I am relapsing/ran into her

[McDonald]

Okay so I have been able to keep NC for 3 weeks. Even when she texted me two days ago I didn't respond.... But since then, since her text... I've been slowly relapsing. I used to wait for her class to get out before mine started to run into her. But I haven't done that in a while. Until today. I purposely waited.. And ran into her. She put her head down and took out her phone. I said hey. She said hey back. I wanted to say so much more. But I couldn't. Idk why I did this. I didn't want to. Idk why I did this. It's all just so difficult

[denxnis]

I too am relapsing after running into my ex somewhat recently. The trick is to keep on pushing forward.

 

People are selfish by nature some more-so than others. This girl hurt you badly and is only contacting you so that she can lessen her guilt. I read somewhere on these forums that the worst you can do to an ex is maintain no contact, actions speak louder than words my friend. Teach yourself a lesson that you have a back-bone and won't let people walk all over you as she did.

 

You will find a better person but only when you become happy with yourself and living a life without your ex.

[McDonald]

Thanks for the reply.

 

I have been moving on well. Up until she texted me. Then everything kinda stopped. She told me that she couldnt take it anymore and that I had to stop messagining her. This is after she told me she wanted to stay friends and that we should continue to talk.... Then she thinks she can just text me?

 

Now it like she reopened this door that. Thought was closed and for sme reason I can't re close it. I'm happy the ball is finally n my court. I have the power now. But idk what to do with it. She did Hurt me badly. She led me on, broke up with me for someone else. She is already dating someone. I just don't understand why I can't let go. Why do I want to be friends with her? It's confusing. I want to maintain NC but her texting me just makes me want to open up.

[denxnis]

Friend, she is not the one.

 

Someone who is willing to gamble their relationship with you over another guy is not worth investing anymore time into; as corny as it sounds that's not love.

[TaraMaiden]

Thanks for the reply.

 

I have been moving on well.

Now it like she reopened this door that.

 

OK, bend over big boy - just how hard do you want me to beat you......?

[McDonald]

OK, bend over big boy - just how hard do you want me to beat you......?

 

I know I know.....

 

I just dont Understand why I cant get it through my head. I see what I have to do. She isnt the one, but Im caught on the first love syndrome.

 

I can see that this is for her own self. Me responding to her text will be validation for her. is that right?

 

It is impossible for us to be friends.. is that right?

 

The problem I am having is more of getting over what she stood for I guess. During our relationship, I lost a lot of friends... both male and female. So... I am at a lack of female friends too fall back on. Therefore, there is this void that could be filled by someone else.. but it is still there.

[Yasuandio]

OK, I'm going to give you a piece of advice, and not ask you to bend over.

 

First, forget friendship with this girl - never works.

 

Now, the wounds were re-opened, and all you found out was that she wants know contact with you, well, at least that is the bottom line. You were already doing no concact so good, and her text threw you off the mark.

 

I want you to try to see the good in this. That is using WISDOM.

 

Here it is. The girl has helped tighten your bounderies for you. Now just start no contact again with a vengence. See, problem solved.

 

Always try to find a good side of what ever happens. You have lost old friends, now you have the freedom to discover new friends. Keep positive. The more no contact, the better you will feel.

[McDonald]

I might have been unclear. The reason why I went NC 3 weeks ago was because she told me"she couldn't take it anymore blah blah" the MOST RECENT text.. The one I've been talking about which was 4 days ago had her saying "I just saw your friend" etc.

 

Though what you said still applies Yasuandii.

 

If she told me again she wanted NC there wouldn't be a problem, but it was just suck a random message. I KNOW I cannot read into it though

[Yasuandio]

Still, it is a random "chain yanker." Probably designed to be so. You are doing great. Just come to LS and talk to us! There will be dozens of other girls!

[McDonald]

And tomorrow is her birthday... I wish I could forget.

What she has done to me, and how she went about all this...Holding me on after the break up, saying we could be friends then hopefully we will get back together. The whole thing was stringing me along. I do have to reacquaint myself with my friends and I do have to use this to my advantage to meet knew people.

What hurts the most though, is seeing her doing things with this guy that she told me she didn't want to do. Like party, go out. She told me she HATED it. So I stopped. She told me she hated sorority girls and all that.. So I never took her to parties. Then I just stopped going all together because she made me stay with her and I gave in. That's why letting go here has been hard. She made me dependent. Very dependent. Then during the break up she said she was hurt that I never invited her to parties.... ARE YOU SERIOUS? Then she just left me to dry. She trapped me in the relationship and then left me because of that

[Yasuandio]

And tomorrow is her birthday... I wish I could forget.

What she has done to me,

 

 

and how she went about all this

 

...Holding me on after the break up,

 

saying we could be friends then hopefully we will get back together.

 

The whole thing was stringing me along.

 

Who is running the show here? Maybe Tara is right? You do need to bend over?

 

I do have to reacquaint myself with my friends and I do have to use this to my advantage to meet knew people.

 

YES!

 

What hurts the most though, is seeing her doing things with this guy that she told me she didn't want to do. Like party, go out. She told me she HATED it. So I stopped. She told me she hated sorority girls and all that.. So I never took her to parties. Then I just stopped going all together because she made me stay with her and I gave in.

 

When you decide to STOP DOING STUFF, (and give in) that is your choice.

 

That's why letting go here has been hard. She made me dependent. Very dependent.

 

She didn't make you dependent. She didn't put a needle in your arm. You allowed yourself to become dependent on her.

 

Then during the break up she said she was hurt that I never invited her to parties.... ARE YOU SERIOUS? Then she just left me to dry. She trapped me in the relationship and then left me because of that

 

Man, it was more than that. The girl is just not serious if she leaves you because of parties. It is not a trap, it is BS. It is not a realtionship - it was a fantasy. Put it behind you. Let go - look forward.

 

 

You are a young guy. Thee are many fish in the sea. This chic is gamey. First she wants no party - then she dumps you cause you didn't take her to a party. What kind of character can this girl have? What appears to be important in her life? What does she really have to offer you other than _ _ _ ? Go out, meet new friends. You are free!

[GMG90]

Whatever you do, don't wait for her after class anymore. Easier said that done but in the long run you're defeating yourself.

 

The "let's just be friends" never works. That's what happened after my first relationship. He'd small chat with me and then no more chat ever again after that. I tried talking to him and nothing ... Best to continue the NC.

[McDonald]

I just have to get out there and meet new people. That's really what it is. On e that happens it will be a lot easier i guess