HitMeNow Posted February 8, 2013 Posted February 8, 2013 This is about a chick that I was very casual with at first and then became a bit more serious about. Things were going very good (I thought), til last week when she forgot her phone at my place. I couldn't resist but went through her messages and I bumped into her countless messages with this guy who I know she hooked up about a year ago who lives in Australia. They were txting each other like 50 x a day. "Good morning" "Good night" "Kisses", giving each other cute pet names, just as if they were gf and bf. Now she's told me that he's obsessed with her... but Idk. Funny part is he seemed like totally what I would think is unattractive about a guy. A bit of a pushover. Would usually push the conversation. Already professed his love for her. This is all info I have aside: - The sex is great. - we see each other twice a week. - we contact 3-4 times a week, for a few txts. She initiates half. I'm not much a "over txt" talker. - she's told me we should not think too much about the future but rather live the moment. - she pays for my drinks a lot of the times. Seems into me. Has introduced me to her friends, etc. - she tries to plan for our next dates and has asked me to go on a weekend getaway. What do I do? Should I try to up the contact? Or should I just try to limit contact to us just ****ing to detach myself. Confused.
Emilia Posted February 8, 2013 Posted February 8, 2013 - she's told me we should not think too much about the future but rather live the moment. Anyone who says this usually means one thing, you know that. 1
Author HitMeNow Posted February 8, 2013 Author Posted February 8, 2013 Anyone who says this usually means one thing, you know that. Explain it to me please. I dont know if it's a: - Let's just live the moment and we ll see what happens or - Let's not think about the future since I don't see you in my future. Should I just ask her straight up? Or should I just up the contact and maybe that will make me more bf material in her eyes. Honestly lately we have been getting closer and closer and we have been hanging out more often, so I thought maybe upping the contact will get us more connected?
Archgirl Posted February 8, 2013 Posted February 8, 2013 I couldn't resist but went through her messages and I bumped into her countless messages with this guy who I know she hooked up about a year ago who lives in Australia. They were txting each other like 50 x a day. "Good morning" "Good night" "Kisses", giving each other cute pet names, just as if they were gf and bf. Now she's told me that he's obsessed with her... but Idk. Funny part is he seemed like totally what I would think is unattractive about a guy. A bit of a pushover. Would usually push the conversation. Already professed his love for her. This is all info I have aside: - The sex is great. - we see each other twice a week. - we contact 3-4 times a week, for a few txts. She initiates half. I'm not much a "over txt" talker. - she's told me we should not think too much about the future but rather live the moment. - she pays for my drinks a lot of the times. Seems into me. Has introduced me to her friends, etc. - she tries to plan for our next dates and has asked me to go on a weekend getaway. What do I do? Should I try to up the contact? Or should I just try to limit contact to us just ****ing to detach myself. Confused. She's getting what you're not giving her - attention, affection, interest, romance - from someone else. She's having her needs met by two guys who each do a bit of what's necessary. Smart girl! Don't complain to one about what he's not doing, just don't commit and find someone else to address what's missing. It's kinda genius really.
Archgirl Posted February 8, 2013 Posted February 8, 2013 Plus obviously, never a good idea to underestimate Aussies 1
Emilia Posted February 8, 2013 Posted February 8, 2013 Explain it to me please. I dont know if it's a: - Let's just live the moment and we ll see what happens or - Let's not think about the future since I don't see you in my future. In my experience people who want more or are in the right headspace to want more try not to come across too blase and in fact try to tie you into some form of relationship. Especially women. Her not thinking ahead for the future and having lots of contact with someone else isn't exactly indicative of her planning anything with you. It could be either of the above statements but you would hope for something more specific by now? Should I just ask her straight up? Or should I just up the contact and maybe that will make me more bf material in her eyes. Honestly lately we have been getting closer and closer and we have been hanging out more often, so I thought maybe upping the contact will get us more connected? I would ask her. You can up contact and see how the two of you get on and how responsive she is. Of course more contact is usually directly related to bonding. However, I would ask her directly. 1
Author HitMeNow Posted February 8, 2013 Author Posted February 8, 2013 In my experience people who want more or are in the right headspace I know she's not in the right headspace, or point in her life to wanna think or know the future too much. I would ask her. You can up contact and see how the two of you get on and how responsive she is. Of course more contact is usually directly related to bonding. However, I would ask her directly. Honestly since I upped contact a little bit she has seemed very responsive. I am just gahh so afraid to get more attached and am so used to girls doing all the work to "reach out" and am not used to texting every day with a person. And no, It's not my EGO talking, but this guy is a compleeeteee loser. No friends, no other options. He's been into her since start of college (when they were friends) and has been obsessed with her ever since.
TouchedByViolet Posted February 8, 2013 Posted February 8, 2013 She doesn't see you as a long term mate. I wouldn't expect that to change so you shouldn't invest yourself emotionally in her. Her comments and actions with this long distance man speak volumes about her intentions with you.
Emilia Posted February 8, 2013 Posted February 8, 2013 I know she's not in the right headspace, or point in her life to wanna think or know the future too much. Honestly since I upped contact a little bit she has seemed very responsive. I am just gahh so afraid to get more attached and am so used to girls doing all the work to "reach out" and am not used to texting every day with a person. Well if you are hoping to change her mind you are probably better off looking for a relationship elsewhere. Never chase people who don't want to get caught.
Archgirl Posted February 8, 2013 Posted February 8, 2013 Umm all this stuff about her saying she isn't thinking long term etc and it being evidence that you should move on ...just to double check, did she say this in response to you saying you wanted more? Or is it more like as far as she knows, you're not looking for anything serious? So maybe she's just playing the same game? 1
Author HitMeNow Posted February 8, 2013 Author Posted February 8, 2013 Well if you are hoping to change her mind you are probably better off looking for a relationship elsewhere. Never chase people who don't want to get caught. But it's not like "I am looking for a relationship" myself either. (I am sleeping with someone else on the side too). Never been in one. I am kind of taking my time and thinking what would be if I were to actually get in one. and I just like this girl lots and I find myself being very attracted to her.
Emilia Posted February 8, 2013 Posted February 8, 2013 But it's not like "I am looking for a relationship" myself either. (I am sleeping with someone else on the side too). Never been in one. I am kind of taking my time and thinking what would be if I were to actually get in one. and I just like this girl lots and I find myself being very attracted to her. You don't think that she is drawing you in slowly?
Author HitMeNow Posted February 8, 2013 Author Posted February 8, 2013 You don't think that she is drawing you in slowly? Meaning? And yes she is. At first she was just another FWB and I made it very clear that I wasn't looking for anything serious. She agreed saying she felt the same. But now that she drawed me in what?
sweetkiwi Posted February 8, 2013 Posted February 8, 2013 You sound confused man. You are concerned about the guy she's only texting at this point, you even went so far as to go through her phone, yet you're sleeping with another girl???? Am I missing a vital element or what. You are both getting your needs met. Not lying about needing a relationship. Enjoy. Just quit lying and going through her stuff. 1
Author HitMeNow Posted February 8, 2013 Author Posted February 8, 2013 You sound confused man. You are concerned about the guy she's only texting at this point, you even went so far as to go through her phone, yet you're sleeping with another girl???? Am I missing a vital element or what. You are both getting your needs met. Not lying about needing a relationship. Enjoy. Just quit lying and going through her stuff. Hmmm. She says I confuse her too*. The sleeping with another girl is just my self-defense mechanism to not let myself get too attached and hurt... I think. I am not so much concerned about this guy as I am about US*. Sometimes it feels like we are just ****ING AMAZING TOGETHER. And then sometimes she comes out and says I shouldn't think too much about this and just enjoy the moment.... and then I dont understand what the **** she means and I get bitter. And things don't go so well anymore.
Emilia Posted February 8, 2013 Posted February 8, 2013 Meaning? And yes she is. At first she was just another FWB and I made it very clear that I wasn't looking for anything serious. She agreed saying she felt the same. But now that she drawed me in what? When someone is drawing you in it means that person is involving you emotionally. That usually awakens a desire for a relationship. Hence why people who have been burned in love usually take care with whom they allow to 'draw them in' ie whom they allow themselves to get close to.
Author HitMeNow Posted February 8, 2013 Author Posted February 8, 2013 When someone is drawing you in it means that person is involving you emotionally. That usually awakens a desire for a relationship. Hence why people who have been burned in love usually take care with whom they allow to 'draw them in' ie whom they allow themselves to get close to. Lol ok... How do I draw her in then? Lol. I know I am desirable to her. Let's say I give some intense orgasms . And I am usually flirty / teasing, so I think I engage her emotionally.
Emilia Posted February 8, 2013 Posted February 8, 2013 Lol ok... How do I draw her in then? Lol. I know I am desirable to her. Let's say I give some intense orgasms . And I am usually flirty / teasing, so I think I engage her emotionally. That's the thing, if someone doesn't want to get involved, you can't draw them in. Remember how you were with other girls? I'm sure you noticed when they tried to engage you more but you probably didn't let them? Were there times when you liked a girl but purposefully stopped yourself from going further? The thing is, it's much better to talk to her and see where she is at than trying to attract her more and more only to find that you are head over heels and she rides off to the sunset.
Author HitMeNow Posted February 8, 2013 Author Posted February 8, 2013 That's the thing, if someone doesn't want to get involved, you can't draw them in. Remember how you were with other girls? I'm sure you noticed when they tried to engage you more but you probably didn't let them? Were there times when you liked a girl but purposefully stopped yourself from going further? The thing is, it's much better to talk to her and see where she is at than trying to attract her more and more only to find that you are head over heels and she rides off to the sunset. That is interesting. Yes I had girls that were head over heels with me, whereas for me they were just an option. But the thing is this. I wasn't that attracted I think. That's why I wouldn't let them in. And I don't necessarily "feel" like she doesnt want to get involved. Everything we do is very bf&gf like. And she does invest in me with dates and stuff like that, that she pushes for. She is always tries to push for not just "booty calls" in our relations. Now I am assuming she is doing that cuz she's bored, but WTF ... usually that's the wall I put up with people. No "dating" bs and I never get attached.
Emilia Posted February 8, 2013 Posted February 8, 2013 And she does invest in me with dates and stuff like that, that she pushes for. She is always tries to push for not just "booty calls" in our relations. Now I am assuming she is doing that cuz she's bored, but WTF ... usually that's the wall I put up with people. No "dating" bs and I never get attached. You should talk to her
Author HitMeNow Posted February 8, 2013 Author Posted February 8, 2013 You should talk to her I've heard a million times that the guy should never start the talk about "what are we".... EVER.
Emilia Posted February 8, 2013 Posted February 8, 2013 I've heard a million times that the guy should never start the talk about "what are we".... EVER. Ok well if you choose to live in fear and worry that someone might turn you down one day then live by other people's stupid rules. Not quite sure what the point in posting is really in that case. I thought that was for people genuinely seeking to take control of their love lives?
Author HitMeNow Posted February 8, 2013 Author Posted February 8, 2013 Ok well if you choose to live in fear and worry that someone might turn you down one day then live by other people's stupid rules. Not quite sure what the point in posting is really in that case. I thought that was for people genuinely seeking to take control of their love lives? But talk to her about what. It seems like she is not in the same headspace as I am and i know it.
Emilia Posted February 8, 2013 Posted February 8, 2013 But talk to her about what. It seems like she is not in the same headspace as I am and i know it. That's just fear talking. You should ask her whether she is interested in relationships and whether she is interested in one with you. of course you can always just give up for no reason and never know.
Author HitMeNow Posted February 8, 2013 Author Posted February 8, 2013 That's just fear talking. You should ask her whether she is interested in relationships and whether she is interested in one with you. of course you can always just give up for no reason and never know. I already know she is not interested in relationships right now... since she doesn't know where she's gonna be in 4-5 months, when she graduates from grad school.
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