Saw this on Facebook, isnt this the truth!

[jags2bowl27]

Relationships nowadays usually don't last because of the falsely shared belief in society that feelings are meant to be hidden and that showing emotion makes you weak. We are the strong generation, free thinkers, we don't "chase," we "replace." Often coping with emotions by believing that a replacement is an improvement...obviously this is not true, I wouldn't trade a new Mercedes with a flat tire for an old Toyota with new tires based off an incentive to profit. Monetarily speaking, that doesn't make sense.... I'd fix my tire. I don't give up something good because of a glitch that can be easily fixed. (Sadly, I use this example because we defend our possessions these days more than our passions.) But when it comes to feelings and people, instead of fixing, we discard. Instead of staying, we run away. We often refuse to let any emotion in that we don't understand. We don't fear love, we fear loss. We fear feelings and the (society influenced) inability to express these feelings - sometimes even ending great friendships or relationships just to avoid it. Only when we understand and accept our feelings instead of trying to pretend we have none will we be able to put pride aside and truly LOVE ourselves and others✌

[pteromom]

I think a big part of the problem is that people repeatedly get into relationships with old Toyotas, thinking the Toyota has the "potential" to be a Mercedes.

 

People make decisions about who to be in a relationship with based on "feelings" instead of using common sense and finding someone with similar values, compatible goals, and similar views on what defines a successful relationship.

 

I don't think that as a society, we believe in hiding our feelings and emotions. I think that people vomit them out constantly and expect them to always be validated by others.

 

Sometimes it is MUCH MUCH better to discard a relationship than try to fix it. Hold out for that Mercedes. Unless you are a Harley type or a Ferrari type, in which case, hold out for that!

[jags2bowl27]

I think a big part of the problem is that people repeatedly get into relationships with old Toyotas, thinking the Toyota has the "potential" to be a Mercedes.

 

People make decisions about who to be in a relationship with based on "feelings" instead of using common sense and finding someone with similar values, compatible goals, and similar views on what defines a successful relationship.

 

I don't think that as a society, we believe in hiding our feelings and emotions. I think that people vomit them out constantly and expect them to always be validated by others.

 

Sometimes it is MUCH MUCH better to discard a relationship than try to fix it. Hold out for that Mercedes. Unless you are a Harley type or a Ferrari type, in which case, hold out for that!

 

I agree with you there... it is EASIER to move on and find someone else, but honestly, if true love was there it shouldnt matter and the fixing would be on both parties.

[SerCay]

I don't really believe in the the true love thing in today's society...I guess true love had to do with not being able to get together or really needing each other or any other problem that bonds 2 people... today everything is easy to get and easy to replace, love has become a shallower ingredient in a relationship...economics and mutual respect are the main ingredients i guess for a relationship to survive in this world

[green333]

I do think love in the purest sense of the word still exists, but the "love" we often see in a lot of peoples' relationships is not that at all. Dating is supposed to be a period when two people decide whether or not their values, personalities, and outlooks on life and the future are compatible.

 

Instead, almost everyone (or mostly everyone I've ever talked to) jumps into bed within the first couple of dates just because there's a physical spark and believe that that's the best indicator of whether or not they want to be in a relationship. How many times have I heard someone say, "Well, we get along pretty okay--but we have great sex!" That's why so many people are casually dating or hooking up all over the place. They aren't thinking about the future. They want to enjoy things for now.

 

Yet there's still the idea that you aren't SUPPOSED to fall for someone after just a couple of dates. But if (on the part of the woman, at least) you sleep with someone, your feelings (:cough:hormones) for them skyrockets, yet you're supposed to suppress them and play it cool so as not to seem desperate or demanding.

 

Physical attraction can be much more easily found than emotional/spiritual attraction, and I have a feeling that people from a long time ago didn't fall in and out of relationships as often as our generation does. Because we're basing it on the wrong foundations. Something that starts out physical can only last so long before things burn out (though there are exceptions to that).

 

We're judging what love is based on the wrong criteria, and we're entering into relationships based on those same criteria. And at the same time, we're also lowering our standards.

[pteromom]

Good post, green!

 

"True love" is not a mystical feeling that binds couples together. "True love" is a fortress, built on a foundation of friendship and trust, with maturity and acceptance (of both oneself and ones' partner) mixed in. Sex and flirting and physical attraction can be bricks in the wall of the fortress, but cannot function as a foundation. Not in the long run. If the foundation isn't there, there is no "true love" to hold you together.

 

It takes time and trial to build that fortress. Not a cupid's arrow or a cute butt or even a sweet loving smile.

[flitzanu]

have you never just changed your mind about something in life?

[LostOne1]

Good post, green!

 

"True love" is not a mystical feeling that binds couples together. "True love" is a fortress, built on a foundation of friendship and trust, with maturity and acceptance (of both oneself and ones' partner) mixed in. Sex and flirting and physical attraction can be bricks in the wall of the fortress, but cannot function as a foundation. Not in the long run. If the foundation isn't there, there is no "true love" to hold you together.

 

It takes time and trial to build that fortress. Not a cupid's arrow or a cute butt or even a sweet loving smile.

I also think it's about UNDERSTANDING each other.

 

These days we all EXPECT the other person will understand us and half the time they don't. Why? well many reasons either the communication isn't working properly from either or both sides. So the other person has no way to know or understand what the other is going though. Assumptions, I know my ex assumed each time that I was doing something bad only to find out that I was doing something nice. So her assumptions always caused a problem.

 

I guess there are a lot of factors, but people these days are impatient and want everything quick and easy.

 

It's not like the old days where EACH partner HAD a role and the couple was dependant on each other. These days neither women or men or dependent on each other. Girls can work, clean, and do everything to support them selves. Men can do the exact same too work, cook, clean for themselves.

 

SO I guess really all a man and women need is sex and to have babies. I mean really that's all they benefit from each other, because each of them can do everything else themselves. They can cook, clean, work etc.. all them selves.

 

Where as the old days the women cooked and cleaned and the man worked all day long. That made them VERY dependant towards each other. The man had to hope the woman was going to have food on the table and the place would be clean and tidy. The woman had to hope the man could work and bring home cash to help buy things.

 

I'm not saying things are better or worse now today. BUT they both were VERY dependant on each other. And we don't have that these days.. we are all trying to be independent and I think it makes relationships a bit useless besides sex and having babies. It's not like as a independent male I can get my own self pregnant and say I wanna be a dad now. I'd have to go find a girl to do that and one that wants that too.

[green333]

I also think it's about UNDERSTANDING each other.

 

These days we all EXPECT the other person will understand us and half the time they don't. Why? well many reasons either the communication isn't working properly from either or both sides. So the other person has no way to know or understand what the other is going though. Assumptions, I know my ex assumed each time that I was doing something bad only to find out that I was doing something nice. So her assumptions always caused a problem.

 

I guess there are a lot of factors, but people these days are impatient and want everything quick and easy.

 

It's not like the old days where EACH partner HAD a role and the couple was dependant on each other. These days neither women or men or dependent on each other. Girls can work, clean, and do everything to support them selves. Men can do the exact same too work, cook, clean for themselves.

 

SO I guess really all a man and women need is sex and to have babies. I mean really that's all they benefit from each other, because each of them can do everything else themselves. They can cook, clean, work etc.. all them selves.

 

Where as the old days the women cooked and cleaned and the man worked all day long. That made them VERY dependant towards each other. The man had to hope the woman was going to have food on the table and the place would be clean and tidy. The woman had to hope the man could work and bring home cash to help buy things.

 

I'm not saying things are better or worse now today. BUT they both were VERY dependant on each other. And we don't have that these days.. we are all trying to be independent and I think it makes relationships a bit useless besides sex and having babies. It's not like as a independent male I can get my own self pregnant and say I wanna be a dad now. I'd have to go find a girl to do that and one that wants that too.

 

Some of what you say may be true, but I'm not sure if everything's as cut-and-dry as people only needing each other for sex and babies.

 

I do think it's true that people in the past conformed to more "traditional" gender roles. Yes, men and women can now cook, clean, and support themselves, but that doesn't mean they want to. People are just being more selfish and wanting instant gratification now. Relationships take time and effort to develop, and most people are not willing to commit themselves to that.

 

Sometimes, I think there's some sort of cultural/societal shifting going on with my generation (I'm in my twenties). Yes, we're all more independent, but, to a certain degree, we're lonelier than ever. Any kind of relationship (with friends, coworkers, significant others, etc.) is basically touch-and-go. We meet lots of people but rarely form strong bonds with more than a few of them. Most people have their own goals and agendas, and some are settling for casual sex and hook-ups to pass the time in the present. It's like we need immediate physical gratification for some reason. I know some people who sleep around, but the one thing they want the most is to actually be with someone and be in love with someone.

 

Women are becoming and expected to be more independent now, but there's this undercurrent of longing to be cared for and swept off their feet by a man. Which explains the huge popularity of Twilight and Fifty Shades of Grey.

 

Hm...I wonder how things will be like 50 years from now...?

[pteromom]

It's like we need immediate physical gratification for some reason.

 

Well, yeah, we live in an instant gratification society. We curse when a web page loads too slowly and we have to wait 20 seconds to find something out instead of 10.

 

We shop online, pay for next day shipping, put things on credit cards instead of saving up for stuff, and do what we want with little thought to the consequences.

 

So it makes sense to me that people also want immediate physical gratification when it comes to relationships, and it also makes sense that we want what we want, rather than go into a relationship with a mindset of defining it WITH our partner.

[SerCay]

 

People are just being more selfish and wanting instant gratification now. Relationships take time and effort to develop, and most people are not willing to commit themselves to that.

 

Sometimes, I think there's some sort of cultural/societal shifting going on with my generation (I'm in my twenties). Yes, we're all more independent, but, to a certain degree, we're lonelier than ever. Any kind of relationship (with friends, coworkers, significant others, etc.) is basically touch-and-go. We meet lots of people but rarely form strong bonds with more than a few of them. Most people have their own goals and agendas, and some are settling for casual sex and hook-ups to pass the time in the present. It's like we need immediate physical gratification for some reason. I know some people who sleep around, but the one thing they want the most is to actually be with someone and be in love with someone.

 

Women are becoming and expected to be more independent now, but there's this undercurrent of longing to be cared for and swept off their feet by a man. Which explains the huge popularity of Twilight and Fifty Shades of Grey.

 

so so true.. I identify with everything you say here!

[SerCay]

So it makes sense to me that people also want immediate physical gratification when it comes to relationships, and it also makes sense that we want what we want, rather than go into a relationship with a mindset of defining it WITH our partner.

 

sorry just had to quote this one too, because its sooooo truee