ASG Posted February 7, 2013 Posted February 7, 2013 So yeah I went out with this guy I met through an OLD site I joined as a joke (it's a Sugar Daddy site... or a glorified hooker site), but the guy seemed nice enough and we decided to meet. Now... he first had invited me to go see a show he had tickets for. I said yes, sounds great... He then follows up with "dinner at my place after?" to which I said a very very big NO. That was his cue to kinda go "ok, lets have a quick drink the day after instead". I wasn't too bothered about the show, so I said ok. We met for a drink yesterday. It went well. He seemed nice. So at the end of it we said something about meeting up again next week. Great! So he texts me this morning... Asking if I want to have dinner at his next week... And there is no amount of NO in the world that can cover how much I DON'T want to go to his place and have dinner. So what I'm asking here is how to phrase it delicately, because at the moment I can only think of "hell to the no!" and that might not go over that well... The thing is... Dinner at his place screams sex. And as most of you will know, I don't think there is such a thin as having sex too early... but I only met this guy for an hour yesterday and didn't exactly feel my legs trembling with attraction. So I'm all for giving him a chance to impress me in some way... But I really don't want to be pressured into sleeping with him!
Keenly Posted February 7, 2013 Posted February 7, 2013 Just tell him you'd like to continue meeting in public until you get comfortable.
Sunfire73 Posted February 7, 2013 Posted February 7, 2013 It's a sugar daddy/hooker site. He's expecting sex. 1
normal person Posted February 7, 2013 Posted February 7, 2013 So yeah I went out with this guy I met through an OLD site I joined as a joke (it's a Sugar Daddy site... or a glorified hooker site) So I'm all for giving him a chance to impress me in some way... But I really don't want to be pressured into sleeping with him! Why should he have to impress you? He met you on a glorified hooker website. Only doing it "as a joke" on your end doesn't change the actuality of it on his end if you go and meet the guy. It stops being a joke at that point. Of course he just wants to have sex and not impress you. Hookers are for people who want to have sex but can't impress anyone else enough to have it with them.
Author ASG Posted February 7, 2013 Author Posted February 7, 2013 (edited) Why should he have to impress you? He met you on a glorified hooker website. Only doing it "as a joke" on your end doesn't change the actuality of it on his end if you go and meet the guy. It stops being a joke at that point. Of course he just wants to have sex and not impress you. Hookers are for people who want to have sex but can't impress anyone else enough to have it with them. Why? Because I don't sleep with people who DON'T impress me in some way. Lets make something clear here... There has been no talk of money in any way, shape or form. I had some guys contact me saying they would pay me X to meet them. I never even replied to that. The only reason I even spoke to this guy was because he didn't creep out from the start. We had nice small talk conversations that lead to a date. If I wanted to have sex for stupid amounts of money I could have replied to any other guy that sent me messages on the site. It's not what I'm looking for. So I reserve the right to feel like I shouldn't be pressured into sleepin with the guy until I feel "impressed". He may want sex, but he's not getting it. What I asked was how do I say it in a way that isn't rude. Not "does he want sex?" Edited February 7, 2013 by ASG
mammasita Posted February 7, 2013 Posted February 7, 2013 I dont think you owe him any explanation. Just continue to say you don't want to have dinner at his place. Honestly though, you kind of set yourself up for this by meeting him from that OLD site.
normal person Posted February 7, 2013 Posted February 7, 2013 He may want sex, but he's not getting it. What I asked was how do I say it in a way that isn't rude The situation is backwards. It's usually not at all rude to say "I'm not going to have sex with you for no reason, I need to actually like you first." That's typically the understood nonverbal agreement people who aren't hookers have. If that's the kind of arrangement you wanted, you should have gone on Match.com or something. Now it's a little late for that, by going on the website you essentially told him you're hooker/sugarbaby whatever. You now have to explain to him that you're not. Why don't you just tell him what you said here? You joined the site as a joke, it got out of hand, and don't actually do that stuff. You're sorry for misleading him, you shouldn't have done it, and you won't do it again.
Balzac Posted February 7, 2013 Posted February 7, 2013 IF he's smart, he'll book a private dining room at a restaurant or his club. Next option is hotel private dining room w his hotel room awaiting. Options abound. He can easily discuss his agenda in private w/o you visiting his private residence.
normal person Posted February 7, 2013 Posted February 7, 2013 If he doesn't like it, too flippin' bad. Move on. If someone doesn't respect your boundaries, you've go no business wasting your time with that person. I know exactly what you mean, but I can't help feeling like the guy is the one whose time was wasted. OP wouldn't be in this situation if she hadn't put herself in it. Not that I condone prostitution or think this guy is in anyway nice, but the guy didn't do anything wrong within the context. He signed up for a website where girls give guys sex in exchange for stuff. He met a girl who he thought was open to giving him sex for stuff, but it turns out she was lying and she's yet to tell him that. Is it really any wonder why he's expecting sex from her? She owes this guy a gigantic explanation and apology, not a middle finger.
Author ASG Posted February 7, 2013 Author Posted February 7, 2013 I know exactly what you mean, but I can't help feeling like the guy is the one whose time was wasted. OP wouldn't be in this situation if she hadn't put herself in it. Not that I condone prostitution or think this guy is in anyway nice, but the guy didn't do anything wrong within the context. He signed up for a website where girls give guys sex in exchange for stuff. He met a girl who he thought was open to giving him sex for stuff, but it turns out she was lying and she's yet to tell him that. Is it really any wonder why he's expecting sex from her? She owes this guy a gigantic explanation and apology, not a middle finger. See.. you have it a bit wrong. The website might be a glorified escort site. But it is still a dating site. On his profile, it says, clearly, don't contact me if you're a call girl. So you know, I think it is fair to assume that NOT all guys who sign up to the site are only looking for sex, same as it is fair to assume not ALL girls are looking for money in exchange for sex. So I don't feel like I mislead him in any way. We've never talked about sex or money. Just regular conversations people have when getting to know each other. I don't owe him an apology. Or an explanation. If he wanted sex in exchange for stuff, then he should have been upfront about it, like other guys were and I never would have met him. He seemed like a decent guy. SO I took a chance.
normal person Posted February 7, 2013 Posted February 7, 2013 See.. you have it a bit wrong. The website might be a glorified escort site. But it is still a dating site. On his profile, it says, clearly, don't contact me if you're a call girl. So you know, I think it is fair to assume that NOT all guys who sign up to the site are only looking for sex, same as it is fair to assume not ALL girls are looking for money in exchange for sex. So I don't feel like I mislead him in any way. We've never talked about sex or money. Just regular conversations people have when getting to know each other. I don't owe him an apology. Or an explanation. If he wanted sex in exchange for stuff, then he should have been upfront about it, like other guys were and I never would have met him. He seemed like a decent guy. SO I took a chance. Well in that case, it sounds like one very confusing website. I'm sorry that this happened to you, but my advice would be to stick to websites that don't have an undertone of exchanging sex for anything. I don't think you have anything to lose by being honest with the guy at this point.
Balzac Posted February 7, 2013 Posted February 7, 2013 Point of fact is these gents are often about companionship. I'm not discounting sex, just sharing what I know from men who delve into you younger women who enjoy a nice lifestyle of being treated.
xpaperxcutx Posted February 7, 2013 Posted February 7, 2013 See.. you have it a bit wrong. The website might be a glorified escort site. But it is still a dating site. On his profile, it says, clearly, don't contact me if you're a call girl. So you know, I think it is fair to assume that NOT all guys who sign up to the site are only looking for sex, same as it is fair to assume not ALL girls are looking for money in exchange for sex. So I don't feel like I mislead him in any way. We've never talked about sex or money. Just regular conversations people have when getting to know each other. I don't owe him an apology. Or an explanation. If he wanted sex in exchange for stuff, then he should have been upfront about it, like other guys were and I never would have met him. He seemed like a decent guy. SO I took a chance. Actually, you have it wrong. Guys on a dating site is looking for sex but they generally don't want call girls.
Author ASG Posted February 7, 2013 Author Posted February 7, 2013 Point of fact is these gents are often about companionship. I'm not discounting sex, just sharing what I know from men who delve into you younger women who enjoy a nice lifestyle of being treated. This guy isn't older at all, he's about 3 years older than me. And yeah, most guys are probably looking for some company (with sex, obviously. I'm sure they have friends). But even that supposes at least a couple of dates to see if there is some chemistry. Unless it's there straight away. Which, in my case, it wasn't. I didn't feel a spark. But I had a good time and I'm all for second chances, so I'm willing to go out with him again to see if there is a spark at all. Well in that case, it sounds like one very confusing website. I'm sorry that this happened to you, but my advice would be to stick to websites that don't have an undertone of exchanging sex for anything. I don't think you have anything to lose by being honest with the guy at this point. It's not confusing at all. It's well off men looking for cute girls to spoil. Some are looking for mistresses to put up, others just for casual sex, others for some companionship or someone to do stuff with, like travel or go to the theatre. Most guys aren't necessarily looking for a serious relationship, but then again, to be honest, neither am I. Which is why I'm not on a proper dating site. This guy is in the looking for someone to do stuff with category. Which I'm fine with. What I'm not fine with is being pressured into having sex with him when I'm not sure I want to!
StanMusial Posted February 7, 2013 Posted February 7, 2013 Which part is the joke? Did you mean you were playing a joke on the guy? If he is a nice guy why do you want to play a joke on him? Also, I don't even see a 3 year age difference as a sugar daddy type arrangement. 1
normal person Posted February 7, 2013 Posted February 7, 2013 Which part is the joke? Did you mean you were playing a joke on the guy? If he is a nice guy why do you want to play a joke on him? I'm definitely not accusing the OP of this, but so many people preface doing something questionable with "I'm only doing it as a joke" to avoid being judged for doing it. It's something they actually want to do but are way too afraid to admit. "An old guy agreed to pay your rent and buy you a dress if you slept with him?" "Yeah, I only did it as a joke though, so it's ok." 1
Ami1uwant Posted February 7, 2013 Posted February 7, 2013 This guy isn't older at all, he's about 3 years older than me. And yeah, most guys are probably looking for some company (with sex, obviously. I'm sure they have friends). But even that supposes at least a couple of dates to see if there is some chemistry. Unless it's there straight away. Which, in my case, it wasn't. I didn't feel a spark. But I had a good time and I'm all for second chances, so I'm willing to go out with him again to see if there is a spark at all. It's not confusing at all. It's well off men looking for cute girls to spoil. Some are looking for mistresses to put up, others just for casual sex, others for some companionship or someone to do stuff with, like travel or go to the theatre. Most guys aren't necessarily looking for a serious relationship, but then again, to be honest, neither am I. Which is why I'm not on a proper dating site. This guy is in the looking for someone to do stuff with category. Which I'm fine with. What I'm not fine with is being pressured into having sex with him when I'm not sure I want to! You said---its an escort dating site...yet you are not a escort so why use the site? If you arent using this as an escort, then you give the impression of being a gold digger. Why can't you use traditional dating sites? 1
StanMusial Posted February 7, 2013 Posted February 7, 2013 I'm definitely not accusing the OP of this, but so many people preface doing something questionable with "I'm only doing it as a joke" to avoid being judged for doing it. It's something they actually want to do but are way too afraid to admit. "An old guy agreed to pay your rent and buy you a dress if you slept with him?" "Yeah, I only did it as a joke though, so it's ok." Joining the site and sending a few messages is a joke. Going on a proper date, you're not joking about it anymore, you are effin doing it. OP better pick up some lube because you owe that guy a portion of poontang.
Author ASG Posted February 7, 2013 Author Posted February 7, 2013 Joining the site and sending a few messages is a joke. Going on a proper date, you're not joking about it anymore, you are effin doing it. OP better pick up some lube because you owe that guy a portion of poontang. That was the joke bit. Joining the site, along with another girl friend and checking some guys' profile. We had a very fun few hours that evening. The site is NOT an escort dating site. It kinda ends up being one because when there's money involve you enter the realm of prostitution. But the actual site is NOT an escort site. It's a dating site. And Some guys sent me messages, most of them went straight for the meet with me for X amount. I never replied to these messages. THIS guy sent me a regular message. And we chatted via text for a couple of weeks before we managed to set a date. In no way was it implied that said date would mean sex. It was, from my perspective, a PROPER date. Like in a get to know you better kinda way. So no, I don't owe the guy anything.
melodymatters Posted February 7, 2013 Posted February 7, 2013 NO you don't owe him anything, and I'm not going to judge you at all for experimenting with a dating site. Unless one has a to click a box saying " I agree that all interactions must be with the intention of leading to marriage", who cares, both sides are grown ups. SO why don't you just say " Joe, you seemed really interesting ( note, I didn't say the dreaded "nice" word) at our one meeting, but I hope you didn't get the idea that I was some sort of....escort/party girl or something, I joined for fun, rebuffed a bunch of sleazy seeming guys, but you seemed cool so I figured why not ? If we are at cross purposes here and you were basically looking for a girl for hire, no harm no foul, but that's not where I'm at and it seems like honesty would be the best policy here. I'd love to see you again, but dinner at your house seems too intimate too soon, for ME. Let me know what you're thinking, it's all good either way ASG" 1
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