lovelifexx Posted February 10, 2013 Posted February 10, 2013 I know everyone is going to freak out that I am not all for total NC. I think it really depends. I have heard from other people that got back together that they stayed in limited contact. I have also read a lot of posts of people that regretted their decision, that they did not try to get back together because they didn't feel they had the chance after hurting the person. I can imagine that if you find out that someone blocks you from everything that you would assume that you didn't have a second chance and would eventually give up. I think if you want a second chance then you have to accept that it will cause you a lot of pain by allowing them to contact you. And that they may not be contacting you for a reconciliation. I don't think it is always like how most people say here, that if he/she really wants to, they will show up at your doorstep. I am almost certain that if my ex wanted me back he would not do that. He would try to contact me first casually to get an idea how I feel and if I am together with someone before he would tell me he wanted to reconcile. The thing is if you decide you want to hear what he has to say, understand that you are allowing yourself to get hurt, so you shouldn't come on to LS and explain how this is killing you. haha I have done total NC when guys have broken up with me and it wasn't a very serious relationship yet, or I really liked them but hadn't fallen deeply in love with them. I delete them from everything asap and never talk to them again to get over it. And I totally agree that it speeds up the recovery process. But I have never gone total NC with anyone that I loved. But, maybe I am able to do this since the first heartbreak, I have a child together with him so it wasn't possible. It hurt like hell, but I learned to deal with it. At the same time, I have never experienced these "breadcrumbs", when exes contact you and say that they miss you, and then you answer them and then you never hear from them again. That is just cruel, and I can't understand how a dumper could do that to someone. I guess if you have expereinced something like that, I could understand why you believe so strongly in total NC.
treezy Posted February 10, 2013 Posted February 10, 2013 Can't say much about this, I am quite new to this NC thing. But I think it's working for me to get over him. I didn't agree to be my ex's friend because I said it'd be too painful for me to be a friend while expecting more, so I'd rather just cut him off altogether and move on. Right now I'm still hoping he'd call but I believe one day I'll stop hoping.
cavalier99 Posted February 10, 2013 Posted February 10, 2013 He called me at 1:30am on Thursday morning. I read into it far too much because I know that he should have been in bed because he works. I figured he was sitting up stressing about the situation. I saw the missed call the next morning and had a complete meltdown. I felt guilty for not responding. I felt angry that he was calling. I felt delusional that it meant that maybe he wanted to get back together. The past three days have been a nightmare. I've been snowed in and have wanted to do nothing more than respond to his messages and hear him and just hang out with him on Skype like we used to It's done now. The numbers are blocked. I'm devastated about it. Right now I don't feel much but I know that tomorrow morning and tomorrow afternoon, I will be a mess. I'm confident that it was the right decision for my own sanity and for his sake, as well. Hey congrats! That is a huge decision. I know how tough it is. Please don't second guess yourself. Well at least try not to. YOU MADE THE RIGHT DECISION. Ok. You will have disturbing thoughts as to whether he wanted to reconcile ecetera and you will miss these calls. That is normal. Dont listen to anyone that says this was wrong. Ok. It was right and it was even more right because you did it..end of story. Just know, this is when you truly begin to heal. Unfortunately it is going to be a little more painful for a bit. Those breadcrumbs can really mess with your head and at the same time we love them. Totally sucks ...but again. Don't second guess. GREAT CALL! Cav
Author iouaname Posted February 10, 2013 Author Posted February 10, 2013 I know that it was the right thing to do, I don't have doubts about that. I feel a lot of anxiety and sadness about it, but I don't have doubts that it was the right thing to do. He did not want to reconcile "right now." I know his mindset, and his mindset is that he does want to keep me as a friend and might want to get back together later, but I understand that he doesn't want that right now. He's 22 (as am I), hates his job, hates his city, and wants to be single and figure out what he wants. He's being extremely selfish and doing something that he wants to do. Am I angry? Yes. Am I hurt? Of course. But I can't necessarily blame him. He's not an evil person. The decision to go without contacting him is for me and is as selfish as the decision he made. I would love to be able to just be his friend, but it's just not a possibility for me at the moment. I expect this week to be EXTREMELY hard for me, and not just because it's the first week where he's blocked. On the 13th, a show that he and I used to watch ALL THE TIME premieres, and we would always go to a premiere event and watch together with a bunch of mutual friends. He'll be going to that, and I'll be home watching it by myself. That's tough. And then of course, the 14th is Valentine's Day. I don't necessarily care that much about Valentine's Day, but I already know that I'm going to be thinking about him all day. I just hope that I have the strength to not crack...
Author iouaname Posted February 10, 2013 Author Posted February 10, 2013 I know everyone is going to freak out that I am not all for total NC. I think it really depends. I have heard from other people that got back together that they stayed in limited contact. I have also read a lot of posts of people that regretted their decision, that they did not try to get back together because they didn't feel they had the chance after hurting the person. I can imagine that if you find out that someone blocks you from everything that you would assume that you didn't have a second chance and would eventually give up. I think if you want a second chance then you have to accept that it will cause you a lot of pain by allowing them to contact you. And that they may not be contacting you for a reconciliation. I don't think it is always like how most people say here, that if he/she really wants to, they will show up at your doorstep. I am almost certain that if my ex wanted me back he would not do that. He would try to contact me first casually to get an idea how I feel and if I am together with someone before he would tell me he wanted to reconcile. The thing is if you decide you want to hear what he has to say, understand that you are allowing yourself to get hurt, so you shouldn't come on to LS and explain how this is killing you. haha I think that my ex expects us to become friends first before we were ever to get back together. In the past, he would often compare us to his friends that broke up for almost identical circumstances (guy broke up with girl because he had doubts and wanted to see what else was out there). I don't know if they attempted to stay friends or not, but the girl at some point decided not to speak to him anymore and the two didn't speak for six months. He came running back eventually, and she refused to be with him. Then they eventually did get back together. I think that my ex kind of expects us to go the same route, because he has hinted at in the past. The problem? It leaves me with a lot of false hope that is just driving me insane
cavalier99 Posted February 10, 2013 Posted February 10, 2013 I I expect this week to be EXTREMELY hard for me, and not just because it's the first week where he's blocked. On the 13th, a show that he and I used to watch ALL THE TIME premieres, and we would always go to a premiere event and watch together with a bunch of mutual friends. He'll be going to that, and I'll be home watching it by myself. That's tough. And then of course, the 14th is Valentine's Day. I don't necessarily care that much about Valentine's Day, but I already know that I'm going to be thinking about him all day. I just hope that I have the strength to not crack... Youll be fine. These "triggers" are normal. At 1st everything places and any important event reminds you of doing that with him. As you make it thru these things the next time they happen it doesn't have the same impact. You start to get desensitized to them. So basically all these tough times in the end turn out to be progress. Does that make sense? I aways watched "the walking dead" with my ex. The mid season premier is tonight. A few months ago this killed me..now I'm just excited about the show
Author iouaname Posted February 10, 2013 Author Posted February 10, 2013 He just called me twice from a blocked number...
Author iouaname Posted February 10, 2013 Author Posted February 10, 2013 Just "BLOCKED." I know that it's him, he has three phones that he can use to contact me: his personal cellphone, which is the one I know by heart and have blocked, his office phone which I stored and blocked, and then his work cellphone which comes up only as "Blocked" for me. I have never in my life received a blocked phone call from anyone other than him, and then to call twice in a row? So I can't block the call from being received because his number is blocked and therefore unblockable. Does that make sense? I assume he must have tried the other two, found out he was blocked and then used the one that I can't block myself.
cavalier99 Posted February 10, 2013 Posted February 10, 2013 Id be furious. He is messing up your recovery to assuage his own ego. I would shame him into not contacting you again. My advise is to email him. "You have no desire to talk to him or be his friend. His behaviour is borderline stalkerish and he needs to "control" himself or you will need to take other action if his calls don't stop. Good Bye" Don't put up with this egotistical cr*p. 1
TaraMaiden Posted February 10, 2013 Posted February 10, 2013 ...But at least you still didn't answer.....
GG3 Posted February 10, 2013 Posted February 10, 2013 What is with this guy? I don't know how you are standing it. I compare some of these guys to my cat. When the food bowl is full he just walks on by. But if the food bowl is empty he goes nuts even though he's not starving.
Hopeful79 Posted February 10, 2013 Posted February 10, 2013 He is definitely taking a big hit to his ego and not liking it. Keep up what you are doing.
Author iouaname Posted February 10, 2013 Author Posted February 10, 2013 My ex knows that I have some anxiety issues and that I've gone into a kind of depression since the break up/coming back to school. I think he is "worried" and is trying to contact me to make sure that I am doing okay. My problem is that it does no good? It's like making a mess and then walking away from the mess because you don't want to clean it up, but returning all the time just to see if the mess is still there or not. Again - I don't think he's a bad guy or that this is necessarily about "ego," but regardless... I have to stand by my decision or I'm going to be feeling like this for a long, long time. Something needed to change.
Author iouaname Posted February 11, 2013 Author Posted February 11, 2013 The calls have stopped. He called a bunch yesterday but then not at all today, so I think that he's done calling. I miss him a lot and wanted to answer so badly
cavalier99 Posted February 11, 2013 Posted February 11, 2013 Way to hang strong. Now get ready for the inevitable let down and thinking about why he isn't calling and what did he want. This is normal. The thing is no answer will help you. You just need to ride this out and i cant say it will be easy. Just stay NC. You did the right thing.
Hopeful79 Posted February 11, 2013 Posted February 11, 2013 The calls have stopped. He called a bunch yesterday but then not at all today, so I think that he's done calling. I miss him a lot and wanted to answer so badly Totally understand wanting to answer so badly. Hang in there. I miss my ex so so so much, incredibly much. But when I really think about it, it's more missing something that I got so used to having... Was your ex really good for you? Were you truly happy with him? Really think about those things. Somewhere out there is someone better for you. If he did truly make you happy, it obviously ended, and you are moving on and being strong by ignoring these calls. If he wanted to make sure you are OK well, what could he do to make things better? Nothing. Offering friendship and support will only make things worse since if you have feelings for him that go beyond friendship, that will just cause more pain. I really thought I could do the friendship thing, boy was I wrong. Day by day, day by day. 1
NoLeafClover Posted February 11, 2013 Posted February 11, 2013 The calls have stopped. He called a bunch yesterday but then not at all today, so I think that he's done calling. I miss him a lot and wanted to answer so badly I am there with you hun. My ex called me restricted a few times as well. I too was curious and hopeful but I knew better not to answer. I also never get restricted calls ..even the first time when I did (I was at work I wasn't exactly sure who it was in the beginning ) I gave my cel to my boss to answer and there was absolute silence(she would call and put the phone on MUTE). She called three times in a row restricted but I never got on the phone and didn't give her the benefit to even hear my voice. The last time I had her call restricted was on the 30 Jan. I will be honest that since it's been tough because I have been wondering what she wants but you gotta be strong. You gotta be strong for yourself, for your health, your dignity and mostly to move on and see better days. Don't let him/her play with your heart. Like someone here said, if he wants you back he will at least break down and leave a voicemail or send an email. At least just to make his feelings go to you. He doesn't even need to show up at your door step to send a message across. My ex would text me that 'she's been having a rough week' and just yesterday out of curiosity I checked the surveillance cameras in front of my house during the last time she texted, and there goes her car driving by 2 minutes before she texted. I never caved in and never picked up. (Please take what I am saying to you and gain something out of it. If I can come this far you can too. And I'm very weak when it comes to BU's, I fall hard and love harder(this relationship was only 5 1/2 months.) I am a sucker and would cave in to any ex that would start crying in front of me and she herself would tell you that.) Don't blame yourself and think you should answer because he might be truly worried due to your anxiety problems. It's normal to try to find a reason of why you should pick up. I had the same problem, in fact my mother was in the hospital for a whole month fighting cancer when my ex walked out on me (top of finals at school and working almost full time). All kinds of reasons crossed my mind when she would contact me. Today actually has been one of those days to where I wish I could talk to her but NO NO NO. It can only be worse from here if you let go. Bottom line is, don't do it because it's not worth it. Save yourself and limit yourself from being hurt again. - Stay strong - Ari 1
Author iouaname Posted February 11, 2013 Author Posted February 11, 2013 I remember before going no contact he told me that he wasn't "over it" yet and was having trouble moving on and would "feel guilty" if he was out and someone was hitting on him. I think he was basically implying that he thought we shouldn't speak for a little while. So why is he trying to contact me now that I've given him space? I have not heard from him at all today and I am not expecting to, either. I think he has gotten the idea.
Author iouaname Posted February 18, 2013 Author Posted February 18, 2013 Hey, everyone! I could use a little bit of support today Valentine's Day marked 2 months since our breakup. I don't know if he even realized (I doubt it), but it was difficult for me. I made it through the day and had a great night even - and then he called me late that night. I ignored, and he called again Friday night. I still ignored. He didn't contact me Saturday, so I figured he'd given up. Nope. He called me last night and left an e-mail with it. The e-mail is what is making things so hard for me now He said something along the lines of "Sorry to have called so much, it's just hard for me that we went from talking and all of the sudden you disappear. I guess I just wanted to see how you were and what you were up to." He then went on to talk about a show that both of us watch and how he had hoped we'd be able to watch it together again. I'm really, really hurting I have not responded but I feel so much guilt and a lot of anxiety over not responding. I'm not over him in the least and I want to reconcile the relationship, so it's so difficult to keep no contact...
LostGirl11 Posted February 18, 2013 Posted February 18, 2013 Hey, everyone! I could use a little bit of support today Valentine's Day marked 2 months since our breakup. I don't know if he even realized (I doubt it), but it was difficult for me. I made it through the day and had a great night even - and then he called me late that night. I ignored, and he called again Friday night. I still ignored. He didn't contact me Saturday, so I figured he'd given up. Nope. He called me last night and left an e-mail with it. The e-mail is what is making things so hard for me now He said something along the lines of "Sorry to have called so much, it's just hard for me that we went from talking and all of the sudden you disappear. I guess I just wanted to see how you were and what you were up to." He then went on to talk about a show that both of us watch and how he had hoped we'd be able to watch it together again. I'm really, really hurting I have not responded but I feel so much guilt and a lot of anxiety over not responding. I'm not over him in the least and I want to reconcile the relationship, so it's so difficult to keep no contact... It doesn't mean anything. I was told the exact same thing. If we wanted you back he would have said so. It really is as simple as that.
LostGirl11 Posted February 18, 2013 Posted February 18, 2013 Thought you said you blocked him? Why did you unblock him?
Author iouaname Posted February 18, 2013 Author Posted February 18, 2013 I didn't unblock him. As I said in the thread, he has three different numbers, one of which is a work phone that is a protected number. He e-mailed me the message, that I never blocked. And I know that it doesn't mean anything - but that doesn't stop it from being incredibly difficult for me.
LostGirl11 Posted February 18, 2013 Posted February 18, 2013 I didn't unblock him. As I said in the thread, he has three different numbers, one of which is a work phone that is a protected number. He e-mailed me the message, that I never blocked. And I know that it doesn't mean anything - but that doesn't stop it from being incredibly difficult for me. I know it's hard. My ex contacted me on Valentines night, then again on Friday. All bread crumbs. I didn't reply. And for the first time I didn't over think things, I just told myself 'It doesn't mean anything' I used to reply, we'd talk for a few days, then it would stop and it felt like breaking up all over again, if not worse. 1
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