brokenhearted91 Posted February 7, 2013 Posted February 7, 2013 ... what should/could happen next. I'll start from the beginning, apologies now for the long post, but I thought the more info the better? I had been with my boyfriend for 3 years, he was my first proper relationship but from the start we just clicked. Literally, I had never been happier in my whole life. In the August of the first year we were together he moved away to uni. Up till then, I guess (wrongly I know) I gave him a real hard time because selfishly I thought about how I was going to miss him. In the first couple of days in his first week at uni, he was being really off and cold with me and he told me he wasn't sure if a relationship was what he wanted, I was devastated because he spent 9 months telling me how much he loved me and convincing me we would work. The day after he text me and said he had something to tell me, it turned out he cheated on me the night before. He apologised and told me he loved me etc and I was confused at what to do. Then he turned the situation around and said I can't be with you anymore after what has happened, and how I've hurt you and we were done. I went to bed heartbroken again because the situation was out of my hands. The next morning I woke up and there was a text from him saying he wanted to speak to me and he was coming home and would I meet him because he loved me and wanted to find a way to stay together... So I said yes of course I love you to we can get though this etc. Then he dropped the bombshell on me and said "no, you don't understand, I slept with my flatmate last night, it was a mistake and it made me realise how much I love you". Long story short, we spoke about it, he was genuinely heartbroken at what he'd done and said he would do anything to win my trust back and have me. So I took him back (some would think stupidly) but to this date I don't regret that decision because he did work hard to make the relationship work. One time when I was up visiting him, he told me he didn't want to be with me anymore, he said he couldn't deal with the way I treated him and it wasn't fair, that he was trying so hard to make things up to me and I was making the relationship difficult and making it difficult for him. I begged him, told him I'd change and even arranged to see a councillor to try talk about my anger and he agreed to give me another chance. Everything pretty much went back to normal. Fast forward now a year or so, after my first year of uni, I moved to the same uni as him to be closer. The first year I was there we lived separately. We got on well, it was lovely being so close to him, a few arguments really (but not more so than normal couples). Later that year, my dad suffered a stroke and it made me hate being at uni so far away from home. I had a real downer on the place and it made me miserable. For our last year, we moved into a flat together. However, the way I was speaking to him and treating him was wrong. He'd always try and comfort me, but I'd take out my misery on him about being at uni. I'd slag the place off (when he loves it) and I'd always concentrate on myself and never listen to his problems etc. He kept saying to me 'if you don't stop treating me like this you'll lose me' but he said it so often I never really took notice. When things weren't bad, our relationship was lovely. He was thoughtful with me, kind, he would do so much for me, told me he loved me, we laughed, we spent some nice times together. We celebrates our 3rd anniversary, and he bought me a present (even though we said we weren't going to) and he text me when he was on a night out saying that he loved me more than I could imagine and he wanted me by his side in the future. A couple of days later I went back up to uni after Christmas and I was miserable because I was going back. Up until I got there we were okay, normal, when I got there I did something to annoy him and the next day he said he can't see anything else to do apart from to end it because of the way he felt. I was shocked but didn't think much of it because he said stuff before. That was nearly 3 and a half weeks ago now. I came back home because I was so heartbroken, we've barely spoke to each other (which hurts considering he was the one that used to ring me and text me all day) and he told me that he can't see a future now and that I'm an example of a good person doing bad things and we have to do something different. I'm finding it hard to believe after 3 years being together, and the way he still was with me literally up to half an hour before he ended it with me, that he can appear to not care like this? I am absolutely gutted, I can't believe this is happening because I genuinely love him so much (and as cliche as it sounds, I do think we are meant to be together). We've been through so much and I just don't want this to be the end. I really wanted some other opinions of the situation to see what others think etc so I know really what my next move should be. If I am to finish uni, I've no choice but to go back and still live with him. Thanks so much in anticipation for any help/advice. X
Toddbt12y1 Posted February 7, 2013 Posted February 7, 2013 I know you love him. Been through the ringer: but you shouldn't be with him. He cheated(first redflag, big one, deal breaker.) You gave him another chance; then he accuses you of making it hard on him, you didn't. He chose to cheat, he made it hard on himself. You shouldn't have to be Rosey to him. Immature. Breaks up over little things. Selfish. Only cares about how he is; neglects your feelings(refer to him breaking up cause you being hard on him, LOL, stupid.) You may love him, but you need to seek better. Sure he'll sweet talk you again, don't buy into it. It'll be a problem again in no time. As of living with him....you may have to check into something different. Somehow.. 1
Author brokenhearted91 Posted February 7, 2013 Author Posted February 7, 2013 The thing is... there is no way of living somewhere else, we've signed a contract that neither of us can afford to get out of. I can't not finish my uni degree either. He told me he was unhappy with the relationship, and said he loved me but not enough to keep trying. I know though that it was down to the way I treated him, like I said even my family noticed and warned me - so I don't think he is being unfair to say that how I was acting made him unhappy. I know he misses the old me, and I just hope for a chance somehow to prove to him I want to change. I really don't want to lose him...
Toddbt12y1 Posted February 7, 2013 Posted February 7, 2013 LOL wow! How lovely. He cheats on you and you're the badgirl. Well you ho ahead and try to prove anything to him. You'll be hurt again. I know from personal experience and helping many others just like you. What? Did he deserve to be treated like gold, after cheating and treating you like sh*t? This is not a healthy relationship. As of living together? You will have to bear it out. So will he. That makes this astronomically harder. My opinion: you've allowed too many people to make you feel like the badguy. Sure, no one is perfect, but you can't expect to be kind to someone who's hurt you and cheated. He isn't some innocent saint . The way I see it. Immaturity.
Author brokenhearted91 Posted February 7, 2013 Author Posted February 7, 2013 I totally acknowledge that I am not 100% to blame in this situation, but we moved on from the cheating aspect, he really made things up to me & made me trust him again. I also know that there are parts recently where he isn't an angel either, but when I spoke to him about them, he said he would change them and he did. When he did the same to me (spoke about things that upset him) I didn't change them even though I said I would... I do think it's unfair to expect him to change and not to change myself. I know a relationship is a two way thing, and it seemed like he was the only one who was trying. I miss him so much, and I don't know what effect living with him is going to have.. Am I making sense?
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