AKisBaked Posted February 7, 2013 Posted February 7, 2013 Hello loveshack members, I'm new to this forum so please go easy on my first thread post. So my situation right now currently is that me and my ex girlfriend broke up around December 2012, so a bit recent. We were in a long distance relationship for 3 years 4 months. I'm suprised that it lasted that long too lol. We both were serious with each other and we were thinking of getting a place together in the near future. But unfortunately that dream will never come true anymore. Its been really complicated for the past 2 months.. At first I tried the no contact rule for a bit, which worked because I felt a bit better to be away from all the drama and her but then she finally started to contact me alot through text and phone calls because I was ignoring her. SO i finally responded to her seeing what was going on. She said she wanted to get back together but at the time it was so fresh and i still had mixed emotions and how she had treated me before we broke up, so at the time i was not willing to forgive her yet and so I had ignored her. But soon after only a weeks after our break up, I find pictures of her and some other guy. LIKE SERIOUSLY ?! IT HAS ONLY BEEN A WEEK?! and she does this to me.... So soon after seeing that I didn't want anything to do with her at that point and completely stopped contacting her and looking for her... I felt better after a few weeks. But soon after she contacted me again and by then I felt that I had sort of gotten over her so we had talked. She said she missed me alot and wants to get back together, but I told her that you already have someone new already, and I guess this was her bribe to me which she said " put your foot down and I'll stop talking and seeing him." I though that was total BS because I know if I had done what she said she would not stop talking or seeing the other guy and probably will see him behind my back. So obviosuly I didn't take her bribe. But after that I kept in contact with her and we would talk about our relationship.. We haven't seen each other in a while and she said to me " I want to see you and talk to you about us." So I agreed to meet her so we could talk.. But soon after she started to ignore all my calls and texts I sent her about meeting up. And occassionally when I did get a hold of her she would mislead me saying she had time but right after she would say it wasn't a good time or plans came up so I couldn't get in touch with her and talk. So she kept doing this on purpose so she could avoid seeing me.. But FINALLY I had got her to meet up with me in person and we chatted after so many attempts. She said she misses me and thinks about me alot still and if wants to take things SLOW.. But when we were talking I cleary saw her phone and it was a picture of the other guy... So pretty much in my mind there is no need for further explaination or talks .. She has already committed herself to someone new and moved on from me but I don't know why she would keep denying and making up lies to my face saying that she isn't going out with anyone, she still misses me and wants to be together when she doesn't even bother to hide and evidence of her and the other guy in front of me... So I dont know what to think anymore... Is she just trying to give me false hopes? Or put me down gentaly by lying to me? And it and keeps making me think that we have a chance but really in her mind she has already moved on? Can someone give me some input on this? I was thinking to go back into no contact and see whether she is being serious if I don't contact her anymore. *Also during our conversation I did tell her things about myself how I had changed and if we had gotten back together things would be different.* So im a bad person =)
wildspaces Posted February 7, 2013 Posted February 7, 2013 First of all, why did you break up? It sounds like the long-distance thing was causing issues. It always does. At some point you want to be near the person. Did you want to live together and she wasn't up for it yet? Second, who broke up with who? It sounds like she's looking for you to make a declaration about what you want with the "put your foot down" thing. I wanted my ex to fight for me a little too, not to just be jealous. It's all these silly little games we play. It sounds like he could've been in the picture all along (not to let your mind go crazy) and she's using him a little to get you to come around on some issue the two of you were having. I don't think she's actually interested in him. You need to be a man and declare what your feelings are for her in a very pure and direct way (leave the other guy out of it because it's not about him). Tell her what you'd like from her in return, and what you want for the two of you. The rest of the **** doesn't matter, what is true will pan out, the rest will fall by the wayside. Just be honest, and ask the same of her in return. If she cannot provide this after some time has passed, move on. You clearly want to take this relationship to a more serious level, and if she is not there with you it will be the same argument or dilemma for years to come. You have to let someone go sometimes, and trust that everything will work out for the best. The way you can make your peace with it is to lay it all out there and know you did everything you could in your power to be with her.
wildspaces Posted February 7, 2013 Posted February 7, 2013 Ps. I don't really believe in all of this no contact. Contact in some form is what kept the lines of communication open between me and my ex and allowed for a new friendship/relationship to form as it has. No contact is necessary sometimes to allow someone to grieve the relationship or to keep things civil. I don't believe that no contact should be used in any sort of manipulative way or in hopes of getting someone to come around. Positive self change and growth for you are probably the best things you can do that may inadvertently attract an ex back into your arms. They may also attract someone 10 times better. 2
Coping Vortex Posted February 7, 2013 Posted February 7, 2013 Hello loveshack members, I'm new to this forum so please go easy on my first thread post. So my situation right now currently is that me and my ex girlfriend broke up around December 2012, so a bit recent. We were in a long distance relationship for 3 years 4 months. I'm suprised that it lasted that long too lol. We both were serious with each other and we were thinking of getting a place together in the near future. But unfortunately that dream will never come true anymore. Its been really complicated for the past 2 months.. At first I tried the no contact rule for a bit, which worked because I felt a bit better to be away from all the drama and her but then she finally started to contact me alot through text and phone calls because I was ignoring her. SO i finally responded to her seeing what was going on. She said she wanted to get back together but at the time it was so fresh and i still had mixed emotions and how she had treated me before we broke up, so at the time i was not willing to forgive her yet and so I had ignored her. But soon after only a weeks after our break up, I find pictures of her and some other guy. LIKE SERIOUSLY ?! IT HAS ONLY BEEN A WEEK?! and she does this to me.... So soon after seeing that I didn't want anything to do with her at that point and completely stopped contacting her and looking for her... I felt better after a few weeks. But soon after she contacted me again and by then I felt that I had sort of gotten over her so we had talked. She said she missed me alot and wants to get back together, but I told her that you already have someone new already, and I guess this was her bribe to me which she said " put your foot down and I'll stop talking and seeing him." I though that was total BS because I know if I had done what she said she would not stop talking or seeing the other guy and probably will see him behind my back. So obviosuly I didn't take her bribe. But after that I kept in contact with her and we would talk about our relationship.. We haven't seen each other in a while and she said to me " I want to see you and talk to you about us." So I agreed to meet her so we could talk.. But soon after she started to ignore all my calls and texts I sent her about meeting up. And occassionally when I did get a hold of her she would mislead me saying she had time but right after she would say it wasn't a good time or plans came up so I couldn't get in touch with her and talk. So she kept doing this on purpose so she could avoid seeing me.. But FINALLY I had got her to meet up with me in person and we chatted after so many attempts. She said she misses me and thinks about me alot still and if wants to take things SLOW.. But when we were talking I cleary saw her phone and it was a picture of the other guy... So pretty much in my mind there is no need for further explaination or talks .. She has already committed herself to someone new and moved on from me but I don't know why she would keep denying and making up lies to my face saying that she isn't going out with anyone, she still misses me and wants to be together when she doesn't even bother to hide and evidence of her and the other guy in front of me... So I dont know what to think anymore... Is she just trying to give me false hopes? Or put me down gentaly by lying to me? And it and keeps making me think that we have a chance but really in her mind she has already moved on? Can someone give me some input on this? I was thinking to go back into no contact and see whether she is being serious if I don't contact her anymore. *Also during our conversation I did tell her things about myself how I had changed and if we had gotten back together things would be different.* So im a bad person =) Wow sounds a lot like what I'm going through right now. To the tee!! Not sure it will work out for you or me my friend. I feel once you get so far down the road especially when there is another guy in the picture. They really can't go back. I want it to be so but i really don't think that can happen. If she left him for you she would be contacting him to go back with him. Thus starts the confusion and being caught between two relationships. Sucks i know. The best we can hope for is the other guy finds someone new and breaks off with our ex's.
Author AKisBaked Posted February 7, 2013 Author Posted February 7, 2013 I had broke up with her first because at the time, things weren't going great and I had gut feelings that things were not right. She started to ignore all my texts and calls and when asked her why she wasn't picking up my calls she would just apologies but won't give me a reason.... I knew she was dealing with some family problems at the time because her sister was getting a divorce but I don't see why she wouldn't want to come talk to me or turn to me if she was stressed. I would of thought she would no? To this day I still don't know why we broke up.. I think she felt that I didn't pay enough attention to her and she started to drift away from me and she started to find comfort in someone else ... But that pisses me off, because I can agree with you that the other guy was already in the picture and I know for a fact too because I think she started to get comfortable with him when things started to turn bad sour. I have a feeling she isn't just using him. If her phone home screen is only her and him and tons a picture of only him. Its clear to say she isn't interested in trying to work things out and have moved on.....
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