Krieger Posted February 7, 2013 Posted February 7, 2013 I've been feeling like this for a long time now but It's not that I don't want love in fact I want to fall in love and be loved by someone more than anything. due to many factors,has been pretty far behind the curve when it comes to relationships and sex.Did casual dating a few times when I was in high school/college (as in we go out 1-2 times just for fun, never get physical at all) but didn't date in any form for most of my 20s due to personal issues (mostly due to massive shyness/social-anxiety problems). I've managed to turn things around a bit and can talk to anyone. I am a different person now I just had to look at this way no one cares. I do put myself in social situations and meet people with no problem. I know I can ask for girl out I have done it before. The longest I have dated the same girl was probably for about 6 months or so and it wasn't even anything serious. It was only sex and the only girl i have had sex with. Well I decided to go back to college a 2nd time at age 29 .My job is OK but it a dead end job and it is nothing I am passion at about doing forever. My job just does not pay well like $18 an hour will not feed a family even working full time. Working 40 hours a week and and college full time takes a lot out of you. I only get 3-4 hours a sleep a night 7 days a week . thank god for amphetamines and Provigil . I have no life other then work ,college , studying and sleep when I have the time. I am willing to give up stuff that will just get in the way and sacrifice things to become successful. I have stop hang out with friends , talking to family and having a social life . I have be isolating my self a lot I need to stay focused. no tv , no doing thing i like to do no fun time and no days off. Some days I forget to eat so I go 24 hours with out food . The desire to feel like i am not a loser drives me. I don't know if that's the healthiest thing—to be motivated by a fear of hating yourself, but it helps. I'm constantly tortured by a sense of failure.When I'm feeling in a darker place, my perception is that everything sucks and even though I've done this, it seems I should have done more. I go want a girlfriend and some day a wife and kids but if I fail to finish college I do not deserve a girlfriend. The way I currently am is not good enough and really not much to offer a girl other then love but that cost money too. success is my only option so I have to out work the person next to me. I keep telling my self NO girl will date you if do not get college done. I will be the crazy cat guy and eat cold can dog food if I do not give it my all. when I am all done with college I will be deserving of a girlfriend and I have some thing to offer a girl . Is it normal to feel this way about your self? Is it bad to use this as motivation to get good grades so I can get in to my program I am trying to get into? Do you have any advice ? Sorry for the long ? just need to get this off my chest . Thanks for your time. now back to home work.
Author Krieger Posted February 7, 2013 Author Posted February 7, 2013 Yes, once you make at least $100k a year. I will be good with $60-75k and only working 3 days a week .
Green Light Posted February 7, 2013 Posted February 7, 2013 I've been feeling like this for a long time now but It's not that I don't want love in fact I want to fall in love and be loved by someone more than anything. due to many factors,has been pretty far behind the curve when it comes to relationships and sex.Did casual dating a few times when I was in high school/college (as in we go out 1-2 times just for fun, never get physical at all) but didn't date in any form for most of my 20s due to personal issues (mostly due to massive shyness/social-anxiety problems). I've managed to turn things around a bit and can talk to anyone. I am a different person now I just had to look at this way no one cares. I do put myself in social situations and meet people with no problem. I know I can ask for girl out I have done it before. The longest I have dated the same girl was probably for about 6 months or so and it wasn't even anything serious. It was only sex and the only girl i have had sex with. Well I decided to go back to college a 2nd time at age 29 .My job is OK but it a dead end job and it is nothing I am passion at about doing forever. My job just does not pay well like $18 an hour will not feed a family even working full time. Working 40 hours a week and and college full time takes a lot out of you. I only get 3-4 hours a sleep a night 7 days a week . thank god for amphetamines and Provigil . I have no life other then work ,college , studying and sleep when I have the time. I am willing to give up stuff that will just get in the way and sacrifice things to become successful. I have stop hang out with friends , talking to family and having a social life . I have be isolating my self a lot I need to stay focused. no tv , no doing thing i like to do no fun time and no days off. Some days I forget to eat so I go 24 hours with out food . The desire to feel like i am not a loser drives me. I don't know if that's the healthiest thing—to be motivated by a fear of hating yourself, but it helps. I'm constantly tortured by a sense of failure.When I'm feeling in a darker place, my perception is that everything sucks and even though I've done this, it seems I should have done more. I go want a girlfriend and some day a wife and kids but if I fail to finish college I do not deserve a girlfriend. The way I currently am is not good enough and really not much to offer a girl other then love but that cost money too. success is my only option so I have to out work the person next to me. I keep telling my self NO girl will date you if do not get college done. I will be the crazy cat guy and eat cold can dog food if I do not give it my all. when I am all done with college I will be deserving of a girlfriend and I have some thing to offer a girl . Is it normal to feel this way about your self? Is it bad to use this as motivation to get good grades so I can get in to my program I am trying to get into? Do you have any advice ? Sorry for the long ? just need to get this off my chest . Thanks for your time. now back to home work. This is all a very damaging way to think! You need to stop putting conditions on your worth("when I finish college I'll be worth dating") and start realizing that just the fact that you were born makes you worth more than anything! I know society may say otherwise but they are wrong. It's all lies to get you to slave away harder. It's the psychological whip that they crack over you.
quietGuy13 Posted February 7, 2013 Posted February 7, 2013 That was a long mail and no body answered you much. You deserve a better answer and a long one. So here i go. Firust, YOU ARE DATABLE. It's not your fault. Women these days are not looking for marriage or dating. Who knows what they like. Well they always say they don't need a man. So i guess they just wanna be alone and with their girlfriends. Yeah, that's what it is. They love spending time witch eachother. In fact, Women want to live in their own world. They hate men with passion no matter what you do. NO matter if you have talents no matter if you're nice. Women now want women. Well good luck to them. They should start marrying eachother. Well and they actually do. Even the hot women want girlfriends and dating girls. It's just the reality. it's 2013 and women no longer want men. They're also happy they won't marry men cause then they don't need to take care of a baby. Here's what you need to know about women. WOMEN DO NOT AND HAVE NEVER LIKED MEN. The whole thing was made it up in stories and fables to try to fix the situation but it never worked. Women just felt forced to marry guys and that's why you have tons of divorce and domestic violence. CAUSE WOMEN AND MEN (due to women's hatred of men) do not love eachther. Here's the other thing you need to know. There's nothing you can do about it. Take it or leave it.
melodymatters Posted February 7, 2013 Posted February 7, 2013 ^^^ Oh, lord ! Yes, you did share a lot and you DO deserve a proper answer. but the above, was NOT it. You are a perfectionist and right now I would bet money that you WILL finish college and become successful. You are HIGHLY motivated ! On the other hand, as you are realizing, that's not everything and a loving partner to share things with is what makes many experiences worthwhile. You are worried about the future when you can healthily concentrate on BOTH then AND now: a well rounded life. YOU are the one saying you won't get a GF without college and a great job. MY H never went to college and was recently laid off. He is not less of a man, in fact his love and strength and emotional support have just helped get me through one of the hardest times in my life. SOME woman will judge you for what you have. SOME woman will judge you for who you are and how you treat them. YOU, need to start being a little nicer to yourself ! When I find myself repeating negative messages to myself, I try and catch myself ( like a dieter about to eat a donut) and say waaaiiiiit a minute, why are these negative feelings/traits more valid than the positive feelings/traits ? ANSWER : they are not. 1
Untouchable_Fire Posted February 7, 2013 Posted February 7, 2013 Do you have any advice ? Sorry for the long ? just need to get this off my chest . Thanks for your time. now back to home work. You are lacking self esteem. You need to believe in yourself. Money and success won't make you a better person. It actually makes it HARDER to find someone to love you. I think you need to put as much effort into loving yourself as you trying to get through college. Having a wife or GF won't make you feel better about yourself any more than success or money. What don't you like about yourself? You seem like a great guy!
outsidethebox Posted February 8, 2013 Posted February 8, 2013 Here's a tip. People date in college. Really. They don't wait till they graduate. You don't have much time, money, or energy. You will be spending time with college coeds. "Dating" may just be spending time with someone after class. Good enough to get to know each other. But you can't have an attitude like you posted or no one will want to talk to you. Have an attitude like you're interested in who you're talking to. The rest will work itself out.
Author Krieger Posted February 8, 2013 Author Posted February 8, 2013 [quote= What don't you like about yourself? You seem like a great guy! There's all these things I've ****ed up. If I had only stayed focused, I would have been further along. It's this constant feeling of not having achieved enough. Emotionally I dwell on things forever. I'm an obsessive thinker. I obsess on things I've done wrong. Even worse than mistakes, I'll dwell on what I'm not doing at the moment . i hate feeling like i am on the peripheral of every thing.
quietGuy13 Posted February 8, 2013 Posted February 8, 2013 There's all these things I've ****ed up. If I had only stayed focused, I would have been further along. It's this constant feeling of not having achieved enough. Emotionally I dwell on things forever. I'm an obsessive thinker. I obsess on things I've done wrong. Even worse than mistakes, I'll dwell on what I'm not doing at the moment . i hate feeling like i am on the peripheral of every thing. Did you even read my response?
carhill Posted February 8, 2013 Posted February 8, 2013 Do you have any advice ? Do what you're doing for you, rather than to be datable and/or 'deserving of love'. The healthiest and longest lasting love will be that of you for you. At the other end of it, meaning life, you'll find, if not along the way, the value of this advice. Yes, BTDT, did all the dating/mating/marriage stuff.....along with walking your path for some years. Good luck. 1
Author Krieger Posted February 8, 2013 Author Posted February 8, 2013 ^^^ Oh, lord ! Yes, you did share a lot and you DO deserve a proper answer. but the above, was NOT it. You are a perfectionist and right now I would bet money that you WILL finish college and become successful. You are HIGHLY motivated ! On the other hand, as you are realizing, that's not everything and a loving partner to share things with is what makes many experiences worthwhile. You are worried about the future when you can healthily concentrate on BOTH then AND now: a well rounded life. YOU are the one saying you won't get a GF without college and a great job. MY H never went to college and was recently laid off. He is not less of a man, in fact his love and strength and emotional support have just helped get me through one of the hardest times in my life. SOME woman will judge you for what you have. SOME woman will judge you for who you are and how you treat them. YOU, need to start being a little nicer to yourself ! When I find myself repeating negative messages to myself, I try and catch myself ( like a dieter about to eat a donut) and say waaaiiiiit a minute, why are these negative feelings/traits more valid than the positive feelings/traits ? ANSWER : they are not. I try to telling my self a set back is a set up for a come back .
StanMusial Posted February 8, 2013 Posted February 8, 2013 Honestly dude you're not in a bad spot. You're in college so there should be plenty of hot young tail around. Do what you have to do regarding your course work and start scouting around for some single women. I can relate to your situation in a way... my schedule with work etc. is crazy but if you manage your time right you can find time to date. I won't lie, it's hard but it's doable. Time management is the key.
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