dchin1985 Posted February 8, 2013 Posted February 8, 2013 (edited) Brief background: So 2 months after my ex for 3 years broke up with me. I have met a number of girls. But no one caught my eyes and interest as much as this girl. She is 2 years older than me, but we both agree that we don't mind at all because really mentally we are on the same level. She is beautiful, funny, intelligent and very interesting person to be with. We talk alot, we like to get to know each other (we are from totally different cultural, but then we share same value in many ways), we msg each other from morning till night. Talked in details about relationship and attracted to each other sexually, though we haven't gone into it yet. We also somehow went into the topic of raising up kids, it was strange becuase we only met each other for a month, but surprisingly we have the same opinion. And we always talk silly over msg during work. What my question is: So this whole thing has been going on for a month, things moved very fast in my opinion. But it feels like one day we are all over each other and another day she becomes quiet. As a fact, i know she has many plans for the rest of month so she already noted me that we might not see each other often in this month. I am fine with it, of course she has her own life. I would really consider her, however one thing i don't like is that she is still hung around by her ex of 8 years, broken up 3 years ago. She was honest that her ex contacted her lately and while she is happy but she is also very angry. Her feeling is very strange right now and she needs some time to process her feeling... so i said thats fine, you should take some time to process it. I think she is interested. However, do you think her "game playing' or shall we call "unsure" was due to her unsure about me or unsure of her feeling because her ex came along? And what should i do? I don't want her to feel pressure, and just want to keep in light and fun. I want to bring her out to dinner and desert!!!!! but she is already occupied... so By the way, she told me that from what she knows of me, I am a perfect men to her with very attractive attributes and of the most important ones too. She thinks whoever I end up with, can call herself a very lucky women. :p quite sweet of her! I would really appreciate your view. Thanks Edited February 8, 2013 by dchin1985
Archgirl Posted February 8, 2013 Posted February 8, 2013 I'm still not really clear on the problem? What is the game playing bit? What do you mean goes quiet? As for the ex, maybe don't be so understanding if you don't really feel that way, it sort of makes you into her doormat
Author dchin1985 Posted February 8, 2013 Author Posted February 8, 2013 I guess i just feel confused as to where i really stand. I really don't want to develop a feeling for someone then only to find out that i am just giving her an ego boost or being her doormat. "As for the ex, maybe don't be so understanding if you don't really feel that way, it sort of makes you into her doormat"... I am interested in why did you say this? I think this is very important for me to know.
Archgirl Posted February 8, 2013 Posted February 8, 2013 I guess i just feel confused as to where i really stand. I really don't want to develop a feeling for someone then only to find out that i am just giving her an ego boost or being her doormat. "As for the ex, maybe don't be so understanding if you don't really feel that way, it sort of makes you into her doormat"... I am interested in why did you say this? I think this is very important for me to know. Well you told her you undertood that she needed time etc, basically giving her the impression that you don't care if she hangs out with her ex when actually you really do. You've basically just told her that no matter what she does , you're not going to complain even if you don't like it = doormat. But that's just my snap judgement, basically because I want to respect a guy I like because he's strong enough to not let me walk all over him, others may have a different opinion.
Archgirl Posted February 8, 2013 Posted February 8, 2013 Well you told her you undertood that she needed time etc, basically giving her the impression that you don't care if she hangs out with her ex when actually you really do. You've basically just told her that no matter what she does , you're not going to complain even if you don't like it = doormat. But that's just my snap judgement, basically because I want to respect a guy I like because he's strong enough to not let me walk all over him, others may have a different opinion. Don't get me wrong, you can't really tell her directly but when you are in a similar situation I would recommend not being quite so ready to be understanding. On some level I always like a guy who will fight for me a little, be a little possessive, just not necessarily act on it
Author dchin1985 Posted February 13, 2013 Author Posted February 13, 2013 (edited) :mad::o:o Speechless!! Angry, feeling ridiculous and confused is what i am feeling right now. Why do girls like to play game so much... for what for f sake. So, i decided to hold back a bit and not to text her much at all in the last week (as oppose to we spoke to each other almost 24/7 just the other week), to see if she would care to msg back. Seriously, I don't want to waste my time, effort and emotion on someone if it doesn't go anywhere. I would not initiate any msg for the entire day and she would msg me at night and tell me she was thinking about me and see what am i doing. She would get a bit jealous i think if I was hanging out with some female friends i just met. But once i msg back she will be quiet! And when i offer to talk to her on the phone because messaging is emotionless, she would say "no need". The lack of emotion on msg is confusing me. I feel like i have had enough of her little game (I feel like it gives you hope, i become happy to hear from her and talk to her, then next thing she is just not so available to talk!), seriously what is there about this pull and push game to you girls??! I felt annoyed, and just deleted all her msgs. I did see potential in knowing her more deeply and emotionally, but right now i am confused and just want to be cautious (trust thing)... Grrrrrrrrrr :mad::o Edited February 13, 2013 by dchin1985
Untouchable_Fire Posted February 13, 2013 Posted February 13, 2013 Well you told her you undertood that she needed time etc, basically giving her the impression that you don't care if she hangs out with her ex when actually you really do. You've basically just told her that no matter what she does , you're not going to complain even if you don't like it = doormat. But that's just my snap judgement, basically because I want to respect a guy I like because he's strong enough to not let me walk all over him, others may have a different opinion. I totally agree with this! Spot on analysis. I feel like i have had enough of her little game (I feel like it gives you hope, i become happy to hear from her and talk to her, then next thing she is just not so available to talk!), seriously what is there about this pull and push game to you girls??! I felt annoyed, and just deleted all her msgs. I did see potential in knowing her more deeply and emotionally, but right now i am confused and just want to be cautious (trust thing)... Grrrrrrrrrr :mad::o I wouldn't consider her to be playing games with you. I think she... like most women... is just super indecisive at this moment.
Terminal-Ice Posted February 13, 2013 Posted February 13, 2013 :mad::o:o Speechless!! Angry, feeling ridiculous and confused is what i am feeling right now. Why do girls like to play game so much... for what for f sake. Grrrrrrrrrr :mad::o Don't assume it's a game. I had a few guys get really angry with me and ultimately go away because they expected me to be totally willing within a week or two. The fact is, I've gone through long periods of no dating (lots of moving will do that to you), and if a person goes without for a while, or isn't used to seeing many people, that person may need more time to get used to the idea of letting someone into their personal space and their heart. The sad thing is that while those guys were leaving, I was finally getting to the point where I was ready. Be patient. Don't act like her best friend because, well, the friend zone is usually inescapable doom and gloom if you want to be more than friends. Also, allow yourself to see other girls while she's coming around. She may simply be confused by her feelings for you and needs time to figure out what she really wants.
Author dchin1985 Posted March 13, 2013 Author Posted March 13, 2013 Don't assume it's a game. I had a few guys get really angry with me and ultimately go away because they expected me to be totally willing within a week or two. The fact is, I've gone through long periods of no dating (lots of moving will do that to you), and if a person goes without for a while, or isn't used to seeing many people, that person may need more time to get used to the idea of letting someone into their personal space and their heart. The sad thing is that while those guys were leaving, I was finally getting to the point where I was ready. Be patient. Don't act like her best friend because, well, the friend zone is usually inescapable doom and gloom if you want to be more than friends. Also, allow yourself to see other girls while she's coming around. She may simply be confused by her feelings for you and needs time to figure out what she really wants. Don't assume it's a game. I had a few guys get really angry with me and ultimately go away because they expected me to be totally willing within a week or two. The fact is, I've gone through long periods of no dating (lots of moving will do that to you), and if a person goes without for a while, or isn't used to seeing many people, that person may need more time to get used to the idea of letting someone into their personal space and their heart. The sad thing is that while those guys were leaving, I was finally getting to the point where I was ready. Be patient. Don't act like her best friend because, well, the friend zone is usually inescapable doom and gloom if you want to be more than friends. Also, allow yourself to see other girls while she's coming around. She may simply be confused by her feelings for you and needs time to figure out what she really wants. Thank you! It is definitely worth the patient. So it has been a month since i updated. We talk more than we ever did, we went on a first "official" dinner date last week, we had so much fun and as we went for a walk before me sending her back home. We kissed in the park and she admitted she has been waiting for it . Since then, we call each other more often and she makes the effort to visit me nearby my work for a surprise lunch and watch me played tennis. Very sweet of her, and every date is just much more fun. And she also finally explained why she backed off because she had issues to be solved. She honestly said she wanted to cancel our date because she doesn't want me to be part of her issue but she would contact me again once she resolved it. But nevertheless, we went on a date and we were happy, she also think she is very conencted with me. So right now, her issue has not been resolved yet (it is not related to her ex at all, it is something else significant), but all that i will do right now is to continue to keep our 'relationship' light and fun, keep her smiling even though she is stressed with her issue and see where it goes from here. I miss her everyday! What do you think ladies?
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