Feeling worthless

[Sanctionne]

Roughly 4 months ago I was dumped which was very hard on me. Not 2 weeks later my ex happened to meet someone during one of his shows in another State, which also happens to be my home City/State. Two very good friends of mine happen to know about this female because they (a couple) were having group sex w/her and her friend. This female is also married and from another Country which she is due to go back in July. Recently (2 days ago) I found out that my ex was going to visit her which crushed me even more. Reason being is because we two were in a ldr, but only -100 miles away, which she is hundreds of miles away. He rarely made the time to see me and his excuse was lack of funds. So why is it that he can visit her and all of a sudden seems to have the funds to do so? My reason for feeling worthless is because what does it say about me if he thinks this groupie married slut that likes to get gang banged is better than me? I know that no one but him has the answers, but talking to him is not an option and would do me no good. I hate myself for even feeling this way and allowing him to effect me this way. Clearly he's not thinking about me. ugh! One more thing. Everything that he ever said he DID NOT like in a female is Exactly what she is. I don't get it?

[stevie_23]

Look at it backwards – he was being true to himself when he was with you. He was happy with you. You are a good and worthwhile person who he wanted to be with and it made him feel like a WORSE person at times because he has that side of him that he isn’t happy with.

 

And that’s the side that’s coming out now, by him being with a girl who he always said he didn’t like and wouldn’t choose.

 

He also seems a bit cold. Seems his feelings for you faded over time and he walked away. Then hooked up with this other girl who is nothing like you. Maybe he needs that for now.

 

This girl seems unavailable to him. She’s married. She lives really far away.

 

You weren’t 100% available either, as you didn’t live nearby, but you were ONLY with him. Maybe he doesn’t want that right now.

 

In any case, none of his behaviour reflects on YOU. On who you are as a person. You can’t control or take responsibility for another person’s behaviour. What he is doing says bucket loads about HIM, not you. All you did was love him – and that makes you a VERY worthwhile person in my opinion.

[Lone]

Stevie, where have u been. i couldve used advice like this months ago. im at 3 months and absolutely feeling like nada. worthless.

 

i dont even value myself or my time anymore. ive forgotten my dreams. my ambitions. i just genuinely do not care.

 

all i care about is her and the idea she will come back to me...

 

unlikely as it is....

[stevie_23]

You know what though? I spout a lot of truths and wisdom but my actions and emotions don't tend to reflect that too accurately. It kinda sucks. lol

 

I joined here last month after my ex left me. I'm still trying to work my way through. It's only been 2 months since he left so it's a major process and slow and gradual, but that's ok. Everyone moves at a different speed and in a different way.

 

I too felt worthless for a while immediately after. This person who had loved me so deeply, who had known me better than anyone else, and who said they'd never leave me...LEFT me. I couldn't grasp how he could value me as a person and still do that. It took me a while to comprehend it.

 

I couldn't even look very long at myself in the mirror for a while because I saw...this person he had thrown away. I saw an attractive girl on the outside, same as before, but an empty shell beneath. I had become used to seeing myself through his eyes. His desiring, loving eyes. And now...who was I? Nothing.

 

I KNEW on a mental level that none of this was true and his actions and feelings didn't reflect on me or change who I was, but on an emotional level it's taken longer to get to that more stable point (and I'm still not quite there yet).

 

So I tried to twist it in my head to be logical. I would see a girl in the street, walking by herself, maybe not looking the happiest. And I'd do a scenario in my head. Did she just get dumped by her boyfriend? If so, does that suddenly make her undesirable? Unloveable? Unworthy? Not deserving of respect? With nothing to offer? CHANGED in some way? NO! She is the same person she always was. It's just that HE has chosen to leave her for HIS reasons. And she will survive and still continue to be the same WORTHWHILE person. Doing that helped me be a bit objective.

[Sanctionne]

Look at it backwards – he was being true to himself when he was with you. He was happy with you. You are a good and worthwhile person who he wanted to be with and it made him feel like a WORSE person at times because he has that side of him that he isn’t happy with.

 

And that’s the side that’s coming out now, by him being with a girl who he always said he didn’t like and wouldn’t choose.

 

He also seems a bit cold. Seems his feelings for you faded over time and he walked away. Then hooked up with this other girl who is nothing like you. Maybe he needs that for now.

 

This girl seems unavailable to him. She’s married. She lives really far away.

 

You weren’t 100% available either, as you didn’t live nearby, but you were ONLY with him. Maybe he doesn’t want that right now.

 

In any case, none of his behaviour reflects on YOU. On who you are as a person. You can’t control or take responsibility for another person’s behaviour. What he is doing says bucket loads about HIM, not you. All you did was love him – and that makes you a VERY worthwhile person in my opinion.

 

 

Thank you so much Stevie for your reply. You have no idea how much better your comment made me feel. It still hurts, but I am determined to get over this.

[geegirl]

My reason for feeling worthless is because what does it say about me if he thinks this groupie married slut that likes to get gang banged is better than me?

 

Me thinks groupie married slut is exciting to him so his penis is putting in great effort to see her. I hardly believe it's anything more but pure lust.

 

It's not a reflection of your worth but it's what he desires in his life right now. Don't devalue yourself just because he's not choosing you. The fact that he's downgraded is enough to tell you that you deserve someone of quality that will appreciate who you are and all that you have to offer.