tawdrydisgust Posted February 7, 2013 Posted February 7, 2013 I cheated on my husband last night. A little over a year ago I learned about his two affairs he had while stationed out of state. Since then we've tried to be stronger. I have rage, but have tried to forgive him. I had bariatric surgery not long after finding out (gee, wonder what my motivation was). I've lost 150 pounds, and thought things would change. Before he deployed this time we fought seriously, most of our stuff was broken, he told me he wished we'd never gotten married. We got over it I guess. He started individual counseling. Then he went to Afghanistan so nothing was really resolved. I'm not making excuses, I take ownership of what I did. I'm ashamed and disgusted by myself. I don't know why I did it. In some ways I wanted to see how he could have. In other ways I wanted to see if I took away the moral high ground I was standing on, the pain would stop. It didn't. I'm usually so numb, I don't think I've felt joy in the last year. Now though, this is worse. We have a small dog. He's the only reason I haven't given up completely and swallowed a bottle of pills with some cheap wine.
Furious Posted February 7, 2013 Posted February 7, 2013 I cheated on my husband last night. A little over a year ago I learned about his two affairs he had while stationed out of state. Since then we've tried to be stronger. I have rage, but have tried to forgive him. I had bariatric surgery not long after finding out (gee, wonder what my motivation was). I've lost 150 pounds, and thought things would change. Before he deployed this time we fought seriously, most of our stuff was broken, he told me he wished we'd never gotten married. We got over it I guess. He started individual counseling. Then he went to Afghanistan so nothing was really resolved. I'm not making excuses, I take ownership of what I did. I'm ashamed and disgusted by myself. I don't know why I did it. In some ways I wanted to see how he could have. In other ways I wanted to see if I took away the moral high ground I was standing on, the pain would stop. It didn't. I'm usually so numb, I don't think I've felt joy in the last year. Now though, this is worse. We have a small dog. He's the only reason I haven't given up completely and swallowed a bottle of pills with some cheap wine. Being betrayed can destroy your self esteem, and it's very common for betrayed spouses to consider a revenge affair. You acted out, revenge affairs don't take the pain away, and can leave you feeling worse. You are not a horrible person, just someone who is hurting real bad. Self esteem, comes from within, you own that. Love yourself, care for yourself. Please don't anything to harm yourself. Reach out to your family and friend's, or call your local help line, just to have a professional talk with you. You are not alone. 3
drifter777 Posted February 7, 2013 Posted February 7, 2013 There is help available for you right now at various crisis intervention centers and I urge you to contact someone ASAP. You have real issues and nothing is going to magically solve them but right now you are letting everything overwhelm you. Your marital problems will be more manageable when your emotional state is more back to normal. 3
Journee Posted February 7, 2013 Posted February 7, 2013 Please, please get some help. There are many wonderful resources for you to take advantage . I have felt that low before and it is so very lonely. Please know that you are not alone. You are worth it. Seek the help. Keep posting and keep reading. 1
BetrayedH Posted February 7, 2013 Posted February 7, 2013 Been there, done that (on the affair thing, that is). I called mine a "balance affair" because I wanted to cede some of that moral high ground you mentioned. I was tired of being able to punish my wife. I didn't want revenge. As well, my ego was badly damaged and I wanted the boost from being desired by someone. But yeah, like you, it didn't work so well for my overall sense of self-esteem (I could do without that balancing guilt) and the boost to my ego was but a very temporary band-aid. Just as your husband should have done, you had a choice to fix the marriage or leave it. There is no door #3. Get back to making that decision. And knock off the bull**** comments about cheap wine and pills. 2
waterwoman Posted February 7, 2013 Posted February 7, 2013 Thank f*ck for your little dog is all I can say!! Please see a doctor immediately. Dont give in to these feelings. I suffer from chronic depression and when it grabs hold of you it's hard to think rationally. Please don't wait x Long-term whatever you decide to do re H and marriage, IC is important first. Get YOUR head together, allow yourself to see clearly. 1
NotCamelot Posted February 7, 2013 Posted February 7, 2013 you're not vile,disgusting or ugly... yes, you screwed up, big time....but you have a lot of good in you... pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and find your way forward through all of this. hurting yourself will only add to your husband's pain and the pain of your friends and family...don't do that to them So true. A lot of people have a revenge A. And it usually ends just like yours. BUT, that simply means you are very normal. You were trying something to help. Right or wrong, you were trying. This means you do indeed care. So stop beating yourself up for what your H did. (Though, it is best to have no contact with the one you were with last night. You won't be able to make good decisions with that in your mind. You may have someone new later, but now is not the time to have that influence.) His cheating was NOT YOUR FAULT! Stop punishing yourself for what he did. You have made serious attempts to try (surgery!!!!). Wow, but that was good for you anyway, I'm sure. Get professional help - today if possible. And, being military, it should be at no or almost no cost to you. GET ON IT!!!!!! 1
BetrayedH Posted February 8, 2013 Posted February 8, 2013 this is incredibly rude and hurtful, especially to someone who is hurting... He made the rounds yesterday dropping little bombs like this one all over the place. Nice first day at LS. Then several posts got deleted and he stopped posting. Then our new friend lovebot showed up. Sound familiar?
waterwoman Posted February 8, 2013 Posted February 8, 2013 He made the rounds yesterday dropping little bombs like this one all over the place. Nice first day at LS. Then several posts got deleted and he stopped posting. Then our new friend lovebot showed up. Sound familiar? Yep, he was a charmer
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