jazze Posted February 8, 2013 Posted February 8, 2013 Here my story. My current LDR bf is not contacting me anymore. I sent him texts but no replies, called him several times, he didn't pick up or return calls. The last time I spoke to him and asked him about where our relationship is going, he told me he still wants to continue with me. But now with the non responsive attitude from him, I guess he is just not into me anymore. It is really annoying, upsetting and irritating how some bfs don't just tell the truth when they want to end the relationship. Of all the times and moments together, at least have the courtesy to let the gfs know rather than let it hanging or let the gfs figure it out by themselves or assuming the gfs will understand. Why use the "ignore buttons" when comes to ending the relationship? It is so disrespectful. Why do some men end their relationship the coward way??
Discarded2013 Posted February 8, 2013 Posted February 8, 2013 Here my story. My current LDR bf is not contacting me anymore. I sent him texts but no replies, called him several times, he didn't pick up or return calls. The last time I spoke to him and asked him about where our relationship is going, he told me he still wants to continue with me. But now with the non responsive attitude from him, I guess he is just not into me anymore. It is really annoying, upsetting and irritating how some bfs don't just tell the truth when they want to end the relationship. Of all the times and moments together, at least have the courtesy to let the gfs know rather than let it hanging or let the gfs figure it out by themselves or assuming the gfs will understand. Why use the "ignore buttons" when comes to ending the relationship? It is so disrespectful. Why do some men end their relationship the coward way?? Because they don't care. I've been left high and dry, discarded and blacked out like I was never there So much for 'the one' and all that rubbish It hurts so much how someone can cut you out like that. Just out of nowhere, and they don't care one little bit
Author jazze Posted February 8, 2013 Author Posted February 8, 2013 Its only mean one thing...they are doing it the coward way because I think they never really love their gfs to begin with...these type of bfs are not good as husbands so better stay far away from them.
GG3 Posted February 8, 2013 Posted February 8, 2013 How long were u with him? I hate that. How hard is it to even send a cowardly email so the other person knows what is going on??
Author jazze Posted February 8, 2013 Author Posted February 8, 2013 How long were u with him? I hate that. How hard is it to even send a cowardly email so the other person knows what is going on?? almost 3 years. He left me hanging here not knowing whether the relationship is still on or off. I figured he wanted to just break up with me the subtle way which is really COWARD! Probably he thought it will not be hurting that way but the truth is...it is so damn hurting!
mammasita Posted February 8, 2013 Posted February 8, 2013 WOW, EFF him! 3 years and he just plays the disappearing game? I know it hurts, but he did you a favor!
Author jazze Posted February 8, 2013 Author Posted February 8, 2013 WOW, EFF him! 3 years and he just plays the disappearing game? I know it hurts, but he did you a favor! He done this before but not as bad as this time around. The longest he was not in contact with me during those 'happy moments' was 3 days. Now it really is like he is doing the disappearing act...hope he disappears for good or let karma deals with him.
mano Posted February 8, 2013 Posted February 8, 2013 i can understand what u r going through , m bf does the same thing, its mostly also because of the fact that they r just tooo scared of facing you, mine has done it a couple times n even right now i am going through the same situation, he says he wants to continue but he is mostly very ignorant n distant , its driving me insane i keep asking him to just talk on phone n clear everything n if he wanna go he can just leave but he just dosn't gives an answer . i just hate to see this much cowardice in a guy , it sucksss:mad: 1
Author jazze Posted February 8, 2013 Author Posted February 8, 2013 i can understand what u r going through , m bf does the same thing, its mostly also because of the fact that they r just tooo scared of facing you, mine has done it a couple times n even right now i am going through the same situation, he says he wants to continue but he is mostly very ignorant n distant , its driving me insane i keep asking him to just talk on phone n clear everything n if he wanna go he can just leave but he just dosn't gives an answer . i just hate to see this much cowardice in a guy , it sucksss:mad: Yes, it is so irritating sometimes. If only my bf would tell me that he isn't interested in continuing the relationship, probably I will very hurt but at least I know where I stand and what I should do. Right now, I am doing the same thing as he does to me...no contact at all. With nc, the expectations and hope will gradually fade and soon, he will be just somebody that I used to know..
pinkie Posted February 8, 2013 Posted February 8, 2013 3 years is a long time to just drop someone with no explanation.... Are you sure he's not in Jail or the Hospital? Do you speak with anyone in his family?
GingerVixen Posted February 8, 2013 Posted February 8, 2013 Oh God, I believe it's a problem of our generation, or an intrinsic problem of men. Why do they do that? I believe men in general are brought up in the wrong way. Parents don't teach their sons how to treat a girl and how to be honest to them. Society only tells men to get laid with as many women as they can, and never get married, or if you get married you must cheat your wife because being in love with only one woman is being a loser. That's what's been taught to men everywhere since always. If society doesn't change, this disgrace won't change either. 2
GG3 Posted February 8, 2013 Posted February 8, 2013 Oh God, I believe it's a problem of our generation, or an intrinsic problem of men. Why do they do that? I believe men in general are brought up in the wrong way. Parents don't teach their sons how to treat a girl and how to be honest to them. Society only tells men to get laid with as many women as they can, and never get married, or if you get married you must cheat your wife because being in love with only one woman is being a loser. That's what's been taught to men everywhere since always. If society doesn't change, this disgrace won't change either. Yes I have been thinking this for quite a while. I am 33 and have given up for a while because it seems that men do not know how to treat women anymore. 2
GingerVixen Posted February 8, 2013 Posted February 8, 2013 Yes I have been thinking this for quite a while. I am 33 and have given up for a while because it seems that men do not know how to treat women anymore. You know, I'm not sexist, I'm totally against sexism but I'm saying this because maybe I'll sound sexist BUT I'M NOT. I believe that unfortunately this is happening partially because of us women. We know that men have this mischievous nature but now women are DESPERATE! They deal with players but even so they have sex with them more quickly than a blink. We're not giving ourselves the respect we deserve. They know regard us as desperate freaks available to have sex with them whenever they can. They're now bored and 100% sure we'll be there for them even if they screw up. Sorry but that's how most women behave. 1
Author jazze Posted February 9, 2013 Author Posted February 9, 2013 3 years is a long time to just drop someone with no explanation.... Are you sure he's not in Jail or the Hospital? Do you speak with anyone in his family? Even if Im not in touch with his family but Im very sure he is not in jail or hospital. This is because he is like always on his social networkings, proving again he is not some kind of in a serious problem. There was one time I reached him on chat messenger. He responded but its a one liner answer and he ended it quickly saying he was working, which I doubted it very much. The more I think about his behavior towards me, the more I feel angry and starting to feel resentful.
Simon Phoenix Posted February 9, 2013 Posted February 9, 2013 Women do this too. I don't know why posters seem intent on bashing one sex or the other when both sexes are capable and guilty of acting poorly. Cut it with the sexist stuff -- this site is for healing, not for blaming and lazy stereotyping. 2
Author jazze Posted February 9, 2013 Author Posted February 9, 2013 Oh God, I believe it's a problem of our generation, or an intrinsic problem of men. Why do they do that? I believe men in general are brought up in the wrong way. Parents don't teach their sons how to treat a girl and how to be honest to them. Society only tells men to get laid with as many women as they can, and never get married, or if you get married you must cheat your wife because being in love with only one woman is being a loser. That's what's been taught to men everywhere since always. If society doesn't change, this disgrace won't change either. The society is not going to change, it is only going to get worse...people are given too much freedom to do what they want in their relationship and some people just don't know or care about whats their rights are in term of legality. 1
NoMagicBullet Posted February 9, 2013 Posted February 9, 2013 My 2 cents: people do the cowardly "fade" because: 1) There not sure what they want, but want to keep their options open, so they won't officially end things with you -- but will pull away because it suits them to do so. 2) They really are cowards. A more politically correct term would be "conflict avoidant" -- they don't want to deal with the fallout that naturally comes with ending a relationship. They don't want to be the dumper. They don't want to take responsibility for the act of ending the relationship, so they don't act. 3) Both 1 & 2. Whatever the case, these people are only thinking of themselves. They may care about the partner to some extent, but the feelings and needs of the partner, especially as relates to honesty and closure, never matter that much to them.
Author jazze Posted February 9, 2013 Author Posted February 9, 2013 Women do this too. I don't know why posters seem intent on bashing one sex or the other when both sexes are capable and guilty of acting poorly. Cut it with the sexist stuff -- this site is for healing, not for blaming and lazy stereotyping. Im not blaming on one gender only. I posted "some" and not "every" bfs do this" so Im not bias. I know women do this too but it is unfortunately I am facing this problem with my LDR bf and I am a woman so posted it here to get some kind of answers or shall I say "healing". So sorry if its trigger some sensitivities from the opposite genders.
Author jazze Posted February 9, 2013 Author Posted February 9, 2013 My 2 cents: people do the cowardly "fade" because: 1) There not sure what they want, but want to keep their options open, so they won't officially end things with you -- but will pull away because it suits them to do so. 2) They really are cowards. A more politically correct term would be "conflict avoidant" -- they don't want to deal with the fallout that naturally comes with ending a relationship. They don't want to be the dumper. They don't want to take responsibility for the act of ending the relationship, so they don't act. 3) Both 1 & 2. Whatever the case, these people are only thinking of themselves. They may care about the partner to some extent, but the feelings and needs of the partner, especially as relates to honesty and closure, never matter that much to them. I so agree with these. I think they probably want their option open and not responsible for their action. In another words, could be a player or very immature...
Simon Phoenix Posted February 9, 2013 Posted February 9, 2013 Im not blaming on one gender only. I posted "some" and not "every" bfs do this" so Im not bias. I know women do this too but it is unfortunately I am facing this problem with my LDR bf and I am a woman so posted it here to get some kind of answers or shall I say "healing". So sorry if its trigger some sensitivities from the opposite genders. You shouldn't have put bf. It's lazy and BS and makes you look ignorant. I'm sorry he did that, but you don't need to act like it's a strictly male thing. If I started a thread making generalizations about women having a certain type of behavior women posters on this site would get annoyed and rightfully so. Don't be lazy.
Author jazze Posted February 9, 2013 Author Posted February 9, 2013 (edited) You shouldn't have put bf. It's lazy and BS and makes you look ignorant. I'm sorry he did that, but you don't need to act like it's a strictly male thing. If I started a thread making generalizations about women having a certain type of behavior women posters on this site would get annoyed and rightfully so. Don't be lazy. Ok Simon, I maybe a little slow in understanding what your issues about my post but can you please enlighten me with what do you really mean by "lazy and BS", pls? My post is about "some bfs" and "not every bfs". Im sure those who are in the similar situation as me gone through almost the same type of treatment from their bfs. And I didn't put as though it is strictly male things. Why you would say that I don't get you. So why is it seems so offending to you when some posters voice out their opinion on this kind of behavior? Let me be clear, I am talking about my bf (boyfriend) and some who came here probably going through the same as my case. So, what I am trying to get from my post is ANSWERS to why some bfs do something like that to their gfs if they love and don't want to hurt their feelings. If I have offended you, Im truly sorry and thank you for your time to come to my post and voiced out your opinion...simply priceless.. Edited February 9, 2013 by jazze missed out some words.
Simon Phoenix Posted February 9, 2013 Posted February 9, 2013 (edited) Ok Simon, I maybe a little slow in understanding what your issues about my post but can you please enlighten me with what do you really mean by "lazy and BS", pls? My post is about "some bfs" and "not every bfs". Im sure those who are in the similar situation as me gone through almost the same type of treatment from their bfs. And I didn't put as though it is strictly male things. Why you would say that I don't get you. So why is it seems so offending to you when some posters voice out their opinion on this kind of behavior? Let me be clear, I am talking about my bf (boyfriend) and some who came here probably going through the same as my case. So, what I am trying to get from my post is ANSWERS to why some bfs do something like that to their gfs if they love and don't want to hurt their feelings. If I have offended you, Im truly sorry and thank you for your time to come to my post and voiced out your opinion...simply priceless.. It's simple, you identified a gender. The "fade" is not a male thing. It's a human thing. Therefore I got annoyed that you labeled it a guy thing, which several other posters, namely GingerVixen, decided to use this thread as a place to bash men. Relationship issues are not just about men, and they are not just about women. It's not a boyfriend thing. It's not a girlfriend thing. It's a relationship thing and it's not gender-specific. When you identify it as one gender, you come off as lazy. Instead of saying "some bfs do this" say "some people" therefore you aren't identifying one gender or the other. This forum isn't about to bash one gender or another. Your post, and several other posts ITT, do this. I accept your apology, just leave the sexism out of your posting. It detracts from your message. Edited February 9, 2013 by Simon Phoenix
Sari Posted February 9, 2013 Posted February 9, 2013 (edited) It's simple, you identified a gender. The "fade" is not a male thing. It's a human thing. Therefore I got annoyed that you labeled it a guy thing, which several other posters, namely GingerVixen, decided to use this thread as a place to bash men. Relationship issues are not just about men, and they are not just about women. It's not a boyfriend thing. It's not a girlfriend thing. It's a relationship thing and it's not gender-specific. When you identify it as one gender, you come off as lazy. Instead of saying "some bfs do this" say "some people" therefore you aren't identifying one gender or the other. This forum isn't about to bash one gender or another. Your post, and several other posts ITT, do this. I accept your apology, just leave the sexism out of your posting. It detracts from your message. I don't think it is necessarily sexist to point out that due to society, there has generally been a decline in the way that a lot of men treat women. Unfortunately one unpleasant side effect of equality is that men no longer have to act like gentlemen if they don't want to, eg they can hump and dump, disappear, cheat etc without being in disgrace and banished from decent society. Some men will not ever act that way as they are decent human beings with morals, but unfortunately there are many men who exploit the privilege of being western, middle class and well educated, which is basically a licence to do whatever the eff you want if you are that way inclined. I'm certainly not saying that all men are feckless bastards, but there seems to be an alarming number who are. Btw I know there are plenty of badly behaved women out there too, and in fact again I find this to be an unpleasant ramification of equality. Edited February 9, 2013 by Sari
Simon Phoenix Posted February 9, 2013 Posted February 9, 2013 I don't think it is necessarily sexist to point out that due to society, there has generally been a decline in the way that a lot of men treat women. Unfortunately one unpleasant side effect of equality is that men no longer have to act like gentlemen if they don't want to, eg they can hump and dump, disappear, cheat etc without being in disgrace and banished from decent society. Some men will not ever act that way as they are decent human beings with morals, but unfortunately there are many men who exploit the privilege of being western, middle class and well educated, which is basically a licence to do whatever the eff you want if you are that way inclined. I'm certainly not saying that all men are, but there seems to be an alarming number who are. Btw I know there are plenty of badly behaved women out there too, and in fact again I find this to be an unpleasant side effect of equality. This is an absolutely pointless conversation so I'm not continuing it. If you want to complain about one gender being evil or mistreating the other, have at it. I'll just stop clicking on this thread. I made my point. 1
Sari Posted February 9, 2013 Posted February 9, 2013 This is an absolutely pointless conversation so I'm not continuing it. Don't then. I don't give a s***. Just thought it might be interesting to look at the reasons for declines in men and women's treatment of one another, and behaviour in relationships in general.
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