Derpderpleton Posted February 8, 2013 Posted February 8, 2013 I've been posting here a lot lately, so, sorry if my millions of threads are annoying you guys, haha. Well, I broke NC today and she totally ignored me. I feel much worse than I did before I broke NC, so I'm definitely going to stick with it this time. The problem is, I work with my ex and our families are somewhat close. Infact, we are invited to her sisters wedding, which is sometime in May, I believe. Right now, I just know that she's fed up with me (for whatever reason). Yeah, I broke NC, but she's the one that said that she wanted to stay friends. Most likely, she's talking to another guy and has no more use for our friendship..as sad as that realization is. What I'm really trying to ask though, I would like to at least maintain some sort of cordial relationship for the sake of working together and our families (especially for the wedding). I know she's most likely not going to make an effort right now, it's definitely going to take some time. Do you guys think it's possible to maintain a cordial relationship with her, eventually? Do you think it's worth it? I don't mean texting/hanging out. I mean not treating each other like sh*t everytime we see each other. Yeah, I'm pretty sad/angry that she suddenly just kicked our friendship to the curb (just like she did to our relationship) as soon as she got what she wanted (male attention), but I would, one day, like for us to atleast be cordial with each other. It's weird how calm I am right now, what with her ignoring me for the first time ever. I'm sure it's going to hit me hard tonight/in the morning. Well, what do you guys think?
Author Derpderpleton Posted February 8, 2013 Author Posted February 8, 2013 Thread title is supposed to say What now?* Don't know how to change it.
NoMagicBullet Posted February 9, 2013 Posted February 9, 2013 "Cordial" is being polite when you have to talk to each other. You broke NC. You didn't really have to talk to her, did you? A lot of people talk about "being friends" or "staying friends" after a breakup. It's just not realistic. Whatever issues influenced the end of the relationship will still be there, causing damage to any supposed friendship. Usually, "friendship" is an illusion that helps relieve the dumper of their guilt, gives false hope to the dumpee of a reconciliation, or even lets the dumper keep their ex hanging around as an option if future relationships don't work out. Whatever the motivation, trying to be friends with an ex almost always interferes with both parties healing, moving on and having relationships with other people. Real friendship between exes is a very rare thing, and is usually only possible after many years have passed. People would be better off accepting that you can end things in an amicable, positive way, but trying to be friends (if children aren't involved) isn't necessary nor desirable. In many cases, people actually mean "let's not hate each other" or "don't think badly of me, now that it's over" when they say "let's stay friends" -- there is no real intention of hanging out like buddies after a breakup or being serious about keeping the friendship. Sorry for the long diatribe on keeping exes as friends, but in this case, you used her initial wish to stay friends as an excuse to break NC. You need to be NC for now to get over her, regardless of ideals like friendship. But I think the reality of being friends with an ex is even more reason to not break NC. 1
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