tory1012 Posted February 7, 2013 Posted February 7, 2013 We broke up over a year ago and we have been sleeping together every week since then. He still tells me he's not interested, but how can this be when we have been seeing each other regularly? I know he's been with other people and so have I, but I'm still so sad over the whole thing and cannot stop contacting him ( it feels impossible since he always responds ). I just want my consuming sadness to stop and for me to move on because he seems to obviously be able to move on quickly. Please help i really need support! the worst thing too is that i work from home and im alone most days and seem to think of him constantly.
stevie_23 Posted February 7, 2013 Posted February 7, 2013 (edited) You know what we're all gonna say, don't you? You have to stop sleeping with him or how do you expect you'll ever be able to get over him!? You're no longer WITH him but you're still sleeping with him. This must feel somewhat empty. I suspect you are living purely on the hope that if you stay close enough, in any way that he'll let you stay close, that one day he'll "realise" his mistake and his feelings and will want to be together properly again, right? You ask why he tells you he doesn't want to be together and yet sleeps with you? This might appear as mixed signals to you, but really, why WOULDN'T he sleep with you if you're ok with that? You dictate to others how you want to be treated and what is acceptable behaviour for you, you know? You're telling him that you are fine with sleeping together. You also say he seems to have moved on quickly...why do you feel this? Because he's with other women? You mentioned you've been with other guys. Sooo...how is he different to you in terms of moving on? Because you want to get back together and he doesn't? Again, you're telling him that because you're ok with sleeping with him, you must have moved on too. Otherwise, it'd be too hard. Although, if you've been clear with him that you DO want to get back together properly, and he says no, and you continue to sleep with him, again, this is showing him that's what you're ok with, and also it's showing him you will settle for anything he is willing to give you. Sexual breadcrumbs, so to speak. It seems you both just want different things, and it seems also that you are not getting what you need from him. What you need is to be WITH him totally. What HE needs right now I think is what he's getting. Freedom. Sexual stuff. Other girls. Whatever. And that's fine. For him. But you? It's obviously not making you happy... It's very hard and I don't know what suggestions to offer in terms of how to extract yourself from your need to be with him in ANY way at all. Do you want to really move on? Or do you want to be back together with him? If it's the former, stop sleeping with him. You can still be friends, but making that first major break will make it easier eventually to really properly move on. It's been over a YEAR now, you know? That's way too long. If it's the latter, well...he doesn't want to be back with you so...if you're willing to live forever just sleeping with him (until he finds someone he's serious about of course), then...so be it. Edited February 7, 2013 by stevie_23
Author tory1012 Posted February 7, 2013 Author Posted February 7, 2013 Yes it is a horrible predicament I have put myself in and I do feel when I'm around him I lack will power. He was my first love and we were together for 3 years however we had a very turbulent relationship. Not a lot of peace. Couldn't relax. I came on here because i lack support as i lost a lot of my friends during the relationship so it is nice to talk with people even if it is online. I want to move on because there is no chance of him ever wanting to be with me again so I must make the definitive decision to stop sleeping with him because I know already that he will find somebody eventually then I will be left miserable, distraught and feeling very lonely. One year after a relationship is too long! I totally get this and I believe that if i hadn't done this and did the whole no contact thing I would have been better off. Now the healing needs to start and its going to be painful, but Its going to be more painful if i continue things the way they are. Sorry I'm probably rambling too much. Thanks heaps oh and btw i thoroughly enjoyed reading your post. Very well written
TaraMaiden Posted February 7, 2013 Posted February 7, 2013 You haven't really 'Broken up' at all. You've just 'progressed' (not the right word at all!) from a sound relationship, to a casual 'phukk-buddy'... So, you're still together, and your break up starts..... NOW. You really do have to want to do this. By all means, use this forum as a sounding board, a place to come for strength, support, help, guidance and general discussion - but you have to be the one to do it. And if you want to get your life back, and change your future, starting RIGHT NOW - you have to do this. Read the No Contact updated guide in my signature. It will be your main point of reference from now on, and it will quite literally save you from yourself. Good luck.
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