GingerVixen Posted February 7, 2013 Posted February 7, 2013 Posting this because I'm intrigued and someone gave me an explanation but I just can't get it , maybe because my attitude towards life and relationships is just the opposite. Here's the deal: I used to flirt with a guy who was a real player, but he would say the sweetest things at the beginning of the relationship, tell me he was falling in love with me (while he used to flirt with many other girls) until I myself fell in love with him. I opened up my heart and saw that he didn't give a damn, so I decided to stop talking to him , I went totally NC with him and I broke the NC because I missed him. I told him I had feelings for him and that I cared for him, that I had missed him (he didn't tell me he had missed me back) , and he would talk to me and ask if I was okay but he would never ever come to me and talk to me. He likes all the pictures I post,he follows me in every social network, he's polite when we talk but he never comes to me and talks to me again. I told him the last time we talked that it is a terrible waste of time trying to talk to him and that I would give up, he told me I was overreacting, that he loves to see that I'm fine and that I'm happy and that he loves to know about me. I told him that if we want to be friends again, I can't be the only one to initiate a conversation, he should do the same sometimes too. He told me "okay, I will do that, don't doubt it" but he just doesn't. Then later on, talking about it to my friends, trying to understand his contradictory behavior (doesn't talk to me but likes my pictures and wants to know about me) , one of them told me that maybe he's the kind of guy who knows he's a player and he knows I'm nice and that I was really having true feelings for him, therefore he doesn't want to play me or hurt my feelings so he decided to be distant. She told me that he now feels a lot of respect for me so maybe that's why he decided to stop talking to me - he doesn't want to play with my heart and doesn't want me to have expectations about him. My question is: can players be this "considerate" about a girl's feelings? Can they think and operate this way? I'm really intrigued. Thanks for the help.
gillybilly Posted February 7, 2013 Posted February 7, 2013 Maybe they could be considerate about a girl's feelings once they mature. But if that's the case then I suppose they are no longer a player. My answer to your question is No. I'd be interested in a guy's perspective.
coltsfan1 Posted February 7, 2013 Posted February 7, 2013 Yes and no... As a male and a reformed player I can say people change but not till after their values change! A player can be polite, and caring of a woman's feelings. However the players reasoning for the politeness and caring are corrupt. I read your other thread Gingervixen and to be honest the man you are concerned with doesn't sound like a player... He was honest with you about his true goal ( to sleep with you) this doesn't make him a player it makes him a womanizer. A player would lie to you in order to get what he wants/needs. This guy was honest and you didn't put out (correct decision) so he moved on. The thing is this was the out come regardless whether you slept with him or not. If you had slept with him he would of only been around till you stopped, this is the corrupted thinking. He cared enough to be honest but the motivation as to why he was honest was wrong. Chalk this up as a learning experience and be proud of yourself that you have standards. MANY other gals would have slept with him in the hopes that they could "change" his mind. There is power in the p@ssy its just not that powerful!! 1
H3Drvr Posted February 9, 2013 Posted February 9, 2013 Years ago I met a girl I worked with and although I found her physically attractive, I wasn't into her from an emotional or intellectual standpoint. She was attracted to me both physically, emotionally and intellectually. One day she asked me out so I thought, hell why not...we went out a few more times thereafter but I just did not see ourselves together as a couple. Of course we would kiss and engage in heavy petting but it would never get pass that. With each date I could feel her becoming more attached and developing stronger romantic feelings. I sensed this and knowing that I would not develop any real feelings for her (other then physical) I decided I would just cut her loose. She was a very nice girl, maybe a little naive and a virgin (I didn't know this at te time). She was also about 5 years younger. I just felt that she deserved someone who would treat her better and not just use her for sex...which was my only intention. So I finally gathered enough courage (at the urging of the angel on my shoulder lol) to put a stop to what was going on. She of course cried and begged and pleaded and told me she loved me. I was honest and told her, I'm really not into her that way although I did say I found her physically attractive; an I would always flirt with her with heavy sexual overtones. That same day, we ended up having sex for the first time. I really didn't want to as I knew this would be just using her but the devil on the other side of my shoulder won this battle. Right after sex, she confessed that it was her first time. And all of the sudden I just felt this massive guilt. I was so disappointed in myself and I apologized to her a I didn't want to be her first. I explained that it should be with someone that she loved and loved her back. I took her home and said that its not going to work. She cried and pleaded but I already knew I wasn't going to date her anymore. I still talked to her but she would initiate all conversation. I would be nice to her but always tried to maintain some type of distance. So...in terms of how this relates to your situation. Yes, we can be nice and consider how you feel and we do have some type of conscience. But if you do end up sleeping with him with the idea that you might change his mind, you will probably end up getting hurt.
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