Can players be considerate about a girl's feelings?

[GingerVixen]

Posting this because I'm intrigued and someone gave me an explanation but I just can't get it , maybe because my attitude towards life and relationships is just the opposite.

 

Here's the deal: I used to flirt with a guy who was a real player, but he would say the sweetest things at the beginning of the relationship, tell me he was falling in love with me (while he used to flirt with many other girls) until I myself fell in love with him. I opened up my heart and saw that he didn't give a damn, so I decided to stop talking to him , I went totally NC with him and I broke the NC because I missed him. I told him I had feelings for him and that I cared for him, that I had missed him (he didn't tell me he had missed me back) , and he would talk to me and ask if I was okay but he would never ever come to me and talk to me. He likes all the pictures I post,he follows me in every social network, he's polite when we talk but he never comes to me and talks to me again. I told him the last time we talked that it is a terrible waste of time trying to talk to him and that I would give up, he told me I was overreacting, that he loves to see that I'm fine and that I'm happy and that he loves to know about me. I told him that if we want to be friends again, I can't be the only one to initiate a conversation, he should do the same sometimes too. He told me "okay, I will do that, don't doubt it" but he just doesn't.

 

Then later on, talking about it to my friends, trying to understand his contradictory behavior (doesn't talk to me but likes my pictures and wants to know about me) , one of them told me that maybe he's the kind of guy who knows he's a player and he knows I'm nice and that I was really having true feelings for him, therefore he doesn't want to play me or hurt my feelings so he decided to be distant. She told me that he now feels a lot of respect for me so maybe that's why he decided to stop talking to me - he doesn't want to play with my heart and doesn't want me to have expectations about him.

 

My question is: can players be this "considerate" about a girl's feelings? Can they think and operate this way? I'm really intrigued. Thanks for the help.

[Leigh 87]

What your friend said is what you WANT to hear, but honestly?

 

I just don't think he cares much about you. Sorry, I am sure your awesome!

 

Especially if he is good looking and has a lot of girls that take an interest in him.... THAT, combined with being a player, gives you you answer: He liked you as a person, you are attractive enough for him to sleep with you, but there are soo many hotter girls out there that he wants to consider"

 

There will be guys out there who think your the most beautiful girl to them, though! They will only want YOU, and will not feel that there are "hotter girls out there that they want to play the field with.

[candie13]

BS. He likes you soooo much and wants to be with you sooooo much... that he doesn't do anything. he misses you like he misses the air to breath, that's why he gives you the silent treatment .

 

"one can only choose or not choose." That's it. By not contacting you, he is actively NOT choosing you.

 

and he doesn't have to, since you're doing all the work for him.

people who look like players have a lot of girls and have them easy, but never for long, so usually they are highly insecure. he's got you wrapped around his finger, 'cause you are providing him PLENTY of confirmation that he does NOT deserve.

 

Girl, it's all in your head. YOu got ZERO, NOTHING. Did he ask you out? Told you he wants you in his life? Said he missed you? NO, no, no and... no again.

 

Therefore, it is NOT real, it DOES NOT EXIST, you're inlove with a ghost!

 

Get over yourself and MOVE ON, he's f*cked up, you're wasting your time. And understand that you're sticking around for the thrill of it, for the excitement of getting leftovers of him. I don't know your past, but he is feeding your ABANDONMENT issues.

 

I bet your dad wasn't around much when you were a kid. I bet you thought he was great. I bet you missed him. Girl, I've got news for you, you're dating your dad now !

 

Start NC now, this is really sick, a lot of girls out there with daddy issues, don't be one of his "admirers", you deserve someone real!

[Leigh 87]

Look, if a guy really cares about you and really wants to see you, and MISSES you badly enough - HE WILL MAKE AN EFFORT.

 

Not to say this player guy does not care at all, but he does not care anouth for a long term relationship.

 

You have feelings for him and seam to GET feelings for him fast, so it is best for you to go NC and move on!

 

You really do not want him on facebook, because when he finds a girl that he is nuts about, he will probably post pictures of him together with a new girlfriend he gets....

[GingerVixen]

What your friend said is what you WANT to hear, but honestly?

 

I just don't think he cares much about you. Sorry, I am sure your awesome!

 

Especially if he is good looking and has a lot of girls that take an interest in him.... THAT, combined with being a player, gives you you answer: He liked you as a person, you are attractive enough for him to sleep with you, but there are soo many hotter girls out there that he wants to consider"

 

There will be guys out there who think your the most beautiful girl to them, though! They will only want YOU, and will not feel that there are "hotter girls out there that they want to play the field with.

 

Yeah, our talks for example were always friendly and nice. Sometimes he would want to talk dirty to me , once he even wanted to show me a porn video and that was really rude, and I told him I didn't want to have that kind of conversation to him. He used to ask me "when will we sleep together"? , I would face it as a joke but I would always tell him "I'm not this kind of girl, things don't work this way"so maybe he's realized I cannot be played , that's why he's distant now?

[GingerVixen]

 

I bet your dad wasn't around much when you were a kid. I bet you thought he was great. I bet you missed him. Girl, I've got news for you, you're dating your dad now !

 

Start NC now, this is really sick, a lot of girls out there with daddy issues, don't be one of his "admirers", you deserve someone real!

 

I'm sorry but you don't know my life. I don't have any issues with my father who is by the way one of my best friends.

 

I'm just worried because I just wanted to be friends with him again.

Don't assume that every single person who wants to talk to someone has issues with their parents. That's a very narrow-minded and simplified way to explain a situation.

[Leigh 87]

He is a jerk, but at least he is an honest one.

 

He was VERY clear with you, so please learn to know what a guys intentions with you are sooner, before you fall in love with them...

 

He was saying " I am not asking you out, but your attractive enough for me to have sex with. I want to have sex with you without any relationship, because I am a player and I like to have sex with as many girls as possible that do not turn me off, and are attractive enough for me to get horny over"

 

 

 

 

..................He might have enjoyed talking to you. He might have thought you were a nice, cool girl.

 

He didn't, however, like you enough to change his ways, or want to date.

 

Most players have to really fall head over heals for a girl, normally a girl who is super hot, before they even attempt to settle down....

 

 

.....Because most players want to have a lot of sex and they would like to have fun with girls for as long as possible, until they find the right girl... Their standards for actual relationships are very high

 

You can be that most guys like him, will only consider settling down, wieh a super hot girl, who is a model look - alike or better still, a real model.

 

Delete him of facebook NOW please! Because when he DOES find a girl he feels is worthy of a relationship, she will likely be super good looking, and he or SHE will definately post pictures of them together, with cutsey comments about how great each other is.....

[Hopeful714]

NOOOOOO!

 

I consider myself almost an expert of these types.

 

He hooked you in, and when you fell for it, he backed off. Hence, you were played. He totally got off on the attention you kept giving, so he hung around for a little bit (just enough to give you hope) to keep getting his ego fill.

 

No, he is not being considerate of you. This is what players do and they do it to many, so by means think you are the only one. See, they know that by hooking you and then playing the Houdini act, girls will long for him and thus feed his insatiable ego that need to be fed to assure his worth. There is no consideration in this for you or anyone at all.

 

You were correct in knowing he is a waste of your time. You should pay him no mind anymore. And if he comes back wondering why? NC!

 

Also, reading up on emotionally unavailable men may give you more insight to this pathetic behavior. Be well!

[Leigh 87]

NOOOOOO!

 

I consider myself almost an expert of these types.

 

He hooked you in, and when you fell for it, he backed off. Hence, you were played. He totally got off on the attention you kept giving, so he hung around for a little bit (just enough to give you hope) to keep getting his ego fill.

 

No, he is not being considerate of you. This is what players do and they do it to many, so by means think you are the only one. See, they know that by hooking you and then playing the Houdini act, girls will long for him and thus feed his insatiable ego that need to be fed to assure his worth. There is no consideration in this for you or anyone at all.

 

You were correct in knowing he is a waste of your time. You should pay him no mind anymore. And if he comes back wondering why? NC!

 

Also, reading up on emotionally unavailable men may give you more insight to this pathetic behavior. Be well!

 

 

 

 

 

Or maybe he just did not want to get into a relationship with anyone until he felt very strongly about a girl?

 

Some players are not bad people; they simply love having sex and want to continue to have it with as many girls who are willing to have sex, for as long as possible, until he happens to meet a girl who is worth staying with and giving up the sex with multiple girls for.

 

He did not feel "it" with the OP, so he did not want to have a relationship with her.

 

He should have gauged wheather the girls he pursued had feelings for him or not granted; so as not to hurt anyone.

 

He WAS honest though, but he did care more about the sex than her feelings...

 

Most decent men will not hook up, even casually hook up, with chicks that have feelings for them. They do not want to hurt anyone.

[GingerVixen]

 

Delete him of facebook NOW please! Because when he DOES find a girl he feels is worthy of a relationship, she will likely be super good looking, and he or SHE will definately post pictures of them together, with cutsey comments about how great each other is.....

 

 

You were correct in knowing he is a waste of your time. You should pay him no mind anymore. And if he comes back wondering why? NC!

 

Also, reading up on emotionally unavailable men may give you more insight to this pathetic behavior. Be well!

 

I don't even think he's the type who would fall for a super hot girl. The way I see him, he would never fall in love with anybody, he's in love with himself. What hurts me is that I feel stupid now and I just wanted to find a way not to feel stupid.

 

And I must tell you the truth, I feel a little bad to know that I wasn't attractive or interesting enough to make him fall for me like I did for him. I'm honest, that hurt me a little and I don't know what to think to make me feel better about it.

 

And about Facebook... he's the one who added me again...He follows my instagram account as well... likes all my pictures. Why does he do that? I have no idea. It's really f*cked up.

[candie13]

I doubt he's going after looks, he wants someone to play with his mind. But he's so darn good looking that all women - or most women - will give in to him easily.

 

he doesn't want "a lot of sex", he wants a conquest. a real fight with a real opponent. I doubt he has that, that's why he's an eternal hunter and not someone to settle down.

he wants someone he cannot have, and the girls he can have... he's leaving them alone (sort of, I would find somone liking all my fb pic a bit aggressive, really).

 

A model? you think a sane woman would stand a guy that would give her this hot / cold behavior, who's put up with this sh*t forever? I don't think so!

 

so it's not daddy issues? ok, my bad. What triggered your abandonment issues? What are you trying to prove to yourself by wanting/ clinging onto someone who doesn't want you back?

[GingerVixen]

 

A model? you think a sane woman would stand a guy that would give her this hot / cold behavior, who's put up with this sh*t forever? I don't think so!

 

so it's not daddy issues? ok, my bad. What triggered your abandonment issues? What are you trying to prove to yourself by wanting/ clinging onto someone who doesn't want you back?

 

Hey, I just asked for advice, not for someone to analyze my life or my subconscious. Once again, you're wrong about me. I'm just trying to understand his behavior in order to learn more about men and life and move on.

[candie13]

but don't you see, this is not about him, it's about you.

 

his behavior is easy: hot / cold. lots of attention at the beginning, total withdrawal afterwards. you long for him badly... he'll give you just a little bit more, so that you keep lusting for him... that's it.

 

he doesn't want to see you, talk to you, date you or marry you. Trust me, if a man is interested, he lets you know! you know it, he knows it, his friends know it, everyone knows it.

 

I am sorry for being aggressive with you, this exact situation strikes a cord and I am very very sensitive still... please give it up. please let him go. you are his ego boost, nothing more. He is no giving you anything and you are giving him sooooo much! Attention. Thoughts. Space inside your head. Hope... He feeds with these like a vampire... please say no, also he may not sleep with you, he is slightly taking over your life... are you seeing anyone these days? Do you get attention and love, consideration even, from a man? and how much of these are you giving him? And whatever for..? For free, girl, 'cause that's how love works...

 

you know what they say? at least if you let someone inside your head, they should be a good tenant! is he? making you filled with joy? or sadness and emptiness?

 

This is not how love is supposed to be. think about it

[Hopeful714]

Listen from a voice of experience...you will meet many guys like this. And yea most are good looking however have nothing else in the universe going for them so they seek validation by doing this to girls. Stupid? Hurtful? Yes, very. But they are who they are and chances are they had issues in their pasts.

 

Anyhow for you...LEARN FROM THIS...so you can easily spot the flying red flags in your face and get out early. These dudes ain't nothin but trouble.

 

It hurts you because you were played. Don't feel too bad, it happens to us all at least once and you got away easy. It could have been A LOT worse. Be thankful and again....NC.

[GingerVixen]

but don't you see, this is not about him, it's about you.

 

his behavior is easy: hot / cold. lots of attention at the beginning, total withdrawal afterwards. you long for him badly... he'll give you just a little bit more, so that you keep lusting for him... that's it.

 

 

Okay so what do you think I should do? Delete him from Facebook? Block him in Instagram and everywhere I can? Or just go NC and ignore him? I'm planning to only ignore him, I don't want to delete him because that would show him I care about it and I think that would be an ego boost again.

 

And plus: is this type of guy really , REALLY TRULY able to fall in love with anyone?

[Hopeful714]

Some players are not bad people; they simply love having sex and want to continue to have it with as many girls who are willing to have sex, for as long as possible, until he happens to meet a girl who is worth staying with and giving up the sex with multiple girls for.

 

That's fine if they are up front with saying the relationship is casual in which case the other party has a choice to decide if she would like to be casual.In my experience the true player hides his intentions in order to continue to have many women because he knows most won't tolerate his playing ways.

[candie13]

I don't even think he's the type who would fall for a super hot girl. The way I see him, he would never fall in love with anybody, he's in love with himself. What hurts me is that I feel stupid now and I just wanted to find a way not to feel stupid.

 

And I must tell you the truth, I feel a little bad to know that I wasn't attractive or interesting enough to make him fall for me like I did for him. I'm honest, that hurt me a little and I don't know what to think to make me feel better about it.

 

And about Facebook... he's the one who added me again...He follows my instagram account as well... likes all my pictures. Why does he do that? I have no idea. It's really f*cked up.

 

don't feel bad, he got you very high, and you believed him.there is nothing wrong with that. We all believe in love. And then he pulled away, because he cannot give love or emotion. or maybe because he does not think he deserves to be loved. Not like this, anyway. So while he gets off admiration and girls lusting for him, chances are, he's actually looking for a Master. (mistress), somebody to put him at his place, someone to see through his game and give him a hard time.

 

You are hung up on him, because you feel you are not pretty enough or special enough for him to love you. your enemy is your self esteem, is what you think about yourself, what you think you deserve.

 

But he means nothing, he does not get to decide. You do. You get to decide how you deserve to be loved. And even though I've never met you, I bet you're pretty amazing and deserve someone who appreciates that and is just as amazing to you.

 

block him on fb. give him shyte. delete him from Instagram. he might actually like it . One thing is for sure, he will respect you more than he does now...

[gillybilly]

He's a player and you've been played.

He's not interested, it's unfortunate that you've fallen for him but you've got to remember the reason you did and that he's doing and saying the same things to every other woman out there he seeks as a potential sexual partner.

Players don't seek relationships. He keeps liking your status, photo's etc because he doesn't want you to forget about him. He wants you to carry on stroking his ego.

you need to stop feeding his ego and move on.

[GingerVixen]

don't feel bad, he got you very high, and you believed him.there is nothing wrong with that. We all believe in love. And then he pulled away, because he cannot give love or emotion. or maybe because he does not think he deserves to be loved. Not like this, anyway. So while he gets off admiration and girls lusting for him, chances are, he's actually looking for a Master. (mistress), somebody to put him at his place, someone to see through his game and give him a hard time.

 

I used to be the one to put him at his place, that's when he would say he was falling for me. Then I made it clear that I wouldn't have sex with him at the beginning of the relationship , but I told him I was falling for him, that's when he started to be cold to me. I'm never sure if it was because I've opened my heart or because I made it clear I would never be an one night stand.

 

I just wish he would tell me "I DONT WANT TO TALK TO YOU ANYMORE"instead of saying "yes i will" and like my pictures . Tired of this contradictory behavior , it's pissing me off.

[candie13]

Okay so what do you think I should do? Delete him from Facebook? Block him in Instagram and everywhere I can? Or just go NC and ignore him? I'm planning to only ignore him, I don't want to delete him because that would show him I care about it and I think that would be an ego boost again.

 

And plus: is this type of guy really , REALLY TRULY able to fall in love with anyone?

 

you think he doesn't KNOW you care? he knows alright, he's been with enough women to know you're boiling hot for him . Strike back. It'll sting like there's no tomorrow, but it will put the power back in your hands.

 

Stay focused and do everything you can - I MEAN EVERYTHING - to tell all your friends and common acquaintances how well you are and how you're over him. Be convincing. Go running, go to the gym, do whatever needs to be done, take more classes, but stay focused.

 

My bastard came back after me three times. Never - almost never - while we were dating and three main I would call them "shower of assaults". He called me maybe three time in total while we were dating... last time, when I wouldn't pick up the phone, he called 5 times. I didn't answer. I talked to him during the evening. But I was over him. I was very very lucky.

 

Be prepared, be ready. He will only come back when you are ready to go on with your life, not before. It's the mystery of the universe, to see if you've learnt your lesson.

 

Start the phase 1, girl: CUT HIM LOOSE NOW!

[GingerVixen]

you think he doesn't KNOW you care? he knows alright, he's been with enough women to know you're boiling hot for him . Strike back. It'll sting like there's no tomorrow, but it will put the power back in your hands.

 

Stay focused and do everything you can - I MEAN EVERYTHING - to tell all your friends and common acquaintances how well you are and how you're over him. Be convincing. Go running, go to the gym, do whatever needs to be done, take more classes, but stay focused.

 

My bastard came back after me three times. Never - almost never - while we were dating and three main I would call them "shower of assaults". He called me maybe three time in total while we were dating... last time, when I wouldn't pick up the phone, he called 5 times. I didn't answer. I talked to him during the evening. But I was over him. I was very very lucky.

 

Be prepared, be ready. He will only come back when you are ready to go on with your life, not before. It's the mystery of the universe, to see if you've learnt your lesson.

 

Start the phase 1, girl: CUT HIM LOOSE NOW!

 

Do you know why I don't want to delete him? Because I've done it once. Then I talked to him and apologized and we started talking again . This story is full of ups and downs. I don't wanna delete him again because when I did it he made it clear he didn't give a damn about it, and he would think "ha ha she got really pissed".

[H3Drvr]

You wanna play the player?

 

Give him reason to want you. Play into his psyche...by giving into his sexual desires but not all the way...give the boy some blue balls. Sexting is a good start, maybe some risqué pics (careful on this one). When he comes biting on your line, pull back a little. Give in just enough to picque his interest. Keep repeating this game.

 

Also, make yourself appear desirable to other men by surrounding yourself with a handful of potential suitors. Make sure he sees/knows this.

 

But be careful and always keep your goal in sight.

 

Winning the game takes skill and a heart of stone, so if you can't handle the game, cut bait and move on to men...not boys. Hard truth, your friend is not looking for more friends, he's looking for more conquests...despite his seemingly noble gestures.

[Leigh 87]

Okay so what do you think I should do? Delete him from Facebook? Block him in Instagram and everywhere I can? Or just go NC and ignore him? I'm planning to only ignore him, I don't want to delete him because that would show him I care about it and I think that would be an ego boost again.

 

And plus: is this type of guy really , REALLY TRULY able to fall in love with anyone?

 

 

 

 

Hey, it is NOT because you were not good enough!!!!!!!!!!

 

You ARE attractive and interesting enough - for the right guy!

 

 

Hey there - I am not interesting or attractive enough to MANY guys! That is why they are not my boyfriends! They were the wrong guy.

 

 

I represented myself wrong: it is not because you were not good enough - it is because you wer ethe wrong girl for him, and he was the wrong guy for you!

 

 

With the right guy, you WILL ge enough for him:)

[GingerVixen]

You wanna play the player?

 

Give him reason to want you. Play into his psyche...by giving into his sexual desires but not all the way...give the boy some blue balls. Sexting is a good start, maybe some risqué pics (careful on this one). When he comes biting on your line, pull back a little. Give in just enough to picque his interest. Keep repeating this game.

 

Good idea , but I don't have the guts to do that. I'm really honest to everybody. I couldn't play anyone, even if the person was a player.

 

Everybody says I'm really attractive and beautiful, but in terms of personality I'm not the bitch, I'm more like the "nice girl". I expect true feelings because I feel true feelings. I just wish he would want to talk to me because I'm being honest and opening my heart to him, and not because I'm playing him. Guess I'm really wasting my time.

[Leigh 87]

You wanna play the player?

 

Give him reason to want you. Play into his psyche...by giving into his sexual desires but not all the way...give the boy some blue balls. Sexting is a good start, maybe some risqué pics (careful on this one). When he comes biting on your line, pull back a little. Give in just enough to picque his interest. Keep repeating this game.

 

Also, make yourself appear desirable to other men by surrounding yourself with a handful of potential suitors. Make sure he sees/knows this.

 

But be careful and always keep your goal in sight.

 

Winning the game takes skill and a heart of stone, so if you can't handle the game, cut bait and move on to men...not boys. Hard truth, your friend is not looking for more friends, he's looking for more conquests...despite his seemingly noble gestures.

 

 

 

 

 

Oh please!

 

It is stupid to play games with a man who does not want you! Nothing will make the OP the right girl for him.

 

 

.. I think players would stop and be with a girl if the girl made him feel strong enough about them...

 

 

Why bother with this guy, he is clearly the wrong guy for her!

 

 

Maybe play games she really does find a guy who is into her, and who cares about her a lot...

 

 

He does not care much about this girl; playing games will not make his feelings change....