Not sure what to think.....

[Coping Vortex]

My Gf and I dated for 3 year before she broke up with me in January 2012. We are older I'm in my 40's and she is in her late 30's. She was hurt and tired of waiting for me to take the next step and move in with her.

 

We had a period of NC and LC since that point. After weeks of being BU she met a guy in a bar that she knew from her home town growing up. They have been dating ever since. During the BU I went over to her house and met with before Xmas. We sat in my car and talked for hours she told me she missed me and still loved me and wanted to date. She admitted she was "talking" to someone at that point. In reality she was dating him. She agreed to try to still see me and see if we could get it back together but she was still going to see him as she was skeptical we could make it work.

 

Well the next day she told me she didn't want to continue our relationship. I was crushed. We ll weeks of NC and LC went by after that. We would text and then disapear for awhile then i would reach out here and there and then everything would go silent again.

 

Well a few weeks ago I reach out to her and send her a "I miss you" text and she responded she missed me too. We texted all that night. I was going out to a club that night and she was jealous I was hanging out with my friends and a few women.

 

The next day we agree to talk and I call her things went well and I asked to lunch. we met for lunch we held hands she admitted she missed me dearly and we cried together and ended up in my car talking for a few more hours. She began to tell me about her relationship. That is was "bare bones" that she really wasn't feeling it with him and that he told her he loved her but she didn't say it back. I asked her if we got back can she let him go and she said absolutely! We kissed hard and had sex it felt like we were back.

 

The next day she told me that she was with him no and that's it! Also that she loves the memory of me but not in love with me. Ouch.

 

That hurt me bad and marked the end of the relationship at that point.

 

Last week I reach to her again and we started texting more and more and she told me that she was she did really miss me and she was still IN love with me. That she missed our passion and the affection I gave her and that she was not getting that in her relationship with him. she made it sound like she loved me way more than him and though she had love for him it didn't compare to our love and passion. I asked her if she wanted to get back together. She agreed to work toward it but was not going to break up with him yet and lets see how it goes.

 

The thing is she is living at his house for days at a time. I have asked her to see me. Today I asked her to lunch today and she came up with excuses that she couldn't and maybe next week.

 

I told her if she wanted to work things out we have to see each other. How can I compete with this guy if she is with him most nights and she won't see me. How is that going to get us back together. And If she loved me more why aren't I in the first position?

 

she told me to be patient.

 

I just don't get what is going on. Is he just stringing me along? if so, why? She told me she felt more with me than him. so what is the problem? I asked if she really wants to keep in a relationship where she doesn't feel the passion she craves that i can give her? She agreed but I don't see her really making an effort to see me.

 

so my question is what is she up to? She sounded like she wanted what we had, well here I am. Now she is telling me to be patient.

 

What is going in here???

[WhatYouWantToHear]

Is she just stringing me along?

 

Yes, but the real culprit for your unhappiness is you for continually asking to be strung along and allowing her to.

 

How many times do you need to put your hand on the stove to realize its going to burn you? So far you are up to three with this woman. When it happens a fourth and fifth time, please post that story so I can come back and continually say 'I told you so'.

 

She's only doing what you are asking her to do. So stop asking her to do it and going along with it. No contact.

[H3Drvr]

Isn't it obvious? She's playing you for a fool and you willingly walk into it. No woman that really loves you needs two guys. You could try manning up and tell her it's you or him; and even if she chooses you, what makes you think she won't be stringing along the other guy (or guys) in addition to you?

[Divasu]

What is going in here???

 

You're being used.

 

She's having a relationship with you and with her other boyfriend. Maybe now, you just like the challenge of it moreso than anything else (IE: to see if you can get her to break-up with him..for you).

 

I wish I had a better answer for you.

[Simon Phoenix]

The answer is the same as it's always been -- yes, she's stringing you along. What will it take for you to take a step back and stop subjecting yourself to this?

[calgary]

it's absolutely awful that somebody you loved and cared about , could actually do that this to you. I never imagined my ex to be so cruel as to try and hook up with somebody she works with only 5 days after the break up.. we slept in the same bed together every night for 18 months.. all it took was 5 days.. I still find it weird when another girl flirts with me and it's not her.

 

people really do take advantage of your kindness.. and for some reason you want to continue being kind to them even though they're being absolutely awful to you.. she's not treating you nicely at all here. i'm really upset for you.

[Coping Vortex]

I'm going to apologize up front for the rambling:

 

Well we had planned to go to lunch last Thursday. Then she told me she was having furniture delivered. So I suggested, fine then, I can pick up lunch come to your house and wait for the furniture delivery with her. She declined and said that if they deliver it early she will call me and we can got to lunch after. She would rather meet me out at restaurant for lunch.

 

She obviously didn't want me to come to her house. Why? Because she knows she would end up in her bed? Isn't the idea of getting back together? Or is there something there she doesn't want me to see? Maybe something of the new guy around?

 

After that day we kept talking spent hours every day on the phone. We discussed the fact that I can give her what she is missing from her relationship, love and affection, and that she has been missing me more each day. I assumed I was fading from her memory. she said no quite the opposite.

 

I knew she had her kids Friday night but her parents would be coming to visit so I asked her if they could watch the kids for a few hours and meet me for a drink. she was up for it. A snow storm hit here Friday so we planned on Sat to meet up at 7:00 PM.

 

Well I texted in the afternoon about if we were still on for Sat and she said she hadn't asked her parents yet. WTF??? What was she waiting for I needed to plan my day. Well at 5 PM she said she was going to dinner with her parents and the kids. So I asked again are we still going or not. she texted back probably not at 7 PM. I said OK then what time? So at 8:30 PM she finally says we will have to postpone. WTF!!!!!

 

I don't get what she was doing. she made it sound like she wanted to see me and was looking forward to it and then when we tried to meet on Thursday she had en excuse and then on Saturday night she strung me along. Why??? I mean if she had no plans to go in the first place why the ****ing games??

 

On the nights she doesn't have the kids Sunday-Wed morning she has been staying at the BF's house. I asked her to not go tonight to stay with him (sunday night) and she could make it up to me by seeing me tonight. I mean if she really wanted to reconcile and she isn't all that into the new relationship why wouldn't she right? Wrong I have heard nothing from her today. I know she is on her way to stay with him.

 

No word form her. OK fine but at least have the decency to tell me she no longer wants to see me or talk to me or if she does but feels embarrassed then own up to it. To hide by just not saying anything is just so rude.

 

I just don't know what to think anymore. When I talk to her she praises me and sounds like she wants to see me. Except when I ask if she definitely wants to get back she says maybe. OK I get that we haven't been around each other much during the BU of three months.

 

Reconciliation takes time but you have to give it a chance if you really want to try. But I also know that she knows that if we spend time together that we could get back and feel the intense passion again. I know this because it happend when I saw her three weeks ago We were full of passion. We didn't reconcile at that time because I think she felt like if we did reconcile then we wouldn't have addressed the issue we BU in the first place. Me living with her and the issues around that. We talked all about what we were both thinking and feeling at that time and I thought we got that worked out.

 

The one thing we always had was love and passion and the BU was not about that at all. It was the situation we were in and only that. Miscommunication and bad timing.

 

Every time we talked since then she makes it sound like that she is disatisfied with her relationship and she misses what we had yet she doesn't see to have any plans to leave him or give me the chance to get back in her heart once again. Actually she told me she still is IN love with me. So what the hell is going on? She has been telling me that they don't have much sex. Unlike when we were together we always all over each other. She told me she missed that so much. She is very physical person and wants to have sex often. Plus she has lots of kinks that her new guy just isn't to all of the stuff her and I were into. I asked her if she really wanted to keep seeing a guy that does not fulfill her needs. How long was she going to put up with that? She admitted probably not long. OK So what is the problem with getting back with me then?

 

Is she confused? Is she really into him and just looking back to us from time to time? When it gets real she runs back to the present with him? Is she stringing me along to see what happens with this new guy? If so why now its still early in the relationship. Does she think that I will be around for years until she figures out what she wants?

 

I just don't know what to think anymore. If she would just give me the chance I know we could pick up and run with it. I know she knows it too, She admitted it. I just wonder if she is really into this new guy more than she is letting on. Not sure why. I told her she needs to be brutally honest on how she feels about that relationship and me.

 

If she is caught between two worlds, fine then I will fight for her she is worth it. If she is with him now and has no plans to ever explore us then why the games??? Why tell me she is in love with me and she wants the passion and love and longingness she lacks with the new guy.

 

Maybe its simple as if she could have the passion with the new guy she wouldn't want me at all. she would have everything. Maybe that frustrates her. Just not sure.

 

I know I asked her flat out what does she see in this guy that has her so attracted to him? She two things, She admitted he is really good looking. Well I'm not so bad myself. But I think that goes to her low self esteem issue. I wonder if she is just enamored with the fact this guy hit on her when she was vulnerable after our BU. I know it was a rebound. The second thing was she felt she could be open about that relationship as our was going to be sticky to let out in public. Long story there.

 

OK before I get barraged with NC, NC NC. I want to get back with her. NC got me to where I am now. I went NC when the BU forst happend and we didn't communicate and I lost her.

 

So please I know ALL about NC. This site is all about NC. Just looking for some insight as to what is in her head or going on. If she is just confused than I will fight to get her back. I know if she is avoiding me then she knows she does really care but she can't help herself. she admitted I was her kyriptonite. I think she is scared to let herself go and then let this new guy go. Again, the low self esteem has her in a state of purgatory.

 

But right now this guy has the upper hand. He is the official current relationship I think that makes her feel she owes it to him to make it work. Seeing me probably makes her feel guilty. I will say though I just assumed she was hiding the fact she was taking to me or saw me a few times. she claims she has been up front that we have been talking and that we are friends.

 

Its either she doesn't know what she wants or she just wants to string me along.

[TaraMaiden]

Well, sorry kiddo, but if you know what we're going to recommend....

 

I suggest you get to it.

 

can't say any more than that.

 

Same old same-old.....

 

Right now, much as it hurts, you're the one doing the hurting.

[Coping Vortex]

I couldn't add this to my last post ran out of edit time.

 

I am not planning on NC unless I know she admits she does not want me in her life, or I see being strung along for more than a little while. Look I can't be picky. We BU I didn't rush back after her right away like I should have. again bad timing and communication. I couldn't expect her to be single for ever. She is a great girl. So i am committed to exhaust all means to get her back for now. Am I desperate. yes I am. she is worth it. we both know it can work she just has to give me the chance to get back in her life. But I know she is scared. Plus I think she feels guilty that she is dissatisfied about her relationship with he new guy and feels bad that she is even talking to me. she needs to see what she really wants and she must be afraid to admit its me. And that she would have to BU with the guy that didn't do anything wrong but fall in love with her.

[Coping Vortex]

Well, sorry kiddo, but if you know what we're going to recommend....

 

I suggest you get to it.

 

can't say any more than that.

 

Same old same-old.....

 

Right now, much as it hurts, you're the one doing the hurting.

 

We need to change your name to "Miss No Contact" LOL!

 

Tara you are an icon on this site. I respect your opinion. But I don't feel everything is always fixed with a simple solution.

 

Sometimes you need to fight as much as you can for what you want. I tried NC all it did was make miserable. It caused me to miss my opportunity to fix things when we first BU.

 

And if I end up that way so what's the difference? Only it will take me a little longer to heal. However, maybe just maybe things could work. I know the odds are against it, but I am in sales. If I gave up after every prospect said no I would have lost a lot of sales. Just my nature. I know there is something there between us she admitted it. If there wasn't then yes I would move on. I need to find that final answer.

[TaraMaiden]

We need to change your name to "Miss No Contact" LOL!

 

How about 'Mrs. Damn, she was right again!".....?

 

 

Tara you are an icon on this site. I respect your opinion. But I don't feel everything is always fixed with a simple solution.

Er... yup. In this case, it is......

 

Sometimes you need to fight as much as you can for what you want. I tried NC all it did was make miserable. It caused me to miss my opportunity to fix things when we first BU.

No. You missed no opportunity. If the opportunity had truly been there, she would have made sure you didn't miss it. Why fight in your corner when the other corner is empty? All you're doing is shadow boxing - yet being knocked down every time. Something ain't working is it?

 

And if I end up that way so what's the difference? Only it will take me a little longer to heal.

 

well, if you're okay with prolonging the agony and maintaining the pain, hey, don't let me stand in your way....

 

However, maybe just maybe things could work. I know the odds are against it, but I am in sales.

 

Yeah, I have been in sales all my life, really.

 

I know when to quit though. When a client says 'No thanks' they mean it.

She has left no door open for you.

Plus, there is another guy gaining access and ploughing her furrow at the moment, so he has taken that privilege away from you.... By her choice.

 

She chose that, nobody held a gun to her head, did they?

 

If I gave up after every prospect said no I would have lost a lot of sales. Just my nature. I know there is something there between us she admitted it. If there wasn't then yes I would move on. I need to find that final answer.

 

Well of course 'there's something there!' There's 'something there' between me and every ex- I ever had - Doesn't make it a viable reason to suppose it will develop any further - it's already a done deal!

 

There comes a point where it really doesn't matter what the product is - if a sales rep is getting on my nerves, whatever he's selling - I don't want it.

 

You need to completely assume the final answer is "No thanks - Don't call us, we'll call you".

 

And you know what happens then, don't you............?

[Simon Phoenix]

Treating love like a sales call is a horrible approach.

[CarrieT]

I am not planning on NC unless I know she admits she does not want me in her life, or I see being strung along for more than a little while.

How much longer? Because we all see how much she is playing you like a well-honed fiddle...

 

She is a great girl.

We don't see that. We see her sleeping with another guy and feeding you breadcrumbs.

 

we both know it can work she just has to give me the chance to get back in her life.

But she isn't giving you that chance, is she? She's sleeping with the other guy...

 

But I know she is scared.

I don't think she is scared at all. She's got you dangling on a string as a back-up and another guy right there.

 

Plus I think she feels guilty that she is dissatisfied about her relationship with he new guy and feels bad that she is even talking to me.

I think that is what you want to believe but is far from true.

 

She needs to see what she really wants and she must be afraid to admit its me.

If that were true, she would be with you.

 

And that she would have to BU with the guy that didn't do anything wrong but fall in love with her.

Like she broke up with you?

 

I wish you could see how screwed up she is for how she is treating you.

 

Tara is right - although you don't want to see that either... NO CONTACT is the only thing that will ever work to get you to heal. If you two are meant to be together, it is the only thing that will make her want you more. Not this LC you have deluded yourself into believing works...

[Simon Phoenix]

The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.

[Coping Vortex]

I will take all of your advice to heart. You are all correct as if she really wanted me she would make it happen. I guess i just chalked it up to her being scared to make a wrong move and leave the new guy for fear we wouldn't work out after all. I know she is scared she admitted it to me. When I asked her about how she felt about our getting back together conversation, she said she was nervous. I guess nervous she would have to hurt someone.

 

I know she is confused but all of you are right. If she was so confused then she should have at least met me this week to be sure. I'm not sure our not meeting this week was bad timing or her stalling. But I know back when we were together she would have done anything to get to me. she would have changed her schedule on the fly.

 

So I guess I have been the fool once again. I so wanted to make it work with her. I know we could have. I guess she is just too far down the road with the new guy.

 

I guess I just don't understand all of the talk about how she is still in love with me and she misses me. Why bother? What does it get her if she doesn't want to try. I know everyone feels like it is an ego boost for her but thats just not her style. I think her low self esteem makes her vulnerable to anyone that pays her attention. So i guess she feels bad when I give her attention and she can't really return the love now that she is with someone else. So she strings me along not out of malice but pity. For her and me.

 

I know our past depresses her because I know talking to me reminds her of the feelings we once shared (and somewhere in there still do). I have to admit knowing how we once felt and where we are now, makes me sad too. Maybe we are just sad about the death of relationship and we can't let it go fully.

 

Such a shame. We could have been great together still. I know she knows this too. She is just too far along in the new relationship.

 

All about bad timing. I should have ran after that first week she BU with me. She admitted that in retrospect that would have changed the whole scenario.

 

I am broken hearted once again. I am broken hearted on NC and off NC. No win scenario.

 

I miss her. I love her.

[Coping Vortex]

Treating love like a sales call is a horrible approach.

 

Oh but it is. That is what dating is all about selling yourself. You talk about your good traits your wants your desires etc. You are on your best behavior when you are dating. You see if you both fit in each others world. Just like a product to a customer that has a pain point to be solved. So yes love is like sales. exactly like it.

 

We all know someone that fought to get that one date, or to get that one person to marry us, or to try t get back and ex love. We have all done it. During that process you are selling yourself.

[Jono85]

wow. this is very sad. you are in your 40s!?!?! unreal and unbelievable. have some freaking self respect my god man. this woman has disrespected you a billion times, and u just take it on the chin and keep worshipping her. this is your life man. is this how u want to be living it? is this how u want to be remembered? by getting used by a woman who has zero care/respect for you?? over and over and over again??

 

nothing makes you more special than any of us. we're all dealing with the pain of moving on and letting go. nothing is different for your case. stop refusing to go through the pain and move on. man the hell up. this is just so sad. if she tries contacting you, if u were a man of some pride, you'd ignore her. how can u still see someone in such a bright way who's disrespected you sooo damn much. it's baffling.

[CarrieT]

She is just too far along in the new relationship.

Excuse me? She was with you for three years and you are using that as an excuse? How long has she been with the new guy?

 

Why are you making excuses for her when she is just feeding you breadcrumbs to be the back-up?

 

Why aren't you MAD AS HELL at being treated like crap???? :mad:

[Simon Phoenix]

Oh but it is. That is what dating is all about selling yourself. You talk about your good traits your wants your desires etc. You are on your best behavior when you are dating. You see if you both fit in each others world. Just like a product to a customer that has a pain point to be solved. So yes love is like sales. exactly like it.

 

We all know someone that fought to get that one date, or to get that one person to marry us, or to try t get back and ex love. We have all done it. During that process you are selling yourself.

 

I'm not talking about getting a date, or the first few dates. I'm talking about love, which is something that happens well past the dating process. When you are in a relationship, you shouldn't be hard-selling anything. You can't manipulate someone into loving you and being with you, which is exactly how you are coming off to your ex. She feels like she is being given a sales pitch.

 

Even if you were successful in pressuring her into taking you back, is that a good thing? I would want someone who wants to be with me, not someone who I have to hound and harass into being with me (not saying you are harrassing necessarily). When you love someone, it's a feeling. It's not a PowerPoint presentation.

 

And I don't know anyone who has "fought" to get someone to marry them. If they did, they were doing it wrong and that marriage probably didn't last or wasn't happy.

 

So yeah, once again I completely disagree with you. After the first date or first few dates, you aren't selling. I think you really need to change this mentality in respect to your ex. Your sales approach is not working.

[Simon Phoenix]

Also, a good salesman exudes confidence in himself and his product. He doesn't care if you buy the product or not because he believes in it so much that he believes it should sell itself, that if you don't sell to this customer, that the next will grab it. That is not how you come off in dealing with your ex at all. You come off desperate, as in "please buy me" "I need you to buy me" "I won't get commission if you don't buy me". That approach doesn't get buyers. You have no confidence in yourself or your "product" -- you are simply reacting out of fear because you feel that you are losing commission and that you ex is the last possible person that could possibly buy your product.

[Coping Vortex]

I'm not talking about getting a date, or the first few dates. I'm talking about love, which is something that happens well past the dating process. When you are in a relationship, you shouldn't be hard-selling anything. You can't manipulate someone into loving you and being with you, which is exactly how you are coming off to your ex. She feels like she is being given a sales pitch.

 

Even if you were successful in pressuring her into taking you back, is that a good thing? I would want someone who wants to be with me, not someone who I have to hound and harass into being with me (not saying you are harrassing necessarily). When you love someone, it's a feeling. It's not a PowerPoint presentation.

 

And I don't know anyone who has "fought" to get someone to marry them. If they did, they were doing it wrong and that marriage probably didn't last or wasn't happy.

 

So yeah, once again I completely disagree with you. After the first date or first few dates, you aren't selling. I think you really need to change this mentality in respect to your ex. Your sales approach is not working.

 

She is confused and needs help in seeing how I really feel about her. It's not about having to sell love as you say as it is sales in the form of communicating. I'm not selling her on love as I am communicating how I feel about her. And have her communicate to me to me what she wants and what she feels. That is is not selling on loving me. If she tells me she is in love with me and misses me how is that me selling her? My OP was not about me pushing her to love me. My OP is about she loves me and wants to see me then why is she suddenly acting differently? If she tells me NO I don't love you and I keep pushing her then yes I am in the wrong. But not based on what she communicated to me so far. Granted her actions show otherwise hence my OP and confusion around her actions.

[Jono85]

She is confused and needs help in seeing how I really feel about her. It's not about having to sell love as you say as it is sales in the form of communicating. I'm not selling her on love as I am communicating how I feel about her. And have her communicate to me to me what she wants and what she feels. That is is not selling on loving me. If she tells me she is in love with me and misses me how is that me selling her? My OP was not about me pushing her to love me. My OP is about she loves me and wants to see me then why is she suddenly acting differently? If she tells me NO I don't love you and I keep pushing her then yes I am in the wrong. But not based on what she communicated to me so far. Granted her actions show otherwise hence my OP and confusion around her actions.

 

you're the only one confused though b/c you're so blinded by love. you say she's TELLING you she's IN love with you and misses you, yet she won't leave her boyfriend, continually sleeps with him, blows off plans with you/doesn't care to really hang with you, etc etc etc. are you really this delusional??? really man??? so as long as your ex is telling you she loves you, it doesn't matter whether she's sucking her live-in boyfriend's d*** every evening and in his arms while going to sleep?? no, you gotta keep fighting for her b/c she tells you all the right things!! lmao geez man. there's no confusion here. a woman IN LOVE with a man isn't doing the MANY things this woman is doing to prove the exact opposite. it's really not this hard or challenging to see. take the blinders off and try again.

[Simon Phoenix]

She is confused and needs help in seeing how I really feel about her. It's not about having to sell love as you say as it is sales in the form of communicating. I'm not selling her on love as I am communicating how I feel about her. And have her communicate to me to me what she wants and what she feels. That is is not selling on loving me. If she tells me she is in love with me and misses me how is that me selling her? My OP was not about me pushing her to love me. My OP is about she loves me and wants to see me then why is she suddenly acting differently? If she tells me NO I don't love you and I keep pushing her then yes I am in the wrong. But not based on what she communicated to me so far. Granted her actions show otherwise hence my OP and confusion around her actions.

 

Have you ever considered that she's not confused at all? That she realizes how much you "love" her and she's trying not to be mean to you? That she thinks that telling you "no, get away" would devastate you and she doesn't want to do that? That she thinks she's being nice to you and hope that you'll eventually get the point when she cancels or reschedules these meet ups? Women are generally not confrontational by nature and I doubt she wants to break you any more. She knows you are hurt by the breakup and probably feels guilty because of that.

 

I mean, I doubt she's overtly trying to mess with you -- it's just that breakups are uncomfortable and you continuing to pressure her (and yes, talking about your relationship and her relationship with the new guys comes off as pressure) puts her in a weird place. So she'll say things that she doesn't necessarily mean to try to temporarily make you feel better so you'll stop making her feel uncomfortable in that moment.

 

She probably does love you in some form and cares about you in some way, but that does not mean that she is in love with you or wants to get back with you. That's probably why she initiates the conversation sometimes, because she still likes you as a person and wants you as a friend and doesn't realize the amount of stress she's putting on you when she does that. But every time you communicate about the relationship or her current relationship, you are putting her in a weird place.

 

You need to stop obsessing over the white noise and focus on the basics: she's with him and not with you. And she continues to make that choice. That's literally all that counts right now. Everything else is colored bubbles.

 

She knows you want her back, but that has not had an effect. She's going out of her way to cancel meet-ups with you. So instead of continuing to belabor the point that she already is well aware of (that you want her back and love her) and make things uncomfortable, you need to stop communicating with her. Like I said before, insanity is continuing to do the same thing over and over and expecting a different result. You are coming off as somewhat insane at this point.

 

Please stop trying to "sell" her or "give information" or whatever other analogy you come up with to justify your contact. If you truly do love her, let her go and let her live her life. I know it sucks, but if you love something, you have to be willing to set it free. Who knows, she might actually admire you for this and come back down the road. Right now in her view you are trying to manipulate her feelings and control her and steer her down a certain path. I know you are just trying to communicate, but there's a fine line between communication and attempting to control. While I don't think that was your goal, you've crossed that line long ago. You need to decompress somehow.

Edited February 11, 2013 by Simon Phoenix

[Coping Vortex]

you're the only one confused though b/c you're so blinded by love. you say she's TELLING you she's IN love with you and misses you, yet she won't leave her boyfriend, continually sleeps with him, blows off plans with you/doesn't care to really hang with you, etc etc etc. are you really this delusional??? really man??? so as long as your ex is telling you she loves you, it doesn't matter whether she's sucking her live-in boyfriend's d*** every evening and in his arms while going to sleep?? no, you gotta keep fighting for her b/c she tells you all the right things!! lmao geez man. there's no confusion here. a woman IN LOVE with a man isn't doing the MANY things this woman is doing to prove the exact opposite. it's really not this hard or challenging to see. take the blinders off and try again.

 

Dude. You are right. I know deep down you are right. I guess thats why i kept trying to make it work with her. I guess at I figured what did I have to lose if she was going to be gone anyway. Why not throw up all I could against the wall. If i'm going down let me fight kicking all the way.

 

She was too important to just let her walk out of my life. But the writing is in the wall. I have exhausted all efforts to date. I have given up my dignity to try to rekindle love. I cam onto LS once again to gain the strength to move forward.

[Jono85]

Dude. You are right. I know deep down you are right. I guess thats why i kept trying to make it work with her. I guess at I figured what did I have to lose if she was going to be gone anyway. Why not throw up all I could against the wall. If i'm going down let me fight kicking all the way.

 

She was too important to just let her walk out of my life. But the writing is in the wall. I have exhausted all efforts to date. I have given up my dignity to try to rekindle love. I cam onto LS once again to gain the strength to move forward.

 

but at what point will you realize "well why am I not so important to her that she's ok with walking out of MY life?" you've done everything and more (to put it VERY lightly) to try to keep her in your life and have expressed this to her 10,000-fold, and yet it hasn't worked for you. she still is living/****ing another man. that's the cold hard truth. yet if you stopped, and went STRICT NC, and she lets YOU walk right out of her life...was she really the one?? why haven't you realized this??

 

i have. this has been the hardest time of my life. i went through my pathetic phase, but only once really, lasted a month or so. the moment she wanted to try things with another guy instead of with me again (she even said some BS that if i hadn't developed feelings for this guy, i'd want to try again with you), that was it. if she's gonna just let me walk out of her life, knowing full well i wanted to keep trying with her and still love her, and she's content with ending our story forever...then i'm sorry but f*ck her!! would u ever do that to her?!? do you think you could meet some lovely girl, while you guys are in a rut or even broken up, and while your ex still wants to try things again, you instead choose this new lovely girl you met and close your exes chapter??

 

dude, she's not the one. she's saying all these things likely b/c there's problems with the new dude, and she wants you there waiting incase it collapses. in fact she has more leverage in that relationship knowing you're there as a backup plan. but make no mistake, you ARE the backup plan 100%. and you're totally cool with it. the reason she's unsure about this guy, isn't because of HER feelings towards him...it's the opposite. she wants him to love her, so she can be secure and more sure about their relationship and she can cut you off for good. she wants him, but will settle for you if he doesn't want her.

 

good luck with that.