Hopeful79 Posted February 6, 2013 Posted February 6, 2013 I understand the No Contact Rule ... and I have not responded to emails, text or calls. However I have remained Facebook friends. We are also both part of a private facebook group and neither of us wants to quit it. I love the people on there, have made great friends, and the group legitimately helps me. My ex doesn't interact as much as I do on the group - unless it's something about him (it's a group on getting healthier, losing weight, etc.)...he is very egotistical that way, lacks empathy, etc...unless things are about him his eyes tend to glaze over. I actually love interacting with the people on there, offering advice, joking, etc...so I am not going to quit such a wonderful group b/c of his sorry ass (sorry, feeling annoyed today at him, espeically by his last "emotional" email he sent to me a few days ago (and no, he rarely attempts to contact)...this email was just how much he missed me THIS past weekend (we were meant to get together - which would have been like the last time we got together 3 weeks ago in which he treats me like his g/f, holds my hand, professes his love to me, kisses me, takes me out to a nice restaurant, has sex with me, etc. etc. etc...basically USE me). Anyhow, I have not defriended him on regular FB. I find it doesn't bother me too much - and I kind of like the fact that I am posting photos of me having fun with friends, positive quotes, heading to Fl next week to embark on a new chapter in life in the SCUBA industry, etc. I have cried, felt pain, hurt, etc...don't get me wrong - only I have not shown any of that. If the day comes that he starts to post photos of himself with another girl then for sure I will most likely defriend him. But for now is it OK? I know people on here swear by the No Contact 100%...I'm just wondering if other's have been able to totally move on, heal, etc...yet maintain FB connection (and I am pretty much ignoring his comments, etc. on FB - had a couple mishaps where I "liked" comment, but that was b/c he posted a photo of himself with a patient who is a 16yr. old girl and was going to lose a leg last year due to cancer, but didn't and it was of her at her softball game...I had to like this b/c I was very much involved in this story due to him always telling me) He always shared EVERYTHING with me, since - yeah, it was about him. When it came to ME though - BORING...sigh. I am a fun, interesting, adventurous, independent woman who had become pathetic, codependent and needy during this relationship. Is it wrong for me to kind of want to rub it in his face that he DID NOT BREAK ME? I fed his ego too much that first month of breakup - and it kind of feeds my ego a bit to know he does at least miss me. I miss him, I love him...and my dumb heart tells me I want to be with him -- but i know it's the idea of him, of love, etc. I wanted...the reality, I wasn't happy with him. LOVE is so confusing. (sigh)
Toddbt12y1 Posted February 6, 2013 Posted February 6, 2013 Sure. Keep him on it. I guess it is a way to feel as if you have him in your life, somehow/way. It may not hurt now, but think ahead, be wise. You will do immense damage to your growth when you see his pics of him and a new lover, or comments on how he loves her, she is the best thing to happen to him... Think ahead, not just the here and now. However, do as you please, you will anyhow. But think clearly. "I am so happy now! I found a woman I truly love; who treats me so well! She is the best thing in my life ever!" "No one compares to you babe, a dime, a solid ten!" Wait till you see such things...if you can endure it, fine then.
StraylightRun24 Posted February 6, 2013 Posted February 6, 2013 I've been NC with my ex for a little over 5 weeks now but have also remained friends with her on FB. The only thing I've done is remove her (and her sister) from my newsfeed just in case either of them posted something that would spark my interest. Unfortunately curiosity finally got the better of me and I looked at her page this past Monday and it drove me up the wall. She posted that she was going out with her friends and the guy she was in an open relationship before me commented that he might meet up with her later.... OBVIOUSLY I didn't defriend her after this , but I decided that I'd prefer not to do that to myself again so I decided to limit the amount of time I spend on FB and try to make that misstep into a positive because if truth be told I could definitely spend my time being more productive than being on FB. While it's only been two days I've only logged on once for about 2 minutes to check things out (NOT HER PAGE lol). So while I personally feel it's not necessary to completely defriend them (but maybe that's just me because I didn't exactly have a messy breakup) on FB you might want to take him out of your newsfeed and beware of what you might possibly see in one of those weak moments when you "accidentally" check out his page.....because it might not be pretty and probably will cause all of those horrible emotions to come rushing back!
Author Hopeful79 Posted February 6, 2013 Author Posted February 6, 2013 I've been NC with my ex for a little over 5 weeks now but have also remained friends with her on FB. The only thing I've done is remove her (and her sister) from my newsfeed just in case either of them posted something that would spark my interest. Unfortunately curiosity finally got the better of me and I looked at her page this past Monday and it drove me up the wall. She posted that she was going out with her friends and the guy she was in an open relationship before me commented that he might meet up with her later.... OBVIOUSLY I didn't defriend her after this , but I decided that I'd prefer not to do that to myself again so I decided to limit the amount of time I spend on FB and try to make that misstep into a positive because if truth be told I could definitely spend my time being more productive than being on FB. While it's only been two days I've only logged on once for about 2 minutes to check things out (NOT HER PAGE lol). So while I personally feel it's not necessary to completely defriend them (but maybe that's just me because I didn't exactly have a messy breakup) on FB you might want to take him out of your newsfeed and beware of what you might possibly see in one of those weak moments when you "accidentally" check out his page.....because it might not be pretty and probably will cause all of those horrible emotions to come rushing back! I didn't have a messy breakup either. My ex still thinks very highly of me and loves me. He wants a friendship (I can't do it though). He's almost 40 and I know he won't be posting things about him dating other women or photos, etc. I was actually the first relationship he had in which he posted photos (we were together 2 1/2 yrs)...and there are prob 100s of photos of us on both of our pages still tagged - that will take time to fix. I may wait until I meet someone else before I go about detagging him from everything and perhaps at that point make a private folder to put all the photos in. Obviously it's possible, if this happens I will hide him from my feed as well. I do hope one day we can have a friendship, an actual friendship - but I highly doubt it. My feelings for him are still romantic and since we didn't have a friendship prior to dating, I don't see the point, other then to continue to feed his huge ego (I am a good catch so it does help to feed his ego)...I don't want him to ever think he has any control or affect on me ever again (even if he still does).
Author Hopeful79 Posted February 6, 2013 Author Posted February 6, 2013 Sure. Keep him on it. I guess it is a way to feel as if you have him in your life, somehow/way. It may not hurt now, but think ahead, be wise. You will do immense damage to your growth when you see his pics of him and a new lover, or comments on how he loves her, she is the best thing to happen to him... Think ahead, not just the here and now. However, do as you please, you will anyhow. But think clearly. "I am so happy now! I found a woman I truly love; who treats me so well! She is the best thing in my life ever!" "No one compares to you babe, a dime, a solid ten!" Wait till you see such things...if you can endure it, fine then. NO, this I will not endure. This would be a definite "defriend" time.
Toddbt12y1 Posted February 6, 2013 Posted February 6, 2013 Then you are setting yourself up for a fall. However, clean breakup. So do as you please. Just be careful. 1
Author Hopeful79 Posted February 6, 2013 Author Posted February 6, 2013 Then you are setting yourself up for a fall. However, clean breakup. So do as you please. Just be careful. Thank you. I appreciate your advice. I just don't feel ready to defriend :-( I have been open to moving on and do have a date set up with someone new. Not looking for another relationship anytime soon - and not looking to just sleep with someone ( I don't sleep around)- but it will be nice to meet someone new, flirt, feel appreciated and maybe who knows- butterflies again.
StraylightRun24 Posted February 6, 2013 Posted February 6, 2013 I do hope one day we can have a friendship, an actual friendship - but I highly doubt it. My feelings for him are still romantic and since we didn't have a friendship prior to dating, I don't see the point, other then to continue to feed his huge ego (I am a good catch so it does help to feed his ego)...I don't want him to ever think he has any control or affect on me ever again (even if he still does). This is EXACTLY how I feel. I would love to have a friendship one day with her (and maybe that is the one reason I haven't defriended her on FB), but our friendship was born out of our romantic relationship so I also highly doubt that will ever be able to transpire. As you said in your original post, "LOVE is so confusing." TRUE STORY!
Toddbt12y1 Posted February 6, 2013 Posted February 6, 2013 Oh yeah? Well good luck to you! You deserve happiness! And defriend him when you feel like it, if you ever will.
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