M23 Posted February 7, 2013 Posted February 7, 2013 (edited) So I don't want my ex back. I don't even want her as a friend anymore(we were best friends for well over a year before we dated). I'm not over her, yet, but I don't want anything to do with her. It's been 6 weeks, a few periods of NC, a few times we spoke, she said she loved me a bit, its now been 11 days full NC. I know she isn't going to contact me. I don't want her to... She hasn't even tried. It wasn't a great break up. It was completely out of the blue. But, I get why she did it, I think. She was very insecure. Over everything. She was always cold if I went out with friends, she was worse if I went out with friends from work. She hated that I wanted to train more. I always told her that I would be doing that once I was settled at university. Every time I did something else, she made it sound like I was choosing that over her... Once a girl from university emailed me about meeting up with a couple of others(girls) to do a project. I opened it when my ex was next to me. She wasn't happy about that either. Her exact reasons for the break up were these. 1. I hurt her once without meaning to. I said something in my sleep but she kept quiet about that for a good 2 weeks. I don't remember it and I don't even believe it happened. She's had pretty vivid dreams herself... 2. "I didn't love her" 3. She said I was just settling for her until someone better comes along. AND I would want better. Someone smarter, less needy, someone prettier etc. Someone at university, or from my work. 4. Following from 3, she thought I would get drunk with a girl from work, a girl she thought liked me, and I would cheat, it was just a matter of time. 5. Her reason for us staying broken up was that I went no contact, after she broke up with me, which proved to her that I didn't really care. 6. The actual break up was over me working boxing day, I was really ill and wanted to go straight to bed after work, I texted her "night" and she thought I didn't want to speak to her. She was busy with her sister too that night which would have meant me waiting up late to phone her... I only work part time, but I ended up with 5 evening/night shifts over the Christmas week. It's a really busy time of year. The first thing she said to me when she heard was, that, "I asked for them deliberately" She got really upset with me when she seen a picture of what looked like me kissing someone 3 weeks after the breakup on facebook, I was drunk and she kissed me... But I let the girl so... My ex even texted my brother asking where he was when this happened. She said things to me such as, she never wanted to speak to me again etc. After this she "coincidentally" started seeing some guy she knew but only started hanging out with after the break up, this guy doesn't even know she was just out of a break up... I kind of feel sorry for him. She was still saying she loved me when she was physically out with this guy. Apart from those insecurities, we never argued. We were really happy together. We even talked for hours on Christmas day, since we were with our families that day, we stayed up til 3am on the phone/skype. I know I am way better off. I have no desire to be with my ex again. I hate how she lied about lots of things. I feel like I hate her for a few reasons... I feel like I'm hating her more and more every day. Just for the lies, which is very strange. I usually don't even not like people. Not even my previous ex who actually cheated on me... Why does everything feel "meh". I still can't fully focus on uni work. I just can't be bothered doing anything. I think it's feeling like I am alone. But I don't want to get into anything new at the moment, even though I know for sure now there are a couple of girls who are interested... I don't like feeling alone though... Edited February 7, 2013 by M23
Author M23 Posted February 7, 2013 Author Posted February 7, 2013 I read a phrase about putting all your eggs in one basket on this site just now. That's exactly what she wanted me to do... I wouldn't do that... We actually had that conversation and used that exact phrase when she was unhappy about me training more again. As it meant she would talk to me less a mere "4-6 hours" a week
fancy feast Posted February 8, 2013 Posted February 8, 2013 To be blunt, sounds like you had a full life that included her, while she had one that consisted of mostly you. Not a good balance. But since you have stuff going on, just throw yourself into it until you feel ready to try something. I dunno, sounds like you have everything figured out.
McDonald Posted February 8, 2013 Posted February 8, 2013 I'm just like you. I'm so over it. I'm over trying to be friends still. It hurts to much. I think the meh feeling is what we are missing. Even if we are over it in a way, even if it was an unhealthy relationship. You miss the good times
Author M23 Posted February 8, 2013 Author Posted February 8, 2013 (edited) I wouldn't say I have everything figured out... I am trying to move on. It does get easier. I just keep reminding myself that if she really did love me. She wouldn't have left. She did leave, she doesn't seem bothered. For all I know it could be killing her inside, but the point is, I can't know. Looking back, it really was an unhealthy relationship... Arguing every time I went out with friends? That's not right... Thinking that I want better than her? I tried so hard not to just tell her she was wrong, I tried to show her too. I failed, but it wasn't my fault. I can't make someone believe me... She might one day think she's made a huge mistake, but as far as I'm concerned. She hurt and lied to me, I never did anything to her and for that reason, I deserve better... I have enough self respect to know not to pine for someone who could treat me so bad. The past doesn't matter. What matters is now and what's to come. She chose to run. That's a choice we both have to live with. All I can do is go on what I actually do know. What I know is this. I'm single. She doesn't matter while she chooses to not be in my life. There are other fish in the sea. I know this for sure... I know girls have been interested and some still might be. I won't end up alone. The next girl could be miles better than my ex. Yes, I feel alone. That's normal. I'll adapt to being single again. Or, I might find someone new in time. I might already know her, I might meet her today, who knows? While I don't have anything new to fill the void. I don't need to fill it just yet. I'll take the pain for however long it lasts. It's already fading. She blocked me on facebook. Not me blocking her... Strange that a dumper blocks the dumpee? I know she didn't do it to spare me any pain. I'm pretty sure she did it for herself. So she couldn't see me moving on. She only blocked me, not my brother etc. Edited February 8, 2013 by M23
McDonald Posted February 8, 2013 Posted February 8, 2013 (edited) Maybe you can help me out then because what you are saying makes it sound like you are starting to get it under control. My break up was exactly like yours. Came out of nowhere.. She was my best friend before. The first person I met in college. We became codependent. We became coinhabiting in a way. She was supposed to visit me over winter break but breaks up with me. Saying its her.. She needs space for now... Etc. she leads me on when we e back and then starts dating another guy... She did really hurt me and I was so over it. I still am, but I'm confused. NC for 3 weeks then she texts me after saying that we can't talk anymore.. I don't respond. Then I run into her... She tries to Ignore me. I just don't understand. I guess I never will. His past weekend i was able to get myslf to go out. Took pics with other girls. Uploaded them. Then I took down my Facebook. I guess she noticed i wasnt on her friends list and sent the text bcause she was selfish. After all the pain... Idk why I can't...let go I guess is what it would be. I was so ready to move on until the txt. Now all the thoughts came running back.i know I shouldn't, but why do I have this feeling of wanting her again? I just makes me sick Nd that makes me want to message her. I know I can't. I know I can't but I'm also not over the friendship? Ugh idk I just keep repeating myself. Edited February 8, 2013 by McDonald
Author M23 Posted February 9, 2013 Author Posted February 9, 2013 Hey McDonald. I think I am starting to gain control over this. But that's only because thanks to Loveandpeace14, my old friends and new friends. I have been talking to LP14 a fair bit on MSN. Last night I sent LP14 my "analysed" reasons why my ex and I broke up... Since I thought about it all, I realised that I really am better off without my ex... I was living a good life with my ex. But, and please note this next part. I realised, there is far more to life than "some girl" who either; can't commit, runs away just because it's the easy way out, couldn't support me in every way, who was able to just leave me so easily. We deserve someone who truly loves us. I don't think there is a "one" but that doesn't rule out a "several". You have to think about it. I know it's not easy, but ignore any sort of what if. What if's aren't the actual reality you are living... Today, I went to work, a girl flirted with me a lot... She is now going out on Sunday mainly because I am going... After work, I went to the pub with my bestfriend, just for a couple of pints. Tomorrow, I am going to support some guys who are competing for our club team. These guys have become good friends since my break up. I should've been competing too, but due to my ex/uni/work I wasn't able to train enough... My point is. Just live life how you want to. There was a time she wasn't a part of your life. Now is that time again. So, ask yourself, apart from her, what do you want out of your life? Once you know, work on that. Sorry if I'm sounding harsh. I don't mean to. Again, go with what you know now. Not what you knew, not what you think you might know or guess. For me, its that I am single. She has made no effort to "save" us. Therefore... All I can do is accept it and do what I want to do now. As long as she chose to leave my life and not be a part of it. She shouldn't matter. You can't possibly understand any of it. I tried to understand it. I think I do but then again I could be way wrong/ The reasons I sent LP14 could all be wrong. The point is, it doesn't matter if I am right or wrong. It changes nothing... She is gone.
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