flashx80 Posted February 7, 2013 Posted February 7, 2013 (edited) I'm interested in this girl that I've known for about 5 months. During last Fall, there are some times she is interested and other times she's not. On the other hand, maybe she's being friendly. Here are some highlights that we did together last Fall: 1) We walked around the campus for about 30 mins before she had to go to class 2) She asked me and another girl if we ever had a girlfriend or boyfriend. She even asked me how long was the relationship 3) I took her out to eat at the university dining commons because she told me she would like to try it and I had to use my points. When I ate lunch with her, she didn't sit in front of me, but diagonally (there were four chairs on the table.) After our lunch, I asked her where does her boyfriend go to school because in her introduction speech she said she had a boyfriend. She told me it was a joke and asked me how many girlfriends I had again. When I told her couple, she asked me how many is couple. 4) I asked her out to eat dinner with me for her birthday. She told me she might do something with her family or friends and will tell me when she is available. The following Tuesday, she called me to buy her a pizza at the university market, and again to use up my points. After we got the pizza, I suggested to eat at the university union, but she suggested to at the lounge, which I think she meant to eat alone with me. We ended up eating at my room with my roommates I didn't see nor talk to her since that day during the winter break because I had to go back home During first week of school, which was last week, I asked her out to go out with me on Saturday. She told me she's busy studying. I don't remember if she told me to reschedule or not, but we didn't have an awkward silence after I asked her out. She even asked me how was her speech that morning when we had class together. And on last Friday, she offered me to play badminton with her. Is she playing hard to get or not interested? Edited February 7, 2013 by flashx80
TheFinalWord Posted February 7, 2013 Posted February 7, 2013 I'm interested in this girl that I've known for about 5 months. During last Fall, there are some times she is interested and other times she's not. On the other hand, maybe she's being friendly. Here are some highlights that we did together last Fall: 1) We walked around the campus for about 30 mins before she had to go to class 2) She asked me and another girl if we ever had a girlfriend or boyfriend. She even asked me how long was the relationship 3) I took her out to eat at the university dining commons because she told me she would like to try it and I had to use my points. When I ate lunch with her, she didn't sit in front of me, but diagonally (there were four chairs on the table.) After our lunch, I asked her where does her boyfriend go to school because in her introduction speech she said she had a boyfriend. She told me it was a joke and asked me how many girlfriends I had again. When I told her couple, she asked me how many is couple. 4) I asked her out to eat dinner with me for her birthday. She told me she might do something with her family or friends and will tell me when she is available. The following Tuesday, she called me to buy her a pizza at the university market, and again to use up my points. After we got the pizza, I suggested to eat at the university union, but she suggested to at the lounge, which I think she meant to eat alone with me. We ended up eating at my room with my roommates I didn't see nor talk to her since that day during the winter break because I had to go back home During first week of school, which was last week, I asked her out to go out with me on Saturday. She told me she's busy studying. I don't remember if she told me to reschedule or not, but we didn't have an awkward silence after I asked her out. She even asked me how was her speech that morning when we had class together. And on last Friday, she offered me to play badminton with her. Is she playing hard to get or not interested? You have not asked her out on a date so she is not playing hard to get. Ask her out, but clarify you are asking her for a date. "Dear Jane Doe, I would like to take you on a date to celebrate your birthday" or whatever you want to do, but make sure she knows you are interested in her romantically. I know that sounds simple, but until you clarify you could just as easily be sending her mixed signals. Up until now, she could just think you want to hang out, who knows. Most of the time guys project when they like a girl and try to find a way to interpret her actions in their favor. In reality, she may not even be thinking of you at all in that way, i.e. she sat diagonal to you; you are acting like she is plotting something. But if you were not interested in her, you would not have even noticed such a insignificant action. If you ask her out and she rejects your advances by making excuses, then you know for sure. Some folks here will tell you to keep trying. I do not recommend it, but that is up to you. If you are in college there are many chances to meet other women. 1
Author flashx80 Posted February 7, 2013 Author Posted February 7, 2013 (edited) You have not asked her out on a date so she is not playing hard to get. Ask her out, but clarify you are asking her for a date. "Dear Jane Doe, I would like to take you on a date to celebrate your birthday" or whatever you want to do, but make sure she knows you are interested in her romantically. I know that sounds simple, but until you clarify you could just as easily be sending her mixed signals. Up until now, she could just think you want to hang out, who knows. Most of the time guys project when they like a girl and try to find a way to interpret her actions in their favor. In reality, she may not even be thinking of you at all in that way, i.e. she sat diagonal to you; you are acting like she is plotting something. But if you were not interested in her, you would not have even noticed such a insignificant action. If you ask her out and she rejects your advances by making excuses, then you know for sure. Some folks here will tell you to keep trying. I do not recommend it, but that is up to you. If you are in college there are many chances to meet other women. I did tell her it's going to be a date, "I would like to take you out to a dinner again this Saturday (again mean referring to the pizza dinner), but this time it's going to be a date." That is when she told me she is busy studying. The problem I'm having is why she sat diagonally? If you took a girl out to have a lunch just to hang out and there is no mutual interest would she sit in front of you or diagonally? Another time is when we ate dinner with a group, she was about to sit in front of me, but changed her mind and sat in front of another guy that I know she has no interest. That is what caught my eyes. It's hard to tell if she's making an excuse or not. She's the kind of girl that studies a lot though. Last Saturday, I texted her if she would like to post flyers with me on Monday because my bike got stolen. She told me she might be alittle busy on Monday, but suggested to do it on Friday. You can tell she's been busy for couple days. Maybe she is busy and don't have time to have the date on Saturday, or she could be busy and at the same time she is rejecting me? Edited February 7, 2013 by flashx80
ChatroomHero Posted February 7, 2013 Posted February 7, 2013 I'd say file her under hard to read and proceed with caution. When I have been in the same situation it is really frustrating because it is like emotional badminton, back and forth, back and forth and it always ends in a tie. If it happened to me again now I would lose interest. Not cut her out or ignore her, but not really invest anything and leave it up to her to take the initiative from there because in my experience even if you go on an actual date or two you still find yourself confused. It will be a great date and she'll practically beg to do it again and then the next time you talk it's like the date never happened...she'll go to a party with you and spend the entire night talking to another guy, or something like eat dinner with you on her birthday and then when it's your birthday and you want to have dinner with you she'll blow you off for two weeks... I'd just take it as partial interest on her part which is never good for you in my opinion.
Treasa Posted February 7, 2013 Posted February 7, 2013 I'm interested in this girl that I've known for about 5 months. During last Fall, there are some times she is interested and other times she's not. On the other hand, maybe she's being friendly. Here are some highlights that we did together last Fall: 1) We walked around the campus for about 30 mins before she had to go to class 2) She asked me and another girl if we ever had a girlfriend or boyfriend. She even asked me how long was the relationship 3) I took her out to eat at the university dining commons because she told me she would like to try it and I had to use my points. When I ate lunch with her, she didn't sit in front of me, but diagonally (there were four chairs on the table.) After our lunch, I asked her where does her boyfriend go to school because in her introduction speech she said she had a boyfriend. She told me it was a joke and asked me how many girlfriends I had again. When I told her couple, she asked me how many is couple. 4) I asked her out to eat dinner with me for her birthday. She told me she might do something with her family or friends and will tell me when she is available. The following Tuesday, she called me to buy her a pizza at the university market, and again to use up my points. After we got the pizza, I suggested to eat at the university union, but she suggested to at the lounge, which I think she meant to eat alone with me. We ended up eating at my room with my roommates I didn't see nor talk to her since that day during the winter break because I had to go back home During first week of school, which was last week, I asked her out to go out with me on Saturday. She told me she's busy studying. I don't remember if she told me to reschedule or not, but we didn't have an awkward silence after I asked her out. She even asked me how was her speech that morning when we had class together. And on last Friday, she offered me to play badminton with her. Is she playing hard to get or not interested? It sounds like you're her beck-and-call guy. Stop asking her out, stop buying dinner for her, and stop being so available. It sounds like she's only interested in you when you can do something for her. And saying she has a boyfriend and then saying she was joking? That's a really weird thing to joke about. I am not getting a good vibe about her. 2
MidwestUSA Posted February 7, 2013 Posted February 7, 2013 It sounds like you're her beck-and-call guy. Stop asking her out, stop buying dinner for her, and stop being so available. It sounds like she's only interested in you when you can do something for her. And saying she has a boyfriend and then saying she was joking? That's a really weird thing to joke about. I am not getting a good vibe about her. But he told her he has "a couple of" girlfriends. Maybe she doesn't want to be the OW!
Author flashx80 Posted February 7, 2013 Author Posted February 7, 2013 I'd say file her under hard to read and proceed with caution. When I have been in the same situation it is really frustrating because it is like emotional badminton, back and forth, back and forth and it always ends in a tie. If it happened to me again now I would lose interest. Not cut her out or ignore her, but not really invest anything and leave it up to her to take the initiative from there because in my experience even if you go on an actual date or two you still find yourself confused. It will be a great date and she'll practically beg to do it again and then the next time you talk it's like the date never happened...she'll go to a party with you and spend the entire night talking to another guy, or something like eat dinner with you on her birthday and then when it's your birthday and you want to have dinner with you she'll blow you off for two weeks... I'd just take it as partial interest on her part which is never good for you in my opinion. What would you recommend then? Ask her out again?
Author flashx80 Posted February 7, 2013 Author Posted February 7, 2013 It sounds like you're her beck-and-call guy. Stop asking her out, stop buying dinner for her, and stop being so available. It sounds like she's only interested in you when you can do something for her. And saying she has a boyfriend and then saying she was joking? That's a really weird thing to joke about. I am not getting a good vibe about her. I've only bought dinner for her once (that was almost 2 months ago) and last week was suppose to be second time as a date. What makes you think I'm being so available? It does seem she's only interested if I do something for her. The day I asked her out for her birthday, she asked me to check out a book for her at the library because she left her card at home. Afterward I asked her out to have the birthday dinner. She laughed and said, "Sure, but I might do something with my family or friends. I'll let you know. Thank you so much!" The following Tuesday, she called me to have the pizza dinner You can joke about anything in the speech. It's Chinese foreign language class and she said she has a boyfriend (or a lover in Chinese I should say) and his name is Sky in Chinese
greenee1 Posted February 7, 2013 Posted February 7, 2013 I've only bought dinner for her once (that was almost 2 months ago) and last week was suppose to be second time as a date. What makes you think I'm being so available? It does seem she's only interested if I do something for her. The day I asked her out for her birthday, she asked me to check out a book for her at the library because she left her card at home. Afterward I asked her out to have the birthday dinner. She laughed and said, "Sure, but I might do something with my family or friends. I'll let you know. Thank you so much!" The following Tuesday, she called me to have the pizza dinner You can joke about anything in the speech. It's Chinese foreign language class and she said she has a boyfriend (or a lover in Chinese I should say) and his name is Sky in Chinese I think she really IS using you if that's the case. She's been asking you to do a lot of stuff. Has she offered to pay you back though? To me it feels like she rejected your birthday dinner because she wants to spend it with her family and friends and those she considers more important. As another poster said, you sound a bit like a back-up guy. If not, then it seems she only treats you as a friend.
TheFinalWord Posted February 7, 2013 Posted February 7, 2013 I've only bought dinner for her once (that was almost 2 months ago) and last week was suppose to be second time as a date. What makes you think I'm being so available? It does seem she's only interested if I do something for her. The day I asked her out for her birthday, she asked me to check out a book for her at the library because she left her card at home. Afterward I asked her out to have the birthday dinner. She laughed and said, "Sure, but I might do something with my family or friends. I'll let you know. Thank you so much!" The following Tuesday, she called me to have the pizza dinner You can joke about anything in the speech. It's Chinese foreign language class and she said she has a boyfriend (or a lover in Chinese I should say) and his name is Sky in Chinese Do not keep doing things for her like buying her pizza, running errands, etc. If you asked her out on a date, and she gave a bunch of excuses she is not that interested. I would let it go; she knows you like her, let her put in effort. My recommendation is find other girls to date. 2
Author flashx80 Posted February 7, 2013 Author Posted February 7, 2013 I think she really IS using you if that's the case. She's been asking you to do a lot of stuff. Has she offered to pay you back though? To me it feels like she rejected your birthday dinner because she wants to spend it with her family and friends and those she considers more important. As another poster said, you sound a bit like a back-up guy. If not, then it seems she only treats you as a friend. She didn't reject my birthday dinner because we ended up eating pizza at my room. After we got the pizza I suggested to eat at the student union because she was studying with her cousin and sister. But she suggested to eat at the study room, which it could mean she wants to eat with me alone. I wasn't sure if we were allow to eat there so I told her to eat at my room with my roommates. She didnt offer to pay back nor did I ever ask her to do me a favor besides the flyers. I asked her to help me to post flyers for my stolen bike on Monday, but she told me she's alittle busy that day and suggested to do it on Friday.
Author flashx80 Posted February 7, 2013 Author Posted February 7, 2013 Do not keep doing things for her like buying her pizza, running errands, etc. If you asked her out on a date, and she gave a bunch of excuses she is not that interested. I would let it go; she knows you like her, let her put in effort. My recommendation is find other girls to date. So you would say wait until she mention about the date instead of asking for second time? If she doesn't mention about it, time to move on?
Keenly Posted February 7, 2013 Posted February 7, 2013 Just to clarify for everyone when he is "buying" her this stuff... he is not actually paying money to do it. He is trying to use all of his meal points before they expire.
Treasa Posted February 7, 2013 Posted February 7, 2013 Just to clarify for everyone when he is "buying" her this stuff... he is not actually paying money to do it. He is trying to use all of his meal points before they expire. It doesn't change the fact that she seems to be using him when it's convenient for her.
TheFinalWord Posted February 7, 2013 Posted February 7, 2013 So you would say wait until she mention about the date instead of asking for second time? If she doesn't mention about it, time to move on? Yeah. Sorry man, it happens to all of us. Just to clarify for everyone when he is "buying" her this stuff... he is not actually paying money to do it. He is trying to use all of his meal points before they expire. Technically, perhaps, but she is still using his resources and providing nothing in return. I have had a girl use me to help her with homework before. Too young to realize at the time. As long as you keep doing things for her, and it profits her, she will keep giving the illusion that you have a chance. But then will do things like sit diagonal so she can convince herself she did not lead you on. Do as you wish OP. If you are determined to keep asking her out, than go for it. I think all guys have to go through this experience once. Think about your past girlfriends; did you have to go through these games to get dates? 1
Author flashx80 Posted February 7, 2013 Author Posted February 7, 2013 Just to clarify for everyone when he is "buying" her this stuff... he is not actually paying money to do it. He is trying to use all of his meal points before they expire. Yes. She helped me out to use up all of my points. Basically this what happened. The day after I asked her out on her birthday, I texted her if she's still up for her birthday dinner. She told me she had to study for the finals and suggested to do it following weekend. I couldn't do it because I had to go back home the following Friday. She told me she'll try to do it on Friday, if not "oh well." We ended up eating on Tuesday after she finished her finals.
ChatroomHero Posted February 7, 2013 Posted February 7, 2013 What would you recommend then? Ask her out again? Well consider the fact that when you ask her out again you'll possibly get another non-answer blow off if you pose it as an actual date. Something like, "Well we could just get together and use your points again instead of you spending money", and you'll be back at square 1. Just from my experience when a woman is like this it is eerily similar to a friend-zone situation without her saying, "I like us just being friends". She won't commit to a real "romantic" situation but will hang out with you in a situation that doesn't involve her having to worry about physical contact at the end. I have a feeling if you asked her to dinner at a decent 'date-type' place she would be busy or tell you she didn't want you to spend your money or had to study...but if you followed up and said you had more points to use she would volunteer to help you use them another night without hesitation. I know you want her to be interested so it's hard not to slant things in your mind in your favor but dating someone that is interested is never very complicated. You ask them on a date and they say yes and commit. You ask them to dinner and if they can't they say, "Tuesday won't work but Friday will" instead of "I have to study Tuesday". If they are not really interested but view you as a friend they find a way to decline an actual date but accept situations where it is just hanging out in a friendly manner. I mean a study session or dinner in a food court even if you are alone is safe for her, she doesn't expect you'll make any moves. Draw your own conclusions but don't act shocked if you keep after her and find 6 months from now you still don't know if she is interested romantically. 2
Author flashx80 Posted February 7, 2013 Author Posted February 7, 2013 Yeah. Sorry man, it happens to all of us. Technically, perhaps, but she is still using his resources and providing nothing in return. I have had a girl use me to help her with homework before. Too young to realize at the time. As long as you keep doing things for her, and it profits her, she will keep giving the illusion that you have a chance. But then will do things like sit diagonal so she can convince herself she did not lead you on. Do as you wish OP. If you are determined to keep asking her out, than go for it. I think all guys have to go through this experience once. Think about your past girlfriends; did you have to go through these games to get dates? I walked with her this morning after class. Not once did she mention about the date. I don't know if she's trying to wait for me to ask her out again or trying to avoid it. Funny how when I said I'm going back home for the weekend, she asked me if I'm from LA for the second time Ok she sat diagonally, but why did she ask me how many girlfriends I had the second time? Better yet, when I said a couple she asked, "how many is couple?" The other time was when we were with another girl. If she's not interested in me, why would she ask me about my past relationship? Why would she care? I never had a girlfriend before, so I never had to go through this. I know lied about having couple girlfriends, but if I said I never had one I doubt she'll date me
TheFinalWord Posted February 7, 2013 Posted February 7, 2013 I walked with her this morning after class. Not once did she mention about the date. I don't know if she's trying to wait for me to ask her out again or trying to avoid it. Funny how when I said I'm going back home for the weekend, she asked me if I'm from LA for the second time Ok she sat diagonally, but why did she ask me how many girlfriends I had the second time? Better yet, when I said a couple she asked, "how many is couple?" The other time was when we were with another girl. If she's not interested in me, why would she ask me about my past relationship? Why would she care? I never had a girlfriend before, so I never had to go through this. I know lied about having couple girlfriends, but if I said I never had one I doubt she'll date me If she liked you and wanted a date, she would not have forgotten. She would have dropped a clear hint. Listen to Teresa, she is a smart, no BS, woman and would tell you if this girl was dropping signs of interest. Friend, don't buy that PUA stuff about a girl won't like you if you tell her the truth. That stuff is expounded by bitter men on here. If a girl likes you that kind of stuff will not matter. She is just making conversation. Who knows. The best thing to do is look at the actions. If she is NOT going on dates with you, than it is best to just move along. Date other women 2
greenee1 Posted February 7, 2013 Posted February 7, 2013 I agree with the others. You seem like a nice guy. You deserve someone better.
truth_seeker Posted February 7, 2013 Posted February 7, 2013 I'm interested in this girl that I've known for about 5 months. During last Fall, there are some times she is interested and other times she's not. On the other hand, maybe she's being friendly. Here are some highlights that we did together last Fall: 1) We walked around the campus for about 30 mins before she had to go to class 2) She asked me and another girl if we ever had a girlfriend or boyfriend. She even asked me how long was the relationship 3) I took her out to eat at the university dining commons because she told me she would like to try it and I had to use my points. When I ate lunch with her, she didn't sit in front of me, but diagonally (there were four chairs on the table.) After our lunch, I asked her where does her boyfriend go to school because in her introduction speech she said she had a boyfriend. She told me it was a joke and asked me how many girlfriends I had again. When I told her couple, she asked me how many is couple. 4) I asked her out to eat dinner with me for her birthday. She told me she might do something with her family or friends and will tell me when she is available. The following Tuesday, she called me to buy her a pizza at the university market, and again to use up my points. After we got the pizza, I suggested to eat at the university union, but she suggested to at the lounge, which I think she meant to eat alone with me. We ended up eating at my room with my roommates I didn't see nor talk to her since that day during the winter break because I had to go back home During first week of school, which was last week, I asked her out to go out with me on Saturday. She told me she's busy studying. I don't remember if she told me to reschedule or not, but we didn't have an awkward silence after I asked her out. She even asked me how was her speech that morning when we had class together. And on last Friday, she offered me to play badminton with her. Is she playing hard to get or not interested? My guess: you're just a friend. 1
ChatroomHero Posted February 7, 2013 Posted February 7, 2013 I walked with her this morning after class. Not once did she mention about the date. I don't know if she's trying to wait for me to ask her out again or trying to avoid it. Funny how when I said I'm going back home for the weekend, she asked me if I'm from LA for the second time Ok she sat diagonally, but why did she ask me how many girlfriends I had the second time? Better yet, when I said a couple she asked, "how many is couple?" The other time was when we were with another girl. If she's not interested in me, why would she ask me about my past relationship? Why would she care? I never had a girlfriend before, so I never had to go through this. I know lied about having couple girlfriends, but if I said I never had one I doubt she'll date me You're trying to find tiny, tiny clues that have huge meaning and twisting them to meet some glorious plan she has for ending up with you forever. If she sat across from you, you would ask if it meant she wanted to look into your eyes, if she sat next to you it was because she wanted to be closer, if she sat 4 chairs away it must be because she likes you so much she is nervous. If she didn't ask about past girlfriends you'd think it was because she was too nervous around you to ask, etc. The fact she didn't bring up the date is because while it might be the biggest thing on your mind, she probably hasn't thought about it since 1 second after you asked. From what you are posting it sure seems like you are thinking, "She's walking with me anxiously waiting for me to ask her out again and wondering how she compares to all my past girlfriends" while in reality I have a feeling she is thinking, "Oh, I almost tripped over that rock. I wonder what I will eat for dinner tonight. I don't care for Jay Leno". I think you are way over-analyzing and projecting your interactions with her. You might just be torturing yourself.
Author flashx80 Posted February 7, 2013 Author Posted February 7, 2013 Well consider the fact that when you ask her out again you'll possibly get another non-answer blow off if you pose it as an actual date. Something like, "Well we could just get together and use your points again instead of you spending money", and you'll be back at square 1. Just from my experience when a woman is like this it is eerily similar to a friend-zone situation without her saying, "I like us just being friends". She won't commit to a real "romantic" situation but will hang out with you in a situation that doesn't involve her having to worry about physical contact at the end. I have a feeling if you asked her to dinner at a decent 'date-type' place she would be busy or tell you she didn't want you to spend your money or had to study...but if you followed up and said you had more points to use she would volunteer to help you use them another night without hesitation. I know you want her to be interested so it's hard not to slant things in your mind in your favor but dating someone that is interested is never very complicated. You ask them on a date and they say yes and commit. You ask them to dinner and if they can't they say, "Tuesday won't work but Friday will" instead of "I have to study Tuesday". If they are not really interested but view you as a friend they find a way to decline an actual date but accept situations where it is just hanging out in a friendly manner. I mean a study session or dinner in a food court even if you are alone is safe for her, she doesn't expect you'll make any moves. Draw your own conclusions but don't act shocked if you keep after her and find 6 months from now you still don't know if she is interested romantically. You know what? Before I got the pizza for her, she called me how many points I have and if it's possible to buy her a pizza using my points. Although I didn't have to spend any money at that time, however, I did have to spend my money to buy the points. Well she didn't offered to have an alternative date or reschedule the date, so I guess she's not interested?
Author flashx80 Posted February 7, 2013 Author Posted February 7, 2013 If she liked you and wanted a date, she would not have forgotten. She would have dropped a clear hint. Listen to Teresa, she is a smart, no BS, woman and would tell you if this girl was dropping signs of interest. Friend, don't buy that PUA stuff about a girl won't like you if you tell her the truth. That stuff is expounded by bitter men on here. If a girl likes you that kind of stuff will not matter. She is just making conversation. Who knows. The best thing to do is look at the actions. If she is NOT going on dates with you, than it is best to just move along. Date other women I'm sure she didn't forget about it. Although she may not mention about the date, I think it's my responsibility, as the guy, to do the chasing. Not her
Treasa Posted February 7, 2013 Posted February 7, 2013 I'm sure she didn't forget about it. Although she may not mention about the date, I think it's my responsibility, as the guy, to do the chasing. Not her I disagree with this. And you shouldn't chase something that keeps running away. At that point I'd be like, "**** it. I'm not killing myself to get someone's attention. Either he/she likes me or not."
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