How Should i Ask Her Out?

[Swansea]

I want to ask this one girl out in college.

 

She is in a lecture class in which 60 + people, (including me and her) attend, she sits about 60 feet away from me, and we are complete strangers.

 

I can't really approach her by sitting next to her or something along those lines because of strict seating charts.

 

Thats one problem. The second is that the class only meets twice a week for 50 mins a day and she always enters in the last minute, giving me no chance of asking her before class, or to communicate with her in a planned way.

 

So the option remaining is to ask her out when we are dismissed, i realized this and followed her for a few feet after we were dismissed. ( Batman detective/stealth skills ) What i noticed is that she sits with 3 other girls, she walks out talking with two of them, and 1 of them leaves, leaving her by her self and this one other girl.

 

So i decided to stop at that point because i had to go to my own class, this is where my question enters.

 

1. How should i ask her out? Any tips so that i am able to gain as much confidence possible in order to create a cute, nice, honest proposal that doesnt come off as creepy? In order of course to increase my success rate.

 

2. Should i ask her out even if theres another girl with her? Id take it as a big no no, but if i do follow her to the point where i realize they r going to the same class, then in what other possible way could i do something?

 

I wanna do it this friday ( a day from now) but i'm afraid that perhaps i cant because as i follow her, she is talking to someone, or anybody, and im also afraid that i might collapse and get nervous as i go in "for the kill".

 

The two last times that i asked a girl out, i got a no because i was a stranger ( and i admit i looked no where as good as i do now), and then the 2nd time with someone else i got a yes.

 

But in both i really decomposed a bit an you could see that i ment no harm and was nice about it, but borderline disasterful when it comes to nervous breakdown..

 

Tips?

[Krieger]

I am 100% sure no woman in her right mind will go out with a guy that is a stranger to her . You got to build a bridge first and talk to her first and get to know her .

[Swansea]

I am 100% sure no woman in her right mind will go out with a guy that is a stranger to her . You got to build a bridge first and talk to her first and get to know her .

 

But lets not be narrow minded and jump to conclusions...

 

Everyone is different, and in their own world, although being asked out by a stranger might seem very awkward, in many cultures it is regarded differently than in perhaps yours, and bare in mind by culture i mean way of thinking.

 

I just dont think its out of the ordinary(probable) to do so, if i were to be asked out in a pleasant re assuring way by someone i also found to be at the very least, average in the "looks" area, i would at the very least consider it...

 

And anyways, there is no way to build bridges here, there is none, if i do ask her out and fail atleast i know i tried, better than not doing it at all.

 

Im more than sure that someone with an open mind would atleast consider a cute pleasant proposal made by a pleasing person, i also made sure to do that before even thinking of planning this, i studied her mannerisms in class, her way of acting, she gives me enough security to even try this.

[gillybilly]

I don't mean to sound blunt or harsh but your definitely giving the creepy vibe. Probably more so in person.

 

Definitely do not ask her out in front of her friends.

Stop following her!

 

I think you need to get to know her a bit before you ask her out. What's the rush?

If a random lad I recognised just came up to me out of the blue and asked me out I might say no for two simple reasons, I've been put on the spot and because I don't know you.

Why don't you try to find her on Facebook. start a conversation about a topic your class has been studying. Take it slow, you don't want to freak her out. don't try to be "cute, nice..." or anything. Most important is to be yourself.

 

Whatever you do. Don't "go in for the kill" it's suicide.

[Swansea]

I don't mean to sound blunt or harsh but your definitely giving the creepy vibe. Probably more so in person.

 

Definitely do not ask her out in front of her friends.

Stop following her!

 

I think you need to get to know her a bit before you ask her out. What's the rush?

If a random lad I recognised just came up to me out of the blue and asked me out I might say no for two simple reasons, I've been put on the spot and because I don't know you.

Why don't you try to find her on Facebook. start a conversation about a topic your class has been studying. Take it slow, you don't want to freak her out. don't try to be "cute, nice..." or anything. Most important is to be yourself.

 

Whatever you do. Don't "go in for the kill" it's suicide.

But i keep getting so many different opinions..

 

I asked a friend of mine and he said to just do it, this considering that ( I'm not sure you even read what i wrote) there is no way of talking to her what so ever, any ways, FACEBOOK? i dont even know her name and there is also no way of figuring it out!

 

Look you have to understand that there is no other way of doing this, and for one you sound like you your self are someone who takes this kind of behavior as very intrusive, i'd also like to read some more open minded ideas.

 

I suggest you read what i wrote, there is no other way of doing this..what scenario can there be? Following her? i followed her for about 50 seconds ( counting the traffic of the people in the way) and not more than a few feet out of the building where the class is...

 

Not like im placing GPS devices in her backpack, and snapshotting images of her behind her back...

 

Insecurities lead to the creep factor, that is why i need tips to try to block as many of those feelings in her as possible.

 

Getting to know her is obviously a better road perhaps, but HOW?

 

Cmon now

Edited February 7, 2013 by Swansea

[Krieger]

How to Get to Know a Girl at School You Don't Know

 

 

 

How to Get to Know a Girl at School You Don't Know: 6 steps

[gillybilly]

You asked for advice.

That is mine. I didn't say you had to take it. Just a few suggestions I thought you might not have considered yourself.

[JuneJulySeptember]

Is it a major class or an elective?

 

Does she clearly have a social circle with others in the class, or is she a loner in the class?

 

And most importantly, how good looking is she?

[Swansea]

You asked for advice.

That is mine. I didn't say you had to take it. Just a few suggestions I thought you might not have considered yourself.

 

I understand, and i appreciate it, but i find it to be a bit invalid, when it tells me ( your opinion) to get to know her more, when it's impossible, which i implicitly said in the opening post...

[gillybilly]

Do you from a line outside class before going in? If so there's an opportunity to start a conversation.

[Swansea]

Is it a major class or an elective?

 

Does she clearly have a social circle with others in the class, or is she a loner in the class?

 

And most importantly, how good looking is she?

Well obviously i took some consideration before asking her out.

 

I'm introverted, so in life, ( im not old at all) i havent gone out with many people, but when i have i tend to look for people who make me feel secure per say.

 

She produced some kind of special chemical reaction when i saw her, i dont just ask the whole world out, she reminds me of audrey hepburn due to her short hair, but shes very pretty imo.

 

It's not an elective and it's not a major, elective refers atleast in my vocabulary as something you dont have to take, the class is a math class you take to fill in your requirements of a math class, theres like 20 different co subjects under the math category you can take to fulfill it, this is one of them.

 

She does not have a social circle (wish give me more reason to try).

 

I dont know but sometimes you can see, when someone is perhaps more timid, less demanding, more introverted, she sits with 3 girls, none of them look like high maintenance party people, or social people who have millions of friends. The girl i like seems hispanic, the 3 girls she speaks to are white, not all too pretty, at the very least average ( although to most men the girls would qualify as better looking that the one i like perhaps because the one i like is kind of short, and has short hair, and dresses like a nerd a bit quite frankly) on top of that they all seem like normal people..and its only 3 girls and i glance and its not like they talk the whole period, more aquaintances than close friends perhaps.

 

Not a loner, not a social circle.

 

Pretty? The way she looks tells me that she is timid maybe, and gives me hope, her looks and culture give me the idea that hip hop people, rockers, etc not many would ask her out without knowing her, and even at that youd have to be someone with a specific taste, a chemical reaction, or perhaps even lesbian.

[Swansea]

Do you from a line outside class before going in? If so there's an opportunity to start a conversation.

 

I thought of opportunities of communication, and prior to the class there is no chance because, there is no line but there is a flock of students waiting to enter their classes, maybe like 50 or so in the hall.

 

Class starts at 10 am we are all in the class by 9:55 when the prior class leaves, but she always arrives right @ 9:59, among the last...so..shes the last one to go in many of the cases, or atleast among the last.

[Swansea]

Well obviously i took some consideration before asking her out.

 

I'm introverted, so in life, ( im not old at all) i havent gone out with many people, but when i have i tend to look for people who make me feel secure per say.

 

She produced some kind of special chemical reaction when i saw her, i dont just ask the whole world out, she reminds me of audrey hepburn due to her short hair, but shes very pretty imo.

 

It's not an elective and it's not a major, elective refers atleast in my vocabulary as something you dont have to take, the class is a math class you take to fill in your requirements of a math class, theres like 20 different co subjects under the math category you can take to fulfill it, this is one of them.

 

She does not have a social circle (wish give me more reason to try).

 

I dont know but sometimes you can see, when someone is perhaps more timid, less demanding, more introverted, she sits with 3 girls, none of them look like high maintenance party people, or social people who have millions of friends. The girl i like seems hispanic, the 3 girls she speaks to are white, not all too pretty, at the very least average ( although to most men the girls would qualify as better looking that the one i like perhaps because the one i like is kind of short, and has short hair, and dresses like a nerd a bit quite frankly) on top of that they all seem like normal people..and its only 3 girls and i glance and its not like they talk the whole period, more aquaintances than close friends perhaps.

 

Not a loner, not a social circle.

 

Pretty? The way she looks tells me that she is timid maybe, and gives me hope, her looks and culture give me the idea that hip hop people, rockers, etc not many would ask her out without knowing her, and even at that youd have to be someone with a specific taste, a chemical reaction, or perhaps even lesbian.

 

Sorry, in the beginning i ment t say, before thinking of asking her out, i cant even edit posts in here.

[normal person]

I think it's a little weird to ask out a girl who you've never said a word to before. If that's the way it is, you're essentially just asking her "am I good looking enough for you to agree to spend time with me although you have absolutely no concept of who I am as a person... or not?"

 

Before you ask her out, you need to interact with her and/or at least make it known that you have some sort of attractive quality. Otherwise she has no reason to say yes. If a stranger walked up to you on the street and said nothing more than "Do you wanna hang out?" of course you'd decline.

 

Are you a really good student? Maybe you could say something really insightful in your class that piques her curiosity or earns her admiration. If she's in a sorority then she'll probably wear a sweatshirt with her letters on it. If you've got a friend involved with the Greek stuff you could figure out what bars and mixers that sorority goes to and talk to her there. If you spend enough time at campus bars you're bound to see her eventually unless you go to a giant school or an urban one.

 

If that's not working, wait until she does something that garners attention and then use that as your talking point. Work from there. I hope that helps.

[JuneJulySeptember]

 

It's not an elective and it's not a major, elective refers atleast in my vocabulary as something you dont have to take, the class is a math class you take to fill in your requirements of a math class, theres like 20 different co subjects under the math category you can take to fulfill it, this is one of them.

 

She does not have a social circle (wish give me more reason to try).

 

I dont know but sometimes you can see, when someone is perhaps more timid, less demanding, more introverted, she sits with 3 girls, none of them look like high maintenance party people, or social people who have millions of friends. The girl i like seems hispanic, the 3 girls she speaks to are white, not all too pretty, at the very least average ( although to most men the girls would qualify as better looking that the one i like perhaps because the one i like is kind of short, and has short hair, and dresses like a nerd a bit quite frankly) on top of that they all seem like normal people..and its only 3 girls and i glance and its not like they talk the whole period, more aquaintances than close friends perhaps.

 

Not a loner, not a social circle.

 

Yes. Very good people reading dude. The exact things I'd be looking for. Of course, college was a long time ago for me.

 

Bolded #1: If it's not a major class, then you won't have to deal with the awkwardness of seeing her class after class, and semester after semester and having her and her friends laugh at you if she rejects you. Good.

 

Bolded #2: Yes. Definitely something you want to read into. If her and her friends walk into class with Victoria Secret sweatpants and Sorority sweaters and know half of the guys in the class, best to avoid. Unless that is you too. But it is obviously not. You say she is not that type. Also good.

 

Overall, I'd say your chances are slim to bad. But then again, based on your preface, you have nothing to lose. BTW, a friend of mine in college waited until the last day of class to ask out a girl. He just said something like, "Hey. Can I get your phone #?" They dated and eventually got married.

 

Most of it is going to depend on how good looking you are. But like I said before, nothing to lose.

[Swansea]

Yes. Very good people reading dude. The exact things I'd be looking for. Of course, college was a long time ago for me.

 

Bolded #1: If it's not a major class, then you won't have to deal with the awkwardness of seeing her class after class, and semester after semester and having her and her friends laugh at you if she rejects you. Good.

 

Bolded #2: Yes. Definitely something you want to read into. If her and her friends walk into class with Victoria Secret sweatpants and Sorority sweaters and know half of the guys in the class, best to avoid. Unless that is you too. But it is obviously not. You say she is not that type. Also good.

 

Overall, I'd say your chances are slim to bad. But then again, based on your preface, you have nothing to lose. BTW, a friend of mine in college waited until the last day of class to ask out a girl. He just said something like, "Hey. Can I get your phone #?" They dated and eventually got married.

 

Most of it is going to depend on how good looking you are. But like I said before, nothing to lose.

 

Excellent analysis there.

 

I indeed took in the class into consideration, that factor was taken in, but i cant remember thinking or pondering about it, i guess i took it in as a given amongst my requirements to ask someone...it goes lower the awkward possibilities..

 

#2 - But of course, if you have ever watched the show called the office, there is a character called pam, cute, easy going, that is way more encouraging, than asking someone like you described out, asking the latter would be even ridiculous, unless i was one of THEM, which i am obviously not, so great analyzing albeit common sense to the ones who understand right?

 

Yea they are slim to bad, but i wouldnt try if i didnt have confidence in my looks

 

Im like an 7 or an 8, never been called ugly in my life, and um basically good enough to even ponder about this..

 

The only problem for me is asking her out with anyone around.. That would make the probability of success even lower..

[Swansea]

I think it's a little weird to ask out a girl who you've never said a word to before. If that's the way it is, you're essentially just asking her "am I good looking enough for you to agree to spend time with me although you have absolutely no concept of who I am as a person... or not?"

 

Before you ask her out, you need to interact with her and/or at least make it known that you have some sort of attractive quality. Otherwise she has no reason to say yes. If a stranger walked up to you on the street and said nothing more than "Do you wanna hang out?" of course you'd decline.

 

Are you a really good student? Maybe you could say something really insightful in your class that piques her curiosity or earns her admiration. If she's in a sorority then she'll probably wear a sweatshirt with her letters on it. If you've got a friend involved with the Greek stuff you could figure out what bars and mixers that sorority goes to and talk to her there. If you spend enough time at campus bars you're bound to see her eventually unless you go to a giant school or an urban one.

 

If that's not working, wait until she does something that garners attention and then use that as your talking point. Work from there. I hope that helps.

Good tips, but im pretty sure shes not in a sorority, and by analyzing her, my self, and how crappy the class is, i doubt anyone of us is ever gonna speak up, or that she would give a dam considering the crappy class.

 

And this would be asking her out in college, the streets are different , she might even find something romantic about it, if shes open minded...

 

Its difficult, but all this long process just makes me want to find a way to ask her out as a stranger by doing something well planned..

 

I would tell her to email me if interested, and to forget about it if not, i wouldnt expect an answer then and then, even if its and automatic no...

[miss_jaclynrae]

I am 100% sure no woman in her right mind will go out with a guy that is a stranger to her . You got to build a bridge first and talk to her first and get to know her .

 

False.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

It is called a cold approach. It works.

[JuneJulySeptember]

Excellent analysis there.

 

I indeed took in the class into consideration, that factor was taken in, but i cant remember thinking or pondering about it, i guess i took it in as a given amongst my requirements to ask someone...it goes lower the awkward possibilities..

 

#2 - But of course, if you have ever watched the show called the office, there is a character called pam, cute, easy going, that is way more encouraging, than asking someone like you described out, asking the latter would be even ridiculous, unless i was one of THEM, which i am obviously not, so great analyzing albeit common sense to the ones who understand right?

 

Yea they are slim to bad, but i wouldnt try if i didnt have confidence in my looks

 

Im like an 7 or an 8, never been called ugly in my life, and um basically good enough to even ponder about this..

 

The only problem for me is asking her out with anyone around.. That would make the probability of success even lower..

 

Any time you are a good looking guy, you always have a chance no matter how bad or awkward the approach. That's what women are about.

 

If you truly are an 8, then I'd up your chances to moderate to decent.

 

Either wait until you have a chance to sit next to her in class and then start talking about BS about the class, or...

 

Follow her after class one day, wait until she's alone or with just one friend and then just introduce yourself. Do it in front of her friend. If you're good looking it doesn't matter. Girls feed off that stuff.

 

"Oooh. He was cute. When is he gonna call? When? When?"

 

You must actually be good looking though, not just to your mom and in your head.

[todreaminblue]

Good tips, but im pretty sure shes not in a sorority, and by analyzing her, my self, and how crappy the class is, i doubt anyone of us is ever gonna speak up, or that she would give a dam considering the crappy class.

 

And this would be asking her out in college, the streets are different , she might even find something romantic about it, if shes open minded...

 

Its difficult, but all this long process just makes me want to find a way to ask her out as a stranger by doing something well planned..

 

I would tell her to email me if interested, and to forget about it if not, i wouldnt expect an answer then and then, even if its and automatic no...

 

 

just dont do the email if you are interested thing and dont if you are not thing....sounds like a job interview not a date...i have been asked out by strangers and i accepted once.....as a rule i dont accept offers of dates from strangers,I would suggest you get to know her a little better, at least have had three ro four conversations that lasted longer than five minutes, if you can have an hour long one thats even better......ask for her phone number if you must and cant wait, and try to have conversations about school, find out a bit about her and what she likes before going for that first date, if you can have a decent phone conversation it is actually a good sign......if you feel comfortable talking to her even better...if she opens up to you.....home run bud....best wishes......deb

[Swansea]

Any time you are a good looking guy, you always have a chance no matter how bad or awkward the approach. That's what women are about.

 

If you truly are an 8, then I'd up your chances to moderate to decent.

 

Either wait until you have a chance to sit next to her in class and then start talking about BS about the class, or...

 

Follow her after class one day, wait until she's alone or with just one friend and then just introduce yourself. Do it in front of her friend. If you're good looking it doesn't matter. Girls feed off that stuff.

 

"Oooh. He was cute. When is he gonna call? When? When?"

 

You must actually be good looking though, not just to your mom and in your head.

Ya i analyzed all of this, thats why the title of the thread, is HOW and not IF, and i do agree with what you say, just that my charisma might falter and i might look like an nervous idiot if i dont get a grip...so i'd have to pull of a very good performance..

 

Believe me, im good enough to feel comfortable but not cocky enough to say, ok this is guaranteed, i feel and know i need a good approach.

 

@ deb, thanks for the tip, i did realize that asking her if or if not does sound like a job interview, but i thought it atleast introduced a sense that i understood her if she felt awkward and that might help...or atleast that what i think..

[todreaminblue]

Ya i analyzed all of this, thats why the title of the thread, is HOW and not IF, and i do agree with what you say, just that my charisma might falter and i might look like an nervous idiot if i dont get a grip...so i'd have to pull of a very good performance..

 

Believe me, im good enough to feel comfortable but not cocky enough to say, ok this is guaranteed, i feel and know i need a good approach.

 

@ deb, thanks for the tip, i did realize that asking her if or if not does sound like a job interview, but i thought it atleast introduced a sense that i understood her if she felt awkward and that might help...or atleast that what i think..

 

 

maybe swansea you are right, i could be totally off base wouldnt be the first time,in my opinion, asking someone on a date is awkward, telling someone you like them is awkward......for both....to hear it and to say it.....doesnt really help with the awkwardness factor to have spoken to someone before, if you are a bit shy or insecure it is always going to be awkward, thats why i kamikaze, i am always unsure when i liek soemone, even if they have given me signals or even kissed me so how is that...smilin....i wish you th ebest......keep the updates coming...so i can live vicariously and avoid my own love life.......deb the big chicken.....deb