Marine0311 Posted February 7, 2013 Posted February 7, 2013 Well, long story short ive been with my girlfriend since we were both in highschool. I went straight to the Marines and she went to college. We lasted through long distance and a deployment to Afghanistan. She broke up with me this past August while still long distance and we got back together right before Thanksgiving. I was supposed to deploy again, but was discharged out of the Marines for medical reasons. So now I am back home a few hours away from her, while previously the last two years I was a world away from her. She has been very cold lately and offstandish. She gets very mad at me easily, but apologizes for treating me like ****. Next week is Valentines Day and I planned to give her an awesome romantic night, but she said she doesnt know wether she wants me to come up or not. Im really sick of the way she has been treating me and when I ask her wtf is going on, she says she is very stressed and figuring out life. When asked if she wants to be with me still, she says yes. But I have a gut feeling it isnt true. I know she isnt cheating bc we have mutual friends up there and part of me believes she is just very stressed and confused anout life. The other part of me feels she takes advantage of me and treats me like **** and I can do better and find a girl who truly cares for me. She still texts me daily, but there very short and vague. I really dont know what to do!
Balzac Posted February 7, 2013 Posted February 7, 2013 Firstly, many thanks for your service to our country. We can surely listen to your thoughts n feelings on this. I'm inclined to say, find a Lovely that embraces and appreciates you! Often youthful romances burn out.
Author Marine0311 Posted February 7, 2013 Author Posted February 7, 2013 Thanks for the support. I dont want to giveup because I love her so much.. she was my crutch throughout afghanistan and always supported what i did. The way she is treating me now is rough and I think you may be right. Shes probably finally falling out of love. How should I go about ending it?
Keenly Posted February 7, 2013 Posted February 7, 2013 I can't say for certain but it appears that your love is one sided.
Balzac Posted February 7, 2013 Posted February 7, 2013 Honestly it's probably less "falling out of love" and more about personal experience in developing maturity. You've had life changing training, deployment and experiences that bring about maturity. I'd try to frame this less as a personal rejection and more about her not being developmentally prepared to commit to furthering the relationship to marriage. How? What comes to your mind? 1
Author Marine0311 Posted February 7, 2013 Author Posted February 7, 2013 Honestly it's probably less "falling out of love" and more about personal experience in developing maturity. You've had life changing training, deployment and experiences that bring about maturity. I'd try to frame this less as a personal rejection and more about her not being developmentally prepared to commit to furthering the relationship to marriage. How? What comes to your mind? Wow. The way you put that truly does make me feel a lot better about this situation. I have been in combat and definitely grewup a whole lot since the last time I lived home (17 years old was the last time i lived home). My mom told me that too, she said something along the lines of, "she loves you but isnt mature enough to handle a relationship right now". Do you think I should try and rekindle things on Valentines Day or call her up and just tell her it isnt working. I would love to stay with her, but it just doesnt seem possible
Balzac Posted February 7, 2013 Posted February 7, 2013 You care about her and clearly have some understanding of what she's dealing with. I think I'd suggest not traveling to see her. Let her off the hook w/o declaring it over. That then leaves a discussion about recognizing Valentine's Day. Card? Other small token?
Author Marine0311 Posted February 7, 2013 Author Posted February 7, 2013 So dont see her on the 14th? Can you give me some guidance aha ala step by step. Im kind of confused at what you said.
Balzac Posted February 7, 2013 Posted February 7, 2013 Hey it's all about dialogue here. Others will soon chime in. You'll get a variety of opinions. ....but she said she doesnt know whether she wants me to come up or not. I base my suggestion on the above statement. Step by step is relatively easy to work out here. I'm starting w your accepting that she's not wanting a big romantic gesture. Why give her cause to possibly feel guilt? Why go there and have "that talk" on a romantic tryst that may not be so romantic?
Author Marine0311 Posted February 7, 2013 Author Posted February 7, 2013 Definitely true. Maybe doing something super romantic will drive her away more because she doesnt know if she wants me to come up. I agree with what youre saying for sure, itd be an awkward night probably. I will play it copl for now and see how she acts a few days from now
Balzac Posted February 7, 2013 Posted February 7, 2013 Think over how you can let her off the hook about her possible choice of not being together. That's a tough conversation. Concurrently I'd be card shopping for a not-over-the-top card. I think you'll want to do some gesture. In the meantime as you've stated, back off. Don't call it the end just yet unless you feel that way.
Balzac Posted February 8, 2013 Posted February 8, 2013 I was supposed to deploy again, but was discharged out of the Marines for medical reasons Curious now to know if you're doing ok? Not asking more than what you'd care to share.
Author Marine0311 Posted February 8, 2013 Author Posted February 8, 2013 Haha no problem, I broke my hip in my first deployment and it never healed right/ i never got surgery like I needed, so now im looking at a hip replacement probably.
Balzac Posted February 8, 2013 Posted February 8, 2013 Oh ouch! I'm sorry but as we both are well aware, a new hip replacement is pretty OK considering alternatives. I'm certain you've got pain n mobility problems. Were you disappointed to be discharged? No doubt your mom was joyous to hug you in person! Thanks for sharing your story. I'm sorry for this current challenge w your girl. War is Helz on more than the soldier. We all recognize this and we all feel compassion for the collateral struggles in home life. Again, thanks in every major heartfelt way for your service and continued struggles. You shipped out a teen and became a man.
Author Marine0311 Posted February 8, 2013 Author Posted February 8, 2013 Hey man thanks a lot. I was really bummed to get out, im in the infantry so were the guys who are out there hookin and jabbin. It was mixed feelings getting out. I was happy to get home and live a normal life again, but Im worried for my Marines back in Afghanistan. Definitely left a boy and came back a man. I see my friends who have just been in college since high school and I feel like Im nothing like them. Habe you ever seen the Adam Sandler movie, Billy Madison? When he goes back to elementary school? Thats how I feel in college classes right now haha. I feel like im an old man compared to everyonr else my age.
Addison312 Posted February 8, 2013 Posted February 8, 2013 Marine, you can do something awesome for me for V Day instead, mmk? 3
Author Marine0311 Posted February 11, 2013 Author Posted February 11, 2013 Semper Fi young man. Retired Gy. Sgt. here. Also had multiple deployments. Let me give you some words of advice from one Marine to another. First and foremost. Trust your gut. Secondly, deployments do put a strain on any relationship no matter what the situation or age is. Third, do not tolerate disrespect or wishy-washyness, although I cannot say for sure, all of the behavior you are describing is eerily similar to another man being in the picture. I might be wrong, but my gut usually is right. She might have the personality to not want to hurt your feelings and be on the fence hence her going back and forth with how she treats you. As far as her friends and your friends, that means nothing. People usually don't want to get involved and point out the big elephant in the room. Especially because you are a Marine. People respect Marines, or fear Marines, you know this. And some friends would not want to get involved. My advice to you is to find someone worthy of your time. You seem to have a good head on your shoulders, you served our country honorably, and you deserve to be treated as you treat others. Let her go. Rah Gunny! Haha I got out as a Lance. Lately we have been talking again and its been alright. I think my biggest problem is I was so used to the fleet/barracks life and being with all my Marines 24/7 that now I am a civilian, I am not adjusted to maintaining the relationship. Its a struggle, but im not ready to quit yet. Any suggestions on adjusting back to civilian life? Im going to school now, but I feel lost as **** around everyone it sucks. Wish I could be back!
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