Long story ahead

[SJR]

This is kind of a long story so I appreciate anyone who reads it all.

 

I met this girl. We talked for a couple weeks before we went on our first date on Dec 9th. This was the best first date I've ever been on. We clicked in every way imaginable. I felt it, she felt it. We had another date on Tuesday the 11th which was just a dinner. Again, everything was great. We texted each other all day almost for the rest of the week. We had made plans to go see Cirque de Soleil on the 22nd. She asked off work for that day and I bought the tickets. Everything was fantastic.

 

Friday the 14th we're texting during the day as usual. I can sense something is a little off but it's just text messages so I don't think much of it. That evening she quits responding to messages. The rest of the week goes by and I hear nothing from her. I text her once a day asking what's going on. I start getting a little angry because I spent a lot of money on the tickets for the 22nd and she's just blowing me off.

 

On Friday the 21st, the day before Cirque de Soleil, she finally messages me back. She explains that (and I'm paraphrasing) she lied to me about having no children. She actually has a 12 year old daughter that she left with the father several years ago. She didn't think she'd get a chance to see her again until she was grown. The daughter found her on Facebook and made contact. She tells me she didn't know how to tell me this especially after only 2 dates. It's a bit much to bring into a new relationship and she expected me to just walk away anyway. That was why she didn't respond to any of my messages that week and she'd been devoting all of her time to her daughter.

 

Now, I really like this girl and I can't judge her for something like that. Life happens. I tell her if she's ok with her daughter meeting me I'd like to take them both to Cirque de Soleil. She is shocked that I'd do this but very happy at the same time. That night she comes to my house to sit down face to face with me and tells me the story of why she left her daughter when she was small. She was 19 when she had her and wasn't ready to be a mother. She is 31 now. She says she thinks she had undaignosed postpartum depression. She regretted it everyday, but she's extremely happy now with how it is turning out. She stays the night and we have great sex, everything is right with the world.

 

I'm able to get a seat right next to us for her child. Saturday night I meet her daughter and she is just adorable. We get along great. We all have a great time. Girlfriend takes her daughter home and comes back to me and stays the night.

 

My work closes for almost 2 weeks at Christmas time and she was starting a new job but not until the middle of January. So we're both off work. Other than a couple family gatherings we're together all the time day and night. Things are going great with us. The sex is amazing, we are just perfect together in every way. This is where things start getting intense. We say we love each other and we both really meant it. We start talking about the future and possibly getting married (not immediately but in the future) and having kids. We were even picking out names. She practically moves into my house. She didn't bring any furniture over but a bunch of clothes and bathroom stuff. Looking back this was happening very very fast but it felt right at the time.

 

She tells me about her childhood and how she grew up. She tells me her mother was murdered when she was 10 or so. Mom was basically a prostitute and was killed over drugs. Somehow Girlfriend was able to see surveillance footage of this happening. She also tells me her biological father raped her mother and she was the result. Girlfriend was raped by a stranger at the age of 9. A guy her mother was "servicing" but passed out. Man comes into her and her younger sister's room and says it's either you or your sister. Choose. She chose to protect her sister. A few days after she tells me this, she finds out that her biological father molested her when she was a small child. That goes over about as well as you can imagine.

 

During this time she starts getting sick. She finally goes to the doctor and she has a kidney stone. It hurts her so bad she can barely walk but she still tells me she loves me and wants sex and is very affectionate. She passes the stone and goes back to the doctor. He tells her she has a kidney infection, her ovaries are infected and she might need to get them removed and never able to have kids again. Obviously this depresses her.

 

So in the span of about 2 weeks she has her child pop back into her life, gets into a very serious relationship, finds out that her father molested her and is told she probably can never have kids again. And she's broke because she's off work and spent all her money on her daughter for Christmas. I paid for her doctor visits and medicine.

 

Despite all of this things are going really good. Her daughter loves me, tells me she wants me to marry her mother. She wants us to have family game nights. The three of us go looking at new houses. Things seem to be going really well for us. Then one day it's like a switch turned off. I can tell you the exact day things were different. She goes out to her mothers house for a few days because her grandmother is sick. She doesn't message me much while she's gone. She tells me her daughter's father thinks we're moving too fast and doesn't want daughter staying the night at a guys house. She says she doesn't think she can live there because she has to do what's right for her daughter. I tell her I understand and I'll do anything I can to help her.

 

She's still at my house for about 2 weeks but I can feel her pulling away. She gets sick and says she can't sleep and starts staying on the couch. She apologizes that she's sick and grumpy but still stays on the couch. Doesn't want sex anymore. Keep in mind up until this point we were doing it 3-4 times a day. Almost all initiated by her. Even when she could barely stand because of her kidney stone. She ends up moving out into a tiny little one room house. She started having reasons not to see me after work. She doesn't have a car and would tell me a friend would take her home or a family member was picking her up and spending time with her daughter.

 

One Sunday afternoon she asks if I could take her to work. I do and things just don't feel the same. But we hold hands on the way and she kisses me goodbye and tells me she loves me. She says she'll let me know when she's off work and I'll pick her up. I text her a few hours later asking when she gets off. No response. I text again after a couple hours and just get "I don't know". She's a part time waitress at a bar and usually works about 4-5 hour shifts. When I get the I don't know text its been about 8 hours since I dropped her off. I text her a few more times and get nothing. I'm starting to get worried because by this time its almost 2am and I haven't heard anything from her. In my mind her phone died and she's stranded at work waiting on me, or something worse, I don't know. I decide I'll drive to her house and see if she's there and if she's ok. If she's not there I'll go to her work since they close at 2am. Well, she's home and gets pissed that I came to her house and screams at me to leave. Wouldn't even open the door.

 

The next day I'm sending her messages asking what the hell is going on. The only response I get is, "I just need a few days, thank you". So I give her a few days, I don't contact her. Thursday evening I'm thinking about all of this and I text her basically saying she can't string me along and she needs to talk to me. No response. I decide to go to her house and try to get her to talk to me. She won't open the door and won't even talk to me. She's hiding from me. I text her and say I just want to talk to her. There's some back and forth where she says "it just happened" but mostly what I got out of her was this was too intense and it's too much for her. I ask her if we're completely finished and she says "For right now yes. I need space and time".

That was on Jan 31. I haven't contacted her at all since then but on Feb 5 I sent her daughter a message saying shes a great kid and I'm very lucky to have met her. I assumed Girlfriend would have told her by now that we broke up but I assumed wrong. She didn't know anything about it. The daughter and I had formed quite a bond and I didn't want to just disappear without at least saying something to her. And honestly, part of me hoped that it would prompt a discussion between Girlfriend and daughter and she might rethink what she is doing, or at least how she's handled the situation. A few minutes later I get a text from Girlfriend saying please don't message daughter anymore, thank you. I say I hadn't planned on it. She responds "K". That's the last I've had any contact with her.

 

I don't know what I'm expecting to happen. I'm still very sad that she left because everything we talked about in the beginning is what I want out of life. Everything about her was what I've been looking for. It was in my hands and then all of a sudden it was gone for what seems like no reason. But I know that whatever issues there are they are hers. I was great to her and her daughter. I would have treated her like my own.

 

I would take her back because I truly do love her, but we would have to sit down and have a very serious talk. I know this is incredibly long but if anyone has any insight to share I'd really appreciate it. Did I screw up by going to her house and trying to get her to talk to me? At that point we weren't broken up and I was confused and had no clue what was going on with our relationship. Should I have not messaged her daughter? All I wanted was to be treated with respect and to have a face to face conversation. That's what adults do is it not?

 

TL: DR version

Met a girl, had an intense relationship for 6 weeks. There's talks of marriage, kids, family, new house. She has traumatic experiences while growing up. She decides one day to cease all communication with me, not even telling me there was a problem. Tells me she loves me one day, later that evening she wont talk to me and won't even answer the door. Out of the blue. Is it possible this works out where we can end up together? Should I cut my losses and be thankful I dodged a bullet?

Edited February 7, 2013 by SJR

[destroyed4sho]

Sounds like you dodged a bullet.

There is definitely something going on with her. I can't say for sure, it could be:

 

1.She had a mental disorder that causes her to make up stories

2. She realized that you are a normie and she definitely is not

3. She wanted to con you for money

4. She is no longer interested for reasons that are not your fault

5. There is a lot going on with her life now and she wants to concentrate on her daughter

 

I do not think you should contact her again and Definitely do not involve her daughter. You do not want to put a very confused and vulnerable child in the middle of this.

 

What did you like about this woman?

 

Strange things:

1.Also, I thought it was strange that she has her daughter for only a week and leaves her home to have sex with you....

2. Why does the baby's father have any say into how fast your relationship is going between you too? Is this the father who has guardianship over the daughter and why did he not let her see her daughter all these years? Why did it take the child to contact the mother to start a relationship?

[SJR]

First off thanks for reading all of that. It's long I know but I felt the backstory was necessary.

 

It did occur to me that she is bipolar. It would explain a lot. I don't know if she is and how do you ask someone that anyway? She did tell me a little about her previous serious relationship and it didn't sound like a healthy one. Maybe she's not used to someone treating her nice and being supportive?

 

I know she wasn't trying to con me out of money. She didn't ask me to give her money, I almost had to force her to let me take her to the doctor. I know that's what the money was for because I was there and I picked up her prescriptions.

 

Of course it could just be me and she decided she didn't like me anymore. Usually that's a gradual thing though. It happens over time. This seemed to happen overnight. I know she has a lot on her plate right now and needs to concentrate on her relationship with her daughter. I never stood in the way of that. In fact, I was trying to help her in every way possible. I told her to have the daughters Father and Step Mother come to my house to meet me and see where she would be when she was with us. It never happened.

 

In the beginning everything was great with us. We laughed and had fun, we joked and teased each other. We seemed to want the same things out of life and seemed to have the same outlook on most things.

 

The relationship with her daughter was very delicate. She basically abandoned her 6-7 years prior. She signed over all custody to the father. As far as I could tell Daughter has a good life. Nice house, nice school good family she's growing up with. When Girlfriend was back in the picture she wasn't staying with her. They would see each other for, what I could gather, just hours at a time. Maybe a full day but not overnight. After I met her the first night Girlfriend didn't leave her home alone to come stay with me. She took her back to her father's house where she lives.

 

I thought it was weird that the father was getting involved in what we were doing too. Girlfriend told me that in their custody agreement the daughter can't stay nights with her at a boyfriend's house unless she was married. I never saw the custody agreement so I don't know if that's true or not. Could have been just a good excuse to move out. Especially because a couple weeks prior he was okay with her staying the night with us.

 

What I'm hoping to get some insight on is how likely is it that I will ever hear from her again? I miss her and I really want all the things we talked about in the beginning. But the way she's acting now, she's treating me like I wronged her in some way. She won't give me any explanation for why she's treating me the way she is.