Ava Posted August 28, 2004 Posted August 28, 2004 Help! I just met this guy and I'm not quite sure what to do. He's twelve years my senior, and I'm eighteen. Is he in this for just the 'young girl' fling or what? All I can do is expect the worse sometimes. Then again, I love to see him and I absolutely love to be around him. If we do want to meet, it has to be in secret because we're afraid of the 'age issue.' I want to say that he's always true and honest with me and there's just something about him I can't resist. Anyone ever had this problem? What do I do?
unreasonable gf Posted August 28, 2004 Posted August 28, 2004 When I was 17 I dated a guy who was 27, and in my particular case, I felt like he chose younger women specifically because they were easier to control. He always dated much younger women, barely legal in fact, and man did he play mind games with me. It's interesting that you're worried that he'd consider it just a fling -- that really never crossed my mind at the time, but I guess that's a reasonable concern. Because of my experience, I'd be more worried that he feels like he can manipulate you more easily because he's more experienced with relationships (note: not necessarily smarter or wiser ) My parents nagged me so much at the time and it was pretty typical, I felt they didn't understand. But looking back, I wish I had listened to them. Guys your age can be just as evil as an older guy I'm sure, but not as experienced in manipulating you. I sound totally paranoid! It's just that the 27 yo I dated was so evil. I'm suprised you'd have to meet in private since you're legal, and I'm sure that kind of age gap is not too unusual. I remember it was awkward for me hanging around his friends because I was still pretty wet behind the ears, and so they treated me like a kid.
Author Ava Posted August 29, 2004 Author Posted August 29, 2004 Thanks for the last reply, it was good advice. What I failed to tell truth about in the last post was that I'll be legal in a month (sorry, just wanted to see what would happen if i was). Anyway, you can understand now why 'mum' is the word because a lot of people know who he and I are. I think the feelings are mutual...I want to say I'm quite different than many of his past girlfriends despite the age difference. What do we do until such time?
rogueless Posted August 29, 2004 Posted August 29, 2004 As a mom with a 17 year old daughter, I would not allow my daughter to date someone 21 much less 12 years older than her. If you have to "hide" the relationship, that should tell you right there its wrong. I urge you to talk to your parents about this.
emra Posted August 29, 2004 Posted August 29, 2004 I agree some older guys go for the younger girls as a control thing. It is easier to control the younger girls and all that. I am 28 and since I was 14 I have always gone for the older guys. Currently I am with some one who is 42. Is he controling, sometimes, sometimes I am . You have to go with your gut on this one. What does his past relationships say? Maybe, it could work out. Maybe it won't. You have to do what is right for you. Parents will tell you to stay away. Mine did, that only made me go for it more. I wish now I could take a lot of those years back because, one ended up being a terrible thing, Is it attention you are seeking from this man, or do you have feelings and are those feelings mutual. You are in a tough spot. You either, go for it, take a chance, maybe he will be the best thing in the world for you, Maybe not. You need to Take care of yourself. Do you find it exciting to get attention from an older man? That was it for me. Maybe attention you are seeking without knowing you are. You are so young. If I could go back in time, I would and I never would have gone for that Older guy.
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