Author NoMoreJerks Posted February 20, 2013 Author Share Posted February 20, 2013 (edited) If he follows his established pattern, he'll turn on the charm when he sees you slipping away. Be prepared! I can't get sucked into another round of this. No thanks. Thailand really was the main deal-breaker, and I had told myself that the minute he brings up traveling to Thailand again (for the 10th time in less than 2 years), is the minute it is over between us. I am sticking to that. There is just no way in hell I can stay with him, after he brought up Thailand -- and Pattaya of all places in Thailand. He himself had told me a while back, that there is only one reason anyone would go to Pattaya: sex with whores and partying on the beaches (involves a lot of sex too). I am not even going to say anything or argue with him about why he shouldn't go there, how I feel about this, etc. I know all the stunts he's gonna pull. One of them is: accusing me of being selfish, telling me he's coming to visit me, so I am being selfish. He's also gonna tell me I am going to San Francisco myself, but of course that is a work trip, not a "play" trip, and I haven't been talking to him about all the men I'd be hitting on during my stay there... He'd manipulate me and make me feel bad about nagging him. I am not going to say anything, and just slip out the back door. That is all. Edited February 20, 2013 by NoMoreJerks 5 Link to post Share on other sites
HeavenOrHell Posted February 20, 2013 Share Posted February 20, 2013 Let us know how you're doing ok? Link to post Share on other sites
iouaname Posted February 20, 2013 Share Posted February 20, 2013 Wait, I'm confused. Are you breaking up with him? But doing so by just disappearing? Link to post Share on other sites
Author NoMoreJerks Posted February 21, 2013 Author Share Posted February 21, 2013 Let us know how you're doing ok? Thanks. Doing fine, I guess -- considering. I do have severe back pain, which I often get due to anxiety -- usually lasts for a few days , but I should be ok in a few days I guess. Link to post Share on other sites
Author NoMoreJerks Posted February 21, 2013 Author Share Posted February 21, 2013 Wait, I'm confused. Are you breaking up with him? But doing so by just disappearing? Yeah, I think the disappearing act is my best shot of really getting rid of him from my life, because he keeps playing mind games and contacting me even when he dumps me. So this time, I am f*cking serious, and I'm blocking his numbers. He doesn't want me, wants his whores in Thailand, but can't let go of me because he wants someone to be in the background all the time, "just in case" things don't go well for him, or if he feels depressed and needs someone to lean on. I don't need this **** in my life. I don't need a man who shows bizarre and sleazy and disrespectful behaviour. If he were respectful and loving, LDR would've been worthwile, but he is not -- so I am just wasting my time with a guy who wants nothing more than to spend some of his spare time with me when he's bored. After dumping me twice and charming me back into his life, he has some nerve to talk to me about other women and prostitutes. Or maybe not, since I've been such a pushover. Not anymore, though. He will hear this "message" loud and clear, even without me saying anything to him. I don't care about the $750 he's gonna end up losing (if he can't exchange it for another ticket) -- I spent that much money on him when he was here for work. I got him a $130 birthday present, only a month before he broke up with me for the first time. Not to mention the hundreds I spent on phone calls, only for him to tell me that he had wanted to talk to me only because he usually feels worse when away from home (which he told me when breaking up with me the second time). Even despite all that, I wanted to be with him, because I loved him, and wanted him to change. He even professed feelings for me, when we started talking after the 2nd break-up. I did not bring up getting back together. He did. He told me he loved me. I was stupid enough to believe it. If this is how he loves a woman, he can go love someone else -- I don't need this kind of love. This is not love, it's abuse plain and simple. Anyway, bottom line is, he doesn't deserve an explanation. I should do what's best for me, just as he's doing what he thinks is best for him -- decided to visit Thailand again, without even consulting with me, when we had been making plans for me to visit England (which would've cost me $2000+ that I can't afford to spend right now). Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted February 21, 2013 Share Posted February 21, 2013 Usually I wouldn't recommend the disappearing act, but you've given this guy all the chances in the world already. Good for you, girl! Stay strong this time, okay? 4 Link to post Share on other sites
ConfusedBlueeyes Posted February 21, 2013 Share Posted February 21, 2013 Wow NMJ you deserve so much more than he has given you. Know your worth and realise you are worth so much more than this. The fact he even considered going on a date and thought it was funny hes friends set it up says a lot, the fact he buys drinks for prostitutes says a lot. I for one wouldn't even allow a partner in a bar like that. Do the right thing its hard yes. Hes your first love but know you are worth so much more and get rid of him x 1 Link to post Share on other sites
asianbrody Posted February 23, 2013 Share Posted February 23, 2013 I am one of the guys women in LDR have to be afraid of. I absolutely do not think you should give him any chances to pursue this type of behavior. My EX let me hang out with girls alone, at night. You can imagine things happened, and often... even if I wasn't looking for it, just being in close proximity and alone with a girl, if there is a mutual attraction, something will happen. I am not blaming things on her, of course.. I take sole responsibility. I think you should put your foot down and tell him that you aren't comfortable with him hanging out with women alone. Best of luck Asianbrody Link to post Share on other sites
MyPoutine Posted February 23, 2013 Share Posted February 23, 2013 Whores = STD's by the dozen, RUN NMJ RUN as fast as you can in the opposite direction. Best of luck! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
HeavenOrHell Posted February 23, 2013 Share Posted February 23, 2013 Uhm no, this only happens with men or women who choose to cheat, many men and women choose to be, and want to be, loyal and trustworthy and want no-one else except their partner. Contrary to popular belief, men can control their urges, (it's just used as an excuse), same as women can. I am one of the guys women in LDR have to be afraid of. I absolutely do not think you should give him any chances to pursue this type of behavior. My EX let me hang out with girls alone, at night. You can imagine things happened, and often... even if I wasn't looking for it, just being in close proximity and alone with a girl, if there is a mutual attraction, something will happen. I am not blaming things on her, of course.. I take sole responsibility. I think you should put your foot down and tell him that you aren't comfortable with him hanging out with women alone. Best of luck Asianbrody 7 Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted February 23, 2013 Share Posted February 23, 2013 Uhm no, this only happens with men or women who choose to cheat, many men and women choose to be, and want to be, loyal and trustworthy and want no-one else except their partner. Contrary to popular belief, men can control their urges, (it's just used as an excuse), same as women can. Amen sister. Brody isn't 'the type of guy women in LDRs have to be afraid of', he's the type of guy all women should avoid, period. If a person thinks nothing of cheating in a LDR, he/she will think nothing of cheating in a ITR when opportunity presents itself as well. And nobody is going to be with him 24/7, ITR or not. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Author NoMoreJerks Posted February 28, 2013 Author Share Posted February 28, 2013 (edited) Elswyth, yeah -- my ex was like that (notice the "ex" part -- yes, I pulled the disappearing act on him and have blocked him on the phone and other programs we used to communicate with). I don't think all men are untrustworthy like that. My brother-in-law is a trustworthy man, I don't think he'd EVER cheat. He's just not that type of a person. And oddly enough, you can almost tell who's trustworthy and who's not. Just gotta go by your gut feeling. My ex is the type of guy who would cheat even if he were here in my city. It's not about distance, I think. He's just a player who likes sleazy types of places, etc. At 40, one would think that he would've been more mature than to hit on every random woman (or prostitute) he saw, but I don't even think it's an age thing, or , for that matter, a sex drive thing. I don't think he has a higher sex drive than the average guy, actually. Oh well, whatever. I've put him out of my mind, for good, and at this point, I don't even want to be in a relationship with anyone else. If a decent man comes along, I will know it, and might give him a chance. Otherwise, I'm just not going to go on dates , or anything else that involves interactions with men, other than my male friends, to whom I am not attracted sexually. I am not an insecure person, but he did manage to make me insecure about his whereabouts, etc. Anyone would've felt the same way, so I don't think it was me being overly clingy or insecure. If all relationships were like this, no one would ever want to be in a relationship, because it's just not worth the constant stress. It must be nice to not wonder where your bf is or what he is up to. Hopefully one day I will meet a man who is worthy of that sort of trust. Until then, I have learned not to be so naive as to give people the benefit of the doubt all the time. Edited February 28, 2013 by NoMoreJerks 1 Link to post Share on other sites
iouaname Posted March 1, 2013 Share Posted March 1, 2013 Not that I'm judging, I'm just curious. You blocked him without letting him know you were dumping him? And blocked all ways that he could contact you? How long ago was that? Link to post Share on other sites
Author NoMoreJerks Posted March 1, 2013 Author Share Posted March 1, 2013 about 5 days ago. i actually added his numbers and the usual skype number he used to text me with, to my spam list. it's not technically blocking texts, but just sending them to the spam folder (if he's sent any), where i don't have to look. Link to post Share on other sites
ana0pera Posted March 1, 2013 Share Posted March 1, 2013 i am glad that you are moving on from the creep, NMJ! did you tell him to cancel the trip, or did you just disappear? do you think he'll get the hint (if you didn't cancel the trip) or is he dumb/bold enough to just show up at your door one day? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author NoMoreJerks Posted March 1, 2013 Author Share Posted March 1, 2013 i am glad that you are moving on from the creep, NMJ! did you tell him to cancel the trip, or did you just disappear? do you think he'll get the hint (if you didn't cancel the trip) or is he dumb/bold enough to just show up at your door one day? I don't know. We'll find out soon enough. I think he's figured out at this point that it's over. Also, while he does have my address, he's only ever been to my apartment once.. we usually spent time at his place, since I don't have a TV and my place is smaller than the hotel suite he used to get. Anyway, he probably can still show up at my place, by telling a cabbie to drive him there. But he'll have to get someone to let him into the building, and even if he does slip in when someone else is going in, so what -- I will probably not even be home at the time. I don't think he'd risk coming all the way here. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
jcrew11 Posted April 14, 2013 Share Posted April 14, 2013 I'm puzzled as to why you are still with him after 2 breakups. Plus, now that he is away in Europe for a long period of time, means that you will be apart - so that is a physical break up in a sense. I wouldn't get your hopes up of the relationship lasting or getting married to this guy if he doesn't even live near you. Its a casual relationship of convenience where "distance" is an easy excuse for any problems. Unless you are engaged or married, then I would assume and expect the man to be sleeping with other women whenever he gets a chance, if he is not living near you. Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted April 14, 2013 Share Posted April 14, 2013 Last update was 1st March 2013. I'm guessing (or hoping) he's history by now. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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