Has this ever happened?

[Gibson_Girl]

Has anyone posted here before and been caught? Or ended up revealing too much and had either their AP or OM/ OW call them out?

 

I only mention this because I feel SO transparent here like any small detail is sending smoke signals "Over here! The interloper is over here!" I know it's my conscience, but nearly everyone's stories are identical. At least the feelings and the whole "soul mate", "wish I'd met you earlier" spiel. The hurt, emotional roller coaster, depression... Nearly everything I've read could be a line out of my own story (with the exception of the "wifebabymamamountainstoreheartless").

 

Anyone else ever feel paranoid about posting even though it's based on anonymity?

[Lillyfree]

i've used a different handle to the one i use for all the other forums i'm on, which both my H and xOM would know.

 

i have posted some fairly specific details however, but the only person that would find me here would be xOM and only if he searched those specific phrases.

 

so yes, i thought about it a couple of times - but really don't care whether he sees what i write or not.

[gillybilly]

Wouldn't worry about what are the chances.

If anyone ever says anything. Deny it. You don't know what they're talking about. Don't be so silly. Etc.

[Gibson_Girl]

I'm a little worried... Co-worker/ boss of my AP found out about our A and let her go from her job. Now the ex co-worker is on a witch-hunt to let people (in HIGH places) know what AP has been up to. For instance, the boss forwarded an email that she acquired off the company server to a contact in my AP's address book. Nothing specific, just a fwd to put my AP on "notice".

 

I've been warned that I may receive an email or may get one sent to my company email because of my relationship to my AP or worse, an email sent to my state supervisor.

 

Right now, AP is on pins and needles and if any of our A comes to light (many people in AP's work know of our A because of loose lips) my name AND my mailing address). FYI, we don't live in the same state.

 

Nervous and worried for my AP (after today will most likely be my xAP) and what the fallout may be. I feel responsible even though they made the choice to be with me in spite of risks.

 

I'm all over the place with this post due to high emotions and I hate thumbing with my phone at work. I'm scared, worried about the BS finding out and how it will affect them, and if my AP blames me and will ultimately hate me. My M is over in all but paperwork so I don't fear repercussions from that. I don't want our respective kids (all older) to lose respect for us and lose that relationship with our kids. We knew it was a risk but were willing to take it thinking we wouldn't be found out. Naive or just stupid? <----rhetorical question.

 

No contact after today because AP is angsty (borderline suicidal), depressed, bi-polar (maybe) and waiting to see where the chips fall...

 

I don't even know what I expect from posting this, I'm just nervous and sick worrying.

[spice4life]

It was a little hard to understand your last post. Are you saying you have more than one AP and one of them is out for revenge? It wasn't really clear. And why would your AP's boss send you an email if you don't work there?

 

As for being afraid of posting here, I can't say don't worry because I've known people who have been cyberstalked and harrassed. It can happen. Is there some reason you're worried other than the normal nervousness of posting in a public forum?

[Gibson_Girl]

It was a little hard to understand your last post. Are you saying you have more than one AP and one of them is out for revenge? It wasn't really clear. And why would your AP's boss send you an email if you don't work there?

 

As for being afraid of posting here, I can't say don't worry because I've known people who have been cyberstalked and harrassed. It can happen. Is there some reason you're worried other than the normal nervousness of posting in a public forum?

 

 

No, I have one AP (first and last). AP's former boss found out about our A and to be spiteful (I can't think of another reason), sent an email to one of the contacts in AP's work contact list. Nothing specific, just forwarded an email to a contact (who happens to be a relative of ap) in AP's list to, I suppose, let my AP know that she can tap AP's email and will use any info found therein to damage AP.

This xboss happens to know AP's spouse too. I really don't know what her motives could be for forwarding emails; that particular message was personal between AP and a relative and contained nothing that could be taken out of context.

 

I'm sorry my post was all over the place. I'm unaccustomed to these kinds of forums where it's all serious. I'm relieved to have found it but I'm getting used to discussing this. It's nothing I can tell anyone else. I'm nervous for AP, I don't want my job--which it totally unrelated to AP's old job--to be in jeopardy. I don't want AP to be destroyed by exposure, which as it stands, could happen at any moment. The BS has contacts that go extremely high up and could absolutely nuke the WS/ my AP if they were to find out and was so inclined to do so.

 

I know people will say "you both deserve it..." But that's not helpful. Maybe we do.

 

FYI, I'm sticking by AP through this until they say it's over. I'm not bailing during a crisis. We're not communicating now and it may end up that way for good, I don't know.

 

Anyway, I hope that clears up my scattered mess of a post.

Thanks for reading.

[LFH]

Has anyone posted here before and been caught? Or ended up revealing too much and had either their AP or OM/ OW call them out?

 

I only mention this because I feel SO transparent here like any small detail is sending smoke signals "Over here! The interloper is over here!" I know it's my conscience, but nearly everyone's stories are identical. At least the feelings and the whole "soul mate", "wish I'd met you earlier" spiel. The hurt, emotional roller coaster, depression... Nearly everything I've read could be a line out of my own story (with the exception of the "wifebabymamamountainstoreheartless").

 

Anyone else ever feel paranoid about posting even though it's based on anonymity?

 

I am careful in my details, not because I feel I have anything to hide, but out of respect for his need for privacy.

 

I added or subtraced 3 years (I honestly can't remember which) to a post where I talked about his daughters age once. I can say that because the post ended up getting deleted so no one can now go back and figure out my math. LOL

 

I don't say where I live.

I probably have given away too many details over the time I've been posting, but like I said, I'm not really hiding for me and anyone else probably wouldn't know what TO look for.

 

I did have a stalker either from my blog when it was public or else from here. I've never determined which came first, but it included death threats and nasty emails and a whole lot of insanity, which is why I do always caution people to be careful with their details, not because of the risk of getting caught, but because of the risk of people who have delusions or think it's their mission to rid the world of "cheaters and infidels." In my case, the woman decided I was cheating with HER husband. I know it wasn't the case because of things like her emailing me while my MM's wife was on a plane, in the pool, sitting next to him on the couch with no electronics, but she was convinced.

 

So just because you can't be proven doesn't mean you might not get some fallout. Be careful, I don't think it's inappropriate to be a little paranoid, but it's unlikely anyone will ever be able to prove who you are by your posts.

[spice4life]

Yes, that clears it up. Thank you.

 

I hope your AP knows that it's illegal for his former boss to hack his email account. If she is no longer his employer then he can press charges.

[Gibson_Girl]

Yes, that clears it up. Thank you.

 

I hope your AP knows that it's illegal for his former boss to hack his email account. If she is no longer his employer then he can press charges.

 

It was AP's company email acct. All communications to that address were fairly innocuous. There was an occasional ILY or a pet name but mostly "how's your day" and one-liners.

 

It all seems very strange and unprofessional to me so it made me wonder if there wasn't more to it. Maybe I'm not the Only OW

[Pierre]

i've used a different handle to the one i use for all the other forums i'm on, which both my H and xOM would know.

 

i have posted some fairly specific details however, but the only person that would find me here would be xOM and only if he searched those specific phrases.

 

so yes, i thought about it a couple of times - but really don't care whether he sees what i write or not.

 

Gotcha!!!!!!!!!!

[jwi71]

Has anyone posted here before and been caught?

 

I cannot remember if one has been definitively caught but I DO remember some AP stories that closely paralleled BS postings. More than once.

 

I cannot recall a WS being caught by a BS. I would no be surprised if it has happened though.

 

Or ended up revealing too much and had either their AP or OM/ OW call them out?

 

This too. Also more than once - and it was the WS "catching" the AP.

 

Anyone else ever feel paranoid about posting even though it's based on anonymity?

 

You are most likely to be safe in posting.

 

The paranoia you feel is exactly that - an overreaction to events in your job. It is not likely those involved will track you here. They are far more likely to simply use your employer's systems to catch you.

[jwi71]

No, I have one AP (first and last). AP's former boss found out about our A and to be spiteful (I can't think of another reason), sent an email to one of the contacts in AP's work contact list. Nothing specific, just forwarded an email to a contact (who happens to be a relative of ap) in AP's list to, I suppose, let my AP know that she can tap AP's email and will use any info found therein to damage AP.

This xboss happens to know AP's spouse too. I really don't know what her motives could be for forwarding emails; that particular message was personal between AP and a relative and contained nothing that could be taken out of context.

 

Does this "boss" have a motive to be on a crusade (close friend to BS, burned by an A themselves, etc)

If so...be worried. If not...be worried.

 

I'm sorry my post was all over the place. I'm unaccustomed to these kinds of forums where it's all serious. I'm relieved to have found it but I'm getting used to discussing this. It's nothing I can tell anyone else. I'm nervous for AP, I don't want my job--which it totally unrelated to AP's old job--to be in jeopardy

.

 

If you are worried for your job then it is already in jeopardy. I would make plans if this blows up in your face. Better to head into that with at least a semblance of a plan than nothing at all.

 

I don't want AP to be destroyed by exposure, which as it stands, could happen at any moment. The BS has contacts that go extremely high up and could absolutely nuke the WS/ my AP if they were to find out and was so inclined to do so.

 

You don't deserve it - but lets face it - this was triple bad. Its usually a VERY bad idea to engage in workplace romance, doubly so an A and triply so one where the BS has great unofficial influence over YOUR senior bosses. To have a job where the BS has contacts that go very high up is handing the BS power over you and jeopardizing your reputation at the VERY least.

 

What can you do? Nothing. You can end the A (and you already say you won't) but that won't erase any already existent evidence. Nor the fact that info is being disseminated. And, this may come as a shock, but these workplace A's aren't as carefully hidden as one might expect. I can almost promise there are rumors - you know how workplaces are. And once THIS gets out...yeah...D-day may be on the way.

 

FYI, I'm sticking by AP through this until they say it's over. I'm not bailing during a crisis. We're not communicating now and it may end up that way for good, I don't know.

 

Ok...you knew of the risk going in, you know the risk now and you will not stop.

 

There is NO action that can be taken to minimize these feelings.

This is simply part of the A package - albeit not the pleasant and fun part. But risk is exactly that . the percentage chance that unwanted negative outcomes to the goal occur. As long as the A persists you must accept those consequences.

 

I can think of no actions to help you minimize such - at least not any you would accept.

[Got it]

jwi - how is it a work place romance? They don't work for the same company?

 

OP - I would seek the advice of an attorney and plan to file a harassment charge if something comes about. Your AP most likely can do so as well if her email was hacked.

 

But the piece of advice would be from an attorney.

[Gibson_Girl]

Does this "boss" have a motive to be on a crusade (close friend to BS, burned by an A themselves, etc)

If so...be worried. If not...be worried.

 

.I have no idea what her motives would be. I've been led to believe she knows BS on an acquaintance level.

 

If you are worried for your job then it is already in jeopardy. I would make plans if this blows up in your face. Better to head into that with at least a semblance of a plan than nothing at all.

 

 

You don't deserve it - but lets face it - this was triple bad. Its usually a VERY bad idea to engage in workplace romance, doubly so an A and triply so one where the BS has great unofficial influence over YOUR senior bosses. To have a job where the BS has contacts that go very high up is handing the BS power over you and jeopardizing your reputation at the VERY least.

 

BS does have clout and I underestimated how much. I am not even sure BS knows but I'm almost certain it's just a matter of time.

 

What can you do? Nothing. You can end the A (and you already say you won't) but that won't erase any already existent evidence. Nor the fact that info is being disseminated. And, this may come as a shock, but these workplace A's aren't as carefully hidden as one might expect. I can almost promise there are rumors - you know how workplaces are. And once THIS gets out...yeah...D-day may be on the way.

AP and I do not work together, not even in the same line of work.

 

our personal communications haven't been disseminated as far as I know. Personal comm between AP and a relative have been sent to the relative so relative would question AP about it why the xboss would fwd an email between AP the relative. At least that's my guess. Am I explaining that right? It would e like you and I emailing one another about "*" and me getting fired and my boss checking my email and forwarding our "x" message, with no additional words added, back to you. I think that's weird.

But xboss knows about the A, that's guaranteed.

 

Ok...you knew of the risk going in, you know the risk now and you will not stop.

 

There is NO action that can be taken to minimize these feelings.

This is simply part of the A package - albeit not the pleasant and fun part. But risk is exactly that . the percentage chance that unwanted negative outcomes to the goal occur. As long as the A persists you must accept those consequences.

 

I can think of no actions to help you minimize such - at least not any you would accept.

 

I didn't mean I wouldn't end the A, I just meant that I would be available for support (btw, we are LD) if AP needs to vent and I will not run from my part in this. The A has to end for my sanity and their sanity.

I started therapy yesterday and spoke to my counselor at length about the A. She didn't judge me or shame me, she asked, "Do you like to read? You wouldn't read two books at once would you? You can't fully immerse yourself in one book, put it down an then immediately pick up the other book and appreciate he storyline, right? You have to finish one book before you can begin another."

I got it! TBH, I really don't want to end it, but the hope I have in eventually being with the one I love cannot be overshadowed by this. I'm afraid te damage is done and any hope is gone. That said, I think I need to try and detach until we both finish our books.

[spice4life]

It was AP's company email acct. All communications to that address were fairly innocuous. There was an occasional ILY or a pet name but mostly "how's your day" and one-liners.

 

It all seems very strange and unprofessional to me so it made me wonder if there wasn't more to it. Maybe I'm not the Only OW

 

Oh, so his former boss isn't accessing his current email then. Well, I would follow GotIt's advice and protect yourself. Sounds like someone is trying to threaten and harrass you.

[Gibson_Girl]

We aren't in contact any longer. I meant that I would be available to talk through this. I do love this person and I think it would be sh*tty of me to bail when the heat is on, don't you? I want to be with him, but not like this, not any more. Preservation instincts for each of us as individuals says lay low and don't initiate any contact that could implicate us any further if it were to be discovered at this point.

 

I didn't set out to have an affair. We began to have feelings and it got to the point where we had to make a decision to be in one another's lives while we're in the process of separation/ divorce or not. Neither of us having been in this situation before, obviously decided to go for it knowing it would be hard. But you know, I/ we were so involved that, for my part anyway, had no idea HOW HARD and how emotionally taxing it would be.

 

I don't regret loving him. I regret going against my better judgement. I didn't want the word "affair" attached to either of us. Tainted love anyone?

[Gibson_Girl]

Oh, so his former boss isn't accessing his current email then. Well, I would follow GotIt's advice and protect yourself. Sounds like someone is trying to threaten and harrass you.

 

Right. It was a former email addy.

[jwi71]

jwi - how is it a work place romance? They don't work for the same company?

 

Oops. I got all discombulated - its only doubly bad.

[Got it]

Oops. I got all discombulated - its only doubly bad.

 

Just food for thought, maybe slow down on the reading so you are making sure you are criticizing them for the correct transgressions.

[jwi71]

Just food for thought, maybe slow down on the reading so you are making sure you are criticizing them for the correct transgressions.

 

My heartfelt and deeply thought out reply:

 

 

[Got it]

My heartfelt and deeply thought out reply:

 

 

 

Thank you, my reply:

 

 

(where is the mooning emoticon when you need it! )

[Gibson_Girl]

( | ) <---can this count as a "moon"?