4 mos post BU where I am today

[ItxWillxGetxBetter]

Wow..how time flies when youre having fun...NOT! Its been 4 months post BU after an almost 9 year relationship in which I was engaged. The last couple of days have been a little rough but pale in comparison to what I went through in the first two months.

 

So where am I at today? Well for starters I still think and dream about her everyday but its different now. It doesn't hurt me when I think about her and when the pain does comes its like a mild sting (sadness) rather than the bone crushing cant breathe kind of pain that I felt in the beginning. I have been keeping myself busy working on improving myself. As someone on this board said...lean into the pain and make it work for you and thats what I did. These last couple of months Ive improved my appearance, grown emotionally and focused on my career. For the first time in a long time I'm happy just being me. I dont need validation from my ex or anyone for that matter to make me happy. Im in a better place now than I was 4 months ago.

 

I started to look back at my old post when all this started to happen and I realized that I have come a long way. You dont realize how far you have come when you are going through the motions. Although, I am not completely over my ex I can honestly say that for the most part i'm over it, stronger and a better person now than I was then. Its true what they say that you have to love yourself first before you love someone else. I finally understood what that meant. For those of you who are just going through a break up here is what I have learned 4 months after the fact:

 

1st. Go NC ASAP. This is paramount. I was only able to get to where I am today because I knew I had to go NC. There is a few reasons for this. The most important is that ignorance is bliss. The more you dont know about your ex the better you are off. Trust me on this one!

 

2nd. Dont be afraid of the pain and hurt. Lean into it. It sucks now but in the long run you will grow from it. You would be surprised how much you have grown and matured because of the hurt that you have felt. Take this opportunity to focus on yourself and improve in areas where you think you need to improve on. Its always nice to reflect back and see how much you have grown and matured simply because you were hurt.

 

Finally....life doesnt end just because you have one failed relationship. Once you are past all this you will find that people will start popping into your life again. You will see that there are others out there. Prime example...last night I went out and met a girl at Starbucks. We sat and started talking. While I was sitting down with her another girl who sat across from me was smiling at me the whole night. We must have caught each others eyes at least a dozen times and smiling through the whole ordeal. The funny thing is...I didnt even care about hooking up or even getting their numbers. I was perfectly happy being single and would like to stay this way for awhile. As one of my close friends always says to me "you will find someone and be married for the rest of your life. Why rush it"? Enjoy your time alone while you still have it and thats what I plan to do.

 

So you see there is a light at the end of the tunnel. I know it doesn't seem like it now but take it from someone who is 4 months post BU you will get better. I promise.

[316]

Thank you for sharing! I'm jealous of you since I'm only 1 month post BU (and only on day 1 of NC) but at the same time it's great to know that I'll eventually be where you are.

 

I just wanna be happy for being me again... It's a slow process but I'll get there.

[SharkTooth]

Yeah! Nice work and very nicely put. I couldn't imagine what kind of heal you've had to endure after 9 years. You have shed a little bit of light on the darkness and I wanted to thank you for that.

[cavalier99]

Hey man great to hear your doing good. I liked that part about the girls in Starbucks!

 

Ha its funny you post this today. Again we seem to be on almost the exact same timeline for our recoverys. my 8 year relationship and yours 9 and the BU the same weeken in October...weird.

 

Toady again while driving I really felt happy and at peace for no apparent reason and it didn't seem to bother me much even if i thought about my ex. Actually for most of the day haven't thought about her much.

 

Now I've felt OK before. But prior to this it was a more distracted/reprieve type of happy eg when you are having fun with friends going out ecetera then back to reality of BU and thinking about things

 

Today REALITY seemed OK and not dominated by ex. Basically I'm getting glimmers of feeling like myself again and not being dominated by the BU or tormented anymore. I think were truly getting over the hump and the worst of it is past. I think it is like indifference is slowly sneaking up on us and we are just really becoming aware of it now.

 

We'll be over this in no time! Rock On! Cav

Edited February 7, 2013 by cavalier99

[21heartless]

Wow you guys are an inspiration.

 

It's been 3days since she BU with me and 3 days since NC (I know that's nothing) I made a mistake. I still love her and want her back she was my best friend. Everyday has been hard as ****. Can't eat CAnt sleep crazy dreams and I've broken down a few times

 

I don't even know if I should contact her ever again. She use to break up even over petty little fights. Then we would be right back together it started to feel like it was a game to her. If we get ever get back together we both need to change but if we don't I want to change for myself and get to the point where you guys are happy and find with being single. I'm currently just trying to occupy myself by working out and trying to quit smoking

[iouaname]

Right now everything seems so hopeless and it's hard to imagine that I can ever get over this pain and live normally again. Then I laugh because I realize that this happens to literally everyone at some point and everyone copes and moves on eventually.

 

Good to see some people come around here and show that!

[destroyed4sho]

I am happy for you. Its about 5 months after BU and over a month NC. I am having a pretty difficult time with it. But today as I came out of the bus and started to walk home down a lonely street, I started to think about the reasons why I am having such a difficult time getting over her.

There are 2 Main reasons.

1. Letting go of the future we planned together is tough. I had a set vision that we were going to get married, kids and everything was going to be alright. That my life was going down a really good path that was going to lead to where I always meant to be...in a loving relationship and a loving family. We were close to it, very close (or so I thought). Its hard to let go of something that was etched into every fiber of my brain over the course of the relationship and something that I really wanted.

 

2. Thinking that I will NEVER meet someone like her. I never felt so similar to someone....it was as if we were the same person. I understood everything about her and I thought she understood me. However, the minute after she dumped me I realized that that couldn't be farther from the truth. Everything changed so quickly...it was a shock. Now,I feel hopeless and believe that I will never meet someone that I will love as much as her and maybe no one at all.

[cavalier99]

I am happy for you. Its about 5 months after BU and over a month NC. I am having a pretty difficult time with it. But today as I came out of the bus and started to walk home down a lonely street, I started to think about the reasons why I am having such a difficult time getting over her.

There are 2 Main reasons.

1. Letting go of the future we planned together is tough. I had a set vision that we were going to get married, kids and everything was going to be alright. That my life was going down a really good path that was going to lead to where I always meant to be...in a loving relationship and a loving family. We were close to it, very close (or so I thought). Its hard to let go of something that was etched into every fiber of my brain over the course of the relationship and something that I really wanted.

 

2. Thinking that I will NEVER meet someone like her. I never felt so similar to someone....it was as if we were the same person. I understood everything about her and I thought she understood me. However, the minute after she dumped me I realized that that couldn't be farther from the truth. Everything changed so quickly...it was a shock. Now,I feel hopeless and believe that I will never meet someone that I will love as much as her and maybe no one at all.

 

Yeah. I think the reason you listed above are tough to get over. I'm not sure how much communication you had in those 5 months? Were you harbouring a lot of false hope of getting back together in the 1st 4 months?

 

If that is the case you are probably having a tough time simply because your really only 1 month into hard core healing. As you stay NC you really start to put a lot of distance between you and the BU.

 

At 4 plus months NC it is getting tough to feel things so acutely because there are no reminders anymore. I have no new info for my brain to process. Its almost like there really is no other choice but to heal whether we want to or not. Ignorance is truly bliss.

 

If we don't pick off the scab with contact it eventually become new skin with a little scar. I forget who said this (Caliguy?) but seems to be true.

[BarbecueMan666]

Great post. Went into this not knowing what to expect, but yours made me happy.

 

I'm a dude, 5 weeks after breakup, 2 weeks NC (we've only spoken twice via facebook/text since, but I realized I need to go hardcore) - and the pain is getting better, still very sad and think about her. I was exhausted today and had a nap, and had some of the worst dreams I've had about her though, was basically her in some bartending environment as the only woman, naked with guys coming onto her and caressing her and she was enjoying it.

 

Posts like yours with a positive rise from it all definitely help me out though, so thank you

[purpledust]

I am happy for you. Its about 5 months after BU and over a month NC. I am having a pretty difficult time with it. But today as I came out of the bus and started to walk home down a lonely street, I started to think about the reasons why I am having such a difficult time getting over her.

There are 2 Main reasons.

1. Letting go of the future we planned together is tough. I had a set vision that we were going to get married, kids and everything was going to be alright. That my life was going down a really good path that was going to lead to where I always meant to be...in a loving relationship and a loving family. We were close to it, very close (or so I thought). Its hard to let go of something that was etched into every fiber of my brain over the course of the relationship and something that I really wanted.

 

2. Thinking that I will NEVER meet someone like her. I never felt so similar to someone....it was as if we were the same person. I understood everything about her and I thought she understood me. However, the minute after she dumped me I realized that that couldn't be farther from the truth. Everything changed so quickly...it was a shock. Now,I feel hopeless and believe that I will never meet someone that I will love as much as her and maybe no one at all.

 

6 weeks of BU, 8 days of NC.

i relate so much, destroyed4sh.

[ItxWillxGetxBetter]

Thank you for sharing! I'm jealous of you since I'm only 1 month post BU (and only on day 1 of NC) but at the same time it's great to know that I'll eventually be where you are.

 

I just wanna be happy for being me again... It's a slow process but I'll get there.

 

You will get there. You being positive about it is one step ahead of a lot of people myself included. If someone would have told me I'd be where I am today 4 months ago I would never have believed them but it does happen. You just have to let time do its thing and endure through. Good luck and stay strong!

[ItxWillxGetxBetter]

Yeah! Nice work and very nicely put. I couldn't imagine what kind of heal you've had to endure after 9 years. You have shed a little bit of light on the darkness and I wanted to thank you for that.

 

Yeah...I have to admit coming out of a 9 year relationship scared the crap out of me. I was looking up how long the pain would last because I don't think I could have handled 6 months of bone crushing pain like I went through the first month. You'd be surprised how resilient your heart is.

 

It also helps to know that there are other people out there who are going through this as well. I know my buddy Cav on here is just like me. He went through an 8 year exit at almost the same time I exited my relationship. Its funny it seems like we go through the same experiences and the same roller coaster of emotions throughout this ordeal. Surprisingly we are both doing pretty well considering the length of our relationships which shows that it does get better.

[ItxWillxGetxBetter]

Hey man great to hear your doing good. I liked that part about the girls in Starbucks!

 

Ha its funny you post this today. Again we seem to be on almost the exact same timeline for our recoverys. my 8 year relationship and yours 9 and the BU the same weeken in October...weird.

 

Toady again while driving I really felt happy and at peace for no apparent reason and it didn't seem to bother me much even if i thought about my ex. Actually for most of the day haven't thought about her much.

 

Now I've felt OK before. But prior to this it was a more distracted/reprieve type of happy eg when you are having fun with friends going out ecetera then back to reality of BU and thinking about things

 

Today REALITY seemed OK and not dominated by ex. Basically I'm getting glimmers of feeling like myself again and not being dominated by the BU or tormented anymore. I think were truly getting over the hump and the worst of it is past. I think it is like indifference is slowly sneaking up on us and we are just really becoming aware of it now.

 

We'll be over this in no time! Rock On! Cav

 

My buddy Cav!!! Yup...seems like we are on same timeline and the same path. You are right it does seem like we have both turned a corner and are getting to becoming indifferent. I know its only been 4 months but damn at the beginning it felt like an eternity. I'm so glad we are both past the first stages and now on to the recovery!!!

 

Yeah about the girls at Starbucks...that usually NEVER happens to me. I was surprised but I guess its true what the say...when you least expect it people start coming into your life. I got both their numbers but i'm not interested in a relationship. The relationship part will come when it comes. In the meantime I just want to enjoy being single and having fun.

[ItxWillxGetxBetter]

Wow you guys are an inspiration.

 

It's been 3days since she BU with me and 3 days since NC (I know that's nothing) I made a mistake. I still love her and want her back she was my best friend. Everyday has been hard as ****. Can't eat CAnt sleep crazy dreams and I've broken down a few times

 

I don't even know if I should contact her ever again. She use to break up even over petty little fights. Then we would be right back together it started to feel like it was a game to her. If we get ever get back together we both need to change but if we don't I want to change for myself and get to the point where you guys are happy and find with being single. I'm currently just trying to occupy myself by working out and trying to quit smoking

 

Oh god I remember those days. You dont eat, you dont sleep, youre constantly thinking about them and the worse part is the damn anxiety attacks. Those suck!!!! Thankfully they only last for a month or two and even that sucked. Just give it time and you will get through it.

 

Your doing the right things by trying to keep yourself busy. Try do to things that are outside your comfort zone like taking dance classes or anything that will put you in a situation where you are around people. It will still suck but it will suck a little less than if your alone with your thoughts.

 

The other thing to do is just do activities that will allow you to meet new people. One of my closest friends always told me that even though you are not ready for a relationship you should put yourself out there so others can find you. At worst, you gain a new friend and at best you may find your soul mate when you are ready for a relationship.

[ItxWillxGetxBetter]

I am happy for you. Its about 5 months after BU and over a month NC. I am having a pretty difficult time with it. But today as I came out of the bus and started to walk home down a lonely street, I started to think about the reasons why I am having such a difficult time getting over her.

There are 2 Main reasons.

1. Letting go of the future we planned together is tough. I had a set vision that we were going to get married, kids and everything was going to be alright. That my life was going down a really good path that was going to lead to where I always meant to be...in a loving relationship and a loving family. We were close to it, very close (or so I thought). Its hard to let go of something that was etched into every fiber of my brain over the course of the relationship and something that I really wanted.

 

2. Thinking that I will NEVER meet someone like her. I never felt so similar to someone....it was as if we were the same person. I understood everything about her and I thought she understood me. However, the minute after she dumped me I realized that that couldn't be farther from the truth. Everything changed so quickly...it was a shock. Now,I feel hopeless and believe that I will never meet someone that I will love as much as her and maybe no one at all.

 

I think even though you have been 5 months post BU you have only been 1 month NC so its still pretty fresh and raw. In the last 4 months of contact you have probably learned new information about your ex and like Cav said your brain begins to process that information and starts to analyze different scenarios.

 

What you are going through is hard I know. I thought that my ex and I were going to be married and have a life long relationship together. Literally a month before she left me we were in the process of buying a house together. We were best friends prior to getting together and no one I have ever met in my life knew me the way she did so letting go for me was very hard.

 

The thing is when I started to look and analyze why it was so hard to let go I realized that I was afraid of the unknown. I was afraid that I would not be able to find anyone that I would be happy with or have that emotional connection with. That was the most difficult piece of it. I'd imagine your probably the same way. When you take that aspect out of the equation it makes letting go a little easier. Just think there are 7 billion people on this earth your odds of finding someone new and more compatible is pretty damn good. Another thing that helped me through this was listening to Steve Jobs Commencement speech about connecting the dots. The gist of it is that things happen for a reason and you don't see it while you are in the present. Its only in the future when you look back and you understand why it happened. "You can't connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something — your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. This approach has never let me down, and it has made all the difference in my life."

So...I decided to learn to enjoy the journey and not the destination. I hope you do the same.

[cavalier99]

I think even though you have been 5 months post BU you have only been 1 month NC so its still pretty fresh and raw. In the last 4 months of contact you have probably learned new information about your ex and like Cav said your brain begins to process that information and starts to analyze different scenarios.

 

What you are going through is hard I know. I thought that my ex and I were going to be married and have a life long relationship together. Literally a month before she left me we were in the process of buying a house together. We were best friends prior to getting together and no one I have ever met in my life knew me the way she did so letting go for me was very hard.

 

The thing is when I started to look and analyze why it was so hard to let go I realized that I was afraid of the unknown. I was afraid that I would not be able to find anyone that I would be happy with or have that emotional connection with. That was the most difficult piece of it. I'd imagine your probably the same way. When you take that aspect out of the equation it makes letting go a little easier. Just think there are 7 billion people on this earth your odds of finding someone new and more compatible is pretty damn good. Another thing that helped me through this was listening to Steve Jobs Commencement speech about connecting the dots. The gist of it is that things happen for a reason and you don't see it while you are in the present. Its only in the future when you look back and you understand why it happened. "You can't connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something — your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. This approach has never let me down, and it has made all the difference in my life."

So...I decided to learn to enjoy the journey and not the destination. I hope you do the same.

 

Hey man great post by the way. Your getting very deep and insightful recently! Your hitting guru/veteran staus.lol

 

I love to hear when your doing well! I mean its like "damn ItxWillxGetxBetter is having a good day and recovering"

 

So I'm like....wait a minute Cav. WTF...so obviously any misery or suffering I'm feeling at that moment must be false and I'm really actually doing great! Wooohooo!! Lol:lmao:

 

I've been thinking recently that because our relationship were so long in some ways it may have made it easier to let go some and recover. I mean it is definitely a bigger transition/ change for us because of the length of time. However, at the same time knew deep down i had to kill all hope form day 1 and that there was never any going back home.

 

Sh******t if we held onto any false hope and didn't embrace moving forward we were bound to totally self destruct, burst into flames then explode! So i guess in a way we are lucky.

 

I mean it was pure survival time from they very start and SUPER serious business not to break NC or suffer severe repercussions. I knew i couldn't play around with this BU and not stick to the playbook.

Edited February 7, 2013 by cavalier99

[ItxWillxGetxBetter]

Hey man great post by the way. Your getting very deep and insightful recently! Your hitting guru/veteran staus.lol

 

I love to hear when your doing well! I mean its like "damn ItxWillxGetxBetter is having a good day and recovering"

 

So I'm like....wait a minute Cav. WTF...so obviously any misery or suffering I'm feeling at that moment must be false and I'm really actually doing great! Wooohooo!! Lol:lmao:

 

I've been thinking recently that because our relationship were so long in some ways it may have made it easier to let go some and recover. I mean it is definitely a bigger transition/ change for us because of the length of time. However, at the same time knew deep down i had to kill all hope form day 1 and that there was never any going back home.

 

Sh******t if we held onto any false hope and didn't embrace moving forward we were bound to totally self destruct, burst into flames then explode! So i guess in a way we are lucky.

 

I mean it was pure survival time from they very start and SUPER serious business not to break NC or suffer severe repercussions. I knew i couldn't play around with this BU and not stick to the playbook.

 

lol thanks...I dont know about the whole guru/veteran status. I, like you, just want this to be over with. I guess we just get so impatient you know. I remember when all this started all I wanted to do was just be able to function again. I didn't want the anxiety attacks, the loss of appetite, the constant crying. I would do anything just to get to where I am at now. Now that I'm here, I just want to be over this and help others how others helped me.

 

I know what you mean regarding using each other as benchmarks. lol...everytime Im hating it I go on here to find your post. I figure you and I are bascially going through the same crap and I figured you are kind of like my road map. If you are having a good day then I know my set back is only temporary. lol.

 

You are right about the length of the relationship making it a little easier to let go. I'm not sure why but for some reason this wasnt as bad as I thought it would have been. I mean I did everything by the book NC and avoiding anything to do with her like the plague and for some reason it seems a little easier than I thought. I never really questioned it...just thanked my lucky starts that I wasn't on "suicide watch" (thats what my friends call it when you are really hating it) you know. I mean it still sucked but it could have easily been a lot worse. You right, maybe it is because we knew we had to let go and started our recovery process. That's why we started the NC ASAP. I mean I have gone to the extremes of NC. My ex and I shared a house together which I own. Til this day, I still have not step foot into that house. I even went as far as renting an apartment to stay in for a year just so that I dont have to go into the home we shared and relapse.

 

You are absolutely right about the false hope. Man, if I held on to that...it be over! lol.

[destroyed4sho]

Yeah. I think the reason you listed above are tough to get over. I'm not sure how much communication you had in those 5 months? Were you harbouring a lot of false hope of getting back together in the 1st 4 months?

 

If that is the case you are probably having a tough time simply because your really only 1 month into hard core healing. As you stay NC you really start to put a lot of distance between you and the BU.

 

At 4 plus months NC it is getting tough to feel things so acutely because there are no reminders anymore. I have no new info for my brain to process. Its almost like there really is no other choice but to heal whether we want to or not. Ignorance is truly bliss.

 

If we don't pick off the scab with contact it eventually become new skin with a little scar. I forget who said this (Caliguy?) but seems to be true.

 

It wasn't a lot of communication. Maybe once a week, initiated by ME losing my dignity...begging, saying I miss you, love you, sad faces, acting like I needed to pick up something from her place...etc.. I lived in an imaginary world where I had hope that she would wake up, apologize and come running back to me. But, honestly there was no breadcrumbs from her, so I think it was all my fantasy and hope that got the best of me.

I mean, I don't know, maybe it was an overdose of hope when I had no real right to feel hope. Before, BU she was always the one to say how much she loved me, we will grow old together, how much more I was then her previous relationships...etc..I think that stuck to me and it made it hard to believe someone can just make a 360. Yes we had arguments but I always thought that we had the means and emotional intelligence to resolve them.

[destroyed4sho]

I think even though you have been 5 months post BU you have only been 1 month NC so its still pretty fresh and raw. In the last 4 months of contact you have probably learned new information about your ex and like Cav said your brain begins to process that information and starts to analyze different scenarios.

 

What you are going through is hard I know. I thought that my ex and I were going to be married and have a life long relationship together. Literally a month before she left me we were in the process of buying a house together. We were best friends prior to getting together and no one I have ever met in my life knew me the way she did so letting go for me was very hard.

 

The thing is when I started to look and analyze why it was so hard to let go I realized that I was afraid of the unknown. I was afraid that I would not be able to find anyone that I would be happy with or have that emotional connection with. That was the most difficult piece of it. I'd imagine your probably the same way. When you take that aspect out of the equation it makes letting go a little easier. Just think there are 7 billion people on this earth your odds of finding someone new and more compatible is pretty damn good. Another thing that helped me through this was listening to Steve Jobs Commencement speech about connecting the dots. The gist of it is that things happen for a reason and you don't see it while you are in the present. Its only in the future when you look back and you understand why it happened. "You can't connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something — your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. This approach has never let me down, and it has made all the difference in my life."

So...I decided to learn to enjoy the journey and not the destination. I hope you do the same.

 

Thank you.

Its so hard to believe that this dot will lead to something better. I am very afraid of the unknown and that is a big reason I have hit depression. I haven't had much luck in my life so its difficult to believe there is a bigger picture.

[cavalier99]

It wasn't a lot of communication. Maybe once a week, initiated by ME losing my dignity...begging, saying I miss you, love you, sad faces, acting like I needed to pick up something from her place...etc.. I lived in an imaginary world where I had hope that she would wake up, apologize and come running back to me. But, honestly there was no breadcrumbs from her, so I think it was all my fantasy and hope that got the best of me.

I mean, I don't know, maybe it was an overdose of hope when I had no real right to feel hope. Before, BU she was always the one to say how much she loved me, we will grow old together, how much more I was then her previous relationships...etc..I think that stuck to me and it made it hard to believe someone can just make a 360. Yes we had arguments but I always thought that we had the means and emotional intelligence to resolve them.

 

You'll get a LOT better bro. Thank G-d you started NC. This is when the true healing started. In a couple month you'll be light years ahead of where you are now!

 

I know that you think it want a lot of communication. But even a conversation once a month is enough to fill your brain with false hope. And this type of hope will destroy your recovery. I've done this before with another BU and learned the hard way like you did now.

 

Anyway keep up the NC. I'm rooting for you. Cav

[ItxWillxGetxBetter]

It wasn't a lot of communication. Maybe once a week, initiated by ME losing my dignity...begging, saying I miss you, love you, sad faces, acting like I needed to pick up something from her place...etc.. I lived in an imaginary world where I had hope that she would wake up, apologize and come running back to me. But, honestly there was no breadcrumbs from her, so I think it was all my fantasy and hope that got the best of me.

I mean, I don't know, maybe it was an overdose of hope when I had no real right to feel hope. Before, BU she was always the one to say how much she loved me, we will grow old together, how much more I was then her previous relationships...etc..I think that stuck to me and it made it hard to believe someone can just make a 360. Yes we had arguments but I always thought that we had the means and emotional intelligence to resolve them.

 

Dont worry we all lose our dignity when everything is fresh and still raw. Trust me what you did was not even that bad. When my relationship failed I did all the things you did. I even offered to be her friend while she was dating other people! WTF was I thinking? I asked her if she wanted to date other people and I would wait. She even straight out told me that anyone else had a chance except for me and I STILL stuck around! WTF right??? Well, thankfully after a month I set myself straight and decided to go straight NC. Best thing I did in my life!!!

 

You are going through the motions like all of us. Dont worry. Just keep yourself busy and focus on yourself for now.

[ItxWillxGetxBetter]

Thank you.

Its so hard to believe that this dot will lead to something better. I am very afraid of the unknown and that is a big reason I have hit depression. I haven't had much luck in my life so its difficult to believe there is a bigger picture.

 

I was like that too. Always afraid of the unknown. I realized that you cant control what lies ahead but what you can do is make the best of what you have and to just live your life. Things may not be going your way now but maybe its for a reason (building your character or something)

 

My experiences have always told me to trust in fate. When I was in HS I fell hard for my first love. Well after 4 years she broke my heart and it was by far the roughest experience I have ever faced in my life. The funny thing is during that painful period I grew, improved myself and became more confident. It was a tough 2 years after the fact and looking back at it...I find that it was the best experience that ever happened in my life. It was because of that experience that my life shifted. I dont know how to explain it but I changed so much in that time period. After that incident the girls I dated were by far better than my HS sweetheart in every conceivable way. The more important thing was that I was happy with who I was.

 

This is how I look at the situation that I am in now. For some reason I have to go through this and grow. Once outside of this i'm sure there is something better waiting for me. I think the same my hold true for you as well. Just focus on working on yourself and know that there will be a better tomorrow.