clidan Posted February 8, 2013 Posted February 8, 2013 Hi everyone, As you can tell from the title, I am gay, and my boyfriend just broke up with me three days ago. It’s been hard and difficult to cope, because the relationship was going strong and suddenly ended. We started dating in August. The relationship was strong and we did many things together. We had our up and down times like any other relationship. . Towards the end of the year, he took a co-op job starting in Jan , until April (in Turkey). I was upset when he left, because I wouldn’t see him. When he arrived, he was busy for the first few weeks, to really talk to me. He then started ignoring my messages, and said that he feels bad when he talks to me. I asked him why, and he said that he feels ashamed to be gay in Turkey. I felt that he fell into social pressure, and he also mention he changed, and might not be the same when he returns. I feel strongly that this is situational, and that when he is removed from that environment, he may feel different. I gradually messaged him on facebook (cute lyrics), then he saw it, deleted it, blocked me from that and twitter, and emailed me. He told me he lost feelings for me and that Turkey changed him. I messaged him emotionally, saying please don’t do this, but he replied saying that if god wants it to happen it will, but right now he feels like it isn’t going anywhere and doesn’t feel right with me (safe to assume that he feels ashamed of his sexual orientation?). I’ve been at a loss, and it’s still raw. I’ve decided to let some time go, before I write him a letter. (No contact) I know that it would hurt not to get a response, but I want my feelings out there in the open. The letter begins, that ‘I may not be the person you want to hear from, but I felt it was important to write this’.. I accepted his decision and told him I needed time to clear my mind (won’t send it in weeks). I then told him I wasn’t sure why he broke up. I went back to August and went over all the good times we’ve had. I told him I felt it was sudden to remove me from his life…”I understand you would be struggling with your feelings (being gay).. but we support you and want to make sure you love yourself”. To me your will always be that man I fell in love with… felt the distance was an issue and the social pressure.. Accept he doesn’t feel for me. Hope we could at least be friends.. doesn’t have to add me back if he doesn’t want too (said it would be a nice step forward)… stated good memories.. want both of us to be happy.. for him to enjoy his trip.. hope he is able to love himself, I love myself. Told him I miss him, and hope you realize you are accepted for who you are when you return. “. If one day you wake up and your heart wonders where I am, you know where to find me.” .. People told me to move on, but no other guy could make me feel like you did”.. hopefully your willing to talk and give it a try..you took care of me and I hope you’ll let me take care of you again. Hope he takes this into consideration, and hang out/be friends on his return. He can reply by any means, and when he thinks of his own thoughts and feelings. I look forward to your responses. I know that I may not get a reply, but heck I'd rather take the chance, be bold, because If i never send it i'll never have the opportunity to express myself. Any tips what to add/not to say would be amazing. I am planning on handwriting it and mailing it to him in Turkey. Lastly, he is returning home in mid-April. There's still a good two months. I was wondering how long NC should last in this case, and when would be a best time for him to recieve it (in a few weeks, or end of march. I just feel that maybe if i keep it too long that he'll just forget about me?). I hope that he writes back (don't feel like he will).. but even if this isn't saved, the letter will let him know how i care, and that he had made a mistake.. guilt will take it's course.
will1988 Posted February 8, 2013 Posted February 8, 2013 Hello OP It seems he is pulling the reversal of the whole "I'm gay" routine, that people pull when trying not to hurt someone and get out of a relationship. In his case though he is saying he doesn't feel right being gay in a foreign country or with you. I call BS on this. Turkey, while not as progressive as say France or San Francisco, is still the most open and progressive country in that part of the world. Hell Istanbull is like most other European cities. I'd say your ex probably is living it up over there and probably found another guy or is enjoying the single and free life. Maybe hitting up gay bars/clubs. It isn't like he is in Saudi Arabia where being gay is actually illegal. I think he didn't want to hurt you by saying he wants to be single and have fun, or that he found someone else, so he is taking the cowardly way out by pretty much saying "its not you, it's me!". I wouldn't send him the letter at all. He obviously doesn't want to be with you. Therefore, I'd go out, have some fun, meet some guys, and do your thing. Good luck!
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