pedwin Posted September 17, 2004 Share Posted September 17, 2004 You gotta take those sex toys and put them to good use If you play your cards right you and hubby could have many wonderful nights playing with your new toys!!!good luck!!!! I FOUND THIS INFO ON DR. PHILS WEB SITE. I FOUND IT HELPFUL AND I THOUGHT SOMEONE ELSE MIGHT FIND IT HELPFUL ALSO LOVE PEDWIN Advice About Affairs Whether you're the one who has strayed from your relationship or you're the partner who feels betrayed, Dr. Phil can help you move forward. It is absolutely vital for you to move forward with life and love. Being willing to trust again is key. Take things one step at a time. Don't try to make sense out of nonsense. Rationalizing your cheating spouse's behavior or sympathizing with him/her is pointless. In order to resolve your relationship, contact with "the other person" must be cut off 100 percent. You can't work on dealing with the consequences of the affair while you're still having it. Make the hard decisions. Either leave the marriage to free your partner, or commit to stay. The best predictor of future behavior is relevant past behavior. Was this something you saw coming? Ask yourself: What are you doing to help your partner get past the affair? Help the partner who did not have the affair find emotional closure. You must do whatever it takes until your partner finds it. Time heals nothing. It is what you do with the time that matters. Don't think the healing will take the same amount of time that the affair lasted. Healing can't start until the hurting stops. Remember that it is better to be healthy alone than sick with someone else. If your partner wants back in, he/she will have to earn his/her way back into the relationship. Make a plan together to renegotiate the relationship. Do you know what a healthy relationship is? Figure out what you want and behave your way to success. RELATED LINKS Contaminating a Relationship Is Internet Porn Cheating? Dealing With a Jealous Spouse Link to post Share on other sites
netrie Posted September 17, 2004 Share Posted September 17, 2004 Originally posted by inagony Is anyone out there can tell me if I'm going crazy or not? Is he cheating on me or not? Why do we make life so complicated for ourselves? Link to post Share on other sites
pedwin Posted September 18, 2004 Share Posted September 18, 2004 Netrie, I missed the point of the quote! Pedwin Link to post Share on other sites
teressa0397 Posted September 18, 2004 Share Posted September 18, 2004 well for one thing your are on the right track all i can tell you follow him don;t let him no it ok; and go buy you a tape recorder tape him while he is on phone if he is seeing someone you will catch him on that tape recorder; that's how i caught my husband ok; that is the keyword get a tape recorder????????// that don't lie ; hope that help you out good bye Link to post Share on other sites
Author inagony Posted September 18, 2004 Author Share Posted September 18, 2004 Hi Teressa0397, He only use his cell phone, so taping that would be difficult, he doesn't use the house phone at all. That is why I have the cell phone bills send to me via e-mail. To Netrie, I don't know what you wanted to say but once you've put allot of time and love into a marriage you just can't throw it away with out a fight. Hi Jmargel, I just had a feeling that you wouldn't like what I did, it's not to get even, I just wanted him to hurt some, like I've been hurt, and since I need sexual relieve and he doesn't seem to be doing it I went out to get help. (instead of going out and finding another man to do the job). Don't stop sending me your thoughts, it's good to get a male's point of view. Hi Pedwin, You know what he said last night? Oh we could have discuss it before I went off and bought the stuff, I said whenever I try to talk about us, you said that we're going over the same issues and he doesn't want to talk about it, so how could we have talked about it when you didn't? I also told him that we're supposed to be able to talk about everything, but here of late we can't seem to talk about anything. So he told me oh blame me again, I said well if the shoe fits, cause I sure don't have a problem speaking up now do I? Thanks for the stuff from Dr Phil. Link to post Share on other sites
ladyblue Posted September 21, 2004 Share Posted September 21, 2004 I have been questioning my sanity lately as well ... Can anyone tell me of sure fire signs your spouse is cheating? I suspect another girl and confront my husband; however, he claims I have lost my confidence and am making ridiculous accusations. Am I? Link to post Share on other sites
jmargel Posted September 22, 2004 Share Posted September 22, 2004 Inagony, You are not going to get your feelings across when he is being defensive. Instead of accusing, why not put it in a form of a question. Instead of saying 'How you treated me was wrong', say 'During the past few months, don't you think you could have treated me better?', etc.. You two need to goto counseling, because you two still have issues to deal with. Ask him what does he want from the relationship, then tell him what you want. Be precise. Link to post Share on other sites
Author inagony Posted September 23, 2004 Author Share Posted September 23, 2004 Hi Jmargel, I've tried everything, I've already asked him a number of times what is it that he wants out of our marriage, I've also tried questions, and when I couldn't get any answers from him, in my frustration that is when I accused him. I've went so far as to tell him that I'm leaving him, and I've put a for sale sign on my car, you know what he did? He just started to cry, but he's still keeping what ever he has going on inside of him bottled up. I'm working on every angle I could come up with. Link to post Share on other sites
jmargel Posted September 23, 2004 Share Posted September 23, 2004 Well then my only other suggestion would be: To apologize to him for the accusations you have made towards him, and then tell him that you feel he has something he wants to tell you, but that you'll be there when he's ready to talk. Tell him you trust him 100% and that you want to work on things between you two. Ask him if he's willing to do the same and then take it from there. Link to post Share on other sites
Author inagony Posted September 23, 2004 Author Share Posted September 23, 2004 Thanks, Just 2 days ago he left for work at 8am and came home at 10pm, I was upset due to he didn't call me for the 14hours that he was gone, when he got home I could smell beer on his breath and all of a sudden he was very talkative, then when he saw that I wasn't responding to him, he started to ask me what's wrong, so I told him that he was only thinking of himself and not the fact that he has a family at home. He became defensive once again, so I told him that I'm sorry and I'll never bring it up again. (That he's gone for 12-14 hours with no contact) When he fell asleep I checked his cell phone, he called the girl's job, but he could find the time to call his wife. (this made me mad, cause I told him that I'm not comfortable with his relationship with this girl, and should stop all communications with her, he has promised me that he would, and for the past month I haven't seen any communications between the two, so I thought that he's respected my wishes, but I guess not huh..) I haven't said anything to him as yet about what I've found on his cell phone. Link to post Share on other sites
jmargel Posted September 23, 2004 Share Posted September 23, 2004 Inagony, If he still having contact with her, and he's not willing to work on the relationship with you, then I would either tell him he has to move out, or you are leaving. You need to break this vicious circle. Otherwise you'll be posting on here for the next year, basically repeating yourself on how one day things are going ok, then the next he does something to upset you. You are on a emotional roller coaster and it needs to stop. Give him the ultamatium and stick by it. That's my only other suggestion to help save your sanity. Link to post Share on other sites
Guisi Posted September 27, 2004 Share Posted September 27, 2004 Inagony How was your relationship with your 2nd husband before this woman came into the picture. I'm not talking about sex. I know you said that the family went to the beach and dine out often, but how did the two of you get along without the children? Link to post Share on other sites
Author inagony Posted September 27, 2004 Author Share Posted September 27, 2004 Hello Guisi, We used to be very close, in other words we could just look at each other and knew what we were both thinking or what one was about to say before it was said. We would hang out just the two of us and talked from the weather to heated debates on world politics, etc. We would talked about what we would do when the boys are grown and gone, or just being together without talking, just relaxing and reading. Link to post Share on other sites
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