jmargel Posted August 30, 2004 Share Posted August 30, 2004 There is no trust in this relationship. It's either going to fall apart by his cheating, or the lack of trust and compassion between you two. Unless you get a marriage counselor things will fall apart. Like I said before, give him the ultimatium and then follow through with it. You can't live the rest of your life like this. Some guys don't know what they have until they lose it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author inagony Posted August 30, 2004 Author Share Posted August 30, 2004 Did you get a chance to ready my whole story? I don't know if these are actual signs that he's having an affair, but I hate liars, that is part of putting your trust in someone, once that trust is broken it's very hard to trust that person again, cause you would always think of where or who he's with when he does stay out late. Link to post Share on other sites
Author inagony Posted August 30, 2004 Author Share Posted August 30, 2004 Sex question Before he would make sure that I'm being satisfy, but here of late cause now I have to practically beg for it. i.e last week when I finally got some he was not fun or stimulating at all, first it was like he didn't want to and then he finally turn me over doggy style and took his fill of me with in less than a minute he came and just drop to his side of the bed and we never kissed or cuddled. That night I felt cheap and dirty. It was like I asked for it so I got it, he didn't care what or how I was feeling, is this a sign that he was with the girl earlier that same day? (due to lack of stamina and doing me a favor bit?) Is there some one out there who can tell me that when a man comes and his cum is like runny and light what does that mean verses being full and thick? Link to post Share on other sites
TMCM Posted August 30, 2004 Share Posted August 30, 2004 There are many factors that affect the consistency of a man's cum and these include stress, sleep [or lack of], diet, physical activity [or lack of], masturbation and on the job stress to name a few. I am truly sorry that you were treated so badly by him. It is far, far better not to have sex if it means that you are going to be treated in such cruel or uncaring manner. Nobody, man or woman, deserves to be treated that way. Link to post Share on other sites
pedwin Posted August 31, 2004 Share Posted August 31, 2004 I agree with spock.I would be at the restaurant every chance I got. I would show him an abundance of attention in front of her. Piss her off and she might be the one telling you what you already know. If he's telling her that the two of you are almost over and you start acting like you have a wonderful marriage she will think he has lied to her. I wish you all the best. I know how bad that pain can be. good luck pedwin Link to post Share on other sites
jmargel Posted August 31, 2004 Share Posted August 31, 2004 You aren't getting it! You two have issues between you two that need a professional. Even if he's not cheating, he's still emotionally abusing you. You have no trust in him as well. This other woman is just a topic, and after this particular topic passes, another will come along because of the issues you two have. Unless he's willing to goto counseling with you, you either have to accepted a type of 'conditional' love from him and worry the rest of your life about what is going on, or leave. Link to post Share on other sites
Author inagony Posted August 31, 2004 Author Share Posted August 31, 2004 Thank you guys for all of your advise, Corresponding with all of you has helped me tremendously, you have no idea how much you've had help, at lease you are replying to me verses having all of this bottled up inside me, and when I tried talking to my H, he shuts down on me and refuses to talk to me and we wind up arguing. Like I said I've already ask him to see a counselor, which he said that it's no ones business, and how where we're living this island is pretty small and our business will be out on the streets. (which is true, even the doctors here don't respect the patient doctor confidentiality, I know cause we have a couple of doctors as friends and the stuff that they say about some of their patients are something else) It's a pretty small island where everybody knows you and knows your business, (so one can't hide things) That is why it will be very difficult to go out and snoop (or follow my H around) cause some one is bound to go back to him and said that they saw me) His buddies will always have his back. What kills me that my H doesn't have the balls to tell me to my face what is going on and the OW, doesn't have the guts to face me either. Because if it was me being accused (or falsely accused as they claim) of something I would be the first person in the face of the accuser setting the record straight. But she prefer to keep on being accused. I guess she likes her name being tainted as a husband stealer Link to post Share on other sites
pedwin Posted August 31, 2004 Share Posted August 31, 2004 God I feel so bad for you!!! Tell me something, If the island is that small how are the two of them getting away with all of this? There is bound to be someone who would be willing to talk to you. There must be a lot of people who know what there sleazy butts are up to. You have got to find a person willing to rat on them. Do you ever go out by yourself? Do you have any friends who can snoop for you? They might think there safe but there not. They can't keep their secret for ever. How did you end up living there? Where did you live before? Do you have any family who can help you? I feel so bad for you there and alone. Please call someone who can give you some support. I'm here if you need to talk. Pedwin Link to post Share on other sites
Author inagony Posted August 31, 2004 Author Share Posted August 31, 2004 Pedwin, I traveled to this island 8 years ago on a six weeks vacation celebrating my divorce from my first H of 10years with my 2sons (ages 3 & 4 at that time), that's how I some to meet my new H, and wound up staying, we've been married now for 5 years, the kids calls him papa, they have no contact with their father, so this is the only father that they know & have. My H loves these boys as if they were his own, they may not have is blood runing through their veins, but they have alot of his caracter and habits (both good & bad) He's always been there for the kids, to the point of even spoiling them, what ever they want he gets it for them. You have to understand that on this island adultery is rampant and with the community it is the norm, (which I refuse to accept) We dine out quite alot here as a family, cause there's not much for kids here on the island, and if you do find something like tennis for the kids it would be $1000.00 per month per child, you can only go to the beach so often, so while out there dining we would see people that we know like lawyers, doctors, even teachers, out with the other woman and not out with their spouses. The local wives seems to just accept this style of life, cause they keep their big homes, drives big cars, dress in designer clothing etc, it's what you have that counts in this place, not morals. So there for I don't have any close friends, those are not people to have around your kids, so I keep to myself. No I don't go out alone, if I do go out it's always with my kids. Link to post Share on other sites
pedwin Posted August 31, 2004 Share Posted August 31, 2004 Oh my God!!! That's horrible! Do you have family in the states? Friends? Anyone who could help you? Pedwin Link to post Share on other sites
Author inagony Posted August 31, 2004 Author Share Posted August 31, 2004 No I don't have family or good friends back in the States, I used to work for an Arline, so I was living the various States, hence the lack of establishing a good friendship with some one. That is why I was thinking of just saving enough money for a flight out of here with my boys to any where in the lower 48 or even Alaska, as far away as possible. Even if I have to stay in a homeless shelter with my boys until I could get back on my feet I'm willing to do that. The last couple of days he's been ok, yesterday he even took one of the boys to work with him for the whole day, and on Sunday he was doing some odd things around the house and he even cooked diner. So by him being nice, I'm here wondering what to do next. Link to post Share on other sites
pedwin Posted August 31, 2004 Share Posted August 31, 2004 do you not have any family? If I were you I would call the boys real father if that was the only thing I could do. They are his children and he should help them. Anything would be better than a shelter. The next time he went to work and it was time for him to get off I would be there waiting to see what he does. I wouldn't care if he found out. If he didn't want you sneaking around he would tell you what he has been doing. Let you ex husband make up for all of the child support he has gotten out of all these years. Pedwin Link to post Share on other sites
jmargel Posted August 31, 2004 Share Posted August 31, 2004 My only suggestion would be to write him a letter, expressing everything you are feeling. Let him read it by himself, while you aren't there. That will at least be able to show him how upset you are. Link to post Share on other sites
Author inagony Posted September 1, 2004 Author Share Posted September 1, 2004 Jmargel I've already done the letter bit, which didn't do any good, that was why I sign up with this forum. To talk to others, and just by having your responses, has made me feel better in some ways, at lease you ecknowegde my exsistance. Now I don't feel so alone. Link to post Share on other sites
jmargel Posted September 1, 2004 Share Posted September 1, 2004 You aren't alone. It's like a family here I know here in Pennsylvania, there is an organization that can help people in your situation. Called 'Women in Transistion'. I'm sure most states have something like this. http://www.womenintransitioninc.org/index.html Maybe they might help, however I think you would have to live in the state. Link to post Share on other sites
Author inagony Posted September 1, 2004 Author Share Posted September 1, 2004 Jmagel, Thanks, I'm actually looking forward to returning to the states, this had given me something to look forward too. I have a gig coming up and I'm not blowing my own horn here, but in 4 months time I'll have about 30k so I'll stick around to do this job for the couple of months then it's back to the good old US of A for me & my boys. Like I said just being able to talk to all of you in this forum has been a huge help for me, this is true therapy (as they say make the best out of it) After all if you look at the world, there's worst things going on out there than my situation, (which I'm not making excuses for) but I have been looking at my life in a whole different light. Link to post Share on other sites
pedwin Posted September 1, 2004 Share Posted September 1, 2004 lord girl, what do you do for a living???? I might need a career change! You sound a lot better today. You didn't respond about the boys father and getting his help. You might be surprised at the help he might give to you for his children. big hugs, Pedwin Link to post Share on other sites
Author inagony Posted September 1, 2004 Author Share Posted September 1, 2004 Dear Pedwin, The boys real father wants nothing with them, he has paid child support since our divorce, I've tried to over look that with him and make ways for the boys to get to know their own father (objectively), but they have desided that they to wants nothing to do with him, cause they would be the ones who was reaching out to him, he've never called them for birthdays or xmas, and they said to me that since they we're the ones who were making all the effort, and him not even trying or caring enough (so they saw with out me bad mouthing him his true colors) The job is suppying mega yatchs with provisions during the season and doing follow up's I've been in the travel business and doing customer service for 20 years, so they realy wants me to work for them then they can afford to pay me what I'm asking for. Yes I'm in a better fram of mind, all because of you guys talking to me and letting me cry on your shoulders. Link to post Share on other sites
Athena Posted September 5, 2004 Share Posted September 5, 2004 Inagony, you do know he is cheating, and you are desperately trying to get to the bottom of it, by asking him and her, what is going on... believe me, they will not tell you -- the number one rule for cheaters is: Deny, deny, deny! So, change gears... stop asking him questions, and start keeping your ears and eyes open for what is really going on. Get hold of his cell phone bills to see the extent of his relationship with her... the 4 times a day that you have logged for their calls is a sure sign that they are intimate by talking frequently to each other, and usually, emotionally intimacy leads to physical intimacy between a man and an available woman. When you feel your spouse is cheating, he/she usually IS cheating. Asking is not going to get a confirmation, just more and more lies to cover up their tracks. You need to keep alert. And start making plans for your future-- when you DO find out he is cheating... get a support system of friends, seeing as you are there without family. There is a good book which you can order over the Internet, called "Is He Cheating on You? - 829 Telltale Signs by Ruth Houston " This book will open your eyes! In my opinion, he IS cheating on you, and now that he knows you have been alerted, he is going to be far more cautious than before, but he is not going to give it all up just yet... you will need to get definite proof, and then confront him. Good luck Link to post Share on other sites
Author inagony Posted September 14, 2004 Author Share Posted September 14, 2004 Hello Folks, It's been awhile since my last posting. I've been doing well and things on the home front, has changed, however I'm keeping my eyes & ears open. Nothing has stand out and he's been home alot and doing stuff around the house like he used to do. He hasn't called her from his cell phone since our big blowup back in early Aug. (I ve gotten his last 2 cell bills) lol.. I will check back with an update again soon, right now we're under a tropical storm warning (Jeanne), so I'm going out to get some supplies. Inagony. Link to post Share on other sites
Author inagony Posted September 17, 2004 Author Share Posted September 17, 2004 Hello Ladies, You'll love this, as I said that I have a plan and will be putting it into action. Well the other day I've placed an order for some sex toys. Yesterday he was on the pc and saw the confirmation of a shipment sent to me, man he was pissed! I calmly told him that since he can jerk off, and I'm practicaly horny all the time, and the times that we do have sex, there was no pleasure in it for me that he should be grateful that I got myself some toys in order to help relieve myself than going out to find a real live toy to F with. (I know that some of the males in this forum might get offended, but as I said if he's out there getting his rocks off I too can get my rocks off, but not the same way that he's going about it) If this doesn't wake him up I realy don't know what would. (His pride or his ego might get bruised by this, I'll let you know what happends next as my toys arrive) Link to post Share on other sites
pedwin Posted September 17, 2004 Share Posted September 17, 2004 I just read your post and I can't stop laughing!!!! You are a trip!!!! I'll bet his manhood completely inverted when he read the shipment confirmation! What did he say after you told him all that? Is he speaking to you? Write and let us know what he said!!! Thanks for giving me a laugh this morning. I sure needed it! Pedwin Link to post Share on other sites
Author inagony Posted September 17, 2004 Author Share Posted September 17, 2004 Pedwin He was like a lamb all night (proberly thinking what to do next) All he said was that he might take away my credit cards, as if he can....LOL.... This morning he was still looking upset, bearly said to words to me before he went to work... So I behaved as if I didn't give a ****, just said out loud (like to myself) I can't wait till Monday when my toys gets here. (one of them was bigger than his and look like the real thing too) I was bursting at the seems in laughter when I saw the look on his face, but he said nothing and just left the house. Link to post Share on other sites
pedwin Posted September 17, 2004 Share Posted September 17, 2004 God you are sooooo funny!!!!! Actually sex toys can add a lot to a relationship Pedwin Link to post Share on other sites
jmargel Posted September 17, 2004 Share Posted September 17, 2004 And what is this going to accomplish? Revenge is just going to come back to you. You wanted him closer to you, but you are driving him away by doing this and rubbing his nose into it. What's more important, getting back together with him or vindication? Link to post Share on other sites
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