you identified a gender. The "fade" is not a male thing. It's a human thing. Therefore I got annoyed that you labeled it a guy thing, which several other posters, namely GingerVixen, decided to use this thread as a place to bash men. Relationship issues are not just about men, and they are not just about women. It's not a boyfriend thing. It's not a girlfriend thing. It's a relationship thing and it's not gender-specific. When you identify it as one gender, you come off as lazy. Instead of saying "some bfs do this" say "some people" therefore you aren't identifying one gender or the other. This forum isn't about to bash one gender or another. Your post, and several other posts ITT, do this. I accept your apology, just leave the sexism out of your posting. It detracts from your message. Now I see where your issue is. Well, I am having issue with boyfriend. I cannot put it as some people because the reality is some boyfriends do the ignoring thing to their girlfriends. Otherwise, I might not get the answer Im looking for. I am not bashing one gender or generalizing. Perhaps you have issue with one of the poster's opinion here but thats her opinion. It doesn't mean everyone has to agree with her. Again, my post is about my issue with my boyfriend and not to identify one gender. If you have started a post about women, negative or positive way, I may or may not agree but if I dont agree, well I will just give my opinion and thats it. But you not only not happy with my post or other poster's opinion here, you want me to rephrased my sentence to suit to your liking which is totally ridiculous.
Author jazze Posted February 10, 2013 Author Posted February 10, 2013 I can relate to that... Exactly the same thing is happening to me except its the girl who is doing it. But whatever, hell with her life will still be as good without her. Yout dont need to be with someone to make you happy. We are responsible for our own happiness, so the saying goes. It seems that you have moved on but I am still trying to find closure for my relationship...sad.
Author jazze Posted February 10, 2013 Author Posted February 10, 2013 I don't know if this is relevant but I'd like to share a couple of stories about men disappearing from their girlfriends. I have a friend's friend whose boyfriend went missing for a month. She tried calling, texting, everything, but he wasn't there. For one friggin' month she wondered where he went. One month later, he showed up and broke up with her, said he was stressed. They dated for 4 years going 5. I think she got herself a girlfriend now. I have a friend whose boyfriend disappeared on her for two months. She woke up happily one day went online and found out that he changed his status to single. She went NC from there. Two months later, he showed up and started texting her. She ignored him for another two months. Eventually she responded and now they're back together again. My recent ex didn't disappear on me, but he went cold and distant and ignored some of my texts asking him about our relationship. I put up with it for awhile and eventually ended things because he said he's not ready to go to the next level. I still love him but I think I would appreciate it more if he told me earlier. I don't know but just sharing. Every relationship is different but almost always has similar problems. In this case, its the disappearing act. We have similar case, my ldr bf went cold, distant and ignoring. But when I asked him about our relationship, he said he is/was interested to continue so I got confused when he started to ignore my calls and texts.
Author jazze Posted February 10, 2013 Author Posted February 10, 2013 hey, jazze, I got news for you: he'll be back. You'd better be ready then! Up to you how to handle it, but it seems to me that he is letting you do the dirty business: making you break up with him, because... he doesn't really know! After 3 years, and after having done that before... it's just sad! Get some closure and move on quick, girl, you won't be 20 forever, to be quoting my mom ! Hey candie13, well Im sure he'll back but maybe as somebody I used to know. I am trying to get some closure but it seems like it is so difficult to get because he is not answering my calls or texts. Well, thanks candie13 for your reply.
treezy Posted February 10, 2013 Posted February 10, 2013 Yes, my ex requested for a timeout because he said he's sure this will lead to something and deserves a try. I shot him down by rejecting because I honestly think it's not going anywhere, especially since this is already the second time it happened. And judging by the fact that he hasn't called to persuade me, I guess I made the right choice by leaving. 1
ken_25 Posted February 10, 2013 Posted February 10, 2013 Here my story. My current LDR bf is not contacting me anymore. I sent him texts but no replies, called him several times, he didn't pick up or return calls. The last time I spoke to him and asked him about where our relationship is going, he told me he still wants to continue with me. But now with the non responsive attitude from him, I guess he is just not into me anymore. It is really annoying, upsetting and irritating how some bfs don't just tell the truth when they want to end the relationship. Of all the times and moments together, at least have the courtesy to let the gfs know rather than let it hanging or let the gfs figure it out by themselves or assuming the gfs will understand. Why use the "ignore buttons" when comes to ending the relationship? It is so disrespectful. Why do some men end their relationship the coward way?? Why do some women end their relationship the coward way?? It's not because he's a man, it's because he's a human, as humans do f#cked up things to their partners. The poster who had taken offense to it was just saying you should use the word "people" instead. If a man come on here and wrote this post about women I would say it's not just women, it's men too. To answer your question, it's called emotional immaturity. Typically these people suppress their feelings, try to ignore problems, cheat, are 'runners', etc. I'm sorry this happened to you, it's a crazy thing when you really think you know someone but you really have no idea what they're capable of. One thing though, since it was long distance it was cleaner.. if he lived with you it could of been him cheating on you with someone in your bed, maybe you come home one night and all of his stuff is gone, it could of been ugly. Be thankful you found out how he is now and not in another 3 years.
ken_25 Posted February 10, 2013 Posted February 10, 2013 I don't think it is necessarily sexist to point out that due to society, there has generally been a decline in the way that a lot of men treat women. Unfortunately one unpleasant side effect of equality is that men no longer have to act like gentlemen if they don't want to, eg they can hump and dump, disappear, cheat etc without being in disgrace and banished from decent society. Some men will not ever act that way as they are decent human beings with morals, but unfortunately there are many men who exploit the privilege of being western, middle class and well educated, which is basically a licence to do whatever the eff you want if you are that way inclined. I'm certainly not saying that all men are feckless bastards, but there seems to be an alarming number who are. Btw I know there are plenty of badly behaved women out there too, and in fact again I find this to be an unpleasant ramification of equality. There is a decline in how people act in society in general. There are less gentlemen, there are less ladies out there who deserve to have a man treat them like a gentlemen should. You can say an alarming number of men treat women in a degrading way, but I can say the same for women. Face it, it's not just men, it's not just women. Its not waayyy more men than women. There's a huge pool of screwed up, egotistical, selfish, emotionally immature men and women, and there's this small pool of men and women who treat their partners with respect, give them love and affection, are supportive, etc. Makes it hard for people in the small pool to match with someone who will also treat you the way you should be treated. 2
candie13 Posted February 10, 2013 Posted February 10, 2013 Hey candie13, well Im sure he'll back but maybe as somebody I used to know. I am trying to get some closure but it seems like it is so difficult to get because he is not answering my calls or texts. Well, thanks candie13 for your reply. Don't "try" to get closure. Take it yourself. Do something stupid, burn all the bridges, start living your life as a single girl, because he is NOT acting like your boyfriend. I am not saying you should start dating other men, but I am saying that you should give strong signals to your friends - and to yourself - that you are moving on. Go out with the girls, put on a flirty dress, take pictures of yourself, happy and relaxed, in your new environment and post them on that social media he seems to NOT be a stranger of... no more nice stay-at-home-gf, respectful of her relationship and of her bf's feelings. He's not appreciating you? Then you should not waste your time with him. Better by yourself than in poor company. Start thinking about cutting him off.
Author jazze Posted February 10, 2013 Author Posted February 10, 2013 Why do some women end their relationship the coward way?? It's not because he's a man, it's because he's a human, as humans do f#cked up things to their partners. The poster who had taken offense to it was just saying you should use the word "people" instead. If a man come on here and wrote this post about women I would say it's not just women, it's men too. To answer your question, it's called emotional immaturity. Typically these people suppress their feelings, try to ignore problems, cheat, are 'runners', etc. I'm sorry this happened to you, it's a crazy thing when you really think you know someone but you really have no idea what they're capable of. One thing though, since it was long distance it was cleaner.. if he lived with you it could of been him cheating on you with someone in your bed, maybe you come home one night and all of his stuff is gone, it could of been ugly. Be thankful you found out how he is now and not in another 3 years. Hello Ken, thanks for coming here and give some valuable insight of some people who took the coward way of ending relationships. Reading your answer earned me a lesson..not every one is as sincere and honest about their feelings. I learned some people are capable of sugar coating their words, stringing you along until they found someone better or equal and making you an option in case their plan fails.
Author jazze Posted February 10, 2013 Author Posted February 10, 2013 Don't "try" to get closure. Take it yourself. Do something stupid, burn all the bridges, start living your life as a single girl, because he is NOT acting like your boyfriend. I am not saying you should start dating other men, but I am saying that you should give strong signals to your friends - and to yourself - that you are moving on. Go out with the girls, put on a flirty dress, take pictures of yourself, happy and relaxed, in your new environment and post them on that social media he seems to NOT be a stranger of... no more nice stay-at-home-gf, respectful of her relationship and of her bf's feelings. He's not appreciating you? Then you should not waste your time with him. Better by yourself than in poor company. Start thinking about cutting him off. Hi Candie13, surprisingly, I am moving on just fine now. I consider myself single again but not ready to enter the dating scene yet.
candie13 Posted February 10, 2013 Posted February 10, 2013 Hi Candie13, surprisingly, I am moving on just fine now. I consider myself single again but not ready to enter the dating scene yet. what did you do to say "you're moving on"? I don't mean to challenge you, but it's best if you stay honest with yourself... took out your pics together, put all his stuff in a box, deleted the albums together from fb, changed your status to single... what exactly did you do? If you're fine with these things, when you think you're ready and convinced about it, then the next step would be cutting him off completely, deleting his contact and from fb and starting NC .
Author jazze Posted February 10, 2013 Author Posted February 10, 2013 what did you do to say "you're moving on"? I don't mean to challenge you, but it's best if you stay honest with yourself... took out your pics together, put all his stuff in a box, deleted the albums together from fb, changed your status to single... what exactly did you do? If you're fine with these things, when you think you're ready and convinced about it, then the next step would be cutting him off completely, deleting his contact and from fb and starting NC . No. You didn't challenge me anything Candie13. What I did? Well, I used the same way he did to me now...IGNORE. I didn't delete or change anything on my social network profile, I just leave it be and told myself whatever will be will be. I don't want to cut him off completely because he was part of my life and that something I want to keep. I still love him but Im moving on as quickly. There's no point of wondering and asking why because nobody can give me the answer except him, and he is not there to give me. For all I know he could be having so much fun or he could be so busy or he could be hugging and kissing someone else now. All these are possibilities of what he might be doing while he is actively doing the ignoring thing to me. I wasted enough time and money with him and certainly Im not going to waste any more time 'mourning' for him. I have decided I want to be free from all the dramas and egos in this relationship. I want to be able to go about without having this emotion and mental torture. The best I can do for myself is to love myself and self respect.
candie13 Posted February 11, 2013 Posted February 11, 2013 Unless you totally NC him, you're not doing sh*t to change the situation and take control of your life. It's not how it works. You can't keep him and let him go in the same time. Your choice and yours alone. After 3 years, you must have understood how he works, and if you continue to stay and take this treatment, it's because you like it or approve of it. or maybe you're fine with all the waiting around and being there, whenever he decides and if he decides to call... what do you want again?
Mack05 Posted February 11, 2013 Posted February 11, 2013 here is my thread about cowards... http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/281186-cowards
treezy Posted February 12, 2013 Posted February 12, 2013 It's 10 days NC for me today jazze, and I'm telling you it's working. Although I still love and miss him very much, I'm no longer waiting around for him to come back because I know that's not going to happen. I've started to make new plans for myself and I'm admittedly happier than I was in that relationship. I agree with candie13. I'd rather be happy alone than to be miserable with someone. I too am up for recommending NC for you jazze. Let's just do our own things for now and see how things go. Be strong.
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